


Meet Me In The Stars

by datajana



Category: Jericho (US 2006), The Agency (TV 2001)
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), A+ Parenting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Barebacking, Bill likes to walk, Blow Jobs, Canon divergence in some parts, Canon-Typical Violence, Car Sex, Clothed Sex, Come Swallowing, Condoms, Cooking Lessons, Depression, Dirty Talk, Door Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Fluff and Humor, Hand Kink, Lex isn't made for country living, Lube, M/M, Minor Character Death, Once again Lex and the Jericho timeline don't mix, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Phone Sex, Post-The Agency, Pre-Jericho, Prostate Massager, RSJ Fandom, Rich/Rich ship, Romance, Rough Sex, Sex Toys, Smut, Switching, Washington D.C.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:27:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 83,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23365438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/datajana/pseuds/datajana
Summary: Bill and Lex meet by chance one early summer's morning, looking for solace in a lonely world. Without realizing it, they discover it - and more - within each other, and are determined to never let it go.But the world is a cruel place in more ways than one. They try to cope with what it throws at them as best they can.Yet they are separated in the end, not knowing if the other is alive or dead. Can they make it through, with their lives and world literally falling apart around them?
Relationships: Bill Koehler/Lex
Comments: 130
Kudos: 13
Collections: Golden Eyed Encounters, Speight Bingo





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Shoutout to [WarlockWriter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarlockWriter/pseuds/WarlockWriter) for their brilliant beta reading and moodboard skills!
> 
> Also a huge thanks to [Shaylybaby2032](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shaylybaby2032) for talking me through way too many writing blocks...
> 
> This is gonna be a long one, folks! Hope you enjoy!

[ ](https://imgur.com/Fo8mR5f)

“Bill, I think you’re just being stubborn as usual,” Stanley told his friend from the couch in his living room. He had shown up at his friend’s house announced, and they’d been arguing for a good half hour.

Bill crossed his arms and scowled. “No, I’m _not._ I don’t even know why Jimmy invited me to go in the first place. I’ll just be bored and tagging along while he, Margaret, and the kids galavant all over D.C. I’ll be a-a fifth wheel!”

Stanley fought the urge to show his exasperation. He and Jimmy had secretly come up with the idea to have the deputy join Jimmy and his family on their vacation to the nation’s capital. Bill was a recluse, going to work and spending his days off and weekends holed up in his house alone. He never accepted invites to dinner, get-togethers, anything. Even on holidays Bill kept to himself.

“Come on, Bill. You never get out. I think you haven’t left the state since you were a kid. It’ll do you good.”

“Why are you so insistent? Are you guys up to something?” Bill said. His voice and face were both filled with suspicion. “In fact, you never come over in the middle of the day. What is this really about, Stanley?”

“We’re worried about you, OK?” Stanley admitted. “You’re a hermit.” He indicated the cluttered state of the living room, and he wouldn’t have been surprised if the rest of the house looked the same. “No one ever sees you unless you’re at the police station or on patrol. You don’t smile much, and I can’t remember the last time you and I even hung out together and just, well, did things that best friends do!”

Bill looked away. “I’m not a hermit.” He clenched his jaw and gripped his arms tighter with his hands.

“Bill, what happened with—”

“Don’t.” Bill’s voice shook as he turned his eyes back to Stanley. “I just can’t.”

Stanley smiled sadly. “You never talked about it. Why?”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Bill stood and crossed the room to the window, the midday sun catching the lighter shades of amber in his eyes and making them glow. “It is what it is, Stanley, and nothing will help change that,” he said softly, raising a hand to brace his arm against the window frame, placing the other on his hip.

Stanley had followed Bill’s movements across the room, turning his head and throwing his arm over the back of the couch. “Maybe a different change in scenery will help. You can’t keep living like this, Bill. You’re gonna fade away if you do.”

Bill regarded Stanley over his shoulder with troubled eyes. “Stanley—”

“Bill, my last-ditch effort here is to beg. Don’t make me do it,” Stanley said, bringing his hands together in front of him. “I’ll do it. You know I will.”

Bill whirled around and held up his hands in surrender. “Oh God, please don’t! I’ll go, I’ll go, OK?” He furrowed his brows in mock annoyance. “But if you’re expecting a souvenir after using that tactic, forget it.”

“I’m glad it worked, though,” Stanley said, getting to his feet. He walked around the couch and clapped his hand on Bill’s shoulder. “And don’t worry about bringing me anything. I’ll just ask Jimmy!”

“Get the hell out of my house!”

* * *

The plane ride was miserable. He had thought he’d be able to suffer through it if he could have looked out the window, but just his luck he had an aisle seat. Which meant he got bumped by every single person who walked by. The kids whined and complained, had to get up every twenty minutes to use the restroom, and the drink cart ran out of his favorite pop by the time it got to him.

He was hella glad when the plane landed.

Thankfully everything after that started to get a little better, and Bill slowly felt himself open up for the first time in months. He found himself enjoying the visits to the monuments and landmarks. He even talked about history a little with Woody and Sally.

He laughed for the first time in a long while as well. Jimmy and Margaret were insistent on trying out all the “fancy” restaurants and sampling the different types of food around the area. Bill had never been one to back down on expanding his palate, so he was all for it. However, their foray into Thai food ended up with him and Jimmy hiccuping for a few hours from the spicy cuisine, and they had both laughed at each other until tears rolled down their faces.

Their fourth night in the city, Bill awoke and stared at the ceiling in the darkness. He frowned, not understanding why he had woken up from sleep so abruptly.

“Dammit.” It was there again, that urge to get lost within his own mind and push everything away. Why? He didn’t want to go there again. He was feeling happy, calm, peaceful. He hadn’t even been thinking about—

He sat up and gripped the blankets tightly with his fists. He had to get out of here, do something to get his mind off of what it wanted him to remember. What could he do? Where could he go? He was in an unfamiliar city.

The memory of a fountain they’d visited the day before came back to him, Dupont Circle. Maybe, maybe he could go there, watch the sunrise? He wished he could see the stars, like in Jericho, but there was just too much light pollution here. But the sunrise, that he could at least see.

It didn’t take him too long to hail a cab in front of the hotel and get dropped off near the fountain. It was quiet there, just like he wanted. He walked forward, looking at the white marble fountain. It was mostly cast in shadow, despite the surrounding lights that dotted the area. Water flowed over the edges, making soothing sounds that calmed Bill’s troubled thoughts.

He tilted his head towards the sky, once more longing for the sight of the stars. He would be happy to see just one. Its light would be so much more beautiful than the harsh yellow light of the city.

“Can’t sleep either?”

He started at the unexpected voice, cursing himself inwardly for not being more observant of his surroundings. He slowly turned to face the voice’s owner.

Wait…

He rubbed his eyes. Was he seeing things?

The man before him in a polo shirt and khaki slacks could’ve been his twin. No, there were differences. He was slimmer than Bill, had longer hair, and even with the poor lighting it was obvious that his skin was paler. And were those…sideburns?

Who the hell was this guy?

* * *

What the hell was going on?

Lex was on his way home from the airport, but had decided to stop by the fountain first. It was where he had gotten the call when the search had been called off. He’d unconsciously made it her memorial, and when he needed Terri’s advice, or just someone to listen, it was where he went.

He always left feeling a bit better than when he had arrived. This time, he had come simply because he was lonely. It had been a hard mission, and he’d been on his own nearly the entire trip. It had been awful, and going back to his apartment to be completely alone like always just made him feel even worse.

Now he was feeling shock.

The man staring at him resembled him so much that Lex first thought he was being punked. But after studying him for a moment, it was apparent that they were not all that similar. His skin was tanner, hair cut in a shorter style, and he had some muscle on him that Lex would most likely never have. And—Lex cocked his head a bit—yep, no sideburns.

Hmm, so that’s what he’d look like without them, huh?

Logic took over and he fished his cell phone from his pocket. He had to find out who this guy was. For all he knew, he was some spy who was trying to masquerade as him.

“Tell me who you are or I’ll call the cops,” he said sternly.

The man’s eyes widened. “I _am_ a cop!”

Lex raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Prove it.”

A wallet was produced and Lex took it him from. He flipped it open and ran his eyes over the badge that it contained along with the Kansas driver’s license. Bill Koehler. Jericho. He scrutinized it thoroughly, remembering everything that Terri had taught him about forged forms of identification. Seeing none, he handed it back over.

“Alright, Officer Koehler, I believe you…for now.”

Bill stowed the wallet back into his jeans and crossed his arms. “OK then. How about you?”

Shrugging, Lex slipped his own wallet from his pants and gave it to Bill to look over. “Just Lex? No last name?” Bill said, raising his head at Lex and furrowing his brow.

Lex replied nonchalantly, “You can have just one name. There’s no law against it.”

Bill returned the wallet. "I know that. In this case, it just stands out. Can't blame me for thinking so."

Lex shrugged again. "No, I guess I can't,” he replied, putting his wallet away.

Bill’s phone ringing interrupted what either was going to say next. He answered, not able to get two words out before he was making a face in reaction to whoever had called him.

“It’s OK, Jimmy. I just went for a walk… No, I’m alright. No, I’m _not_ drunk. Of course I know what time it is!” He looked at his watch and grimaced. “Well, no one told you to go knocking on my door at four in the morning, Jimmy! Why would you—” He closed his eyes. “I don’t recall you and Margaret making plans for us to be up at the asscrack of dawn, but OK. I’ll get back right away.” He snapped his phone closed and faced Lex.

“Uhh, here on a work trip?” Lex asked. That was an interesting conversation.

“Not that it’s any of your concern, but no.” Bill stared at him again, the sound of the fountain’s water trickling filling the air around them. “This is too damn weird.”

Lex could only agree. "Yeah, beyond weird." A lone car drove by on the street behind him, blocking the sound of the fountain momentarily.

"Look, uh, Lex? I have an early morning, and us standing here isn't gonna solve anything,” Bill said, moving past Lex and towards the street.

"You're right,” Lex said. He tapped his chin. "You free anytime tomorrow?"

Bill swiveled his head in Lex’s direction, narrowing his eyes at his question. "I might be."

“Hey, no need to get all hostile! I want to get this mystery solved if it’s OK with you.” Sheesh, this guy went from one extreme to the other.

“Alright. But just to talk,” Bill said, lifting a finger to emphasize his words.

Lex raised both his eyebrows. “Uh, sure. That was the idea.”

“OK. See you later.” Bill turned away.

“Bill! Wait!” Lex called out, holding out a hand towards Bill.

Bill stopped and threw his hands up in exasperation. “What?!”

“Is three a good time for you?”


	2. Chapter 2

In record time, Lex breezed through the files that were waiting for him on his desk the next morning at work. He wanted to get to what had been on his mind ever since he had returned to his apartment a few hours earlier: Bill Koehler.

He brought up the man’s records and studied every detail. His family had lived in the Midwest for generations. Not much trouble with the law. Some past male relatives had served in the Armed Forces. They were your typical, small-town American family, and it was obvious that their family tree shared no branches with his own.

He focused on Bill himself next. Only child, lived in Jericho all his life. Graduated high school with decent grades. Didn’t do too shabby at police academy and got a posting straight away after that.

However… Lex scooted his seat forward and peered intently at his computer screen. There were multiple medical leave files in his work record from eighteen months or so ago. Cops got hurt on the job from time to time, but these files were all lumped together, and marked as “Mandatory.” He tapped his fingers on his desk. Should he read them?

He scrolled past them. They really had nothing to do with learning about whether or not Bill was actually related to him. Besides, if he got to know him, maybe he’d find out what happened to him from Bill himself.

The thought caught him off guard. Got to know him? Did he want that? Bill’s photo on the screen drew his eyes. They really _didn’t_ look all that much alike...

He shook his head. _Whoa, are you **really** going to go there, Lex?_ he asked himself. _What are you thinking? You talked to him for what? Ten? Fifteen minutes tops? Are you **wanting** to make this situation even more bizarre?_

He leaned forward on his elbows and ran his hands through his hair, making his desk shake and knock into the one to his left. His eyes darted towards it and he frowned. It wasn’t Terri’s desk anymore, but he still thought of it as hers anyway.

Ever since Joshua’s traitorous actions, he had been all on his own at OTS. However, he had developed a close friendship with Jackson in that they both shared an intense dislike for Deputy Director Quinn. On the day of the memorials, Jackson had subtly hinted at the fact that Quinn could have cared less about Terri and Stiles being dead. When Lex had asked why, Jackson had only said, “Cover-up.”

Pushing down the rage that threatened to overwhelm him at the memory, Lex remembered once again how glad he was that he had at least one person that he could rely on at work. There were times where he wanted to just quit, regardless of how difficult it would be for him to live afterwards, much less find another job. His high-security clearance level would follow him for the rest of his life.

Jackson wasn’t the best friend that Terri had been to him, nor was he the buddy that Stiles had been close to being. But he was a friend, and Lex was thankful for that.

He exhaled slowly and reached for his tea, holding the near-lukewarm mug between his hands. Terri. Stiles. Jackson. What would they think, him meeting someone like Bill? Would they be telling him that he was being a bit overreactive about it all? Wasn’t there a saying that everyone had a twin in the world? He could hear Stiles saying that, actually.

But this other thing… Bill’s eyes gazed at him from the photo on the screen. What would Terri say? She always listened to him when it came to what he was feeling. Hell, even _Joshua_ came to her for that.

He could see her sitting at her desk, arms folded and thinking carefully over her answer. He’d be waiting patiently—OK, maybe _not_ so patiently—for her answer, and she would smile softly and say what he needed to hear.

Every time.

A pencil holder on the desk fell over and he jumped as its contents rolled over the desk’s surface. Lex set his mug to the side, hurriedly stopping pens from falling to the floor and carefully putting them back into their container.

He sat back in his chair and took up his mug for a sip of tea. He wrinkled his nose at finding it cold and stood to make a fresh cup. He had taken just one step when he whirled around at the sound of the same pencil holder toppling over again. All the pens must’ve shifted to one side and unbalanced it.

He set his tea down and went to pick the pens up once again, then stopped. No way.

“Terri?” he whispered. He huffed a laugh. Of course not. No such thing. He straightened up the desk and grabbed his mug.

 _Could be a sign though_ , his mind told him as he made his way to the breakroom. Lex sighed inwardly. Was he really going to look into something as benign as a pencil holder tipping over as a sign?

_What about what happened this morning? Or the thoughts you had earlier? You gonna consider **those** benign too?_

Lex thunked his mug loudly on the counter in the breakroom, glad that he was the only one in there. Was he really getting irritated at his conscious?

He set about making a fresh cup of tea. He tried to ignore the words that had gone through his mind. He tried to ignore the…sign.

Once he had a tea bag steeping in his mug, he walked back to his desk, mulling over the thoughts against his will. He sat down in his chair and moved his mouse to disengage the screen saver.

Bill’s eyes greeted him, and the lighter hues within them matched the color of the beverage he was currently drinking. He had unconsciously chosen a bag of chamomile out of the container of herbal teas he kept in the breakroom cabinet.

Shit. Another sign.

* * *

“There’s no need to keep checking your watch, Bill,” Jimmy said. “Margaret will be ready to go as soon as she corrals the kids out of the restaurant.”

Bill pursed his lips. How to tell Jimmy that he was going to have a few drinks with a guy he barely knew? “Actually, I was wanting to be on my own for a bit.”

Jimmy blinked. “Really?” He stepped closer to Bill, not caring that other people on the sidewalk had to maneuver around them. “You know that you can always suggest something that you’d like to go see, right? This is a vacation for you too.”

“It’s not that at all, Jimmy!” Bill assured him. Ugh, he wished he could just tell him, but what would he say? _I met a guy who looks like me, and we’re gonna talk about it_. Yeah, that would go over well. “You know how I like to go walking at night, and this morning, well, it made me realize that I had missed it. It lets me think.”

“And you want to think by yourself,” Jimmy said. He laid a hand on Bill’s shoulder. “I understand. I need those times myself with a full house. Don’t get to much, but I understand.”

“Jimmy, if this is because you think that you guys are overwhelming me…”

“Nope. I think it’s good that you’re taking the time to go out and think and clear your head. That was part of the reason Stanley and me wanted you to come out here.” Jimmy squeezed his shoulder. “You know, I am really glad that you agreed to come with us, Bill.”

Bill’s eyes softened. “I am too, Jimmy. Thanks for inviting me. I really am having a good time.”

Margaret and the kids exited the restaurant behind them, chattering away. “I guess we’re gonna be on our way. You let us know if you’re gonna be late meeting us for dinner OK?”

“Yes, _dad_ ,” Bill chuckled. He waved goodbye to the Taylors and headed down the sidewalk towards the nearest bus stop.

* * *

He hadn't really lied to Jimmy—he did think on his way to see Lex. They had agreed to meet back at the Dupont Circle fountain since it was in an area that had a few bars within walking distance. While the streets went by outside the window from his seat, he recalled the encounter from much earlier that day. It had been so bizarre! Out of all the times and places in the world, they had just happened to cross paths. What were the odds? He hadn't even been at the fountain that long when the other man had shown up, and he hadn't even heard him when he did. He had been too lost in his thoughts—

Bill sat straight in his seat. Ever since that morning, he hadn't had one thought about why he had gone out that morning in the first place! It was like he'd forgotten about it! He stared down at his hands, opening and closing them. That had never happened before. He didn't know what to make of it.

Well, he was on his way to talk to him, wasn't he? Maybe he could work on finding out the reason for that, too.

* * *

Lex waved the moment he saw Bill walk up the sidewalk. It was a sunny day, and the man’s hair shifted a bit in the warm breeze that swirled through the trees around them. In the daylight, Lex found that Bill’s hair was a darker shade than his, which intrigued him. Bill’s more muscular stature also became more apparent in the way his t-shirt fell about his shoulders and arms.

When Bill suddenly raised one of his eyebrows, it drew Lex up short. Crap! Had he been staring? Great, now Bill probably thought he had been checking him out! But he hadn’t.

Had he?

“Hi! You’re just in time,” Lex said, quickly walking over to meet him. “Hope you didn’t get dragged away from anything interesting.”

“Not at all. It’s actually kinda nice getting to see things on my own.” Bill glanced up and down the street. “So, where are we off to?”

“Well, unlike you, I have to drive myself, so I suggest we go somewhere that serves other beverages as well.”

“I’m not actually in the mood for alcohol to be completely honest,” Bill said.

Lex’s eyes lit up. “Do you like tea?”

Bill shrugged. “It’s OK. I’m more of a coffee man myself.”

Coffee? OK, nobody’s perfect. “No problem. There’s this place called Kramer Books* a short walk from here that serves both, if that’s OK with you?”

“Sounds great!” Bill said. “Do they have something other than ‘This is really expensive, but tastes like shit?’ That’s basically what they call coffee at the hotel I’m staying at.”

“From what I’ve seen of other people who go there, I would say yes. This way,” Lex said, heading to the nearest corner. “Sorry that the hotel is failing in their coffee duties.”

When Bill joined him at his side, Lex discovered that Bill was a bit shorter than he was. It wasn’t by much, maybe an inch or so, but the difference was there all the same. They were similar, yet so very much different. Why were they both so antsy about it all?

“Huh. You’re taller than me,” Bill said, voice filled with amusement.

“Funny, I was just thinking the same thing.” Guess Bill was cataloging their dissimilarities too.

They stopped at the corner and Bill pressed the “Push-to-Walk” button at the crosswalk. “And we’re not the same age either, according to your license.”

“You plan on us listing every single difference while we have our talk?” Lex asked, quirking his lips and starting across the street when the lights indicated it was safe to do so. “I mean, it might get a little personal for all you know…”

Bill’s exasperated huff of air was his reply from behind him, and Lex winced. Yikes, Bill apparently didn’t like to be teased. He waited until they were safely on the other side of the street and faced him.

“It was, uh, a joke, ya know?” he said, giving Bill a small smile in apology. “I know that we wouldn’t really—”

“Oh, I know!” Bill said, waving his arms in front of him. He lowered his arms and placed a hand on his hip, lowering his eyes to the pavement. “It’s just not good when you miss something that turns out to be blaringly important later on, ya know?”

Oh, Lex definitely knew, and judging by Bill’s expression, he knew too. “You’re right, it is important to be thorough. But I think in our case, some of those things might not be _that_ important.”

Bill met his eyes and smiled in acknowledgment, and Lex readily returned it. Well, one thing was for sure, they both had dimples. “Where’s this café, Lex?”

* * *

They sat at a table in a far corner of the café. Lex ordered his usual herbal blend, and Bill’s eyes widened at the variety of coffees offered. Lex’s eyes filled with mirth as his companion slowly went over the list, reading the unfamiliar names.

“I don’t think I can even pronounce some of these,” he said. “I just want a cup of coffee!”

“Here,” Lex said, taking the list from him. He called a waiter over and asked politely, “Is it possible for my friend here to just get a cup of black coffee?”

The waiter blinked. “Of course. What blend?”

Lex cocked his head over at Bill, who had a blank stare, so he made the decision for him. “House blend, please.”

“I never knew that it took so much thinking just to order a cup of coffee,” Bill said when the waiter walked away. “Back home you just ask for a cup and it’s poured for you.”

“Welcome to the city,” Lex said. He pulled his suit jacket off and laid it on the back of his chair. “We never really stop thinking here.”

Bill folded his arms and leaned back in his chair to regard him. “Yeah, you city folk are always buzzing to and fro, never taking a moment to just stop and look at the world around you.”

“‘City folk?’ Now listen here, _country boy_ , I have you know that I see the world quite often, thank you very much!”

“Yeah? From your cubicle?” Bill gestured towards his attire. “All you see every day is concrete and breathe in car fumes. That’s not seeing the world.”

“I don’t—” Lex caught himself. Whoa! Why was he getting all defensive? It nearly made him slip! “I mean, I’m not _always_ in the city. I get out of town whenever the opportunity arises.”

“Where do you go?”

“I—”

He was saved from coming up with an answer by the waiter arriving with their drinks. He asked Bill if he’d like creamer or sugar. Bill declined.

“So?” Lex asked as Bill took a tentative sip. “Better than what you’ve been putting up with?”

Bill’s face was full of shock. “Holy shit! This is _coffee?!_ ”

Lex was glad that he hadn’t taken a drink of his tea, because he was sure he would’ve spewed it all over the table. “Not quite the reaction I was expecting, but at least it’s positive!” he laughed.

“I wonder if I can buy this at the store in Jericho,” Bill mused, inhaling the aroma wafting from the coffee cup in his hands.

“I highly doubt that. That blend is only available at this café,” Lex told him regretfully.

“Figures,” Bill said, gazing almost sadly at the dark liquid. “Oh well. At least I won’t get too spoiled on it having it just once.”

“You guys don’t have little coffee shops? I thought small towns had places like that.” Lex finally took a few swallows of his own drink before it started to cool down too much. “Jericho isn’t that big, is it?”

“We have a few shops, a bar, things like that. A place like this?” Bill looked around the interior of the bookstore/café. “Not really, no.”

“I’m really thinking that we’re in no way related,” Lex said next, getting to the main reason they were even in the café to start with. “From what I’ve been told all my life, my family has always been mostly in New England. Never heard of anyone going west.”

“A majority of mine are in the Midwest. A few have scattered to the Pacific Northwest for one reason or another, but otherwise, I don’t know of any who have ever lived here. Then again, there’s never really been anyone who’s ever bothered to research our family history,” Bill replied.

Lex had been looking for this opening. He very well couldn’t tell him about the digging he had done on Bill himself that morning, but he could use the research angle. “The National Archives has census records and other genealogical data that we could search through. It should help us find an answer.”

“Really?” Bill’s voice was excited, but his face quickly fell. “That would be a lot to look through, wouldn’t it?”

“Well,” Lex drawled. “I’m not too bad when it comes to that sort of thing. And the staff at the Archives are pretty good at what they do, as well.”

“I’m OK with it,” Bill said. “I have a habit of overanalyzing everything, which I’m sure that you’ve noticed. Wait!” He put his nearly empty cup of coffee down in front of him. “How long would this take, you think?”

Lex wondered why Bill sounded so worried. “Depends, really. We both don’t know when our ancestors actually came to America.” He laughed softly. “I seriously doubt we’d have to go back that far, though.”

Bill cupped his hands around his mug and swirled its contents. “Maybe with both of us working together we’ll find the answer faster. I don’t mind going to look in the afternoons.”

Not interested in his tea anymore, Lex set it aside. “Bill, how much longer are you in town for?”

“Another week and a half. Why?” Bill asked, raising his head. He tapped the bottom of his mug on the table, the nervous movement not lost on Lex.

“Let’s do this then: We’ll go tomorrow, hopefully make a good start. All we really need is some basic information to begin our search. After that, it’s just working backwards. We don’t both need to be there.”

“But you’ll need my help,” Bill protested. “And you shouldn’t be doing it all on your own. It’s about both of us.”

“And you should be enjoying your vacation. I have the free time, and I really don’t mind.”

Bill tilted his head. “Lex, what do you do that gives you so much free time, anyway? You look like you have a pretty well-paying job. Surely you have a lot to do.”

Lex nearly guffawed. Oh, Bill! If you only knew. “Actually, I…work in the greeting card business.”

“The greeting card business,” Bill said skeptically.

“Yeah, my mom said the same thing. Please don’t judge me,” Lex half-joked.

“So you _do_ work in a cubicle all day,” Bill grinned. “I knew it!”

“And I make millions of people happy with my brilliant prose!” Lex said, spreading his arms.

Bill smiled, a full-blown smile that reached his eyes and drew Lex’s gaze. Damn if their color didn’t enthrall him. “I guess if it makes people happy, it’s a worthwhile career.” He checked the time on a clock on the wall. ”Alright. Same time tomorrow, then? At the Archives?”

Lex nodded. “We should exchange cell numbers, maybe? Just in case?”

“Makes sense.” They quickly exchanged information.

“One thing though…” Lex said after inputting Bill’s number into his phone.

“What?” Bill said, doing the same.

“There is the chance that we might not find anything.”

Bill looked up. “You think that’s a possibility?”

“There’s always a possibility.” Lex smirked. “Hey! I could just be your evil twin!”

“Your what?” Bill said, puzzled.

Lex stared at him in surprise. “Oh come on! Ya know, like your exact opposite. The good one, the bad one? Didn’t you read comic books growing up?”

Bill pressed his lips together. “I was, uh, playing outside with my friends most of the time, actually.”

“Bonafide country boy, aren’t you?” Lex shook his head. “No coffee shops, growing up without comic books. I’m afraid to ask about anything else. How do you do it?”

“It’s OK, city boy. If you’re ever out in my neck of the woods, I’ve got your back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *thanks to [WarlockWriter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarlockWriter/pseuds/WarlockWriter) for the suggestion of Kramer Books and all the other amazing locations in D.C. to come.


	3. Chapter 3

Bill maybe got two or three hours of sleep that night. Despite the bed being the most comfortable he had ever slept on, it was no match for the thoughts running rampant through his mind. After leaving the café, he had skipped out on dinner with the Taylors and returned straight to the hotel, ordering from room service instead. However, it had remained untouched.

His mind had been preoccupied with Lex. His actions, his words, his _way_ with words. Bill could have sworn that Lex had been doing more than staring at him when he had arrived at the Dupont Circle fountain. He had decided not to remark on it because what if he’d been wrong? That’s all he needed, making an idiot of himself. And then Lex teasing him about comparing their differences! Had he actually been flirting? It had sounded like flirting, especially in the café later.

All these thoughts circled in Bill’s head throughout the evening and late into the night. He just couldn’t figure it out. At one point his mind tried to argue with him about it, and even brought up a painful part of his past to defend its position. That hadn’t sat well, and Bill berated himself for it.

As a result, it was nearly one a.m. by the time he crawled into bed, tossing and turning fitfully before he managed a short stint of sleep. However, he woke up a couple of hours before his alarm clock was set to go off and gave in to the inevitable. No more rest for him tonight.

He rolled over and picked up his cell phone from the nightstand. He opened it, chose a contact, and after the fourth ring, there was an answer.

“Hello?” Stanley’s sleepy and confused voice answered.

“Hi…”

“Bill? Why the hell are you calling me so damn early?” There was a pause before Stanley’s voice became a bit louder and more alert. “Bill?! What is it?! Is something wrong?!"

Bill dropped his head onto his pillow. He hadn’t meant to startle his friend. “No, nothing’s wrong. Well, nothing really, I guess.” He took a deep breath. “I just needed someone to talk to.”

There was silence for a moment, which made Bill anxious. “I didn’t mean to wake you. I’m sor—”

“It’s OK. Bill, is it about…?”

Bill stood, tossing the blankets aside. Not this again. “No, Stanley,” he sighed. “Not that.”

“Alright. Well, what is it, then?”

“I, uh…” Bill padded over to the window and peered outside the curtains at the still dark sky, wishing he could see the stars. "I met this guy."

“A guy?” Bill heard shuffling sounds on the other end of the line followed by the sound of a door closing. “What sort of guy?”

“That’s just it. I’m not quite sure. He, um… Stanley, I think he was checking me out? But,”—Bill leaned his head against the wall next to the window—“I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure.”

“Bill, this guy… If you’re not sure, what’s bothering you exactly?”

Bill bit his lip. How was he supposed to explain Lex? “I-I’m not sure. I’m confused by it all.” He turned and pressed his back to the wall. “If he did… What if it’s all wrong?”

“Wrong?” Stanley said surprised. “Why would it be wrong? Bill, you know no one is going to—”

“Of course I know that.” Bill turned and leaned his shoulder on the wall, facing towards the window once more. “I don’t know, Stanley. Maybe I’m just overthinking it.”

“Does Jimmy know?”

“I can’t tell Jimmy, Stanley! You know how nosy he is!”

“But he’s there, Bill! Not that I won’t talk to you any time of day over the phone, but he’s your friend too. He cares as much as I do,” Stanley insisted.

“Maybe.” Bill imagined Jimmy meeting Lex and squeezed his eyes shut. Yeah, not a good idea to go there at the moment.

“Well, I think you should. You called me for advice, didn’t you?” Bill couldn’t argue with Stanley’s words; that _had_ sorta been the reason. “So tell him ASAP, OK?”

“I’ll think about it.”

Stanley grumbled something colorful under his breath, making Bill snort softly. “So hardheaded, I swear. Anyway,” Stanley went on, his voice changing to one of curiosity. “I've got a feeling that there's more to what happened, so just go ahead and tell me."

Bill nearly dropped his phone. “What makes you think that?”

“I’ve known you since we were kids, Bill. I know when you’re leaving things out.”

Shit. “I told you everything that was important.”

“That right there confirmed it. _Spill_.”

“That’s it. When I get back you and Jimmy aren’t allowed to hang out anymore. You’re getting nosy too,” Bill half-threatened. He changed his cell phone to his other ear. “Since I know you won’t give up, what do you want to know?”

“Hmm…” Bill imagined Stanley tapping his finger to his chin, being an overdramatic pain in the ass. “Just talk to me about him. What does he look like?”

“Are you implying that I was also looking at him?”

“I know that you are trying to stall.”

Bill rolled his eyes. “You are such a jerk sometimes.”

“I try. Now come on.”

Bill turned his back to the wall again. What to say about Lex? He knew he couldn’t be too specific. “I'm gonna regret this, but..." He took a deep breath. "Well, he's slightly taller than me—Shut up!” he snapped at Stanley’s amused snicker. He waited for his friend to quiet down and continued. “Um, he’s thinner. Doesn't look like he's out in the sun much. And I can already tell that he wouldn't do too hot trying to live outside the city."

“Wow.”

“What?”

“Most people would’ve at least said what color his eyes and hair were,” Stanley said.

Oops. “Erm, soft honey-brown eyes? Lightish, medium brown hair.” There. He knew Lex’s eye and hair color weren’t exactly like his, but close enough, he supposed.

“You don’t sound too sure about that, but OK,” Stanley said.

“It was dark.” Well, it had been the first time he met him, so it was kinda the truth.

“Fair enough. So, when’s the date?”

He was going to actually drop his phone at this rate. “Date?” he asked, his voice rising an octave.

“I heard that! So there _is_ a date, isn’t there?!”

“It-It’s not a date!”

"Bill Koehler! Going on a date with a guy he just met! I'm surprised at you!"

God, he hated Stanley sometimes. "It's not a date!!"

“There's no reason to yell. I think it's great!" Stanley chuckled. “And lower your voice! You’re in a hotel!”

Bill thunked his head on the wall behind him. "Look, he's just...showing me one of the places here. Being nice. _Not. A. Date._ "

Stanley's voice was tinged with amusement. "It's OK to enjoy spending time with someone, Bill, but fine, not a date. I believe you. Regardless, I hope you have fun with whatever you two plan on doing.”

“I’ll try to.” And he would. It wasn’t boring with Lex, not by a long shot. True, the other man perplexed him, made him feel off-kilter, but never boring.

Lex was... Lex was…

"Still there, Bill?"

Bill broke from his reverie. "Yeah?"

"Do I detect a smile in your voice? You must be feeling better."

“Some.”

"Better than not at all, I guess.”

“You know I still appreciate it, Stanley,” Bill said, peeking out the curtains again. The sky was lightening to hues of orange, red, and yellow, signaling the coming dawn.

"Anytime. Bill, I really am glad that you called me. It's...It's been a long time since I've answered the phone and you were the person on the other line."

"I'm glad that you answered." Bill’s eyes lowered to the sidewalk in front of the hotel. Soon it would be full of pedestrians. So many people here in the city...

"Make a habit of it from now on, OK? I'll let you go for now. Think I might try to get another hour of sleep."

Bill closed his phone and continued gazing out the window. His talks with Stanley had been missed. Even if it was just a little, they always helped. He still had a lot to work through, but at least he was able to think more clearly. He was lucky to have Stanley as a friend. Damn lucky.

Speaking of friends… Was that what Lex really was? He’d only known the guy for a day officially, but he and Bill already got along pretty well. Bill could see himself being friends with him for a long time. Good friends, like he was with Stanley and Jimmy. He’d like that, making another close friend...

But could he, though? What about yesterday? Bill couldn’t stop the questions racing through his mind. The stare, subtle flirting. Friends, potential friends, didn’t behave that way. Or maybe Bill was looking too far into it. Lex could just be a big flirt. Lots of people are that way. Stanley hadn’t mentioned the possibility, though.

Ugh. Bill was right back where he started. He should’ve just let Stanley sleep. Why couldn’t he just relax and have fun, as Stanley said?

He turned from the window and went straight to his suitcase to grab some clothes. He needed to keep himself busy so his mind wouldn’t answer that question. He didn’t care that he would end up at breakfast a bit earlier than the Taylors. He’d need a while to wake up with more than a few cups of coffee anyway.

* * *

Bill put on a smile for his friends, not wanting to worry them. The multiple cups of coffee from that morning waned after a while, though, so when they passed a café, Bill dragged them all inside. Jimmy and Margaret were surprised, but they did enjoy the coffee and ambiance. The kids were a bit bored at first, but once they learned that there were sweet drinks and pastries offered, they quickly got over it.

“So Bill, where did you learn about that place?” Jimmy asked. They had stopped at a deli for a late lunch and decided to take their food to a nearby park since the weather was so nice. Jimmy and Bill were still eating on a bench while Margaret, Sally, and Woody walked about.

Bill looked up from his cheesesteak sandwich. “Oh, from my walking around and stuff.”

“Huh. What else have you found?” Jimmy took a bite of his own sandwich.

“Ya know. Just the usual stuff you see in D.C. Fountains, statues.”

Jimmy placed his sandwich down and wiped his fingers with a napkin. “Did you meet someone?”

“What?” Bill asked, not expecting his friend’s question. When Jimmy merely raised an eyebrow, Bill narrowed his eyes. “Did you talk to Stanley?”

"Stanley?" Jimmy said, squinting his eyes at him. "Well, not that I needed to, but no. Bill, I've known you how long now? I've seen that look on your face before." A smug smile appeared on his lips and he folded his arms. "But thanks for confirming it for me."

"Fine, but it's not like that!" Bill leaned his forehead on one of his hands. He wasn’t ready to go over this again just yet. He was still, well, he was still not sure! He was gonna go gray at this rate from thinking on it so much!

Jimmy’s smile widened. "Sure it is." He took a sip of his lemonade.

No, maybe not gray. Just pure, snow-white. "You're as bad as Stanley,” Bill snapped, dropping his hand and raising his head.

"I should take that as an insult, but I won't in this case,” Jimmy replied.

Bill rolled his eyes. He just couldn’t win lately. "Look, yes, I did meet someone, but he and I just share some common interests is all. Am I not allowed to make friends?"

"You're allowed to do anything you want, Bill,” Jimmy said, his voice softening. “If it makes you happy, I'm all for it."

“Oh, well thank you, Jimmy,” Bill said, his annoyance fading. “Then I guess I should tell you that I'll be taking off again this afternoon."

"Will it make you happy?" Jimmy grinned and his eyes twinkled mischievously. “I mean, in a friendly way, of course…”

Bill threw his empty sandwich wrapper at him. “Ha. Ha,” he snarked. There was that word again, “friends.”

He was both dreading and excited to see Lex. What the hell was he going to do?

* * *

Lex was on his way out the door of CIA headquarters when he was stopped by someone calling his name. He turned and smiled when he saw Jackson running to catch up with him.

"Hey!” his friend said, slowing down as he came to stand by his side. “You’re heading out early again today. Are you working on something?”

“You could say that.” Lex had yet to tell Jackson about Bill. He really had no reason to, at least not yet. “I’m helping a, uh, friend research some things at the NARA.”

“You’re the right guy for the job,” Jackson smiled. “Your friend a history buff, or needing information for a paper of some kind?”

Lex lifted his arm and checked the time on his watch. “He’s actually wanting to research his family history.”

“That’s the best place best for it.” Jackson checked his own watch. “I really need to get back. Quinn has scheduled a meeting bright and early tomorrow, and I’ve got to prepare for it. You know how the bastard’s been lately.”

“Sorry to hear that.” Quinn had made meetings torturous the past few months. The deputy director had analyzed Lex’s latest mission report line by line, and Lex had had to stop himself from running out of the room when it was finally over.

"I was too.” Jackson made to leave, then paused. “Um, aren’t you going to change? I saw your bike when I parked this morning.”

Lex looked down at his red button-up and black slacks and shrugged. “Nah. Today felt like a bike day, so I'm gonna deal with it."

"Suit yourself. But I've told you about riding so far in your work clothes," Jackson chided.

"Yeah yeah, makes them all wrinkly.” He adjusted his work bag on his shoulder. “It doesn’t do much when it’s just to work and back. I don’t live that far from here," Lex reminded him.

"Lex, it’s a half-hour’s drive to D.C., remember?”

Lex’s face fell. “Oh.” Why had he forgotten that? This wasn’t like him...

"Right.” Jackson put his hands in his pockets and turned to go. “Enjoy your afternoon Lex.”

“See you tomorrow,” Lex called after him and hurried outside. He took out his cell and sent a quick text to Bill, notifying him that he was running late. He hoped he wouldn’t be upset with him. He had been looking forward to spending the afternoon with him.

Lex shoved his phone into his bag. Huh, maybe they’d be able to hang out afterward. There was still a lot to find out about the cop from Kansas.

* * *

Lex walked into the National Archives building forty-five minutes late. He had considered on just driving his car instead of changing clothes, but the weather was gorgeous and just begged for him to ride his bike to the Capitol.

His eyes landed immediately upon Bill, whose expression was filled with apprehension. Lex increased his pace and made his way over to him.

“Bill!”

Bill raised his head and his face filled with relief. “Hi! I was worried that you weren’t going to come.” He stepped forward and met Lex halfway.

Lex scratched the side of his head. “Yeah, sorry about that. I kinda forgot some stuff for work today.” He gestured at his clothes.

“I’m not following,” Bill said, scrunching his nose and forehead while pursing his lips.

 _Don’t stare._ “I have a motorcycle, and a friend of mine at work chose to remind me that my clothes wouldn’t look too hot if I rode in them here. I had to go home to change.”

“You drive a motorcycle?” Bill asked, surprised.

Lex nodded. “Yep. I’ve had it a very long time. Say,” he said, snapping his fingers. “If you’re here long enough, I could take you for a ride sometime.”

“Uh, no, that’s OK. Seen too many accidents involving motorcycles in my career,” Bill said, holding his hands in front of him. “I appreciate you asking, though.”

“It’s alright. You’re not the first to turn me down for a ride.” His eyes widened at what he’d said. “I mean, uh…” The skin on Lex’s face turned warm. “Are you ready to go start looking?”

Bill looked away. _Dammit._ “Yeah, time’s a-wastin’, isn’t it?”

* * *

After receiving research identification cards—and receiving odd looks that Lex ignored and Bill attempted to ignore—the two men found their way to the Orientation and Research room. Lex requested the relevant microfilm and microfiche records, and they went into the room itself.

They waited in the Central Research room for the records to arrive and, after obtaining them, went to sit down in front of a microfilm machine. Lex placed two small boxes of microfilm to one side and a few microfiche sheets on the other.

“How exactly are we going to start this?” Bill asked, laying two pencils and some paper on the table the machine rested on. “Will we start with your side or mine?”

Lex began to feel nervous. He hadn’t really pulled that much information on himself; he hadn’t really needed to since he’d already looked everything up at work. But Bill didn’t know that. “Let’s start with you, then we’ll cross-reference when we get to mine.”

“Alright,” Bill said, writing “Koehler” on the paper before him. He looked up as Lex opened the glass plate of the reader and inserted the appropriate reel of film. He rotated the reel manually and they began their search.

“OK, obviously your surname is German,” Lex began, focusing the lens of the reader. He scrolled slowly, not knowing how fast Bill could read.

“Yeah, I remember my grandpa telling me about that when I was a kid,” Bill said. He wrote that down beneath his last name.

Lex smiled at how Bill wanted to have every detail noted, though in this instance, unfortunately, it didn’t matter. “Well, I can tell you right now that my family isn’t.”

Bill got very quiet, and Lex stopped reading. He glanced over at him from the corner of his eye and everything came to a halt. Bill was staring at him intently, and Lex couldn’t look away. He tried to more than once, but ended up clearing his throat and asked, “Something on your mind, Bill?”

“It just occurred to me,” Bill began, keeping his gaze on Lex’s face. “I know that I may be overstepping here, but…” Bill put down the pencil and shifted in his seat. “Lex, are you hiding from your family? Do you hate them?”

All emotion drained from Lex’s face and his heart twisted in his chest. No one had ever really asked him about why he had no last name before, not even Joshua. It brought back memories and feelings he thought he had buried long ago.

“Uh, um, see here?” He turned quickly back to the microfilm reader. _I can’t deal with this right now._ “The census is showing that your family were mostly farmers. They started out as homesteaders.” He felt Bill’s eyes on him and kept talking. “Oh, and looks like some were, um.” He leaned forward and squinted his eyes to make sure that he was reading the words correctly. “Salt…miners?”

Lex forced himself to turn back to Bill but didn’t meet his eyes. “So, salt miners?” _Please don’t say anything,_ he repeated in his head.

Bill’s eyes swept back and forth over Lex’s face. His mouth opened, but he quickly closed it and blew out a puff of air and scooted his chair to sit closer to the screen. "Yeah, there's a salt mine. It employs a good number of people in Jericho. I've had a lot of relatives who have worked there over the years."

Lex silently thanked Bill. "Never been to a salt mine before,” he said, lowering his hand from the rotating mechanism.

“My dad tried to get me to work there after high school. ‘It’s an honest job. Many a Koehler has put food on the table for their family with a job at the mine,’” Bill said, making his voice sound deeper. “I just didn’t want to spend my working years underground in a mineshaft. I’d always been interested in law enforcement since I was a kid, so I went to the nearest academy as soon as I was old enough.”

“Yeah, that’s fathers for you,” Lex said. He tried to keep the disdain out of his voice, but from the way Bill raised his eyebrow, he knew he’d failed. “Long story.”

“No need to explain, but my dad and I get along fine otherwise.”

Lex gave him a smile in answer. “So you went your own way,” he said. “Decided to help the community instead of seasoning their food. I can relate, the helping people, I mean.”

Bill huffed a dry laugh at Lex’s joke. “What did your family want you to do, other than not write greeting cards?”

“That’s another long story actually,” Lex said, turning back to the microfilm reader. He raised his hand in preparation to continue searching. “Let’s keep going.”

“Lex.”

“Yeah?”

Bill ran a hand down his face. “I don't mean to keep asking questions that you don't want to answer."

Lex lowered his head. _It's not that I don't want to, I can't._ "Some things just aren't that easy to talk about."

"I understand that more than you know." Bill reached for and picked up the pencil and paper. “Let me write down these names and dates real quick and we can start on yours.”

“Umm, sure.” While Bill copied the information, Lex fought the urge to lie and tell Bill that it wasn’t necessary to search through his own family’s census records. He scrambled to come up with an excuse or a way out when his eyes fell upon the microfiche sheets.

Of course.

Once Bill finished, Lex indicated the sheets. “Hey, we still need to check these too, and we’ll need to turn them in pretty soon. Why don’t you check out half while I flip through this other roll? I’ll look over the other sheets after I’m done.”

Bill frowned. “But won’t you need my help?”

“I can write down what I find as I go along. We don’t really have a lot of time left,” he insisted.

“I guess you’re right. And it would be nice to get this all finished in one day,” Bill agreed. He took half the microfiche sheets and crossed to the middle of the room to sit at one of the tables.

Lex went right to work, switching out the microfilm and reading the information on his family. It was nothing new to him, at least the later information. He only scribbled down dates along with first initials and professions, which made him grit his teeth with remembered arguments. He finished the task quickly, then replaced the reels of microfilm back into their boxes and grabbed the remaining microfiche sheets.

He’d made sure to give Bill the sheets that pertained to his family while keeping the ones that were relevant to his own. The sheets focused on military service records. There wasn’t too much detail, just names and dates of enlistment followed by dates of discharge or, in some cases, death.

Lex jotted down everything, again putting down only the first initials. He stood when he finished, shutting down the microfilm machine and gathering the materials he had used. He made his way over to sit across from Bill, lightly shoving his paper and the container of microfiche sheets across the table towards him. “Ready to go over everything?” he asked.

Bill combined the sheets he had read with Lex’s. “More than ready. I just learned a lot that my dad and uncles are going to be really interested in hearing about when I get back.”

“Oh, well, looks like this little adventure of ours has proven to be fruitful in at least one way so far!” Lex said, smiling brightly.

Using a blank piece of paper, he and Bill began to compare and contrast the names and dates. They went down both lists slowly, but nothing matched. There were no marriages, no one had lived near one another, no one had even crossed paths. Bill’s family had settled in the Midwest after the Civil War following the Homestead Act. Lex’s had decided to stay put in New England. Lex also pointed out once again that their heritage was different as well.

If Bill's and Lex’s ancestors had ever met, it was so far back that it didn’t even really matter anymore.

Lex leaned back in his chair and threaded his fingers behind his head. “Welp, I regret to inform you that you have indeed found your evil twin."

Bill’s face took on an odd look. “So that means we’re done? No more?”

“Um, I guess so?” Lex was puzzled by Bill’s reaction. He had been just talking about how nice it would be to have everything handled in one visit. “I mean, it’s almost time to close, and—”

“I guess we should turn these in then.” Bill got to his feet, picking up the microfilm and microfiche sheets. “Do we need to turn in our IDs too?” His voice was almost devoid of emotion.

But Lex could hear the touch of sadness in his voice. “Bill, are you alright?” He slowly stood. “What’s wrong?”

* * *

“I’m just tired I think,” Bill said. There was no reason for him to feel this way. They had found what they came to find, and now he wouldn’t see Lex anymore. Plain and simple.

Except it wasn’t. He should’ve known that nothing would’ve come out of this. He and Lex had just crossed paths, and this was just going to be an interesting story to tell others eventually. Nothing special. They’d go on with their lives, never see or hear from one another again. Maybe that’s why Lex didn’t want him to know his last name, so he couldn’t look him up. No chance of ever being friends.

Ever.

Life wasn’t on his side, and it never would be. It wasn’t on anyone’s side, in fact. You were born, you lived miserably, then you—

“Bill?”

He nearly startled at Lex’s voice. “What?”

“You don’t have to return the ID. You can keep it.” Lex’s eyes were full of concern. “I’ll return those if you want to go ahead and leave.”

So that _was_ it then. Alright. Figures. But Bill was going to do this his way. “No, I’ve got it.” He pushed his chair aside and took off, ignoring Lex’s hushed calls of his name.

He replaced the materials at the desk, signing them back in. Quick footfalls at his side heralded Lex’s arrival, but Bill paid no attention to him. He exited the room and headed straight outside the Archive building, still ignoring Lex.

Once he was several paces down the sidewalk, he felt a hand touch his shoulder. He turned sharply around. “Don’t!” he said, pointing a finger. “Just don’t, Lex!”

Lex took three abrupt steps back, whipping his hands up in front of him. “You wouldn’t stop! I had to do something!” He took a deep breath. “Please tell me what’s wrong? You sounded sad earlier, and now you’re angry at me and I don’t know why.”

Bill sighed and closed his eyes. “I’m not angry at you Lex. I’m angry at myself.”

“Why would you be angry at yourself?” Lex’s voice held no curiosity, just genuine, honest concern.

Not understanding why Lex would feel this way, Bill opened his eyes. Lex had lowered his arms, holding them at his sides slightly away from his body. His head was tilted, face and gaze focused solely on him.

The way he looked at him…

_No, Bill. Don’t get caught up again._

“I…” _Don’t want to risk that again. Don’t want it to happen to someone else._ “I just am.”

Lex blinked. “You just _are?_ ”

Bill averted his eyes. “Yes.”

“I see.” Lex took one step forward. “Hey, it’s getting late. Are you hungry?”

“What?” Bill snapped his gaze to Lex.

Lex smiled softly. “Are you hungry?” His eyes were focused on Bill once more. “I know that I am, and I also know all of the best places to eat around here. Wanna join me?”

Bill was completely taken off guard. Lex wanted him to do _what?_ “I…um…uh…”

“Bill, it’s not a hard question to answer,” Lex said, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He took another step forward, and Bill swore that he could see honey swirling in the man’s eyes.

“Lex…”

“Oh,” Lex said, his expression falling. “Were you supposed to meet your friends somewhere else instead?”

Bill took a step back to ground himself. “N-No. They know that if I don't show up that it’s OK.”

Lex’s eyes lit up and Bill cursed inwardly. “So that means you’re free?”

 _And does that mean he actually wants me to go?_ Bill thought, unsure. "I'm sure I can find somewhere by myself—“

"Bill. Come to dinner with me,” Lex stated.

Bill’s eyes went round. “Why?” was all he could think of to say.

Lex licked his lips nervously in direct contrast to his previous statement. "Yesterday, I— You're an enigma, Bill, an enigma that I just want to find everything about. Our being related? Sure, I know that we're not now. But I want to know other things about you. I want to get to know the real you. You're interesting, you make me curious. I like talking to you. I want to know what makes you…you. And..." He took yet another step forward. “If I can help you feel better about being upset, I’d like to try.”

No, he couldn’t accept this. It was too risky. Too dangerous.

Too perfect.

“Are you serious?” He shook his head. “Lex! Look at us!”

Lex shrugged. "So what? It's not like we're related!" He laughed at his joke and moved just a bit closer. "I saw you looking at me, ya know."

True, he had, but that’s only because he’d been curious that’s all! Not worried, not looking at Lex’s hair or sideburns or the way his slender fingers turned the dial…

_Dammit._

But he held fast. He had to. “Lex, we barely know each other. For all we know we could both be serial killers!”

Lex threw back his head and laughed once again. “Good one! But we both know from what we found in there”—he hooked his thumb over his shoulder towards the Archive building behind him—”that that’s not true.”

“Well, well, you know I won't be here much longer."

"And? I'm willing to see where it goes if you are." Lex’s smile never faltered.

“You confuse me, Lex!”

“Then let’s get to know each other, Bill. Come to dinner with me? Please?”

Bill hesitated. Lex sounded so sincere, and his eyes never broke their gaze. But, what if—

 _It's OK to enjoy spending time with someone,_ Stanley's voice said in his head.

 _Will it make you happy?_ Jimmy's followed.

Bill looked up into Lex’s face, found him waiting anxiously for his answer.

“I don’t like Thai.”

Lex’s face almost split he grinned so widely.

“See? There’s something new!”


	4. Chapter 4

Bill followed Lex down the sidewalk, listening to him talk about what kind of food they’d be having for dinner. Bill nodded where appropriate, half-paying attention. His mind kept telling him to run, that this was a bad idea, how could he have made such a rash decision? But the voices of his friends continued to remind him that he was allowed to be happy and to move forward.

He nearly walked into Lex, his mind so focused on his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed that the younger man had turned around to face him. “Oh! Sorry!”

“Are you alright?” Lex asked. “You’ve been really quiet. If you don’t want to go, it’s OK. It won’t hurt my feelings.” His eyes roved Bill’s face, and Bill’s eyes were drawn to how the sun cast a golden sheen on Lex’s lighter hair. “I could take you back to your hotel instead.”

“You mean on your _bike?_ ” Bill asked in surprise, his worried thoughts from earlier fleeing from his mind. “Lex, I told you how I felt about that.”

“Well, it would involve that,” Lex admitted. “But only because it would be faster than the bus.”

Bill shook his head. “I don’t mind the bus, but thanks.” He put his hands into his jean pockets and lowered his eyes. “So, uh, how far a walk is it?”

“Not too far, just enough to work up our appetites a little more.”

“Lead the way.”

Lex waited until Bill fell in step beside him to start talking once more. “So, what made you want to visit D.C.?” he asked.

Bill’s mouth curled into a smile. “My best friend begged me to come.” He laughed softly and followed the path of a car that drove by with his eyes. “It was terrible.”

“Is he one of the people you’re here with?” Lex’s pace slowed marginally. “I’m not keeping you from him am I?”

“Nah, I’m actually here with another friend that I work with and his family.”

Lex’s brow furrowed. “OK…”

Bill sighed. Yeah, it _did_ sound weird, didn’t it? “They both thought that I needed a change of scenery, so after being hounded for a couple of weeks and my best friend pulling that stunt of his, well, here I am.”

“Sounds like they cared. It’s good to have friends like that,” Lex said.

Bill regarded Lex out of the corner of his eye. Lex had sounded sad when he’d spoken. What was the story there? “Yeah, it is. Though sometimes they make me want to pull my hair out to be completely honest.”

Lex chuckled. “The good ones usually do.” They stopped at a crosswalk. “I had a friend once who did nothing but bicker with me back and forth for the longest time.” Bill caught the sorrow that appeared in his eyes as he continued speaking. “He ended up being one of the few people I trusted most.”

Why was he speaking of the person as if they were… Oh. Bill looked away. Damn. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Bill.” Bill turned back to see that Lex was looking at him. “But I appreciate it.”

The sun had nearly set, casting the sky in deep shades of purple, pink, and blue. The first stars of the evening would be out soon, but Bill knew that he wouldn’t be able to see them. He hated that so much. “You’re welcome, Lex. I-I know how that feels.”

Lex swallowed as his eyes softened. “Then I’m sorry too, Bill.” He laid a gentle hand on Bill’s shoulder and smiled. “Another thing that I learned about you.”

“What?”

“You’re kind. I admire that.”

* * *

A short while later they arrived at an Italian restaurant named _Carmine’s_. Even though it was still a bit early in the evening, they had to wait for a good forty-five minutes, which Bill rolled his eyes internally at. It was one of the things he didn’t like about the city: waiting.

“I’m sorry it took so long,” Lex said once they were seated. He shook his head at the proferred wine list, then raised his eyebrow in question at Bill.

Bill also shook his head and the waiter asked, “What would you like to drink?”

They both said “Water” at the same time and laughed.

The waiter smiled politely. “Any appetizers?”

Lex thought for a moment and asked Bill, “How hungry are you?”

Bill pressed his lips together. He had only really had coffee and the cheesesteak sandwich that day, but his appetite was still a little on the “meh” side at the moment. “I’m not starving if that’s what you’re asking.”

“No apps, thank you,” Lex told the waiter.

“I’ll be back with your drinks while you gentlemen decide,” the waiter replied.

Lex picked up the menu in front of him. “Do you like Italian? This place has an amazing chicken marsala.”

“Uhh…” Bill’s eyes read the names of the dishes offered on the menu. He recognized some of the names, but he’d only seen them in the frozen food section of the grocery store. “I haven’t really tried any of these before, but I’m game for anything new.”

“There’s always spaghetti,” Lex joked.

“Well, I know that I like that,” Bill said back, eyes falling on the item. Hmm, he’d actually not had spaghetti in a very long time. And it was a safe bet that he’d like it.

Safe…

“Ya know, I think I’ll have that,” he said, placing the menu on the table.

Lex looked up. “Spaghetti? Really?” He looked surprised, closing his own menu. “Not saying that it won’t be delicious, but isn’t that, well, boring?”

“Not to me. I don’t eat it that often, and I don’t have a lot of time to make it with my job. I’m always so tired when I get home that it’s usually just bologna sandwiches and maybe a handful of chips if I’m lucky.”

“Ahh, so I guess in this case it’s a treat,” Lex said, his face crinkling up as he grinned. Bill’s eyes did _not_ notice the dimple that formed in his cheek.

Their waiter returned with their water. Lex ordered the chicken marsala he had mentioned, Bill the spaghetti.

They were quiet for a long moment after the waiter left to turn in their order. Bill didn’t know what to say or do but sip his water. He felt like he was on a date, a blind date.

He nearly choked on his water. Was this what this was? He darted his eyes over at Lex, but the man was fiddling with the bracelet he wore on his right wrist. Lex had said that he wanted to get to know him better, but he didn’t say in what way exactly.

Damn, Lex confused him!

“You’re looking at me, again.”

Bill was glad that he’d set his water down on the table or he might’ve spilled it all over himself. Dammit, and he’d been talking to Stanley about Lex staring just that morning! “Uh, sorry, was just thinking…”

Lex eyed him for a moment and Bill hoped that he wouldn’t ask him anything further.

“Well, we didn’t come here to just sit and think, right?” Lex said with a smile. Bill gave a hesitant smile in return. “We should go ahead and talk, get to know each other some more. Ask questions.” He raised a finger. “Nothing too personal, of course. We’ve only known each other for less than two days,” he winked.

“Right,” Bill replied. This was good! He could do this! “OK… Um…” Well, maybe he couldn’t.

“Would you like me to go first?” Lex asked. He leaned forward on the table. “Favorite color.”

“Favorite color? _That’s_ what you’re going to start with?” Bill asked incredulously.

“Why not? It’s something everyone has!” Lex defended.

Bill laughed. “Alright then. If you must know, it’s blue.” He sat back in his chair. “What’s yours?”

“Red. Favorite food?”

“Anything with beef. Yours?”

Lex gave Bill a feral grin. “Thai.”

“You’re lying,” Bill shot back. When Lex’s expression didn’t change, Bill’s eyes widened. “You’re serious!”

“Sure am.” Lex mirrored Bill’s seating position. “Imagine my disappointment when you told me you didn’t like it.”

“Huh.”

They asked questions back and forth, rolling their eyes for some, snorting with laughter and making faces at others.

Bill ran his fingers on top of the table. “Alright. Next one: Music?”

“Showtunes.”

“Wait wait wait,” Bill said, shaking his head. “Really?”

Lex started to hum the opening bars to “Ya Got Trouble” from _The Music Man_ and Bill’s eyebrows lifted. “I guess so.” Since he knew that it was his turn, he said, “Well, I like old-school country and classic rock.”

“Why am I not surprised to hear that?” Lex said. He was going to ask his next question, but he turned his head, his entire face lighting up. “Our food’s coming!”

* * *

“That was _really_ good!” Bill said after they left the restaurant. He was glad that they had decided to walk back to the parking garage where Lex left his bike. He had been hungrier than he thought and cleaned his entire plate—he needed to walk a little of it off!

“I’m glad you liked it,” Lex said from beside him. Unlike Bill, he had a small to-go box in his hand. Bill was amazed that Lex had so much to take home with him. No wonder he was so slender! “Maybe we could go again before you head back to Kansas. Ya know, so you can try something different.”

Bill chuckled. “Yeah, maybe.” He’d consider it. He and Lex had continued to talk and learn a bit more about each other. Sometime during the evening, when he and Lex were talking easily back and forth, Bill had decided that yes, they were friends. New friends, but friends all the same.

And he was happy about that, he really was.

He looked up at the sky out of habit and sighed. Like every night since he had arrived in D.C., the stars were unable to be seen because of the lights. He missed them.

“Were you looking for the stars the other night at the fountain?” Lex asked.

“Hmm?” Bill said, turning his head just enough to acknowledge Lex. “Yeah, I was.”

Lex looked down at the sidewalk while they walked. “You have to get a ways from the city to be able to see them, unfortunately. Too much light pollution.”

“I figured,” Bill said softly. They continued in silence for another yard or so. “On nights like this, the sky back home is covered in stars. I would go for a walk and think that it was only me and the stars that existed. It comforted me.”

“Would?”

Bill balked. “Well, life gets in the way, right?” He felt Lex’s eyes on him and kept staring straight ahead. “Can’t go out at night when you have to be up early.”

“That’s true,” Lex sighed. “Life gets in the way of a lot of things, and sometimes in really bad ways too.”

There were stories in Lex’s words. Bill could tell. He wished that they were at a place in their friendship that he could ask about them. “Yeah, it does.”

* * *

Lex was thinking about, of all people, Olivia. He was comparing her to Bill. He hadn’t dated, or thought of dating, since the whole fiasco involving her and the Australian secret service agent. He didn’t want to be thinking about it, but he couldn’t help it. He’d been hurt really badly from it, and a part of him was still very protective about being hurt—and used—again.

But the man walking beside him… Lex cast a quick glance at Bill to see that he was still facing ahead. Bill had shown that he was kind, honest. He didn’t have any kind of hidden agenda; Lex had done a thorough search of his background. There was no illegal activity going on. He was what he said he was: a police officer from a small town in Kansas.

And yes, according to his work records at least, he was working through some difficult issues. But, didn’t everyone have those? Lex certainly did, and he had a job that sometimes made his even worse.

No, Bill was nothing like _her_. She didn’t even deserve to be on the same _planet_ as Bill. There was really no comparing them.

It made him want to see him again, and he hoped Bill felt the same.

“Would you like to go out again before you leave? You can choose where we go,” Lex said. They were coming up on the bus stop where Bill would need to wait for his ride back to his hotel. “That is, if you want to.”

Bill slowed down and stopped. “I would! But I’m not sure of where we could go.”

“Think of what food you’d like, then text me. I could pick some up and we could probably meet somewhere for lunch maybe?” Lex really couldn’t leave work early again.

“Oh, I can tell you that right now! We had it the first night we came here!” Bill smiled brightly. “Seafood!”

“Seafood it is! Anything in particular?” Lex went over the various restaurants that served lunch in his head as Bill made a thoughtful face. “It would have to be something that’s not too complicated to eat, ya know.”

“Crab cakes?” Bill asked hopefully.

Lex grinned. “Shouldn’t be a problem. Tomorrow?”

Bill frowned. “I’m not sure what Jimmy has planned for tomorrow.”

“I don’t want you to choose between me and your friends, Bill. Let me know, OK?” Lex patted him on the arm. “I’ll let you go here. Text me, OK?”

“I’ll let you know as soon as I talk to him,” Bill said. He waved goodbye and headed towards the bus stop and Lex continued on to the parking garage.

As he drove home, his container of leftover food tucked precariously between his thighs, he couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed that he might not see Bill the next day. He liked being around Bill. He laughed more than he had in years. Not that he didn’t with Jackson, but Jackson’s sense of humor was, well, a little dry. He’d always value Jackson as a friend, but with Bill…with Bill, he could let his real self out.

When he got home, he entered his apartment and sighed. It had never felt so quiet and empty before. He put his food in the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water out to take a few swallows as he always did before going to bed. He checked his emails—a few reminders from Jackson, one terse announcement of yet another meeting from Quinn—and got ready for bed.

He didn’t fall asleep right away. That feeling of being alone felt more stifling than ever. He wanted to grab his phone and call Bill and talk some more. About what, he didn’t care.

He was so tired of being alone…

* * *

Jimmy stood with Bill in the elevator on their way down to the hotel’s dining room for breakfast. He had come by Bill’s hotel room, claiming that he didn’t want Bill to miss out on the morning’s special—“It’s all you can eat pancake day!”—so he’d come to fetch him personally.

Bill wasn’t fooled, of course. He knew that his friend was after details from his evening before. He didn’t say a word, but instead had taken the opportunity to tell him about maybe leaving again that day. Jimmy had only given him a huge smile and said, “You don’t have to run your decisions by me, Bill. I keep telling you that this is your vacation too.”

When they left the hotel after breakfast, Margaret took his arm and pulled him aside. “Bill, if you don’t want to follow us around all over the place, you don’t have to. Go do your own thing.”

Bill cut his eyes over at Jimmy, who was suddenly very intrigued by a street sign. “What did he tell you?”

Margaret smiled softly. “Only that you’ve been spending time with someone who’s been making you happy.” She leaned closer and whispered, “Apparently _really_ happy.”

“Not you too!” Bill huffed out a breath. “We’re really just friends!” Why was everyone making assumptions? He and Lex had only known each other for a few days!

“Understood. Friends only,” Margaret said. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable.” She turned her head at the sound of Woody calling for her, waved, then turned back to him. “But really, it doesn’t hurt my or Jimmy’s feelings one bit if you want to go off and have fun on your own.”

Bill could never really get angry at Margaret. She was always on his side whenever Jimmy pissed him off. “It’s OK. I know that you only say so because you care.” Both Sally and Woody shouting for Margaret made him chuckle. “Better go see what they want before they bring the whole city to a standstill.”

“Can’t have that!” she agreed and hurried away to her children.

He took out his phone and typed out a quick text to Lex. He hesitated before sending it, the sight of Margaret and Jimmy laughing at Woody and Sally’s antics then reaching for each other’s hands catching his attention.

They were all standing together a couple of yards or so away from him.

And he was by himself.

Why did that bother him?

* * *

“-ex? Lex!”

Lex jumped, almost spilling his tea all over himself and his keyboard. He cursed and turned around to see Jackson looking at him worriedly and holding a couple of files in his hands. “Y-Yes?”

Jackson reached over and touched Lex lightly on the shoulder. “Are you alright? You were just sitting there staring at your monitor looking dazed.”

“I, uh…” Lex swallowed and set his mug on his desk. “I’m fine. Just a lot on my mind.” He plastered a smile on his face. “Are those for me?” He motioned towards the files.

“Lex…” Jackson made no move to hand over the files. “You were a bit out of this morning at the meeting. You didn’t even react when Quinn raised his voice at you.” He took a seat in the empty chair of the desk beside Lex. “What’s going on?”

Lex was tired. He wasn’t physically tired, just tired inside. Bill had been on his mind all morning, and he didn’t know what to do about it. “Going through some things is all. I’ll deal with them, in time.” He attempted a genuine smile, but from the expression on his friend’s face, he could tell that Jackson wasn’t buying it.

“Alright. You don’t want to talk about it.” Jackson smiled kindly, and Lex felt guilty. Jackson had been the only person he had been able to trust over the past two years. He had shown him Quinn’s true colors. He checked up on him, talked with him when Lex needed an ear. It wasn’t right for him to keep things from him. Jackson deserved better than that.

But this thing with Bill. Would it be too much?

Lex sighed and bit his lip nervously. “I don’t really want to talk about it…here.” He darted his eyes about the office.

Jackson nodded knowingly. “Hey, Lex,” he raised his voice. “I think I might want to try that new tea you told me about.” He stood and took a few steps away from Lex’s desk. “You have any here?”

Lex gave him a confused look, then smiled as he caught on. “I just might! One sec!” He reached for his mug and got to his feet then followed behind his friend to the breakroom.

* * *

Lex told Jackson about meeting Bill and what had occurred since then, watching his friend carefully as he talked. At first, he had expected Jackson to tell him that it was all a big ruse, something to get Lex kidnapped so that he could be tortured and forced to reveal government intel. However, Jackson listened intently, not saying one word during Lex’s explanation.

“So you going to the Archives, that was actually part of it?” Jackson asked after Lex finished his story. “He was the friend you were helping yesterday.”

Lex nodded and went about making Jackson’s cup of tea, their “reason” for being in the breakroom. They had locked the door, but still… “I couldn’t tell him that I had looked up his info already, right?”

“This is a really unique situation.” Jackson leaned against one of the counters in the room. “What do you…” He scratched the side of his face. “Well…”

Lex looked over his shoulder. “Yeah?”

“What do you think _he_ thinks?”

Lex looked down at the steam rising from the cup of water in front of him. “I-I’m not sure.”

“Do you like him, Lex?”

“I think I do.” Lex closed his eyes. “He’s nice. Funny. Kind. Not bad on the eyes, either.” He opened his eyes and smiled softly.

Jackson snorted. “Egotist.”

“I’m allowed to be in this case.” Lex raised his arm and opened a cabinet and took out a box of teabags. “I just wish that I were brave enough to ask him what he thinks of me!”

“You’re meeting him for lunch today, right?” Jackson asked.

Lex took out a teabag and dropped it into the water, nodding as he did so.

“See how it goes. From what you told me, last night you both had a good time. You never know.” Jackson walked over and took the cup from the counter. “I haven’t even met him and I like him too, Lex. And I’m thinking that Terri would as well.”

Lex felt his eyes tear up as he watched Jackson turn and leave the room. Yeah, Terri would like Bill. A lot.

She really would.

* * *

Bill waved at Lex when he saw him stroll over with two bags in his hands, each stamped with the logo from a restaurant called _Annie’s_. He had arrived at the park they had agreed to meet at about ten minutes prior and had claimed a bench underneath two large oak trees. He walked forwards and took one of the bags and greeted his friend.

“Hi!” he said pleasantly. “Hope this spot is OK. I wanted us to have shade.”

“It’s more than OK,” Lex said, flashing Bill a smile. “Shade is always good this time of year.”

Bill returned his smile, glad that Lex approved. The sun was warm on their backs but could get hot quickly. Not that he didn’t mind the way it enhanced Lex’s features. Why did Lex keep looking better and better each time he saw him? “Great!”

They made their way to the bench and quickly removed the food containers from the bags. Bill exclaimed in delight at how large the crab cakes were. “Wow! These look amazing Lex!” He took a fork and tasted one. “And taste amazing too!”

“Maybe we can go there for dinner?” Lex asked hopefully.

Bill took another bite. “If everything else is anywhere near as good as these, then I’m all for it!”

* * *

Lex smiled. Another dinner! More time with Bill! He couldn’t be more happier at the moment! He opened his container and began to eat, and they chatted while they both ate, laughing and joking as they had the night before.

Time passed much too quickly, however, and they began to pack up their trash from the meal. They put the empty containers into the bags, stood, and went to reach for the bags at the same time. When their hands touched and overlapped, they both froze and slowly raised their heads to stare at one another.

“I-I’m s-sorry,” Lex stuttered at the same time Bill said, “Umm…”

Lex focused on the feel of Bill’s hand covering his own. It was warm, rough. And Bill wasn’t moving it. Why wasn’t he moving it?

“Lex?” Bill’s voice was just above a whisper.

“Yeah?”

“Why is your hand shaking?”

His hand was…? Lex looked down. Yep, it was shaking alright. He raised his eyes to look at Bill again and his breath caught.

Bill had lowered his head down to also look at Lex’s hand. The movement had put the man’s face in just the right position for the sunlight that filtered through the leaves of the trees above to dapple his features beautifully and make the chamomile hues in his eyes glow faintly.

_Wow…_

“Do you need to sit back down?” Bill asked, his forehead creasing in worry. He gently grasped Lex’s hand and led him to sit on the bench. “Did you stand too quickly?”

Lex couldn't stop looking at Bill. He didn’t _think_ he liked him… He _did_ like him. He was sure of it now. “No, I didn’t stand too quickly, Bill.”

“Then what’s wrong?” Bill tilted his head to the side questioningly. “You were just fine a few minutes ago.”

“Bill,” Lex began. “I’ve been thinking.” Shit, how to start this conversation? “Remember how I said that I wanted us to learn more about each other?”

“...Yes.” Bill still hadn’t removed his hand from Lex’s and Lex still hadn’t figured out why.

“And we’ve learned a lot since then, right?”

Bill pressed his lips together. “Lex, are you asking what I think you’re asking?”

Lex felt a hard ball form in the pit of his stomach and snatched his hand away from Bill’s hold. “Oh. OK. Alright.” He quickly got to his feet, grabbed the bags from the ground, and slung them over his shoulder. “Just um.” He avoided looking directly at Bill. “Yeah, if you still want to go have dinner with me, you have my number.” He pivoted on his heel and began to walk away.

* * *

Bill sat in shock when Lex turned and walked off. What just happened? Had Lex been trying to tell him something personal? To do with them? He looked so hurt! Dejected!

And Lex had mentioned their conversation from the day before. Surely he hadn’t… But, did he? Was that why?

Bill jumped to his feet. _You idiot, Bill!_ he chastised himself.

“Lex!” he shouted, taking off at a full run towards Lex. “Lex! Stop!”

Lex was several yards away and spun around at the sound of Bill’s voice. He stood and watched with wide eyes as Bill ran full-tilt towards him. He didn’t say a word until Bill reached him. “What?”

Bill panted, trying to catch his breath. “I’m…sorry…”

“For what?” Lex sounded perplexed.

“I didn’t…understand…” Bill leaned over and pressed his hands to knees. Damn, he hadn’t run that fast in a long time. “Lex, if you want…”

He saw and heard the bags drop to the ground. Hands touched his shoulders and Lex’s voice said, “Only if you do, Bill. I won’t if you’re not a hundred percent sure.”

Bill raised his head and smiled. “I’m willing to give it a shot, but you know that I have to go home in a week.”

“A lot can happen in a short time,” Lex said, returning Bill’s smile.

“It can.”

Lex squeezed his shoulders, his eyes lighting up and making Bill smile even wider. “And after that? If we’re still…?”

“There’s airplanes, right? Whoa!” Bill grabbed Lex’s wrists and straightened. “You got pale there pretty fast. You feeling sick?”

“Heh,” Lex rasped, leaning on Bill for support. “What a way to learn about my fear of flying, huh?”

“We’ll work it out,” Bill said. Lex’s head was resting on his shoulder, and he inhaled his scent. It was clean, smelling faintly of shampoo. He didn't recognize it, but he liked it.

He also enjoyed the feel of Lex against him.

Yeah, they’d work it out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: panic attack

Bill watched Lex ride off on his motorcycle, a huge smile on his face. Wow! He was doing this! For the first time in, what? Two years? Three? He hadn’t been in the right place to even consider dating during all that time. In fact, he hadn’t even thought about it. But with Lex, there was something about him. He wasn’t sure what it was, not yet, but like he had told Lex, they could give it a shot.

And like Lex had said, he wanted to get to know the real him because Bill couldn’t deny it anymore.

He liked Lex.

He really did.

* * *

“How’d it go?” Jackson asked Lex after work. They were standing outside in the parking lot, both men heading to their respective vehicles.

“We’re going to dinner tomorrow tonight,” Lex said, almost bursting with happiness.

Jackson smiled. “I had a feeling. I saw you sitting at your desk and bouncing around like you were in a good mood.”

Lex would’ve felt slightly embarrassed, but at the moment he didn’t give a damn. “I couldn’t help it! I wasn’t expecting it! I didn’t even plan it! It just-just happened! I was afraid that he was never going to speak to me again.” His face fell a little as he remembered that short moment where he thought that Bill really _had_ felt that way. It had been awful. God, he was glad that he had been wrong!

“I’m glad it all worked out. I’m happy for you, Lex.” Jackson took his car keys out of his pocket. “I’m gonna head on home. Have a good evening, alright? Drive safely.”

“Thanks. And Jackson?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. I didn’t realize that I needed someone to confide in.” Lex held out his hand.

Jackson took it. “I know I’m not a perfect replacement for what you lost, Lex. But I’m here for you, OK?”

“You’re not a replacement, Jackson,” Lex replied earnestly. “I’ve always considered you a friend.”

Jackson’s eyes softened. “Thank you, Lex. That means a lot to me.” He released Lex’s hand and cleared his throat. “Be careful on that bike!” He waved and headed to his car.

“You get home safe!” Lex called. He kept an eye on his friend until he pulled out and drove off, then reached into his pocket for his cell. He flipped it open and sent a short text to Bill.

**┃** Like I promised earlier, driving home. I’ll text when I get there.

* * *

**┃** Thanks, Lex. Drive safe.

Bill pocketed his phone and reached for his glass. “Sorry, guys.”

“It’s fine, Bill. No explanation needed,” Jimmy said, eating the last of his dinner.

“I want ice cream!” Woody said. He turned to Margaret. “Mommy, can I have some?”

“Finish what’s on your plate,” she said. She looked at Bill. “Coffee? Or do _you_ want ice cream too, Bill?”

Bill sent her a half-hearted glare. “No, _mom_. I think coffee will be just fine, thanks.”

“We’re going to the zoo tomorrow, Uncle Bill,” Woody said, eating and poking at the remaining food on his plate. “Are you coming?”

“Sure am, buddy!” Bill smiled. “I’m not missing that!”

He didn’t miss Margaret and Jimmy exchanging a quick glance. They were so nosy! No wonder they got along so well! Would he and Lex learn to do that? He paused and shifted in his seat. _Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren’t you, Bill?_

“You joining us for dinner tomorrow night too, Bill?” Jimmy asked.

Bill smirked. “Nah, got plans.”

This time Sally spoke up. “Aww, too bad. We were gonna go have pizza.”

“You’ll have to eat it without me, sweetie,” Bill said apologetically.

“Where are _you_ going, Uncle Bill?” Woody asked.

“A friend of mine wants to go have dinner with me,” Bill explained.

“Can I go?”

Bill glanced between Jimmy and Margaret. “Uh, no, Woody. This is a grownup dinner. No kids allowed.”

“Oh! So you’ll be kissing.” Woody made a face. “Eew.”

Bill felt his face color and warm, and Margaret covered her mouth to hide a smile. “Uh…”

“Woody! Eat your dinner!” Jimmy scolded his son. He looked over at Bill. “Sorry.”

“N-No, it’s OK. Kids, right?” Bill said. He grabbed his water and drank the rest of it down. He hadn’t thought of that! Kissing Lex?! Crap! Of all things to slip his mind!

His phone vibrating in his pocket took his attention from his panicked thoughts. He took it out to see Lex’s text informing him of his safe arrival home.

**┃** Made it! Want me to call you later before bed? *wink wink*

The phone nearly fell from his hands. What?! He was debating on how to respond when another text arrived.

**┃** That was just a joke! But I would like to say goodnight.

Bill smiled. Lex was indeed a flirt. Alright then.

**┃** Only if you promise to keep your hands to yourself.

Two could play at that game.

* * *

Lex held the door open for Bill as they exited the restaurant. He was still smiling to himself at the annoyed look on his companion’s face. “Come on, Bill! I was the one who asked you after all!”

Bill made a face and walked past him into the warm summer night air. “That’s not the point! We should’ve gone dutch! That bill was astronomical!”

Lex chuckled and followed after him. “It wasn’t all that bad. Imagine if we’d gone to a fancy place!”

“Oh God, I don’t even want to _think_ about it!” Bill turned to him and grimaced. “Margaret had talked about doing something like that before we came here. Jimmy and I had to vote her down. Can you really see me all dressed up and in a place like that?”

Yes, Lex could, but he quickly put the picture out of his head before it led to inappropriate thoughts. “Either way, the food was great, right?”

“Oh, the food was fantastic! I’m gonna have to increase my exercise regimen for a bit after eating this way,” Bill joked, patting his belly.

“You look great just the way you are.”

The little blush that pinkened Bill’s cheeks was noticeable even under the soft lights in front of the restaurant. “Thanks. I’ll have to see if my uniform agrees with you when I get back.”

Lex lifted his wrist to check the time. “It’s not too late yet. Do you want to do anything else?”

Bill began to walk towards the sidewalk and Lex joined him. “It’s nice out. Is it OK if we just walk around here?”

“I don’t mind.”

They strolled in companionable silence, the only sounds those of cars passing by on the road and their fellow pedestrians’ conversations. Just being with each other was enough for some reason, and each enjoyed it.

They circled back in front of the restaurant and Bill sighed. “Well, I guess I should go. The bus waits for no one.”

“I could give you a ride. I drove my car today,” Lex suggested.

Bill smiled in apparent relief. “That would be great. Riding the bus all over the place is really, really boring.”

* * *

Lex slowed to a stop in front of the hotel Bill and the Taylor’s were staying at during their stay in D.C. He unlocked the passenger’s side door. “Here ya go,” he told Bill cheerfully.

Bill unbuckled his seatbelt and hesitated before replying. “Lex?”

“Yeah?” Lex tightened his grip on the steering wheel. What was Bill going to say?

“I had a really good time tonight. Sorry about me making a big deal over the check.” Bill looked down at his lap. “I’m just not used to people doing those kinds of things for me.”

“Bill.”

Bill raised his head and looked at Lex.

“Get used to it.” Lex reached over and laid his hand over Bill’s. “OK?”

Bill smiled. “Just don’t overdo it and I’ll try.” He placed his hand over Lex’s.

Lex laughed softly. “You gotta deal, country boy.”

* * *

What was taking him so long? Lex was fifteen minutes late!

Bill paced up and down in front of his hotel, stepping out of the way of other hotel patrons as they entered and exited the building. He didn’t want to call Lex and bug him; he was sure that he had a valid reason for not being on time.

Lex was going to pick him up “for something I know you’ll like.” Bill had no idea exactly what that was, but he was curious and looking forward to it nonetheless. He had racked his brain for a while on where they could be going, but since he was unfamiliar with the city, it could be almost anywhere.

He was about to reach for his phone to at least send a text when Lex finally pulled up, looking harried and apologetic. The window to the passenger’s side door rolled down and Lex said, “Work held me up! Fridays, ya know—last-minute stuff ya gotta take care of.”

Bill smiled and got in the car, buckling himself in and waiting as Lex rolled the window back up. “It’s alright. At least you get weekends off, right?”

An unreadable expression flitted across Lex’s face but was quickly replaced with a grin. “Right. So, you ready?” He put his hand on the gearshift. “We have a few hours before the sun sets, but it should be enough.”

“Where exactly are we going?” Bill asked. And was something wrong? He wanted to ask, but Lex had already driven the car onto the main street into traffic. No need to potentially upset him.

“Oh, I think you’ll figure it out when we get there,” Lex answered. He moved the car into the next lane over. “Just wish it were spring, though. Would make it even better.”

Bill pursed his lips. “You're being awfully mysterious today.”

Lex tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. “I’m good at that.”

* * *

“How’s this?” Lex asked. He studied Bill’s reaction to the sight before them.

They were at the Tidal Basin, near the Potomac River. There was a two-mile-long loop trail around the basin which was situated with over three thousand different species of cherry trees. In the spring they flowered, but since it was early summer, the trees provided sufficient shade to those who walked.

“It’s beautiful,” Bill breathed. He turned surprised eyes to Lex. “I didn’t even know this was here! I’ve gone to most of the monuments nearby, but had no idea!” He pointed to the Washington Monument in the distance. “I’ll have to tell Jimmy about it!”

Lex was thrilled. Bill’s eyes were filled with excitement, and his smile encompassed his entire face. It even reached his eyes, the crinkles adding to his delight. “Fantastic! So I’m guessing that you’d like to walk for a bit?”

“Hell yeah! Come on!” Bill darted forward and grabbed Lex’s hand, pulling him along behind him. “I want to see if we can make it all the way around before it gets dark!”

“O-OK…” Lex barely got the word out, nearly stumbling after Bill. He hadn’t expected _this_ response! Not that he was gonna complain or anything. He still remembered how Bill’s hand felt: warm, calloused. So much different from his own.

Perhaps he was developing a thing for Bill’s hands…

They began to walk at a normal pace down the trail, the air a nice pleasant temperature beneath the leaves of the trees. There was a cool breeze off the water of the reservoir, laughter and talking from other people walking on the trail and out from paddleboats on the water. Early evening birds twittered in the branches, and it was just peaceful and relaxing.

And Bill had yet to let go of Lex’s hand.

“I’m guessing that you noticed that I really liked the walk last night,” Bill commented. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I feel closed-in sometimes.” He turned his eyes to the man walking beside him. “Thanks.”

Lex dared to squeeze his hand. “I might’ve. And,” he returned Bill’s look. “I might also know what it feels like to be closed-in.”

Bill squeezed back, and Lex suppressed a shiver. “There are places like this at home, but the trees are different of course.” He raised his eyes and peered up at the large trees surrounding them. “You mentioned wishing it was spring; why?”

Lex went on to explain about the National Cherry Blossom Festival and how the trees were covered in beautiful pink blossoms. If he thought what he was seeing now was amazing, it was even more so then.

“I’d like to see that,” Bill said, gazing up at the trees in a new light.

“Well, maybe next year you and I could go together,” Lex said.

Bill faltered in his footsteps for a moment and Lex paused. Did he go too far? The next festival wasn’t until around April of the following year.

“Even if we’re just friends?” Bill asked.

“Bill?” Lex stepped closer, not releasing their hands. “Why wouldn’t we be?”

“I don’t know,” Bill said, lowering his eyes.

Lex was growing worried. “Hey.” Bill didn’t move. “Bill, hey, look at me.”

Bill slowly did as Lex asked.

“Listen, OK? I know that we’ve only known each other for a very short time. You know that too. But I _like_ you, Bill. As a person, first and foremost. I won’t lie, I’m interested in maybe there being something more, but if we only end up being friends, I’d be happy with that.” He then held Bill’s hand within both his own. “Would that be so bad, us being friends?”

* * *

No, it wouldn’t be bad at all. But would Lex and Bill be able to handle being friends if what they were trying to do failed miserably? What if they ended up resenting each other? What if they hurt each other? What if they were just plain _wrong_ for each other? What if…?

“Bill? Bill!”

Bill blinked. “Yeah?”

Lex’s eyes were full of concern. “Where were you? What were you thinking? You got really quiet.” He tightened his hold on Bill’s hand. “Too quiet.”

“I—” He cut himself off when a group of teenagers walked by chatting loudly and pulled away from Lex. “Lex, I…”

“Please tell me, Bill. What is it?” Lex’s eyes roved his face. “Was it me? Did I do something wrong?”

“No!” Bill grabbed Lex’s forearms. “No, you’ve been amazing, Lex! It’s…” _I don’t… I can’t…_ “It’s still confusing to me.”

“Let me help you figure it out.” Lex took another step forward. How did Lex seem so much taller than he actually was when he did that? “I want to. Please let me?”

 _You never talked about it,_ Stanley’s sad voice echoed in his mind.

 _Because it hurts to,_ Bill’s answered.

_Maybe you just need to find the right person to listen._

_I can’t. Not yet. Please…_

“BILL!”

Bill nearly jumped out of his skin. Lex’s hands were on his face, thumbs rubbing his cheeks, wiping away tears that were falling from his eyes. When did he start crying?

Lex moved them out of the way of other people walking the trail. Most didn’t look their way, but Bill felt embarrassed all the same. He wiped at his face with the back of his arm, taking deep breaths to calm himself.

“I-I’m sorry,” he began.

“Don’t.” Lex squeezed his shoulder comfortingly. “What brought that on, Bill? You scared me.”

“Can we go back to the car?” Bill asked. He didn’t want to be out among other people anymore. They kept staring at him. He must look awful.

* * *

“Of course, Bill. Come on.” This time Lex was the one who took Bill’s hand, and he led him carefully back up the trail, keeping an eye on him. “Would you like to go somewhere so I can buy you some water?”

“Y-Yeah, that would be great. Thanks.” Bill’s eyes were rimmed with red, and his face was tear-streaked. “Damn, I’m sorry Lex.”

“I told you, don’t.” Lex shot a glare at a few people who were staring. “I’m not sure what went through your mind, but you don’t have to tell me unless you want to. But I’ll listen.”

Bill breathed out a ragged breath and Lex adjusted his grip on the man’s hand. What had he been through? Did he have no one to confide in? He thought that he had a best friend in Jericho! And his co-worker here! Were they not close enough for that either?

If not, then Lex was going to be that person. The way Bill had started shaking, crying… It was just wrong!

The files he had found in the background search of Bill skittered across his thoughts. Did they have something to do with it? He glanced over at Bill, who was keeping up with him fairly well. Lex could very easily go into them and find out whether or not the files contained what had unsettled Bill so badly.

And yet…

No, he wanted Bill to trust him enough to confide in him himself. Lex was keeping so much from him already; he didn’t need to add to it.

* * *

Bill accepted the cold bottle of water from Lex and gave him a grateful smile. “I appreciate it.” He twisted the cap and took two long swallows. His throat was sore; he didn’t remember crying, but it must’ve been pretty hard at one point.

“Don't mention it,” Lex said. He turned in the driver’s seat and leaned on his side against it. “I’m just glad that you’re looking better.” He pressed his lips together. “Are you feeling better too?”

“I think so.” Bill took another drink of his water, the cool liquid soothing his throat. “Lex, I didn’t mean for that to happen. I really didn’t.” His voice cracked on the last sentence. Dammit, he wasn't going to cause another scene, was he?

Lex leaned forward and placed a hand on Bill’s knee. “I know you didn’t. And it’s OK. Don’t worry about me. Let’s focus on you.”

Bill sniffed. He couldn’t help but worry. “I have these…episodes sometimes. There are reasons for them. But…” He looked out the window. “I haven’t had one in a long while. It overwhelmed me.”

“What caused this one? Was there a trigger?” Bill turned to Lex. The lights from the convenience store they were parked next to reflected in his eyes and lit up half of his face. “Is there a way that I can help look out for it, so this won’t happen to you again?”

“You’d do that?” Bill’s lower lip trembled. Although there hadn’t been a visual trigger, it still touched Bill that Lex would care to do that for him. “Really?”

Lex smiled. “Of course I would. It hurts you. I don’t like seeing you hurt.” He frowned and touched Bill’s face. “Please don’t cry.”

Bill couldn’t help it. Lex was the only friend he’d ever talked to about this. It wasn’t everything, but it was something, and just that little bit lightened the weight he’d been carrying on his shoulders for over a year. “I’m sorry…”

“I’m gonna take you back to your hotel, OK, Bill? I think you need to head to bed early tonight.” Lex stroked Bill’s wet cheek and pulled back to face forward in his seat.

“Yeah, I think I should,” agreed Bill. He sniffled again, wiping his eyes before taking another drink.

Lex turned his key in the ignition and started them back on their way to Bill's hotel.

* * *

Bill plodded along the hallway to his room. He was exhausted in more ways than one. On the way back to the hotel, he had gathered the courage to explain to Lex that he’d had his episode because of what he had been thinking, not because of where’d they’d been. Bill hadn’t told Lex what he’d been thinking, and even though Lex had nodded, the worry in his eyes remained.

And it had made Bill feel like shit.

Now he just wanted to go to sleep.

His keycard was barely in its slot when he heard, “Bill! Hey!”

Bill suppressed a groan at Jimmy’s voice. He just wanted to throw himself into bed. “Hey!” he said, turning and forcing himself to smile.

Jimmy walked towards him holding a couple of sodas. “Figured you’d still be out. It’s early yet.” The taller man came to stand beside Bill. “Calling it an earl—” He stopped speaking and narrowed his eyes at Bill’s face. “Are you OK? Your eyes are all red…”

“I’m just tired.” Bill rubbed his eyes with his hands. “It’s why I'm back so soon. Hitting the hay.” Bill moved to swipe his keycard. “I’ll see you in the morning, Jimmy.”

“Bill,” Jimmy said, his voice low and full of concern.

Bill sighed and raised his head. “Yeah?”

Jimmy just looked at him for a long moment, then patted him on the arm. “You know where to find me.” He smiled and crossed the hall. “Night, Bill.”

“Night.” Bill waited until Jimmy entered his and Margaret’s room before he entered his own. He closed the door and leaned his back against it. He stared into the darkness of his room, contemplating what to do next.

“Screw it,” he said. He walked over to his bed and sat down, taking out his phone as he did so. He flipped it open, scrolled to the contact “Dorenbos” and pressed it to call.

A voice on the other end picked up after three rings. “Bill?”

“Hi, Doc.” Bill leaned forward and rested both elbows on his knees. “You said I could call…”

“What is it? Something on your mind?”

“I had…well, another one.” Bill blew air out his cheeks. “It was a bad one, Dr. Dorenbos.” He raised his other hand and rubbed the middle of his forehead with his fingers. “In public.”

“Were you by yourself?” Dr. Dorebos asked. “You told me before you left that you were going with your co-worker, Jimmy.”

“Actually…” Bill went on to explain about Lex. He hesitated at first about the reason for their continued contact, but Bill had developed a good rapport with his therapist, trusted him, so added in that part as well. Dr. Dorenbos was quiet, not interrupting once while Bill talked. Bill had always appreciated that.

“And I guess I remember thinking how I didn’t want to risk him being hurt because of me. Risk it happening all over again.” Bill sighed and ran his through his hair. “I couldn’t deal with it.”

“We’ve gone over it happening again or not, remember Bill?”

“Yeah, so many times I almost started hating you,” Bill answered, wincing at the memories.

“I’m glad you remember, but I think at our next session we’ll do it one more time. Now as to you doubting yourself, do you remember what you are supposed to do?” Dr. Dorenbos asked gently.

Bill closed his eyes. “Find someone to talk to. But I did! I talked to Stanley.”

“But you didn’t tell him everything.”

“How can I tell him everything?!” Bill’s eyes flew open as he stood and paced his hotel room. “He already worries enough as it is. He would’ve told Jimmy for sure, and there’s no telling what would be happening right now!”

“You’ll have to eventually. You can’t hide him from your friends. It’s not feasible, nor is it fair to either of you. You’re both out in public. Why not be open to them? From what you told me, he seems unbothered by the fact that you both resemble one another. Have you even discussed meeting your mutual friends while you’re in D.C. still?”

“It…hasn’t come up, no.”

“Then you might want to bring it up next time you see him.”

“But what if he feels the same way?” Bill paced faster. “Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I should—”

“What do you want, Bill?” Dr. Dorenbos cut in. His voice was calm and measured.

“What?” Bill stopped abruptly and stared straight ahead.

“What do you want? Do you want to pursue a relationship with Lex? Or do you want to protect yourself, and him, from something that may or may not happen?”

Bill considered his therapist’s words. What did he want? _Really_ want?

“I can’t have both, can I?” he whispered.

“That’s not how relationships work, Bill,” Dr. Dorenbos said regretfully.

“Will he hate me? Can I make it if no one else understands?”

“Bill, you’ve come so far. Going on this trip is proof of that. You had already decided to go before Stanley came to talk to you, didn’t you?”

“I almost had,” Bill admitted. He’d been feeling…

_“I feel closed-in sometimes.”_

_“I might also know what it feels like to be closed-in.”_

“Closed-in,” he whispered softly.

“What was that?” Dr. Dorenbos asked.

Bill walked to his window and parted the curtains and imagined that he could see the stars.

“I think I know what I want, Doc.”


	6. Chapter 6

Lex rolled over in bed and opened his eyes. Ugh, why did his internal clock always wake him up early on his days off? He wanted to sleep in! He clenched his eyes shut, willing himself to fall back to sleep, but a pair of eyes so like his own flashed across the back of his eyelids.

Bill!

He threw back his covers and sat up, grabbing his phone off the charger. Was it too early to check on him? He glanced at his clock. Well, he _was_ on vacation, surely he’d be up and about and ready to go somewhere, right?

He debated on calling or texting, then decided that he’d really like to hear Bill’s voice.

Seconds later, he did.

“Lex?”

“Hi! Good morning! How are you?” Lex said, hiding the relief that washed over him. “Get enough rest?”

“Are you checking up on me?” Bill’s voice was filled with amusement. “Shouldn’t you be sleeping? It’s your day off.”

“Now what kind of person would I be if I didn’t call to see how you were?” Lex folded his legs beneath him. “I can always nap later anyway.”

“Naps are nice,” Bill sighed.

“Yes, they are.” Lex looked to the side of his bed—the very _empty_ side of his bed. He coughed and turned his head. “So, tell me: things OK?”

“I’m feeling much better. Thanks again, by the way.”

“I’m glad. So, what are the plans for the day?” he asked curiously.

“Well, the kids are wanting to go to an amusement park.” Bill didn’t sound too enthused.

“They aren’t your thing, are they?” Lex guessed.

“Too crowded.”

Lex chewed his bottom lip. “Umm, would you like to come to my place? We could order pizza for lunch.”

“Alright, but I’m buyin’.” Bill’s tone of voice let Lex know that he wasn’t going to compromise.

“It’s a date! I’ll be by to get you once I get my apartment in order. Will text you then!”

There was silence on the other end of the line. “Bill?”

“Uh, great! I’ll be ready! See you!” Bill ended the call.

Lex looked at his phone for a moment, then snapped it closed as he went over the last bit of the conversation. What had…?

He smacked his forehead. When would he learn to control his flirting?!

* * *

Bill dug through his suitcase. Lex was treating this as a date?! And at his apartment?! Dammit!

OK, he had brought a nice navy blue polo. That would work. He threw it on the bed. Umm… Margaret had insisted on khakis for when they went to nice restaurants. Would that work? He laid a pair next to the shirt.

Ugh! He wasn’t into all of this! This was… This was…

He remembered what Lex had been wearing when they went to the café. Yes, this was _Lex’s_ area! But he couldn’t very well call and ask him!

Wait, Lex would probably be dressed comfortably, right? Bill eyed the clothes on the bed. Well, he’d at least keep the shirt. He threw the khakis back in his suitcase and grabbed a pair of jeans. There, he’d go with that instead.

Now for a shower. Lex said that he lived at least half an hour away. Plenty of time for that.

* * *

Lex raised his eyebrows when Bill got in his car. That polo was rather fetching. “You _do_ look better,” he said.

“Uh, thanks,” Bill replied. He settled in his seat. “I don’t wear it too often, but ya know,” he shrugged.

“Yeah.” Just as he thought, Bill was a little uncomfortable at Lex’s use of the word “date.” He pulled out onto the road and started the drive towards his apartment in Arlington. “Hey, Bill, what I said earlier. I hope it didn’t throw you off.”

Bill pressed his lips together. “Uh, sorta.”

Lex glanced over at him. “I was thinking on the way over here about what we’ve been doing the past couple days. We’ve actually been going on dates, ya know. This was just the first time it was said out loud.”

“You’re right!” Bill smiled widely. “I hadn’t thought of that.” His stiff posture relaxed. “Wow. I don’t know why I was acting that way.”

“I think I do.”

Bill raised an eyebrow in question. “You do?”

“It means that we’re sorta dating.” Lex stopped at a red light and turned to face Bill. “Or that we’re actually dating?” he added hopefully.

Bill’s eyes widened, then the corners of his mouth turned up into a happy smile. “I’d like that. I really would.”

Lex returned his smile and faced his steering wheel to continue driving. “Is it OK if I hold your hand, then?” He laid his hand between them, palm-side up. As an afterthought, he wiggled his fingers. “I, uh, kinda like holding your hand.”

Bill’s hand entwining with his own made him nearly flutter his eyes closed. “That’s nice.”

“If it’s too nice and distracts you from driving, I might have to stop, Lex,” Bill joked.

“Don’t you dare,” Lex told him, holding Bill’s hand tight. “I, uh, like your hands.”

Bill chuckled. “Oh, I see.” He rubbed his thumb on the side of Lex’s hand. “Guess I’ve learned something about you this time.”

* * *

Bill was surprised to learn that Lex lived in a gated apartment complex. He hadn’t realized that being a greeting card writer paid so well. Then again, he’d never really thought about a person having a career in writing greeting cards.

After a short elevator ride, Lex led him to his apartment on the third floor. He allowed him to enter first, and the first thing Bill noticed was how clean and tidy the place was. He was in the living room, and everything was in its assigned spot. There were DVDs stacked neatly in a holder next to a large television, a large bookshelf with rows of comics in plastic sleeves—which Bill raised his eyebrows at—and several posters of movies and comics in frames on the wall. The furniture was all black leather, sleek and smooth, with a glass coffee table positioned across from the couch.

He saw to his right a small door which he assumed led to a kitchen, and directly in front of him was a hallway. he thought.

“Scoping the place out?” Lex said teasingly from behind him.

Bill turned and shrugged. “New place. Force of habit.”

Lex closed the door and walked around Bill. “Well, hope it looks safe! Want something to drink? I’ve got water already cold, but I can get some glasses and ice for the sodas we picked up.” He raised the bags he carried in his hands.

“Water is fine for now,” Bill answered. He walked towards the shelves that lined most of the far wall of the living room. “How many comics do you own?!”

“Not enough!” Lex called from the kitchen. “I’m still missing a lot from my collection.”

 _Not enough?!_ Bill thought. He couldn’t begin to count the number of comic books he saw before him. Had Lex actually read all of these?

“Yeah, I need to get more shelves.” Bill turned his head to see Lex exiting the kitchen, holding two water bottles in his hands. “I’ve got those packed almost too tight in there.”

“Do you own any actual books?” Bill took the water Lex offered him. “Not that there’s anything wrong with them.”

Lex grinned. “Yeah, I know. And to answer your question, yes, I do. But they’re in my room. They don’t go with the decor in here.”

Bill had to agree. A regular book in here would…clash.

“So, watch some TV until lunch?” Lex asked, motioning towards his television.

“Sure.” Bill went and sat on one end of the couch. He wasn’t surprised to find that it was really comfortable. “Nice furniture,” he commented.

Lex sat next to him. “Thanks. I sometimes fall asleep on this thing when I’m home on the weekends. I have a tendency to stay up late and watch trash TV when I can’t sleep.”

“Ugh. Why not just read or something?” Bill made a disgusted face. “That stuff rots your brain.”

“Yeah, but it also dulls my senses and I fall asleep after a short while. Works.” Lex picked up a remote off the coffee table. “It’s still a bit early. Cartoons?”

For the next few hours, they watched the various animated shows that played each Saturday morning. Lex laughed and joked, Bill shook his head. After a while, he joined in and soon they were sitting a bit closer, giggling at the slapstick antics of the characters on the television screen.

“Some of those are really lame,” Bill said when the line-up ended. “I like the ones from when I was a kid.” His breath hitched when Lex threw his arm over the back of the couch behind him. “I uh, guess I’m showing my age.”

Lex leaned against Bill. “You’re only a little bit older than me, and I know that _I’m_ not old. So no talking like that, you hear?”

The feel of Lex’s body, the scent of his shampoo, it was making Bill almost dizzy. Lex was sitting so close to him that Bill could hear the air going in and out of Lex’s slightly parted lips quite clearly.

What had he told his therapist last night?

“It’s almost time for lunch. What kind of pizza toppings do you like, Bill?”

He wanted to be happy.

“I like almost anything,” Lex continued. “Except for olives. Not very fond of those. But if you like them, I guess I could pick them off.”

He wanted to be happy with Lex.

“Really, Bill, I don’t mind.”

He didn’t understand how it was happening so fast. It wasn't like he believed in chance meetings, or the whole soulmate thing. But he felt at peace with Lex. And hadn’t he been able to talk to Lex after he cried? He’d never been able to do that before.

“Bill?”

He not only wanted to be happy with Lex.

“Hey, what are you smiling about?”

Bill turned to gaze into Lex’s eyes.

Lex raised an eyebrow. “Something on my face?”

He wanted Lex.

“Can I kiss you, Lex?”

* * *

Lex’s mouth fell open. Did Bill just say what he thought he did?

“I, uh…” He swallowed and cleared his throat. “Yes?”

Bill leaned forward, closing his eyes while Lex did the same. When their lips met, it was soft, gentle, tender. Almost shy. Lex pulled Bill against him, raising his hand to caress the side of Bill’s face as the kiss continued.

“Lex,” Bill sighed when their lips parted. “I want…” He opened his eyes and met Lex’s. “Can we?”

“Make out?” Lex smirked. He licked his lips. “Only if you want to.”

“I want.” Bill’s nostrils flared. “Oh, I want, Lex.”

Lex lowered his hands and fisted Bill’s shirt, pulling him on top of him as he laid back on the couch. “Put your hands on me, Bill,” he nearly pleaded.

“You want them that bad, do you?” Bill teased. He leaned down and kissed Lex once more, and Lex opened his mouth for him. They moaned at the feel of their tongues rolling over one another, tasting the other’s saliva.

As Lex had asked, Bill slid a hand up Lex’s shirt and smoothed his palm over the younger man’s skin. Lex pressed himself against the touch, kissing Bill harder. His hands entwined in Bill’s hair, and he lifted one of his legs and hooked it over Bill’s hip.

Bill released Lex’s lips and panted in his ear. “Lex…” He ground his pelvis against him. “I feel you…” Their clothed erections rubbed against each other. “Ah…”

“If you want… I’ll touch you too, Bill… Want…” Lex threw his head back as Bill tweaked his nipple. “Oh fuck, Bill!”

“Keep talking like that, Lex,” Bill rasped. He trailed his lips down Lex’s bared neck. “Please…”

“I want to see your cock, Bill,” Lex whined, straining his hips against Bill. “Wanna touch it. Want you to touch me... “

Bill clenched his teeth in an attempt to quell his rising arousal then sat up abruptly. “OK, before I come in my pants, OK.” He stood and kicked off his shoes before he unbuttoned his jeans, keeping eye contact with Lex.

Lex slowly turned and sat against the back of the couch, toeing off his own shoes. He fumbled with the fastenings on his pants, mirroring Bill’s movements.

Together they slowly removed their jeans, sliding them down off their legs and tossing them to the side. Their cocks were visibly straining in their underwear, but neither made a move to take them off.

“Different,” Bill remarked, moving his eyes back and forth between his groin and Lex’s.

Lex’s mouth was watering. “A _good_ different.” Bill was literally bulging. And he wanted to see it NOW. “Get over here!”

Bill did as he was bidden, and Lex placed his hands on the older man’s hips. He leaned forward and nuzzled Bill’s arousal, inhaling his scent. “You smell amazing.”

“Lex.” Bill laid his hands on Lex’s shoulders. “Please…”

“Hmm.” Lex mouthed at Bill, mesmerized at how large he was. “What have you been hiding from me, Bill?” He took one of his hands and cupped him. “So heavy. _Ooo…_ ” A wet spot appeared on Bill’s underwear. “Is that for me?” He licked it and Bill’s grip on his shoulders tightened.

“Uh!”

Lex finally pulled Bill’s underwear down, and his eyes went wide. Bill wasn’t the longest he had ever seen, but he more than made up for it in girth. He shivered at the thought of Bill inside of him. “Oh, Bill… Please tell me you top…” He took Bill’s cock in his hand and stroked him. “So thick.”

“A-Always have. Lex! Ah!” Bill moved his hips with Lex’s strokes. “M-Mouth, please…”

“Gladly.” Lex brought Bill’s cock to his lips and lapped at the fat, mushroom head of him before opening his mouth wide to engulf it. Only so much of Bill’s cock would fit in his mouth, but Lex took as much as he could. He tasted and felt so good on his tongue!

Bill tilted his head back as Lex slowly moved his mouth up and down his shaft. He resisted the urge to grab the younger man’s head to push him towards his groin harder. Lex’s tongue was amazing! “Ahh… Lex… Wait... “

Lex reluctantly pulled off. “What?” He raised his eyes, saliva dripping down his chin from his actions. “Don’t you like it?”

Bill kneeled down and pushed Lex back. “I love it, but I want to see you too.” He hooked his fingers in Lex’s underwear and pulled them off in one swift motion. Lex’s cock bobbed freely against his stomach and Bill’s eyes danced with delight. “Very good different indeed.”

“Well, I haven’t ever gotten any complaints if that’s what you’re asking,” Lex panted when Bill grasped him. Lex was shaved smooth, hairless. And he was long and firm with a large flared head. “You like?”

“Beautiful,” Bill whispered. He slid his hand up and down Lex’s shaft gently, feeling his own cock throb at Lex’s moans. “Feel good?”

“Yes…” Lex moved his hips, seeking more friction. “Harder, Bill.”

Bill let go and Lex whined. “Bill…” He turned his head when Bill sat next to him, then gave a choked cry when Bill leaned over and took him in his mouth. “Ah!”

Bobbing his head, Bill worked his mouth and tongue on Lex’s cock. He braced a hand on one of Lex’s thighs and the other on the couch. His skin was so smooth! He’d never been with someone who kept themselves free of hair before! He was enjoying this!

Lex’s hands in his hair made him moan around Lex, who in turn tightened his fingers. “Bill! So good! Like that! Keep going!”

Bill had the sudden need to feel Lex’s lips on him again. But he also wanted to keep feeling Lex on his tongue. Smiling inwardly, he quickly removed his mouth from Lex’s cock, pushed him back onto the couch where they’d started, then arranged them both until their faces were aligned with each other’s groins.

“Oh Bill, you naughty boy,” Lex purred. He smacked Bill’s ass, drawing a deep groan from the man above him. “Sixty-nining already? Are you trying to tell me something?”

In answer, Bill took Lex in his mouth again and Lex cried out. “Message received!”

They sucked and licked on each other, faces getting hot and sweaty. Their hips moved sensuously, seeking more and more stimulation, wanting to reach that blinding ecstasy that they knew was to come.

Loud moans, groans, and the sound of the couch thumping on the floor filled their ears. The smell of sex permeated the air in the living room.

Lex went over the edge first, hips stilling against Bill’s face. Bill moaned as Lex spurted in his mouth, the salty flavor of his cum flooding over his tongue. He drank it down, sucking it off and cleaning Lex’s cock before pulling his mouth away from him.

He kept moving his cock within Lex’s mouth. He had more stamina than Lex, and it was a little bit longer before he came down the younger man’s throat. He shuddered and groaned, leaning his forehead against Lex’s lower belly.

They took a few minutes to calm down, then lay with Bill stretched out on his side against the back of the couch facing outwards with Lex curled beside him.

Bill wrapped his arm around Lex’s waist and pulled him close. “Thank you for letting me kiss you,” he said softly.

Lex made lazy patterns on Bill’s chest with his finger. “Thanks for letting me make out with you,” he replied.

“Are we together now?”

Lex gave Bill a kiss. “Definitely.”

Bill smiled and kissed him back. “This has been a hell of a four days.”

“A lot can happen in four days.”

“Lex?”

“Hmm?” Lex’s eyes had closed.

“Have you told your friends about me?”

Lex opened his eyes. “I have actually.”

“Everything?” he asked curiously.

“Yes. And before you start to worry, they didn’t freak out. You just have to start at the beginning, I think. Tell them everything.”

Bill looked off to the side. “I hope it goes as well for me as it did for you.” He blinked and jerked his gaze back to Lex. “How did you know that I hadn’t told my friends yet?”

Lex ran a hand through Bill’s hair. “I’m starting to figure out a few things about you is all.” He yawned and closed his eyes. “Sleepy. Need a nap.”

As Lex drifted off, Bill smiled and tucked a stray strand of hair behind his boyfriend’s—Lex was his boyfriend now! Wow! It was almost weird thinking it!—ear. And only after four days! Four days ago they met and now look at them! Maybe the world had had plans for them to meet under some mysterious circumstances. Maybe it was just plain coincidence. Maybe it was just dumb luck.

Lex moved closer to Bill in his sleep, and Bill listened to the sounds of the younger man’s deep, restful breaths. Gazed at his peaceful features. They were perfect. They warmed Bill’s inner self. He didn’t want it to ever end.

He didn’t want this trip to ever end.

Did he really have to go where Lex couldn’t follow?

* * *

Lex stirred, feeling light puffs of air moving the hair on top of his head. He slowly opened his eyes and was met with the sight of a blue shirt in front of his face. He creased his brow in puzzlement, then smiled when a light snore sounded from above him.

He was lying next to Bill.

And they had been close.

They were together now.

That meant that he could call Bill his boyfriend.

He couldn’t stop the excited shiver that ran over his skin. Boyfriends. _Boyfriends._ Bill was his boyfriend! And he was lying in his arms, their legs entangled. They were still half-naked, and it felt so wonderful!

He wanted to kiss Bill again.

He wanted to do what they had done a few hours ago again.

He licked his lips. He wanted to do many more things, too.

“Mmm?” Bill tightened his hold around Lex’s torso. “You awake?”

Lex raised his head. Bill looked so adorable half-awake with tousled hair. “Not for long. Enjoy your nap?” He pushed himself up a tad and kissed him softly.

Bill pulled him close and they got lost in the kiss for a moment, their hands roving over each other’s sides and shoulders. Lex groaned at the feel of Bill’s palms moving down his arms, but ended the kiss when he felt his fingers skim down near where his shirt ended. “We’ll be on this couch all day if we don’t stop, ya know,” he teased.

“We haven’t had our pizza yet either,” Bill responded, moving his fingers in slow circles. “And I think my skin is sticking to your couch.”

Lex huffed out a laugh. “Well, it _is_ leather.”

They both reluctantly got up from the couch and got dressed, though Lex kept sneaking glances in Bill’s direction. Not only had their relationship grown over the past few hours, but new feelings had developed as well. They were ones of affection, fondness.

He had genuinely liked waking up next to Bill, feeling the warmth of his body next to his. It was different from being alone in his big, empty bed. He never stayed with anyone overnight long enough to experience that before, nor had he ever wanted to. He didn’t bring anyone back to his apartment either. In fact, Bill was the first person he’d had over who wasn’t a co-worker.

“Lex? You have a number for a nearby pizza place?” Bill’s voice drew him out of his thoughts. “We’re still gonna order, right?”

Lex fumbled for his cell in his pocket. “Uh, yeah. I know it by heart. You know what you want?”

“Doesn’t matter to me. I can pick off what I don’t like.” Bill smiled. His face was relaxed, happy, serene. Lex could’ve admired him all day. He was just perfect, even if his clothes and hair were all disheveled.

“No olives OK?” Lex asked, tearing his eyes away to enter the numbers into his phone.

“Whatever you want is fine with me, Lex.”

 _I want whatever you want too, Bill,_ Lex thought as he raised the phone to his ear. “Perfect.”

* * *

Bill wiped his hands with a napkin and finished off his soda. “They don’t have pizza like that back at home.” It had been the most delicious pizza he’d ever had in his entire life.

“They make it all from scratch,” Lex explained. He popped the last bite of the slice he held in his hand into his mouth. “I pity those who only have chains to eat from.”

“Don’t tell me that that’s all you’re going to eat.” Lex had only eaten two slices to Bill’s four. “How do you have so much energy with how little you eat?”

“Oh, I eat more than you know,” Lex said, cleaning his fingers and lips of grease with a napkin. “I just spread out my meals. This is the third time I’ve eaten today.”

Bill blinked. “Third?” He was intrigued. “How’s that?”

“Well, I had breakfast. Bowl of cereal.” Lex grabbed his soda and took a few swallows. “Then on the way to get you, I stopped by a convenience store and bought one of those breakfast burrito thingies.”

“Why do you do that?”

Lex took another drink. “I don’t like feeling overfull. Makes me sleepy. Can’t be that way while sitting in front of a computer all day.” He patted his stomach. “Not that I don’t overindulge sometimes, mind you. It’s just a habit most of the time.”

Bill smiled. “What do you overindulge in?” he asked curiously. This could be important information.

“And give you ammo so you can try to ruin my girlish figure?” The corners of Lex’s mouth curved into a flirtatious grin. “Why Bill, how devious of you!”

“I’ll show you devious,” Bill laughed, and leaned forward and caught Lex’s smiling lips with his own. Lex sighed into Bill’s mouth, and they soon found themselves sprawled out on the couch, Lex on top of Bill, kissing each other gently and softly.

“I could kiss you all day,” Lex whispered against Bill’s lips. “We might have to try and see if I can do it.”

Bill curved his hand against the back of Lex’s neck, making the younger man gasp his name. “OK…” He pulled Lex’s lips back to his and kissed him once more. “We can try again and again if you want to.”

“Bill,” Lex sighed. “Do you really have to leave? I might not let you, ya know…”

Bill knew that Lex was being playful, but a part of him entertained the idea of actually staying. What would it be like, living in the same place as Lex? In the city, getting a job here? A lot different than Jericho, that’s for sure.

His friends would _really_ think he’d lost his mind for sure!

Speaking of friends…

“I think I might tell Jimmy about us now.”

* * *

Lex pulled back and gazed down at Bill. “How do you think he’ll react?” Bill had talked about his friends to Lex during their meal at the seafood restaurant a couple of nights ago. Judging from what Bill had told him, Lex had a feeling that his boyfriend’s friend wouldn’t take the news well.

Bill averted his eyes. “I’m not sure, but,” he moved his eyes back to Lex. “I won’t hide my boyfriend from him or anyone. I’m not ashamed of you, Lex.” He smiled and cupped the side of Lex’s face.

“I know you’re not ashamed of me, Bill.” Lex turned his head and kissed Bill’s palm. “We have nothing to be ashamed of. We didn’t choose to look this way.”

“Do you think that if we didn’t look alike that we’d be here right now, doing this exact same thing?” Bill asked. He ran his other hand up and down Lex’s back. “Or do you think we would just have said a few words to each other at the fountain and gone our separate ways?”

Lex closed his eyes and let his lips touch Bill’s palm once more. It was rough under the soft skin of his lips, proof of the hard work he did every day. He focused on the contrasting textures as he thought about Bill’s question.

Their similar appearances had been the catalyst for their repeated meetings, that’s true. But who’s to say that Lex or Bill—or both?—wouldn’t have been attracted to the other that night and tried to pursue the other? Something could have started there, some spark could have ignited.

“There’s no way to know really. And does it matter? Look at us now, right here.”

Bill tightened his arm around Lex and pulled him down to kiss him again. “You’re right.”

“Of course I am,” Lex said, then booped him on the nose. “Listen to your wise boyfriend, Billy boy.”

He cried out in surprise when Bill flipped him onto his back and leaned over him. “No, _do not_ call me Billy.”

Lex held his hands up in surrender. “Bills?”

Bill lowered his face to Lex’s. “That’ll work.”

* * *

Instead of pulling up in front of Bill’s hotel, Lex parked his car in one of its parking lot spaces. He shut off the engine and was about to remove the key from the ignition when Bill said, “Lex, what are you doing?”

Lex turned to him. “I’m going to walk you to the door. Why?”

Bill blinked in surprise. “You are? Really?”

“Of course I am. You think I’m gonna get my first goodnight kiss from you in my car?” Lex huffed and made a shooing motion with hands towards Bill. “I want my goodnight kiss to be proper. Go on!”

Laughing and shaking his head, Bill unbuckled his seatbelt. “If you want your kiss so bad, I guess I’ll do it.” He shot Lex an impish smile and opened the car door. “Coming?”

Lex opened his door and went to get up, but was unable to do so because his own seatbelt was still buckled. He glared as Bill snickered and got out of his side of the car. “Shut up!”

Bill closed the door behind him and walked around the car to Lex’s side. He waited for Lex to exit the vehicle before asking, “Can you walk me home?”

“It _is_ dark out,” Lex replied, winking at him in amusement. He took Bill’s hand and started to lead him towards the front door of the hotel at a slow pace. “I had a great day today, Bill.”

“It was a terrific day,” Bill agreed. He leaned his head on Lex’s shoulder. “I hope the rest of my time here is the same.”

“Me too.”

They took a few more steps, both deliberately going slower to extend their time together. Bill tightened his hand with Lex’s, memorizing the way their fingers laced together. He wanted to have something to focus on when he went to sleep that night.

“Can I come get you for breakfast in the morning?” Lex asked, rubbing his thumb on top of Bill’s hand. “There’s this place that makes its own pastries and,” he turned his head and kissed the top of his boyfriend’s head. “They grind their own coffee beans.”

Bill smiled. Lex certainly knew the right words to say. “What time?”

“Seven?”

“Perfect.”

They came to the hotel’s entrance, and Lex turned to face Bill, moving his hands to place them on the older man’s shoulders. “See you in the morning, Bills?”

“Bright and early.”

As one they leaned forward and pressed their lips together in a sweet kiss, Bill wrapping his arms around Lex’s hips. They closed their eyes and enjoyed the moment, their attention solely on each other. The softness of lips, the light touch of hands, quiet breaths. It was just them in that moment.

Their eyes opened and they stared at one another, deep honey amber into warm chamomile. Neither wanted to say the words that would end their perfect day together.

Yet, sadly, it had to.

“Goodnight,” they both said at the same time.

Lex nuzzled Bill’s nose while Bill smiled.

“I’ll call you when I get home.”

* * *

Bill watched Lex’s car until it merged and disappeared into traffic on the street before he turned and walked inside the hotel. His lips felt a bit swollen from the kiss he’d just shared with Lex, but he didn’t care—he was happy! God was he happy!

He rounded the corner in the direction of the elevators when he paused at the sight of Jimmy getting into one. His friend didn’t see him, but he had a troubled expression upon his face. Why was Jimmy in the main lobby of the hotel anyway? He was usually up in his room with Margaret and the kids this time of day.

He walked forwards and started to raise his hand to wave at his friend, but Jimmy merely looked past him as the elevator doors closed. Bill’s face fell and his steps came to a halt.

That’s when it hit Bill:

Jimmy had seen him with Lex.

So much for a perfect day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to WarlockWriter for giving me the idea of where Lex lived. :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Covers the "Condom" square for my Speight Bingo card. :)

Lex sat on his couch holding his cell phone to his ear, waiting for Bill to pick up. He’d just returned home to his apartment and, as he’d promised, was calling his boyfriend to let him know that he’d arrived safely.

He tensed when Bill’s voice answered shakily, “L-Lex?”

“Bill?” Lex sat forward on the edge of the couch, shoulders tense with worry. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

Lex heard Bill gasp and stutter unintelligibly. Shit, he was crying! “Bill, calm down. Talk to me. Where are you? You’re not by yourself are you?” His eyes darted around his living room and fell upon his keys where he’d dropped them on the coffee table. “Do you need me to come to you?”

“I don’t know…” Bill’s breath hitched. “Lex, he saw us. Jimmy saw us.”

Lex stood and snatched up his keys. “I’m coming, Bills.” He moved towards his door. “I’m coming, OK?”

“Lex, no! You j-just drove all that way—”

“You don’t need to be alone right now, Bill.” Lex placed his hand on the doorknob. “Please, Bill. I can’t handle the thought of you…” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I need to know that you’ll be OK.”

Bill didn’t answer and Lex opened the door, closing and locking it behind him. “Bill, I’m coming. Talk to me.” He walked quickly towards the elevator. “Bill!”

“I’m here,” Bill’s voice rasped.

“Do you have someone you can call, Bill? Someone you can talk to until I get there?” Lex jabbed the button to summon the elevator. Bill’s breathing grew ragged and Lex resisted the urge to kick at the closed elevator doors. “Bill! Stay with me!”

“M-My therapist… But I want to talk to you…” Bill’s voice wavered. “Lex, he wasn’t supposed to find out this way.”

The elevator dinged with its arrival and Lex quickly walked inside, nearly punching the first-floor button. “I know, Bills, I know. But I can’t talk to you while I drive. I’ll be there as fast as I can. Call your therapist, OK?” Hearing that Bill was seeing a therapist gave him a small measure of relief.

“You’re really coming?”

“Yes, I’m heading to my car right now.” The elevator doors opened and Lex hurried out, ignoring the looks of other tenants who were standing nearby. “What’s your room number, Bill?”

* * *

“...in, and out. In, and out. Is your head feeling better now, Bill?” Dr. Dorenbos’ voice was calm in Bill’s ear. He’d been on the phone with him for the past fifteen minutes, helping Bill through his panic attack. “You’re still lying down, aren’t you?”

Bill nodded his head, then remembered that his therapist couldn’t see him. “I am, and my head still hurts, but not as bad.” He wiped the tears from his eyes. His voice was hoarse from crying. “This… This sucks, Doc.”

“Can you tell me what brought this on, Bill? Keep breathing.”

“I kissed Lex. Jimmy saw us.” Bill continued inhaling and exhaling as Dr. Dorenbos had instructed him. “I was going to tell Jimmy tomorrow, but he wouldn’t even look at me.” He grit his teeth. “It’s all a mess!”

“Bill, don’t stop breathing!” Dr. Dorebos said quickly. “Give your friend time to digest what he saw. Try to speak with him about this tomorrow.”

“What if he won’t?” Bill squeezed his eyes shut. “I can’t lose anyone else, Doc. Why do I keep screwing up?!” Tears spilled from the corners of his eyes. “I’m gonna screw things up with Lex too!”

“Torturing yourself with ‘what ifs’ won’t help you, Bill. Wasn’t that the first thing we talked about when you began seeing me?”

Bill took a deep breath. “Yeah. And that was what set me off yesterday too.”

“You figured out your trigger. Anything else you think you can figure out?”

“I—”

A near-frantic knock on the door interrupted what Bill had been about to say. It was followed by the sound of Lex’s voice calling “Bill? Bill? It’s Lex!”

“Doc, he’s here,” Bill said into his phone.

“That’s good. I’m glad that you’re not alone anymore. I’m still here if you need me, Bill. Goodnight.”

“Thank you, Doc. Night.” Bill ended the call and slowly got off the bed and made his way to his hotel room door. He opened it and the first thing he saw was Lex’s distressed face.

“Bill?” Lex stepped into the room and embraced him tightly. Bill stood still and let his boyfriend hold him close. “I’m here.”

“I know,” Bill whispered. He slowly raised his arms, bringing them up under Lex’s and gripping the back of his shirt. “Stay with me.”

Lex pulled back and laid his forehead against Bill’s. “If you need me to, I will.”

“I do.” Bill’s lips trembled. “I do, Lex.”

“Shh…” Lex kissed him gently. “I’m here, remember?”

Lex’s eyes were full of caring and compassion. Did he understand? He’d mentioned the pain of losing someone close, how life itself could ruin you. He had wanted to talk to Stanley at first, the closest person he knew who could sympathize with what he went through, but it wasn’t close enough.

Maybe…

* * *

“Have you ever blamed yourself for something?”

Lex ran his hands down Bill’s arms. Bill’s voice was hushed and small. “Well yeah. Hasn’t everyone?” The events from two years ago, the calls, the reports, the sleepless nights, the nightmares, they all flooded his mind. “Why?”

Bill closed his eyes and pressed himself closer to Lex, laying his head on his shoulder. “Just wondering,” he whispered.

 _Wondering why?_ Lex thought. Did Bill blame himself for them getting caught kissing? That had been _his_ idea! And surely Bill didn’t blame himself for what happened at the Basin! Something awful had happened to Bill, he knew that for certain now. But, why would he think that it was his fault?

“I’m so tired,” Bill said.

“Want me to help you get dressed for bed?” Lex asked.

Bill sighed sleepily. “Are you going to ravish me if I let you?”

Lex frowned. This must’ve been a worse one than yesterday if Bill was talking this way. “Bill, I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.” He couldn’t help but smile softly at Bill’s disappointed huff. “Hey, I’ll get my chance to have my way with you, don’t you worry.”

“Alright then.” Bill yawned widely. “Ugh. First time in the same bed and I can’t enjoy it properly.” He pulled away from Lex and padded over to his suitcase.

As Bill began to change into his nightclothes, Lex divested himself of his own clothing. He left his shirt and underwear on, even though he usually slept au naturel. He walked over to the bed but waited for Bill.

“Which side?” he asked when Bill crawled onto the mattress.

“I like to sleep closest to the window.” Bill slipped under the covers. “Could you get the lights first?”

Lex dutifully did as he was asked, then got into bed. He reached over to click the lamp off next to him before settling his head on his pillow.

Bill scooted over and lay his head on Lex’s chest. “Thank you for coming to check on me. And, um, agreeing to stay with me.”

“Happy to, Bills.” Lex wrapped an arm around Bill’s shoulder. “Anytime.”

* * *

An insistent knocking jerked Bill awake, which in turn had Lex half sitting up, blinking his eyes about the room blearily. “Wh-What?”

“Bill? You awake?” came a voice from out in the hallway.

“Who is that?” Lex asked, running a hand through his hair. It was sticking up all over his head. He’d been sleeping hard.

Bill sat up and scrubbed at his face with his hands. “It’s Jimmy.” His arms then dropped heavily into his lap. “Shit! It’s Jimmy!” He bounded out of bed and glanced around the room widely. “What do I do?”

The knocks on the door grew louder. “Bill! Everyone’s downstairs already!” Jimmy’s voice called.

Lex stood from the bed and approached Bill slowly. “Bill? Do you want me to get it?”

“What? No!” Bill stared at Lex. “Jimmy’s one of the nicest guys I know, but I don’t know what he’s thinking right now.” He hurried over to his suitcase, opening it and rummaging inside. “I need, I need to get dressed! Answer the door, talk to him myself.”

“Alright, Bills. What do you want me to do?” Lex asked. He went and quickly put on his jeans. “Want me to wait in the bathroom while you two talk?”

Bill whirled around. “I need you to stay with me, Lex.” He was holding a t-shirt in his hands. “I don't know if I can do this by myself if…” He tightened his hands into fists around the shirt until his knuckles turned white. “I’m sorry.”

“No, Bill.” Lex took a step towards him. “Don’t apologize. It’s—”

“BILL!”

“I need to answer the door,” Bill said. He lowered his eyes to the shirt in his hands, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “Guess I don’t have time to get dressed.”

“You’re fine in what you’re wearing Bill. You can change later, OK?” Lex kept his voice low and calm. Bill was close to working himself up again.

Bill twisted the shirt in his hands, then threw it on top of his suitcase. “Yeah, you’re right.” He ran his hands through his hair. “Dammit, I hate this.”

Lex walked the rest of the way over to Bill. “Go on. I’m not going anywhere.”

“OK.” Bill took one of Lex’s hands and squeezed it as he walked by and went to the door, unlocking it once he reached it.

“Bill?” Jimmy asked when Bill opened it. “What took you so long?” He looked past Bill and his eyes widened when they landed on Lex. “Oh.”

“Jimmy, we need to talk,” Bill said.

* * *

Lex took a position by the window when Jimmy walked into the room behind Bill. Jimmy was a big guy: tall, broad. Lex definitely didn’t want to make the guy mad. But Bill had also told him that he was an overall nice guy as well.

Still, Lex would keep his distance for now, considering the tension in the room.

“Jimmy, this is Lex,” Bill said, gesturing towards Lex. “Lex, Jimmy.”

Jimmy nodded. “Hi.”

Well, that was better than he expected. “Hello.”

Bill darted his eyes between them. “I, uh, saw you downstairs last night.”

“I saw you too,” Jimmy said. He glanced at Lex. “Both of you.”

Bill grimaced. “I thought you did.” He wrapped his arms around himself. “Are you mad?”

Lex sighed inwardly. _Oh, Bill._ His boyfriend looked so small at the moment. He wanted to take him in his arms and run away somewhere with him to help him forget everything. This wasn’t right.

“No Bill, I’m not mad,” Jimmy answered. “I’m worried.”

“Worried?” Bill’s face fell. “About what?”

“Bill! Look at you guys!” Jimmy swung a hand between Bill and Lex. “Have you both not looked in a mirror lately?”

“We know how we look, Jimmy,” Bill stated calmly as he narrowed his eyes slightly. “And it doesn’t matter.”

Lex smiled proudly at Bill. That was exactly what he’d hoped Bill would say.

“Doesn’t matter?! Bill, are you even listening to yourself? What if you guys are related?”

“We’re not. Lex and I have checked.”

Jimmy worked his jaw. “How can you be so sure?”

“Because we went to the National Archives. Everything there is official. The records were clear,” Lex said. Jimmy was starting to get agitated and Lex didn’t like it.

“Who are you exactly anyway?” Jimmy addressed Lex directly. “What’s your last name?”

Bill turned his eyes to Lex warily. “Umm…”

Lex raised his chin. “I don’t have a last name. I was adopted and given one by the people who raised me, but I dropped it when I emancipated myself.”

Bill’s eyes widened and Lex prepared himself for a conversation on this later.

Jimmy laughed incredulously. “Then how do you really know that you’re not related?”

“It wasn’t a closed adoption.”

“I don’t know, Bill… I…” Jimmy turned and walked towards the door, then spun around. “Have you even talked to your therapist about this?”

Bill squared his shoulders. “I have in fact, and he supports this. And you know what? I had planned on telling you all about this before you even saw us.”

Jimmy shook his head. “I…” He looked at Bill then over to Lex and back again. A look of resignation took over his features. “Are you happy, Bill?”

Bill turned his head towards Lex and held out his hand. The morning sun that shone through the window lit up his face and Lex thought Bill had never looked more handsome. He walked forwards and took his boyfriend’s hand, and they both faced Jimmy, their hands clasped tightly together, smiling softly.

“I am, Jimmy. I really am,” Bill said.

Lex gave Bill’s hand a gentle squeeze and smiled widely when it was returned.

“That’s really all I want for you. You know that. Right, Bill?” Jimmy said sincerely.

Bill’s eyes softened. “I do, Jimmy. Thanks.”

“OK then. I’ll just get outta y’all’s hair.” He then crossed his arms and gave Lex a pointed look.

Lex only nodded in reply. The message was clear: The jury was still out on him for the moment. That was fine. He understood.

“Join us for lunch later, fellas. You’ll need to introduce him to the family, Bill.” Jimmy waved and exited the room.

As soon as the door closed, Bill fell heavily against Lex. “Whew!” He pressed his forehead to Lex’s chest. “We did it!”

“Pardon the cliché, but _you_ did it, Bill,” Lex said. “And you were amazing!”

“I couldn't have done it alone. So,” Bill said, changing the subject and raising his head. “Adopted, huh?”

Lex sighed. Just as he’d thought, he knew this would come up. “Yeah. And before you ask for a long-winded explanation, I wasn’t being abused or anything like that. I went it alone for a perfectly legitimate reason.”

“Then why…”

“Did I drop my last name?” Lex smiled sadly. “If we’re still together in the far future, I might tell you. That’s all I can say.”

“That’s fair,” Bill said. He kissed Lex softly. “Lex…”

“Yes, Bill?”

“About what I said last night, the question I asked you.” Bill laid his head on Lex’s chest once more. “I, uh, had a reason for asking it.”

Lex remained silent and waited for Bill to continue, rubbing his hand on his boyfriend’s arms to let him know that he was listening.

“Something really bad happened to me not too long ago. It’s,” he took a deep breath. “It’s why I’m having to see a therapist. I’m a lot better than I was—been back at work and everything. I just still have trouble when it comes to talking about it.”

“Looks like you and me have something in common.”

“Heh,” Bill huffed lightly. “No kidding.”

Lex hesitated a moment, then asked, “What happened to you… You blame yourself?”

Bill stiffened and Lex inwardly cursed himself. Shit! He’d gone too far! He went to step away from Bill to give him space, but Bill latched onto him. “No! Stay!”

“OK, Bill. I’ll stay,” Lex said softly. He wrapped his arms around him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. Too soon.”

“No, I need to talk about it, at least a little.” Bill breathed in deeply. “I lost someone. A friend. There was nothing I could do…”

Bill started to shake against him and Lex pulled him closer. “Bill…”

“Everyone tells me that it wasn’t my fault. I know that. But, sometimes I wonder, ya know?”

Lex’s heart hurt for Bill. He was in pain for the same reason he himself was. It wasn’t fair. How could the world be so cruel? “I wonder that myself sometimes, about those I’ve lost. Could I have done more? Could I have stopped it?” He laid his chin on top of Bill’s head. “I don’t know if those types of questions can ever be answered.”

* * *

Bill slid his arms around Lex. He remembered the pain he’d seen in the younger man’s face the day they’d first gone to dinner. He’d had no idea that he carried the same guilt too. It made him want to shield Lex from it. He didn’t deserve it.

“I’m sorry, Lex.”

“I am too, Bills.”

They held each other for one long moment, drawing comfort from one another. Cars drove by on the street outside, people walked back and forth in the hallway on the other side of the hotel room door. But neither man paid attention.

“Hey, Bill?” Lex said.

Bill closed his eyes. Lex sounded calm and relaxed, and it soothed him. “Yeah?”

“Maybe later, we could both be each other’s sounding board. Would that be OK?”

Talking to Lex? About what he’d been through? He’d shared more with Lex over the past handful of days than he had with his long-time friends of years. Lex got him. He got Lex. Perhaps together they could help each other.

Bill raised his head. “More than.” He studied Lex’s face, the differences in their features that no one but he and his boyfriend would find. The lines in the skin of his face, the lighter tone of his complexion, the texture and color of his hair, the shade of his eyes. No one could say that they looked exactly alike.

Lex cupped both sides of Bill’s face. “Thank you, Bill.”

“Anytime,” Bill smiled. He trailed his hands down Lex’s back, wanting to touch Lex as well. “Hey, Lex?”

“Yes, Bill?” Lex shuddered.

“Kiss me?”

Lex leaned in and kissed him gently. Bill moved his hands to Lex’s ass and pressed their groins together, letting his boyfriend feel his arousal. Lex moaned against Bill’s lips as the kiss turned heated, and he moved his hands to grasp the back of Bill’s head and neck.

They soon found themselves on the bed, tugging their clothes off of one another in a frenzy of mutual need.

“I want you,” Bill said from on top of Lex, nipping his lips down the younger man’s neck. “Right here, right now.”

“Wallet, get my wallet,” Lex rasped. He arched his back when Bill grasped his cock firmly and stroked it. “Bill, we need…”

“Where?” Bill rolled off of Lex, searching out Lex’s discarded jeans on the floor. He found them and reached into the pockets, finding Lex’s wallet quickly. He opened it, raising an eyebrow when he discovered not only a couple of condoms but a few lube pods as well. “You carry these all the time?”

Lex panted from his position on the bed. “Habit…” Bill placed the items next to them on the blanket and kissed his way up his chest. “And you never know when someone else might need them. AH!”

Bill nibbled on one of Lex’s nipples then laved his tongue over it. His other hand trailed down Lex’s chest and rested just above his groin, once again enjoying the smoothness of the skin there. “I’m glad,” he murmured, going over to Lex’s other nipple.

“Bill…” Lex groaned. Lex parted his legs, letting Bill slide his hips in between them. Bill’s cock bumped up against his sac and Lex threw his head back. “Oh fuck, Bill! Are we really doing this?”

“Y-Yes, we are,” Bill panted, removing his mouth from Lex’s chest. He gripped Lex’s cock in his rough palm and closed his eyes at his lover’s choked moan. “Want you so bad, Lex.”

“Then hurry! Please, Bill! Want your cock!” Lex begged. He pushed himself into Bill’s hand. “Please!”

Bill reached over and picked up one of the lube pods, holding it in his hand to warm it. “Gonna need a little more prep because of me, ya know.”

Lex licked his lips, and Bill swore at the sight. “Was hoping you’d say that.”

Bill swallowed. He didn’t quite understand Lex’s fascination with his hands, but if he wanted them… “Alright.” He took the lube pod and drizzled its contents onto his fingers. He rubbed them together, surprised at how slippery and wet they were.

“I-I only buy the high-quality stuff.” Bill darted his eyes to Lex’s flushed face. He must’ve seen Bill’s expression. “The condoms too.”

“Never seen this kind before,” Bill commented, turning his fingers left and right a few times before focusing his attention back on Lex. “Ready?”

Lex spread his legs wider and pulled his knees up, holding them wide apart with his hands. “And willing.”

Bill’s mouth went dry at Lex all laid out before him. He’d seen him naked already, but lying there, open to him, his cock hard and curved against his stomach, his furled hole pink and wanting to be filled… It made his own cock throb and his balls ache.

Fuck, Lex was beautiful!

“Are you gonna stare all day or are you gonna stuff those wet fingers in my ass?” Lex asked playfully.

Bill failed to suppress a moan at Lex’s filthy words. “Why do you talk that way?” he said. He slid his fingers over Lex’s entrance, slicking up the rim and surrounding skin. “It makes me…” He ran his index finger in a slow circle around the outside of Lex’s hole as his voice trailed off.

Lex bit his lip. “Makes you hot? Makes your cock harder? OH!” Bill pushed in a finger to the first knuckle. “Yes! Keep going, Bill! I can take it!”

Sliding the finger in all the way, Bill let it rest inside of Lex and took Lex’s cock in his other hand and pumped it slowly, further aroused by Lex’s words. Lex squirmed against his hands, attempting to get more friction from both inside and out.

“Open me up, Bill! More!” he whined. His mouth dropped open when Bill circled his finger within, stretching his walls. “Yeessss…”

Lex’s body was becoming tinged with pink. By the time Bill had three fingers inside him, his lover’s belly, face, and chest were suffused with the color. Lex writhed against Bill’s hands, kept asking for more, and Bill could only oblige.

“One more finger, Lex. OK?” Bill swallowed. This was where a lot of his partners in the past had had trouble. “Let me know if you have to stop, alright?”

Lex caught his eye and stared him down, puffing air hard through his cheeks, sweat beading on his face. “Dammit, Bill, just do it!”

Keeping an eye on Lex’s face, Bill slowly eased in a fourth finger, and Lex moaned as his head rolled back. His hole stretched around Bill’s fingers, but Lex only reacted in pleasure, not pain. Bill pumped his fingers gently and Lex panted and groaned.

“M-More…”

Bill maneuvered his wrist, searching along Lex’s walls, feeling for—

“ _OH, YES! BILL!_ ”

That.

Hearing Lex cry out his name sent a desperate surge of need through Bill. He had to have Lex more than ever now. He withdrew his fingers slowly, taking his hand from Lex’s cock. He quickly tore open a condom, rolling it over his shaft and slicking up the outside of it with another pod of lube.

Lex was watching him the entire time, his pupils blown with lust. Bill was sure his own were the same. “Bill, oh God, Bill…hurry…”

Bill leaned over Lex, pulling his lover’s legs over his shoulders. He gazed into Lex’s eyes, flexed his hips so his cock ran up and down over Lex’s entrance.

“OK?” he asked, his voice shaking. He was so wound up he was about to jump out of his skin.

Lex reached up with his hands to touch Bill’s face, causing him to close his eyes. “Hey, Bills. Where are you at in there? Do we need to stop?”

The feel of Lex’s fingers on his face grounded Bill. “N-No…I…” He opened his eyes and smiled down at Lex. “I just want you so damn bad, Lex.”

“Then have me, Bill.”

Bill sank into Lex, and they both cried out. Lex was so warm and tight. The further Bill went inside, the more pleasure rang throughout Bill’s body. It had been so long since Bill had been with someone, but they’d never made him want them in the way he wanted Lex. He was already thinking about doing this with him over and over again. He closed his eyes and relished the sensations.

“Ah! Fuck! Bill!”

“What?!” Bill’s eyes flew open. Was he hurting Lex? Shit! “Lex?! What’s wrong?!”

“You stopped! Keep going!” Lex complained. The younger man’s hair was damp with sweat, and he was digging his fingers into Bill’s forearms. “I’m going out of my mind! Please, Bill!”

“I’m sorry, Lex.” Bill lowered his head and kissed him. “You just feel so good.” He rolled his hips and he and Lex moaned together. “I can’t help it.”

“Anh… Y-You do too, Bills. UH!” Lex whimpered as Bill started to thrust slow and deep. “OH! You do too!”

No other words were said between the two lovers as they lost all track of time in Bill’s hotel room. Bill stroked into Lex hard and languidly, driving them both achingly mad with want and need. There were breathy sighs, deep moans and groans, and the occasional whimper of pleasure from Lex. Hungry kisses were shared more than once and marks were sucked into indiscrete places.

But soon it became too much, and Bill’s pace increased until he was slamming frantically into Lex, who wailed unashamedly with each direct impact against his near overstimulated prostate. “Bill! AH! UH!”

Bill was close, but first he wanted to see Lex’s face as he came for him. He hadn’t been able to see it the day before. “Lex… Mmm…” He stroked Lex’s cock in time with his thrusts, pushing him towards his orgasm. “Lex…”

Lex shouted as he came, spilling hot and heavy all over his stomach and Bill’s fingers. His body shuddered, his channel spasming and clenching around Bill’s still thrusting length. He took in great gasps of air, back arching as it sang throughout his body.

Bill moaned at the sensations to his cock from Lex’s climax, rocking into him even harder. Several thrusts later he moaned out Lex’s name and filled the condom that encased his cock, falling against Lex and panting hard. Once he caught his breath a bit, he removed Lex’s legs from his shoulders and slowly pulled out from his lover, feeling him tremble beneath him as he carefully removed the condom and tossed it into the trashcan on the other side of the bed.

Lex opened his arms for Bill, and Bill fell into them. They then laid entwined together upon the bed, suffused in their afterglow. Their hands roved over each other gently, sliding over sweaty skin, through hair that was matted to the sides of their faces and forehead. They didn’t want to stop touching one another.

After a while, Bill took a deep breath and said, “His name was Lucas.”

Lex pressed his lips to Bill’s temple.

“Their names were Terri and Stiles.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to give you a little heads-up: some violence in this one.
> 
> Also fills the "Free Space" square for Speight Bingo.

_**Late Summer - 2003** _

“Thanks for going with me on my first patrol, Bill. Means a lot.”

Bill smiled over at Lucas, keeping his nervousness hidden. Lucas was the son of Gray Anderson, the manager of the salt mine. He hadn’t been too enthused when he and Lucas had dated a couple of times in the past. Gray was very overbearing and controlling of his boy’s life. He had been a bit like Bill’s father had been: wanting him to follow in his footsteps, work at the mine, be happy doing it because it was right there.

But Lucas saw that Bill hadn’t listened to his own father. Bill had chosen his own path and gone to the police academy. Bill was doing great and being happy _his_ way. And Bill’s father had accepted it—why shouldn't his own father do the same?

Lucas had started asking questions of Bill: What did he need to do to enter the academy? How much did it cost? Did he need to take college classes? Bill had answered his questions honestly; why wouldn’t he? He was proud of his job and thought that Lucas would make a fine officer.

However, Gray had blown his top. When Lucas let his father know of his intentions, Bill had had his front door nearly kicked in by Gray. He’d been subjected to screaming and cursing, and Bill wouldn’t have been surprised if Gray had physically attacked him, the man was so livid.

Bill had “filled my son’s head full of foolish notions” and “led him on a path that would put him in danger” and “if something happens to him, it’s on your head.” When Bill had had enough, he calmly told him that working in a salt mine wasn’t exactly the safest job in the world either, and reminded him of the many accidents and deaths that had occurred over the years.

Gray had spewed several more colorful epithets and left after that.

Lucas had gone on to the academy and graduated near the top of his class. He’d secured a job at the Jericho P.D., and a week before Lucas was to start, Gray had appeared unexpectedly at Bill’s home.

Gray was somber this time, not angry and explosive like he had been before. At first, Bill had thought something had happened and ushered him inside. Gray had then launched into how he was sorry for his actions towards Bill, how he had only been scared for his son. Bill was dumbfounded, having never seen this side of Gray Anderson before. He was just being a father.

The next words out of the man’s mouth had sent Bill reeling: “Will you look after him, Bill? Make sure he stays safe? He’s my only child. Please?”

Bill could’ve said that Gray’s request wasn’t needed. Lucas would be a fellow officer, and he would’ve had his back regardless. But his friend’s father’s eyes were filled with tears, and Bill didn’t have the heart to say no to him.

So he promised Gray Anderson he’d do all he could to keep his son safe.

He’d been the one to encourage him, after all.

And now he was going to make good on his promise. “No problem,” Bill replied to Lucas. “Gotta see how you do for a while before we allow you to take off your training wheels.”

Lucas chuckled. “I _did_ get top honors at the academy, Bill. I think I’ll do fine.”

Bill frowned. That wasn’t a good attitude to have _at all._ “It’s a lot different on the job, Lucas.”

“Yup,” is all that Lucas said in reply.

Their patrol went normally, and Bill breathed in a sigh of relief when it was over. Lucas had done fine, followed all the rules to the letter, everything.

Maybe he wasn’t as arrogant as he feared.

* * *

Two weeks later, they were out a few miles from Jericho. They had stopped by a gas station for a few snacks and sodas and were having a friendly chat with the cashier on their way out. There was a shout from outside and all three turned their heads towards the sound.

A man was struggling with another over a gun near one of the gas pumps. Lucas grabbed his duty pistol from his holster and started running for the door. Bill called his name and told him to stop.

“What do you mean ‘stop?!’” Lucas asked, looking over his shoulder. “Someone’s going to get hurt!”

“If you go barging outside waving your gun around, someone will definitely get hurt!” Bill retorted. “Let me go first, follow my lead.” Bill took his gun in hand and opened the store’s door quietly and calmly walked out, the yells of the two men filling his ears.

“Let go, Marty! You can’t have it! It’s not even loaded!” one of them was shouting.

“I saw the bullets! I bet it has some!”

“You think I carry a _loaded gun_ in my car?!”

Bill had no way of knowing whether the words were true or not. He raised his gun, stepped forward, and opened his mouth to tell them to freeze.

“Hey!”

His mouth dropped open. Lucas! Dammit!

The man holding the gun swung his head towards Lucas, but the other, Marty, snatched the weapon out of his hand while he was distracted. He then took off and dashed around the storefront and down its side, with Lucas quickly giving chase.

“Lucas! No!”

Bill shot a look at the other man. “You! Name!”

“O-Oscar, Oscar McDermott.”

Bill motioned with his empty hand. “There’s security cameras here. You leave, and I’ll come after you. Got it?!”

“I’m not going anywhere! Go get him! That gun _is_ loaded! I was lying!” Oscar said frantically.

Bill cursed and ran as fast as his legs could carry him in the direction that Lucas and Marty had taken. His heart was pounding, the words _Please please please_ repeating in his head over and over.

He skidded to a stop when he found the men facing each other with guns drawn. Lucas was taunting the man, telling him to drop the gun, he knew it wasn’t loaded, just give up now.

Bill held his gun ready and slowly made his way to them. “Lucas—”

“I got this Bill,” Lucas said. “Why aren’t you getting the other guy?”

“Lucas…” Bill couldn’t say that the gun was loaded. The other man might not be sure, but if he was certain… “Come on, let’s take him in…”

Lucas turned around and time slowed for Bill. His friend was saying something, but all Bill heard was a gun firing. Crimson blossomed on Lucas’ chest as a bullet shot out from its left side. A look of shocked horror overtook Lucas’ features for one short moment, then he cried out in pain.

Bill whipped his gun towards Marty. “DROP THE GUN! NOW!” He saw Lucas fall face-first to the ground and his hands started to shake. He was dead! His friend was dead! “DROP IT!”

There was another gunshot, and a bullet whizzed by his face, so close he felt his hair stir. His heart started to beat uncontrollably. He was going to die! He had broken his promise… Lucas was dead…

Marty fired again and nothing happened. The man paled and pulled the trigger once more. Then again. And again.

He was out of bullets.

Bill swallowed, barely pushing down the fear that had nearly overwhelmed him. “On the ground,” he said shakily. “And toss the gun.”

* * *

An ambulance was called and Lucas had been pronounced dead at the scene. Oscar, Marty’s brother-in-law, told police that Marty had just blurted out that he was going to rob the store and taken the gun from Oscar’s glove compartment. Marty was later sentenced for manslaughter.

Gray had nearly gone mad with grief and Bill had fallen into a depression. The night after Marty’s trial, Gray had darkened Bill’s doorstep and laid into him. And Bill had taken it. He had failed. Lucas was dead because of him. He never should have encouraged him. Lucas wasn’t officer material—he knew that now. His first day of duty Bill had seen it. Why hadn’t he done anything?

Bill startled easily after that. Didn’t sleep well. He went to the one required counseling session but didn’t agree to go to any more. He just wanted to be left alone. He refused to talk about what had happened to any of his friends. He knew the reasons why everything had happened; what was the use of going over them again and again?

It all came to a head one day at work when he broke down because he couldn’t find some required forms. He folded his arms on top of the filing cabinet and shook and cried. He just gave in to it. He couldn’t handle it anymore.

The next thing he knew he was sitting in a chair in Sheriff Dawes’ office with a cold cloth covering his face. He didn’t move for a moment, not understanding how he had gotten there.

“Feeling better, Bill?” the sheriff asked.

Bill lowered the cloth from his face. Dawes was sitting at his desk across from him, his face etched with concern. “You caused quite the scene out there.”

“I-I’m fine.” Bill cleared his throat and moved to stand up, but fell back. His legs were like jelly.

The sheriff folded his arms. “I see.”

“Sir—”

“You need help, Bill.” Dawes held up a hand at Bill’s protest. “I’m not debating the matter. You’re going. I’m putting it as mandatory medical leave. Find a therapist. Go to Denver if you have to.”

Bill gripped the arms of the chair he was sitting in. “Please don’t make me leave work. I need to, Sheriff. I’ll go crazy if I don’t have anything to do.”

“You can’t work with the way you are right now, Bill. And you’ll have something to do. You’ll be working on yourself.” Dawes stood and walked around his desk and handed him a slip of paper. “These are numbers you can call. I’ve already taken care of everything for you.”

Bill looked over the numbers and wanted to scream. Was he being punished for what he’d done? Sure felt like it. “OK, you’re the boss.”

Dawes sighed and touched his hand lightly to Bill’s shoulder. “I’m your friend, too, Bill. We all are. We just want you to get better.”

* * *

_**Present** _

Bill’s voice went quiet. He had his back to Lex’s chest now, and the younger man’s arms were wrapped tightly around him. “I went to see Dr. Dorenbos in Denver. It was hard at first, so hard…” He pressed closer to Lex when his lover’s lips touched the back of his neck to comfort him. “But I got better. It took a lot of time, but I did. Though, I still had trouble being around other people.

“Work was work. It helped me to focus. It was hard the first week or so, what with Lucas and all, but it was also a hurdle that I needed to get over, at least that was what Doc said. It helped once I got over it. But the other stuff…the being around other people stuff…I had trouble with that. They all looked at me like I would break. And some would speak in whispers around me, and others just wanted to ‘talk’ to see if I needed to.” He sighed wearily. “I just wanted to try to be me again.”

“And you coming on this trip?” Lex asked.

Bill smiled. “I was tired of seeing the inside of my house all the time. I was stifling myself.” He turned his head and was met with Lex’s gaze. “Did you know the night we met at the fountain was the first time I’d attempted to go for a walk in over a year and a half?”

“Fortuitous walk,” Lex said, leaning over and kissing him. “Though I am sorry that you had to go through all of that just for us to meet.”

“Why were you at the fountain, Lex?”

* * *

Lex adjusted his arms around Bill. How to explain without saying too much? “I had just gotten home from a long trip. That fountain… I was there when I got the news that my friends were dead.”

Bill rolled over and wrapped himself around Lex. “At the same time...?”

“Yeah.”

“How did they die?”

Lex held Bill close. “No one is really sure. It was… well…”

Bill raised a hand and touched Lex’s lips. “Lex, if it’s what I’m thinking it is, why are you thinking it’s your fault?”

 _Because I should’ve seen that Joshua was the mole! I should’ve been more clever! I should’ve been faster! I didn’t do my job!_ “There had to have been something I could’ve done. There’s always something…”

Lex buried his head in Bill’s shoulder. Deep down inside he knew that he wasn’t to blame, but he couldn’t help but think that he might have found a way to prevent what had happened if he’d just paid more attention. To Joshua, to Quinn, to everything.

“I’m not really in the mood for lunch,” Bill said, massaging the back of Lex’s neck.

“Huh?” Lex lifted his head. That came from nowhere.

“Jimmy wants us to eat lunch with them.” He sought out Lex’s lips and they shared a deep kiss. “But I just wanna stay in bed with you. So we can talk some more.”

Lex wanted nothing more than to do just that at the moment. “You know if we do that, we might end up not even leaving the bed for the rest of the day, and talking won’t be the only thing we’ll do.”

A blush made its way onto Bill’s face and Lex thought he’d melt at the sight. “I hadn’t thought of that.”

“We might have time for a handjob or two.” Lex licked his lips. “Or something a bit more stimulating if you prefer.”

Bill’s eyes danced. “Jimmy _might_ come looking for us.” He kissed Lex softly. “Gotta leave enough time for a shower, though.”

Lex nuzzled his nose. “I think I’m corrupting you, Bill.” He rolled Bill beneath him and began kissing down his chest. “Shall we begin?”

* * *

“Why do you guys look alike? Is he your twin, Uncle Bill?” Woody asked innocently.

Lex balked. Wow, kids were so blunt and innocent. He’d been worried that Jimmy’s wife—Margaret? Yeah, her name was Margaret—would’ve taken them away as soon as they’d appeared. But it looked like Jimmy had already discussed with her about him and Bill.

Jimmy _was_ a pretty nice guy.

Bill leaned his face towards Woody and tapped the side of his head. “See my eyes, buddy?”

Woody peered intently where Bill had indicated. “Yeah?”

“OK. See my hair?” Bill patted his head. “And my skin? Lex’s is different. He’s also younger than me. We’re not the same.”

Sally, who was sitting on Lex’s other side, was comparing him to Bill like Woody was. “He’s right! You guys look alike, but not really!” she exclaimed.

Margaret smiled. “I hadn’t noticed myself until you pointed it out, Bill. And Jimmy told me about you both looking up your family histories.” Lex took a drink of his tea while she regarded him and his lover. “What's the word I’m looking for… You’re both your…doppel…doppel…”

“Doppelgänger?” Lex supplied. When she nodded, Lex smirked over at Bill. “Hmm, I guess that works.”

They spent the rest of lunch chatting. Lex told them his usual cover story of being a greeting card employee, hating that he had to use the charade. It increased when he took Bill’s hand under the table to squeeze it affectionately and Bill returned it in equal measure. He then wondered what it would be like being able to tell someone about his real life and job.

* * *

After finishing their meal, Bill and Lex parted ways with the Taylors and decided to go to Lex’s apartment. Lex had been in the same clothes for over twenty-four hours, and they both wanted a bit more privacy. Their time together over the past two days, along with their talk, had changed things even more between them. Lex knew that it was a big change, an important change, and he wanted to see where it would lead.

He hoped Bill felt the same way too.

He took another quick shower once he got home before changing clothes. He found Bill in the living room, flipping idly through the channels on the TV.

“Feel better?” Bill asked, clicking it off when Lex joined him.

“So much better,” Lex replied, snuggling close to Bill. He closed his eyes when Bill wrapped his arms around his shoulders and held him tight against him. He was starting to consider being by Bill’s side “his spot,” and no one else could be there but him. “I was starting to feel funky.”

A laugh rumbled in Bill’s chest. “I’ve been in clothes for more than a day myself. It gets…gross.”

Lex heard the melancholy in Bill’s voice. “Yeah, this wasn’t the first time I’ve worn clothes longer than a day either.” He knew to what Bill was referring.

Bill sighed. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to bring down the mood.”

“No Bill.” Lex crawled over and sat in Bill’s lap, facing him. “We’re each other’s sounding board, remember? No matter what it is, we talk about it. Happy, sad, doesn't matter.”

Bill’s hands slid up Lex’s thighs and rested on his hips. “I don’t want to end up that way again, stuck in my house, not wanting to bathe myself or caring that I even wore clean clothes. The only reason I did the past year or so was because of work and therapy.”

Lex hugged Bill. “I’ve been there. A-After I learned,” Lex swallowed. “I took what time off I could and just, well, vegetated I guess. I came back to work and it felt weird being clean.”

“Can I stay here with you at night the rest of the time I’m here Lex?” Bill whispered.

“You want to stay with me?” Lex pulled back and blinked into Bill’s face. “Where did this come from?”

“I liked sleeping next to you. And I want to be here to talk to you in person if I can, not on the phone.”

He’d love that, he really would. Spending each night and morning with Bill until he left? They’d get so much time together that way! He didn’t want to be apart from Bill for very long either.

“I-I’d like that.” Lex touched his lips to Bill’s. “Would you like to start tonight?”

“We’d need to go get my things.”

“We could go get dinner, pick them up on the way back.”

Bill smoothed his hands up Lex’s back. “What do we do until then?”

“I was thinking a nap actually.” He smiled at the disappointed look on Bill’s face. “Hey, we’ve been pretty busy in that department over the past twenty-four hours!” He cuddled against Bill’s chest and sighed in contentment. “Don’t worry, I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

Bill held him close. “Are you going to sleep right here?”

“You’re comfy.” And Bill was warm and smelled like coffee. Lex decided that maybe coffee wasn’t all that bad as long as it was associated with Bill. “Yeah, I think I’ll sleep right here.”

“Your legs will cramp if you stay that way.” Bill moved them until they were lying on the couch in almost the same position that they were the day before, tucking Lex’s head beneath his chin. “We should really take our shoes off.”

“Don’t care. Don’t wanna move.” Lex yawned. “Go to sleep Bill.”

* * *

Bill opened his eyes at the familiar sound of his cell phone going off. Lex groaned from beside him, flailing his arms towards it and mumbling, “No, day off. World can get by without me saving it today…”

Smiling at Lex’s sleepy talk, Bill moved a hand down and slipped it into his jeans pocket as it continued ringing and retrieved his phone. When he saw who was calling, he whispered to Lex, “Go back to sleep. It’s just Jimmy.”

“Mmm, good. No bad guys to take out…” Lex sighed.

Bill raised an eyebrow. Lex must be half-awake. He answered the phone. “Jimmy?”

“Bill, me and the family have to head back early,” Jimmy’s voice said worriedly.

“What? Why?” Bill sat up abruptly, which caused Lex to do the same.

“Bill? What’s wrong?” Lex said.

“Margaret’s mom. She’s sick and in the hospital. We gotta get back,” Jimmy replied in answer to Bill.

Bill locked eyes with Lex, who was wide awake now, his face filled with concern. “When do we leave?”

He hated the look of shock that came over Lex’s features, but he’d needed to ask Jimmy the question. “Bill, you don’t have to leave too. Stay here, enjoy the rest of your vacation with Lex.”

“But you’ll need help with the kids. Margaret will be with her mom at the hospital every day,” Bill told him. He wanted to help Jimmy, but at the same time, he wanted to help Lex too. They both were worried, but for different reasons. “I’m your friend, Jimmy. Let me help.”

Jimmy’s relieved sigh traveled over the phone. “Bill, you have no idea how much that means, though I wish you’d stay. I’ll get by.”

“Jimmy—” He stopped speaking when Lex’s hand touched his arm. He turned to stare into his boyfriend’s amber eyes questioningly.

“Bill, just tell him that you’re going and that’s final.” Lex smiled. “Moms are important.”

Bill touched Lex’s face, even though this whole situation was upsetting him. It didn’t matter that he could come back later. He wanted to spend the days he had planned already with Lex!

But Jimmy and Margaret needed him. And as usual, life had to have its way.

“Did you hear that, Jimmy?”

“I did. Tell Lex he’s passed.”

Bill’s face screwed up. “What?”

“He’ll understand. See you tonight? Earliest flight we could get was for tomorrow morning at eleven.”

“Umm…” Bill sought out Lex’s hand and held it. “I plan on having dinner with Lex tonight and staying over. I’ll grab my stuff, and he can drop me off at the airport in the morning.” He raised his eyebrows at Lex. Was it OK for him to just assume that his boyfriend would drive him? He smiled when Lex squeezed his hand in response, and Bill mouthed “Thank you.”

“Sounds like a good deal. And Bill? Thank you again.”

“No need to, Jimmy.”

Bill closed his phone and dropped it in his lap. “Well, that’s that.”

* * *

Lex pulled Bill over and hugged him. He was just as disappointed, but it couldn’t be helped. From what he’d heard, Margaret’s mother was ill, and Jimmy would need help. Of course, Bill needed to be there for his friend. Who was Lex to keep him away?

“Hey, it’s OK, Bills. Planes, remember?” He ran a soothing hand up and down Bill’s back. “And phone calls! We’ll call every day! Hell, I’ll write you a letter every day too if you want.”

He felt Bill smile into his shoulder. “You’ll just pick a sappy card and sign it.”

“I would _not!_ ” Lex pulled back and gave Bill a playful scowl. “I would write you letters full of longing. Letters about how I yearned to see you once more.”

Bill laughed. “You make it sound like I’m gonna be gone for a long time.”

Lex hoped he wouldn’t be. It didn't matter that they had only known one another for a short time; he’d grown used to seeing Bill each day and he'd miss him. “Hopefully it won’t be too long until you’re back again.”

* * *

They cuddled on the couch for a while, sharing lazy kisses and hugs. The TV was turned on and half paid attention to. When it came time for them to leave to get Bill’s things and to have dinner, Lex wouldn’t allow his boyfriend to get up from the couch at first.

“I want to ask you something.”

Bill leaned back against the couch. “OK.” What was this about?

“Let’s pick up something to go and I’ll take you somewhere special.” Lex brushed Bill’s lips with his. “I think you’ll like it.”

Returning the kiss—he was going to miss kissing Lex so much!—Bill replied, “You’ve been right about everything else. I’m ready when you are.” He stood, taking Lex’s hand and pulling him up with him. “Might need to brush our hair before we go.” He laughed softly at Lex’s mussed locks.

Lex smiled. “Yeah, we both have a serious case of make-out head.” He pulled Bill down the hallway and towards his bedroom. “Come on, my bathroom is right in here.”

Bill’s eyes widened when they entered the room. Lex’s bed was large, much bigger than he expected. A king if he wasn’t mistaken. It was covered in a deep red comforter, and the pillowcases on the matching plush pillows looked to be made of satin. The dresser was a deep chestnut color, and there was a wooden bookcase of the same shade that was filled with hardcover books.

“I know,” Lex said, drawing Bill’s attention. “Different. But I like comfort when I want to sleep.” He let go of Bill’s hand and walked towards an open doorway directly across from the bed. “Bathroom’s here.”

Bill followed him. The bathroom was average-sized: shower/tub combo, a sink with vanity, tiled floor. Lex opened a cabinet to the right of the mirror above the sink and took out a brush and ran it through his hair in broad strokes.

“I have a spare comb here. One sec,” Lex said. He replaced his brush and dug around in his cabinet and pulled out a black comb. “There ya go.”

“Thanks.” Bill tidied his own hair, then handed it back. “Looks like we’re all set.”

Lex looked at the comb in his fingers then placed it on the top shelf of the cabinet. “That’s yours now, for whenever you come to see me.”

Bill felt warmth flow from his chest outwards. “Mine?”

“Yeah. In fact, that whole shelf is yours. You’ll need a place for your toiletries.” He smiled widely at Bill. “You do plan on bringing a toothbrush and all that, right?”

Bill reached out and caught Lex up in a hug and a deep kiss. “Thank you, Lex.”

“Gotta make sure you have room for your stuff.”

* * *

They made their way back to Bill’s hotel, where he quickly packed up his things. Before he checked out, Bill stopped by Jimmy and Margaret’s room across the hall to double-check on their flight schedule and they all said their goodbyes for the evening.

Lex was waiting for him in his car outside, and he helped him load his suitcase in the trunk. “I called in for our food while you checked out. Just gotta pick it up and we’ll be on our way.”

“Is it far? To where we’re going, I mean.”

Lex’s eyes twinkled. “You’ll see.”

They drove not too far from the hotel, pulling up to a small little place that didn’t look like much from the outside. Lex ran inside, returning shortly after with two bags. He set them in the backseat, then hopped back in the front. “On our way!” he said cheerfully.

Bill didn’t smell much from the bags Lex had brought, and his curiosity piqued even higher. “What exactly did you order?”

“Shh!”

They drove out of the city and onto the highway, heading west as usual towards where Lex lived. However, they went further than Arlington and the sky was darkening by the time they arrived at their destination.

“Where are we?” Bill asked. They were surrounded by forest, and he saw signs on their way in saying that they were at a park of some kind.

“Sky Meadows State Park,” Lex said, confirming Bill’s thoughts. “We’re having a picnic, once I pay the parking fee.” He indicated the ranger’s booth ahead.

“But it’s dark!”

Lex grinned over at him. “I know.”

Lex paid the fee then parked his vehicle. He had Bill grab their food and led him over to a picnic table. He took out a flashlight and set it on its end on the table before turning it on. “There, light to see with.” He then took out wrapped sandwiches and laid them on the table along with a few sodas. “These are the best ones in the city,” he announced and sat next to Bill. “Bon appétit!”

Bill unwrapped the one before him. Roast beef. His favorite. He took a bite and before he knew it the sandwich was gone.

“Was it good for you?” Lex was barely halfway through his turkey and swiss.

Bill wiped his hands clean with a napkin and opened a soda to take a drink before he answered. “Damn good.”

Lex smiled. “I am, aren’t I?” he said smugly.

“You have a high opinion of yourself.” Bill placed his hands on the seat beneath him and leaned back, looking up at the sky.

His mouth dropped.

Stars.

_Stars._

He could see stars!

“Lex…” he whispered.

One of Lex’s hands gently settled on his thigh. “Surprised?”

“It’s like back home…” Bill turned his head to the happy expression on his lover’s face. “You did this for me?”

“Well, not by myself. Nature did most of the work.”

Bill covered Lex’s hand with his and squeezed it. “Thank you, Lex.”

“Anytime, Bill.”

* * *

When Lex finished his dinner, they put the empty wrappers and cans back into the bags and placed them into the back seat of the car. Lex then held out his hand and pulled Bill up beside him when his boyfriend took it. “It’s clear tonight, so let’s enjoy it, hmm?” he said, leading Bill to a nearby trail.

They walked slowly along the trail, Bill’s eyes drifting between the sky above them and the man at his side. He was moved, so moved by Lex’s surprise. He’d never forget it.

“What made you think of this? Me telling you about my walks?” Bill asked, moving closer to Lex.

Lex raised his arm and wrapped it around Bill, pulling him close. “I wanted you to have a memory of just us to take with you, Bills. Me, you, and the stars.”

Bill stopped walking and Lex turned to him. “I have so many memories of you already Lex. But this one, I think I like it best.” He leaned forward and kissed Lex softly. “Under the stars is where I’ve always felt the most peaceful, but now, whenever I see them, I’ll think of you.”

“Are you a closet romantic, Bill?” Lex’s voice was soft. “Because if you are, I like it.” He raised his eyes to the sky. “Say, let’s pick one.”

“Pick one?”

Lex turned Bill in his arms and pointed. “I’m not always in the city. There are times I am in places that I can see the stars at night. We can pick one, and maybe sometimes when we’re both looking at it, it’ll be at the same time. It’ll be like we’re doing something together.”

Bill leaned back against Lex, and Lex slid his arm across his chest, wrapping the other around his waist. “And who’s the closet romantic now?”

Lex kissed his hair. “I try. So what do you say?”

“The North Star? Something we can find easily?”

Lex hugged him tightly. “OK, Bill. That’ll be our spot.”

* * *

They walked for a short while longer, feeling light and happy, their fingers laced together between them. Every so often they’d exchange a kiss, and each time the kiss would last just a little bit longer.

They came upon a small bench on the side of the trail and Bill pulled Lex down upon it. He took his lover’s face between his hands and gently smiled at him.

“I’m going to miss you.”

“You’ll be back,” Lex whispered.

“I don’t know when though.” And Bill didn’t. He’d have to save up for another plane ticket. It wouldn't take long, but still. The waiting...

“Then we need to make tonight count, don’t we?”

Bill surged forwards and crushed his lips to Lex’s, and the younger man wrapped his arms around him. Bill threaded his hands in Lex’s hair, and their mouths opened to one another. They started to moan, gasp, wanting to go further.

“B-Bill,” Lex finally tore his mouth away. “N-Not here… We can’t…”

Lex was right. Not out here in the middle of the woods. Bill groaned and thunked his head against Lex’s shoulder. “Too far back to your apartment, Lex.” He needed him!

“We can make it, Bill,” Lex panted. “We have lots of time. You don’t have to be at the airport until nine, right?”

The thought of an entire night with Lex spurred Bill on. He jumped to his feet, tugging Lex with him. “Race you?”

Lex laughed. “Fuck yeah! You read my mind!”

* * *

If Lex had had it his way, his gas pedal would have been pressed all the way to the floor of the car on the way back to the apartment. But Bill, even though he was rock hard and about to burst through his jeans, wouldn’t allow it.

Horny or not, safety first.

The moment Lex’s apartment door was shut and locked behind them, Bill’s suitcase carelessly thrown on the couch, they were all over each other. A trail of clothes appeared on the floor behind them as they made their way to Lex’s bedroom, and by the time they were on the bed, they were skin to skin, lips and hands touching wherever they could.

“Lex… Lex…” Bill chanted in between kisses. He wanted this man. Oh God did he want him. Inside and out did he want him. He sucked the junction of Lex’s neck where it met his shoulder, fighting the urge to bite him. The salty taste of his skin was driving him insane with lust.

Lex’s mind was going crazy too. He wanted Bill’s hands all over him. His fingers inside him again, touching him _there_ and making him scream over and over. God, he loved Bill’s hands. Loved Bill’s cock. He was ruined for anyone else, he knew that now. And he didn’t care. He only wanted Bill from now on. Only Bill could please him, and he wanted to please Bill.

“What do you want, Bill?” Lex rasped.

Bill twisted one of Lex’s nipples in between his fingers, making Lex whine. “You, Lex. I want you.” Lex’s sounds drove him wild. “Y-You make me crazy, Lex…”

“Show me what you want, Bill, and I’ll show you what I want, what I like.” Lex took a hand, grabbing the back of Bill’s neck and pulling him down to kiss him, to lick into his mouth. “What you like, Bill. I want to know, so I can remember for next time.”

“Show me first,” Bill moaned. He couldn’t…not yet. He had to see…

Yes! Lex had wanted to show Bill ever since the day before. “Gimme a moment.” He wiggled out from under Bill, purposely swinging his hips to give his lover a show as he went to the dresser and opened the top drawer. He returned holding a curved metal wand, a small knob at one end, a larger one at the other. He also held a large bottle of lube and a strip of condoms.

“What is it?” Bill asked. Bill had never seen such a thing before. It was only about eight inches or so long, and he had a pretty good idea of where it went. “Do you use it like a…?”

“Like a dildo? Sorta.” Lex crawled back onto the bed and laid on his back before Bill, spreading his legs wide. He popped open the cap on the bottle then reached for Bill’s hand. “Open me up? You did such an amazing job this morning.”

Bill eagerly offered his fingers. Watching Lex fall apart while he fingered him had been hot as hell. “You don’t ever have to ask for that, Lex.” Once he was ready, he went to his task, and he was quickly moaning at the sounds he pulled from his lover as his fingers prepped him for—

“You never told me what that was,” he said. He slowly slid in his pinky finger and closed his eyes at Lex’s deep groan.

“It-It’s a— _Oh yes Bill_ —prostate massager. I can use this baby for hours, come until I can’t anymore.”

“You mean you wring yourself dry?” Bill stilled his hand. Had he really just said that?

Lex pushed himself against Bill’s fingers. “Haven’t you?”

Bill shook his head. “Never tried, no.” He continued moving his fingers and Lex spread his legs wider. “You’re so open like this…”

“AH! N-Need to be… Fuck! For this…and your cock…” Lex was going to miss this. Bill would have to get back soon because his toy wasn’t going to cut it! He needed Bill’s touch, his voice, needed to see his eyes…

“I-I think I’m good.” Lex lubed up the prostate massager and bit his lips when Bill took his fingers out from inside him. “W-Watching?”

Bill sat back, grasping his cock, unable to stop from touching himself. “I am, Lex.”

Lex brought the wand down, large end pressed against his widened hole. He slowly slid it inside him, arching his back as it spread his channel and rubbed him deliciously. “Oooo…” He moved it back and forth, in and out a little at a time, working towards where he knew his prostate was. He took his cock in his lube-covered hand and moved it in tandem with the pace of the toy. “Watching me, Bill?”

Bill was also moving his hand in time with Lex. “I am, Lex, I am. Don’t stop.” He’d never seen anything so erotic. The knob was opening Lex’s hole whenever his lover pulled it out, stretching it, and he imagined his cock doing the same. It glistened, making wet, obscene noises.

“I’m gonna hit it, Bill. I’m gonna hit it!” Lex shouted. He thrust the wand firmly inside then cried out, stripping his cock, cum shooting out of it and painting his stomach. “BILL!”

Bill was amazed at how fast it had happened. Lex must’ve been extremely aroused. And all for him? Shit! The toy was stuffed deep inside of Lex’s spasming hole, and Bill wanted to pull it out and fuck Lex into another orgasm, fill him with his cum.

He blinked. Wow. Where were these thoughts coming from? What was it about Lex? And why did it not really bother him?

“What is that face for?” Lex asked jokingly. Bill was staring at him hungrily, holding his hard cock that was leaking gorgeously. “Don’t you want to jump me?”

“I was…I was…” Should he? No… Not yet. Too soon. He didn’t even know…

“Thinking of what you want?”

He knew what he _wanted._ He also knew what he liked. Yeah, he’d focused on that.

“My balls,” he breathed. “I-I like my balls played with.”

Lex pulled his wand out with a moan and squelch, getting up and putting it in the bathroom to be cleaned later. He came back and pushed Bill to the bed. “You play with your balls, Bills?” he purred.

“I’m the only one who does. No one else ever wanted to.” Bill never knew why. Maybe it was because he was shy when it came to sex, or because he always wanted to please, to be accepted. He’d stopped asking eventually. “It’s OK if you don’t want to.”

“What? I’m confused.” Lex scooted down until he was facing Bill’s genitals. His boyfriend’s cock was hard and throbbing against his belly, and below them his testicles were large and heavy. “Bill, they are _begging_ to be played with.” He cupped them in his hand, rolling them with his fingers. “So big and full, Bill. So much cum in them.”

“Lex…” Bill moaned. He spread his legs and gripped the bed’s comforter tightly. “Uh!”

“I’m gonna suck your balls, Bill. Make up for all that time they never got any attention.” Lex opened his mouth and sucked one side of Bill’s sac into his mouth, and listened as Bill shouted out in pleasure. Bill smelled of sex, sweat, salt. It was wonderful.

“Lex, please! Ah!” Bill was so sensitive there! He thought his own fingers were too much sometimes, but Lex’s mouth! It was heaven! His tongue rolled over his sac, sucked one side in, and then the other. Oh yes, he’d remember this when he was back in Jericho!

Lex felt his cock plump up again between his legs at Bill’s cries. His eyes darted up to Bill’s shaft and he moaned. He was empty and wanted that inside him again.

He popped his mouth off Bill, and his lover groaned in dismay. “Don’t worry, Bill. It’s not over…” he whispered reassuringly.

He searched out for the bottle of lube and a condom. He ripped the condom open and slowly rolled it down Bill’s cock, making them both pant in anticipation. He then put a small dollop of lube onto his palm and slicked up Bill, and moved to hover over him.

“Gonna ride you, Bill. I’m gonna wring _you_ dry, even if it takes all night.” He sat down hard, and both his and Bill’s mouths fell open in total pleasure.

They’d worked each other up into a frenzy. It wasn’t going to last long, but it didn’t need to. They had the rest of the night. Right now, all that mattered was seeing one another’s face as they came. Bill’s hands gripped Lex’s hips so tightly they formed bruises, slamming him down onto his cock once Lex began a frantic rhythm atop him.

“You feel so fuckin’ good, Bill,” Lex moaned. “Don’t stop. Love your cock. Only want your cock. AH AH AH!” His prostate was being drilled each time he came down. “I’m gonna come all over you!”

Bill wanted to say what he was feeling. Lex was tight, slick. He wondered what he would feel like skin-to-skin. He’d never thought of such a thing before. It made his head spin. But he didn’t have the words! He bent his knees for leverage and thrust up into Lex. “I know…” he panted. “I know…”

“Want you to come on me next time, Bill,” Lex panted, drunk on pleasure. “You have so much.” He lowered his eyes to stare at Bill. “You’re so good, Bill…”

“You can have all you want, Lex…” Bill choked out. He was gonna explode! He wasn’t gonna last with Lex’s filthy mouth!

“I’m coming Bill! I’m coming!” Lex fell over, arm’s on either side of Bill’s chest, crying out as he came. He shook with each spasm of his cock, which were intensified by Bill’s continued thrusts inside him.

Bill wrapped his arms around Lex’s torso, increasing his hip’s movements and hurling himself towards completion. He groaned loudly into Lex’s sweaty skin, shuddering over and over. He’d never had such an intense orgasm before in his life.

It was by far the best sex he’d ever had, and it had been with Lex, which made it even better.

Lex went to roll off of him, but Bill held on tightly. “No, not yet. Let me hold you.”

“Take care of your dick inside me, and we can snuggle all you want until we’re ready to go again.”

* * *

Bill stared at the knotted condom in the trashcan of Lex’s bathroom. His thoughts from earlier entered his mind, but he just didn’t know how to broach the subject. He turned when he heard Lex approach him from behind.

“Admiring your handiwork?” Lex asked humorously over his shoulder.

“Not really.”

Lex raised an eyebrow. “OK…”

Bill sighed. This was bugging him, and Lex was already noticing. “I was… I mean…”

“Don’t like the condom? Is it not big enough?” Lex sounded genuinely curious. “Or are you just not a condom guy?” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and winked.

“No! I mean, yes! The condoms are fine! Fit fine! Use them!” Great, now he sounded like an idiot. “Um, what?”

Lex smiled and kissed his cheek. “If you ever want to go beyond what we’re doing Bills, just get tested. I do regularly. I don’t mind if it’s you.”

Lex grabbed a washcloth and cleansed himself, handing it to Bill before heading back into the bedroom. But Bill stood there in mild shock. What just happened? Did Lex just say that they could? Bill felt a stirring in his groin. He had physicals at work all the time. He was clean! If Lex was, maybe…

His face filled with heat. He couldn’t just walk in there and suggest that! Lex would think that he had been thinking about this all along! How would he react?

“Hey, Bill!” Lex called from the bedroom. “Snuggle time! Get your ass back in here! We can talk about planning on how I’m gonna wring you dry tonight! Plenty of”—Lex cleared his throat—”’fine’ condoms for us to use.”

Bill bit his lip. That was Lex’s sexy teasing voice. He was on to him. He felt his cock start to grow hard. He had a feeling snuggling might be off the agenda.

* * *

Lex was sprawled in the middle of the bed. He was waiting impatiently for his lover to return. He had seen the hungry look in Bill’s eyes when he suggested testing. And Lex hadn’t lied about his being testing regularly; it was government policy to have biannual physicals.

Which was why Lex knew that Bill had them as well.

It sent a thrill down Lex’s spine. He’d never had sex without a condom before. He’d never wanted to. Never felt right, never felt safe enough. Never trusted anyone enough.

But with Bill, he felt that he could. A part of him told him that he should be scared, cautious, but he couldn’t find a reason to. They had learned so much about each other in such a short time it was unreal. The only bad part about it all was that they lived so far from one another.

He raised his eyes as Bill exited the bathroom. His lover’s skin was flushed with arousal, and his cock was hard and heavy between his legs. He was the epitome of lust and desire to Lex at that moment.

Lex was glad that he’d kept the lube on the bed with him.

“Bill?” he asked casually, flinging an arm above his head and spreading his legs ever so slightly. “Is there something you want to uh”—he licked his lips—”talk about?”

Bill visibly shuddered. “I’m clean.”

“When?” Lex asked. He had to make it seem like a real conversation.

“Three months ago. My job… We have to have them.”

Lex raised himself up on his elbows, bending a knee just to see how Bill would respond. His lover’s hitching breath and the way he shivered had Lex hard almost immediately. “You know it’ll be messy.”

“I know.”

“Have you ever…?”

Bill shook his head. “Never.”

Lex’s skin tingled. “Me neither.”

A worried look crossed Bill’s face. “We don’t have to…”

“Bill.”

“Yes?”

“Fuck me.”

Between one moment and the next, Bill was looming over Lex, slathering his engorged cock with lube. His eyes were dark with arousal, and Lex’s heart was beating wildly in his chest at the sight.

“I’m still open from earlier, Bill! Get in me!” Lex begged.

“Roll over,” Bill said hoarsely. He wanted to pound into Lex, take him hard and rough like he’d never taken anyone before. It was like something inside of him had been unleashed and he was letting go.

Lex eagerly obliged, getting to his hands and knees before Bill. “Like this, baby?”

Bill moaned. Oh yes, like that. Always like that. Why had he never embraced sex this way before? He leaned against Lex’s ass, spread his lover’s cheeks, groaning at the sight of Lex’s slightly red and puffy hole. “Ready, Lex?” he asked, aligning himself.

“Get in me, Bills. Just get in me,” Lex whined.

Bill slowly entered him, wanting to memorize every second of his cock being enveloped by Lex’s channel. It was so different—that word! He’d used and thought it so many times lately!—from before. Smooth, wet from lube, _hot._ Lex’s velvety walls stretched around him, accommodating his girth exquisitely, sucking him in.

“Oh God… _Bill…_ ” Lex’s legs and arms were shaking. Inch by inch Bill filled him, and inch by inch the naked skin of Bill’s cock caressed his inner walls, stimulating them and sending pleasure radiating throughout his body. Oh yes, it would be this way between them from now on! “Keep going, Bill! All the way! All the way!”

When Bill was balls deep, he kissed the back of Lex’s neck, reveling in the fact that they were touching each other so intimately. “Lex…”

“Move Bill. Let my ass wring you dry.”

Bill clamped his hands onto Lex’s hips. “All night?” he whispered.

“All night,” Lex answered.

Pulling out slowly, Bill dragged his cock hard against Lex’s walls until just the cockhead remained inside. “Alright.” He took a deep breath, then snapped his hips forwards. “Like that?” he asked, repeating the motion immediately.

“Fuck! Yes, Bill!” Lex was thrown forward onto his elbows as Bill began pounding into him. “Harder, harder, harder!”

Bill leveraged himself until he was crouched over Lex and thrust into him firmly again and again. “Like this?” Damn it was good! So much friction! It went straight from his dick and up his spine!

“YES YES YES! FUCK ME BILL!” Lex pounded a fist on the bed. So good! So good! “DO ME, BABY!”

“Shit, Lex!” Bill worked himself and Lex closer and closer, both crying out and moaning the other’s name. Maybe he’d been wrong about their tryst from earlier being the best sex of his life. Maybe this was it. Or maybe each time from now on would get better and better.

The thought made him piston into Lex even harder.

“Come in me Bill! Fill me up!” Lex begged. “Wanna feel you!” Lex was wrecked, drenched in sweat, gasping for breath. “I’m so close!”

Bill moved his hands to Lex’s sides, bracing himself and rabbiting his hips against Lex. It rammed the tip of his cock several times in succession into Lex’s sweet spot, hurtling Lex into his orgasm. Bill followed right after, Lex’s convulsing walls doing him in.

They screamed each other’s names, unable to hold back. Lex covered the comforter beneath him, white lines of his release standing out against the red fabric. Bill’s cum flooded inside Lex, hot and deep, his testicles flexing with each spurt into his lover. Both men then shuddered and rocked from the multiple aftershocks that followed.

Bill wrapped an arm under Lex and rolled them over to the side, away from Lex’s wet spot. They panted heavily from their exertions before slowly relaxing into the afterglow. Bill remained buried deep inside Lex, and neither cared.

“That was amazing,” Lex said when he caught his breath. He wiggled his hips and Bill nipped at his neck.

“Stop that. You’ll make me slip out and we’ll have even more of a mess.”

“Hmm, I told you it would be messy. I wonder how much messier we can get tonight?”

Bill groaned at the images Lex’s words conjured. “You’re something, you know that?” He held him tightly and Lex hummed in content.

“I’m glad you think so.” His eyes looked towards the other side of the bed. “I’m also glad that you’re staying the night.”

“I kinda don’t have a choice right now,” Bill said.

“No, not like that.” Lex turned his head. “I mean that I’m glad that I got to share my bed with you. It’ll make it a lot easier to imagine you being here with me, now that I’ve seen you in it.”

Bill kissed him tenderly. “If only I could do the same at home with my bed,” he said sadly.

“Maybe we could...” Lex began. He chewed his lip in thought. “Well, you might not like it.”

“What?” Bill gasped as he felt his cock soften and slowly start to slide its way out of Lex. “Hold that thought.” He made sure that Lex remained on his side before bounding out bed for a washcloth. “There, not too messy, right?” he said when he returned to clean them both up.

Lex peered over at his wet spot. “Well, I guess.”

“Have another one?” Bill asked, indicating the comforter.

“Hallway, on the shelf.”

Bill headed out to get it and Lex dabbed up what he could of his drying release with the washcloth. No use replacing the comforter just yet. They still had a little while before they planned to sleep, after all.


	9. Chapter 9

“I’m surprised we can both move,” Lex said as they drove towards the airport. He and Bill hadn’t fallen asleep until almost two in the morning, sated beyond belief. Neither knew how they were able to keep going for so long; they just hadn’t wanted the night to end. They’d barely been able to replace the comforter on the bed before they had curled around one another and drifted off.

They’d almost slept through the alarm and barely had time for a shower and shave before they’d raced out the door. Bill would be able to sleep on the flight, but poor Lex was having to call in late to work—not that he cared; Quinn could kiss his ass. He was going to have a long day and imagined that he would put quite a dent in his tea stash.

“I’m sore, that’s for sure,” Bill said. He had a hand on Lex’s thigh and was rubbing little circles with his thumb. “Though I have a feeling that you’re a bit more than I am.”

Lex smiled. Yeah, he was gonna be feeling the effects of their sex marathon for a good while. But, he didn’t mind. It would remind him of Bill, and that was a good thing as far as he was concerned. “It’s a good sore.” He took Bill’s hand and raised it to his lips for a gentle kiss. “A _very_ good sore.”

“I’ll be back soon, Lex. I promise,” Bill said.

Lex squeezed his hand. “I know. I believe you, Bill. And, um.” He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. “If you want to come sooner than you’re able, and you need help with it, I don’t have a problem doing so.”

Bill cocked his head. “You mean help as in money?”

Lex looked at him from the corner of his eye. “Yeah.”

“Lex, you don’t have to do th—”

“I know I don’t, but I want to if, you know.” Lex threaded their fingers together. “If it lets us spend more time together, I want to do it.”

Bill looked ahead out the windshield. “I’m not sure how I feel about that.”

Lex’s stomach fell. Bill had mentioned before about how he was unused to having nice things done for him. Was there more to it than that? “Bill, if it makes you uncomfortable, it’s OK.” He’d just have to wait.

“No, it’s not that.” Bill sighed. “No, that’s not true. It sorta is.” Bill turned back to him. “I just don’t want you to have to spend your money on me. I can afford it, Lex.”

Lex smiled. “It’s not about money to me, Bill.” He wanted to pull Bill into a hug, but unfortunately, they were on the highway and it wasn’t possible, so he settled on kissing Bill’s knuckles again instead. “It’s about spending as much time as I can with you as often as I can.”

“You must be really good at your job,” Bill commented with a smile.

“What do you mean?” Lex asked, confused.

“Your way with words. You just convinced me.” Bill gave Lex’s hand a firm squeeze. “I need to be careful or you’ll have me wrapped around your finger.”

Lex was happy that Bill had agreed, but his boyfriend had no idea how right he was. Lex _had_ had to learn to have a way with words. Not only with hiding who his real employer was, but with keeping his past a secret as well. Once again, the thought of sharing who he really was passed through his mind, and a longing of being that open, that free to be himself, welled up within him for a brief moment.

What would it be like, after so many years?

* * *

Forty minutes later they both stood in front of the airport’s security check-in. The Taylors were already in line, but Lex and Bill wanted just a little bit more time to say goodbye. They were hugging each other closely, ignoring the looks of passersby.

“I don’t want to go,” Bill whispered. He sighed into Lex’s neck, breathing in the now familiar smell of his boyfriend’s shampoo, wanting to commit it to memory. It hadn’t been long enough! He’d just got here! He’d just kissed Lex for the first time two days ago!

“I don’t want you to either. But you’ll be back. Let know me as soon as you’re able, and I’ll buy you a ticket that day,” Lex promised back.

Lex was shaking, and Bill couldn’t stand it. His eyes were stinging and Lex was about to cry too! “D-Don’t cry, Lex. We’ll make a scene.”

“I don’t give a fuck,” Lex said back. “You make me happy, Bill. I don’t know how it happened so fast, but…” his voice trailed off. “Damn I’m gonna miss you.”

The tears started. “Shit Lex, shut up.” Bill raised his head and kissed him, and he tasted Lex’s tears on his lips. What was he going to do while they were apart?

Lex pulled back and gave him a watery smile. “You need to go, baby. You’ll miss your flight.”

“Lex, I…” What did he want to say? Why did he have such trouble finding what to say?

“Hey, remember how you had me call you whenever I got home to make sure I was safe?” Lex held BIll’s face in his hands and used his thumbs to wipe Bill’s tears away. “Will you do the same for me?”

Bill nodded and wiped away Lex’s own tears. “From the airport and from home. I promise.”

“Come back soon, OK Bill?”

“I will.”

“And Bill?”

“Yes, Lex?”

“You’re amazing.”

Bill crushed Lex to him. “ _You’re_ amazing.”

They shared one last, tender kiss before Bill walked away, not releasing one another’s hands until the very last moment.

* * *

Lex watched him leave, his heart twisting in his chest. He wanted to go after him, drag him back to his car, go somewhere far away like he’d wanted to the day before. Just him and Bill, where they could be happy.

Why did Bill have to go and he have to stay here?

Why did life have to push them together and then pull them apart?

It hurt.

Why did it hurt?

He wanted to talk to Terri so bad right now.

Bill was at the scanner, placing his bag on the conveyor belt and walking through. He wouldn’t be able to see him in a moment.

A jolt of panic went through him. He didn’t even have a picture of Bill! A picture of them together! Why didn’t they ever get one?! All kinds of places to get one, and they didn’t! And now it was too late!

 _You can get one next time,_ his conscious told him.

No! He wanted one in the meantime! He felt fresh tears well in his eyes. He hated this! He wanted Bill, HIS Bill, to stay!

Bill walked through the scanner and disappeared from view, and Lex covered his face and sobbed.

_Bill…_

* * *

Bill was quiet when they boarded the plane. Quiet when he took his seat by the window. Through take-off, as well. He heard Margaret tell the kids that Uncle Bill was tired and that they should let him rest.

Tired. Yeah, he was tired alright. Tired of his life going up and down. Dragging him where he didn’t want to go. Why did he have to suffer inside for doing the right thing? Weren’t you supposed to be happy with yourself for being a good person?

He felt the exact same way leaving from vacation as he did going. For a very brief time, he was full of exhilaration, but now it was like waking from a dream into a dreary reality. Every second he got further away from Lex, and…

He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his head against the window. He wouldn’t cry again! It would only upset everyone. He might set off a panic attack and he couldn’t do that on a plane! He didn't have Lex here to help him!

_Lex…_

* * *

Lex cupped his hands under the faucet, letting the cold water fill them before splashing his face. He needed to calm himself down before heading back to the parking lot and driving the half-hour to work.

He’d gone to one of the airport restrooms after he’d cried, drawing the attention of one of the workers. They’d thought he was lost or had gotten some bad news. He had just walked off and come straight here and stared at himself in the mirror. He hadn’t looked so miserable since he’d been told that Terri and Stiles had been declared dead. He’d almost called work to tell them he wouldn't be in for the day, but knew that he’d be in for it from Quinn if he did. Gage wouldn’t be amused either. His job didn’t care if he was upset over a boyfriend having to go away.

The water dripped from his face and he breathed in deeply for a moment before patting it dry with a paper towel. _It’s OK, Lex. You can talk on the phone. Ask Bill to send you a picture. Send him one of you, too. The world isn’t as big as it used to be, right?_

He crumpled up the towel and threw it into the garbage then checked his watch. He needed to go. Always had somewhere to go. Always other things to do. Always had to do things for the greater good. Some were worth it, some he wondered why he bothered with at all.

He allowed a small smile to cross his face. Bill was definitely one of those that was worth it, and maybe someday…

He straightened his tie in the mirror and blew a puff of air from between his cheeks.

“Day one.”

* * *

Someone shaking his shoulder roused Bill from slumber. He slowly blinked his eyes open and turned his head to see Margaret’s face smiling at him softly. “We’re going to be landing in about fifteen minutes. Just wanted to make sure that you were awake for it.”

Bill nodded and sat up straight in his seat. He didn’t know exactly when he had nodded off, but he wished that he could continue sleeping longer. His head hurt. He’d given up on holding back his tears a half-hour into the flight and gone into the plane’s bathroom to cry softly for a good ten minutes.

Thoughts had raced through his mind, and one in particular had made him cram his fist into his mouth to keep himself from crying louder. It had been a week ago yesterday that he and Lex had met at the fountain. However, both of their attentions were focused on Bill’s return to Jericho, and it had gone completely unnoticed. It might have seemed silly to some, but it had been an important day to him, and he was sure Lex felt the same. Spending the entire day and night together should’ve given him some solace, but the fact remained: they had missed it, and it hurt Bill.

Jimmy had come to knock on the door to check on him, and Bill had splattered water everywhere in his haste to wash his face in the overly small sink. He was still patting his face dry when he’d opened the door, but Jimmy didn’t mention a word of it. He knew what Bill had been doing.

It didn’t take them long to get off the plane and claim their luggage, and Bill called Lex on the walk to the Taylor’s minivan.

“Bill?” Lex’s voice answered. He sounded out of breath.

“Yeah, I’m, uh, just heading to the parking lot. We landed about twenty minutes ago.” He walked slowly behind Jimmy and his family, wanting to keep the conversation private. “This sucks.”

Lex sighed on his end. “I know, baby. I’ve been distracted all day thinking about that too.” There were muffled voices in the background. “Did the flight go OK?” Lex paused. “Are _you_ OK?”

Bill closed his eyes. No, he wasn’t, but he didn’t want to worry Lex too much. “I’m better now that I’ve heard your voice.”

“Just better?”

Yeah, he couldn’t get anything past Lex, even if they were over 1600 miles apart. “I’ve _been_ better.”

“Yeah, me too.” There were more voices in the background and Lex cursed softly. “Bill, I’m sorry, but I can’t talk anymore.”

“It’s OK. I have to go too.” Bill was at the van and having to heft his suitcase in the trunk. “We’re about to drive to Jericho. Takes about a few hours or so.”

“I’ll be waiting for your call. Drive safely, OK?”

“You know how I am about safe driving.”

There was a smile in Lex’s voice when he replied. “Yeah, I remember.”

They were silent for a moment, not wanting the call to end. It was like a repeat of their tearful goodbye from that morning.

Bill hated it.

“I’ll call you, Lex.”

“I’ll answer, Bill.”

* * *

Lex heard the call disconnect and leaned against the wall in the main conference room. He held a few files tightly in one hand and pressed his phone to his chest with the other. He’d been on his way out from a meeting with Jackson and Quinn when his phone had buzzed in his pocket and had quickly raced down the hall to slip inside the room.

It had felt good to hear Bill’s voice, but damn he missed him! He wouldn’t be able to see him after work now! No more dinners, no more quiet talks. He wouldn’t be able to take him to the park to see the stars again like he had planned! To see their star together!

An idea started to form in his mind. It would require some extra time every day, but it would help with all of this, he knew it! He flipped his phone closed and tapped his lips with it. It would also make Bill happy, and making him happy was something Lex wanted.

He hefted the files under his arm and peeked out the door before exiting the room. He needed to get these taken care of in the meantime.

And he hoped that Bill would like his idea.

* * *

Bill sighed and walked into his house.

His small house that seemed much too big now.

He placed his suitcase in the laundry room, planning on washing his clothes later. He checked the messages on his answering machine, most of which were nothing that he really cared about. He got a glass of water and took some Tylenol, then plopped down on the couch.

He then called the one person who had become more important to him than anything.

“Hi, Bills.”

Bill blinked. Lex sounded…lighter? Perhaps happier?

“Hi?”

“Did the drive go well?”

“Yeah. Just made it in. I’m exhausted.” Bill turned and laid on his back on the couch. “Feel like I could take a nap.”

“Maybe you should. Naps are always good, ya know.”

Bill thought about the naps he’d shared with his lover. They had all certainly been very good. “Too bad I have to have them alone.”

This time Lex’s voice was melancholy. “Yeah, they are always better when you have someone else.” His tone then brightened slightly. “But it’s another thing we can look forward to, right?”

“Soon I hope,” Bill sighed. He took one of his throw pillows and hugged it to his chest. “Think I might try that nap now.”

“OK, Bills. But can I ask you a question first?”

Bill hugged the pillow tighter. “Yeah.”

“Are you planning on continuing your walks?”

“I-I hadn’t thought about it to be honest,” Bill answered truthfully. His eyes wandered about his living room at the sandy beige walls, the Berber carpet, and the medium-green microfiber furniture set he’d gotten on sale a few years prior. He wasn’t much on television but had one anyway. “I might, though. Why?”

“Well, we have our spot, remember? I was thinking: wanna meet every night when it’s clear for both of us? Sorta like a date?”

Bill slowly sat up. “But, Lex, that would mean that you’d have to drive a long ways out.”

“I don’t mind. It would be worth it, to talk and look at our star together.”

“Lex…” Bill felt his eyes sting. “I…”

“Please say yes. I need you to say yes.” Lex’s voice held a note of pleading. “I miss you, Bill.”

“It’s a date, Lex. I’ll be there.”

* * *

Lex sat on his bike in the darkness, legs spread wide on either side with his arms crossed over the handlebars. He’d arrived at his destination ten minutes before and was waiting on Bill to call him.

He’d driven out to a spot near a rest area northwest of Langley. He’d gone to websites and forums maintained by local astronomy groups and clubs and had learned of the locations that they frequented to stargaze. This one in particular was quiet, peaceful, and had a clear view of the Virginia night sky. He could already see the North Star, and he had words forming in his mind about scolding Bill for “arriving late.”

As if on cue, his phone rang and Lex smiled to himself as he answered. “You’re late, and as per rules that I have just made up, you’re buying.”

“Heh. Sorry. I kinda took a longer nap than planned, then remembered all I had in the house was cheese and crackers. Had to go out for dinner.”

Lex smiled. His own cabinets didn’t have much in them either. “It’s OK. You’re allowed to be slow after traveling and all.”

“Yeah, but now it’ll be even harder to go to sleep tonight,” Bill sighed. “At least Jimmy’s mother is coming to spend time with the kids tomorrow. I think he did that for me.”

“I’m glad that he did. I like Jimmy.” Lex got off his bike, setting his helmet down and walking up a few yards. “Where are you?”

“I’m beside one of the fields a quarter of a mile or so from town. Dirt road. It was cloudy earlier, but not anymore.”

“I’m near a rest stop. It’s clear here too. I can see the stars, Bill. Can you see ours?” Lex stopped walking and looked up.

“I’m looking at it now. It’s… Lex… We’re so far apart, but we’re under the same sky, ya know?”

Lex felt a pressure form in his chest. “Y-Yeah, we are Bill.” He reached out a hand towards the sky. “We are. It’s like we could touch if we reached out.”

“I’m reaching out, Lex. You think if we closed our eyes, we could imagine it happening?”

Lex closed his eyes. “Let’s try it.”

* * *

Bill closed his eyes and extended his hand. He stretched out his fingers, remembering how Lex’s felt when they were intertwined with his own. The warmth, the comfort, the weight of them in his palm.

Almost, almost…

“I miss you, Lex,” he choked out. A tear escaped from his eye and slipped slowly down his cheek. “Why do I miss you so much?”

“Bill…” Lex’s voice sounded tearful as well.

“How did this happen so fast, Lex? I don’t understand…” Bill kept reaching out, willing for Lex to somehow grasp his hand. “I didn’t even know you two weeks ago.”

“Come back to me, Bill,” Lex whispered. “Please…”

Bill let out a shaky sob. “ _I can’t…_ ”

“Bill… I—”

“No, Lex, don’t…” Bill shook his head, lowering his arm and covering his face with his hand. “Not yet. I can’t… Not yet…” It was too much. He couldn’t handle it.

There was silence on the other end of the line and Bill’s heart nearly stopped. “Lex?”

* * *

Lex’s hand had dropped dully to his side. What had he done? Had he been about to say…?

Tears were streaming down his face. No! He was just really emotional. It was too soon for that. He was just really attached was all. Bill didn’t even know the real him yet! How could he... Bill didn’t deserve that! Bill deserved to know as much as possible first! Right now it was all mostly a lie!

_You’re so **stupid** Lex!_

“Lex? Are you still there?”

Lex sniffed and cleared his throat. “I-I’m still here, baby.”

“Did I hurt you? I didn’t mean to…” Bill’s voice was full of remorse. “I just don’t think—”

“No, Bill. I-I’m just… I just realized that you mean a lot more to me than I realized. I think I… Maybe I got too caught up. You did nothing wrong.” Fuck! Maybe he needed to man up and just fly to see Bill now and get rid of this...whatever he was feeling. He hated it!

“I still want to have our dates, even if all we do is cry,” Bill said quickly.

Tears fell again. _Oh, Bill! Please don’t think I **ever** want to stop!_ “Me too. We shouldn’t cry alone, right?”

“Maybe it’ll help us cry ourselves out,” Bill laughed softly.

“I’m all for it. I want to hear you laugh again, Bills.” Lex wiped at his face. He was smiling a little already.

“It’s getting a bit late, Lex. I think this kinda made me tired. I might be able to fall asleep after all.”

“Maybe we can talk to each other while doing that some time,” Lex replied.

“I’d like that, falling asleep to your voice.”

Lex walked back to his bike. “Me too, Bills. Me too.”

* * *

But Bill didn’t fall asleep as easily as he thought he would. He laid in bed, curled around his spare pillow and facing the wall, deep in thought.

Had Lex been about to say what he thought he was going to? How would Bill have responded? And would it have been true, or just something said because of their emotions running so high?

Bill closed his eyes and focused on Lex. At first, he felt a deep pain, a deep longing for him to be right beside him. He wanted to hold him, to be held by him. His bed felt too big and empty with just himself in it. He then saw Lex’s face, his amber eyes bright as he smiled and laughed in that way that made Bill’s heart want to burst with joy every time he heard it. And when they talked, how Bill could just tell him everything that was on his mind, his feelings, what had happened to him.

He sighed. And Lex comforted him when he was upset. His therapist could get him through it, but Lex’s touch, his voice, the kindness in his eyes… It made it easier, made him feel less afraid.

How had he ever managed without him?

* * *

Lex just went through the motions the next day at work. Took his time with his tasks, did as he was asked. He loathed his job more than ever. He still took pride in the fact that he helped and saved people, but he hated how he felt stuck where he was, how his job was controlling his life, how it was making him do things he didn’t want to do.

Specifically, how he had to lie to Bill.

Jackson sat down with him at lunch and stared at him until Lex let it all out.

“You can tell him just enough, Lex. You don’t have to tell him what exactly you do,” Jackson suggested kindly when Lex finished.

Lex was surprised. “That’s not how it works, Jackson! You know that!” He could get in so much trouble! He’d have to be married to Bill! He’d—

“Whoa! You’ve gone white as a sheet! What is it, Lex!” Jackson reached across the table and took Lex’s shoulders. “Are you alright?”

“I-I’m OK. At least, I think I am.” Lex took a drink of the soda he’d bought. _Married? Really Lex?_ “I’m not thinking straight, Jackson. What’s wrong with me?”

Jackson smiled. “I think you’re closer to Bill than you realize. You two might be well on your way to something pretty special.” He let go of Lex’s shoulders and sat back. “But I think you both also need to do some deep thinking. It’s not good to go too fast.” A look of pain crossed his face. “I know from experience.”

Lex remembered Jackson’s love affair with the Persian cellist, and how it had ended badly for all involved. It had been terrible for his friend. He still carried the scars from the relationship after all this time. If it had affected him this badly, Jackson was more than likely right.

“I understand. Thank you, Jackson.” Lex chewed on his bottom lip. “I guess, even though it hurts, the distance will help us think a little clearer.”

“You’re welcome, Lex. And don’t give up; things will work out as they’re meant to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry :/


	10. Chapter 10

As they’d promised, Lex and Bill spoke each night, be it while looking at their star or before going to sleep in their beds. They each talked of their days, their routines, anything just to hear the other’s voice. Bill kept Lex apprised of Margaret’s mother and how she was slowly recovering in the hospital. Bill was helping Jimmy at home every day, mostly keeping the kids entertained while Jimmy kept the house in one piece. Lex told Bill about what was going on at “the office,” changing the settings and circumstances as needed.

One night after Bill had returned to work, Lex asked what he would like to do when he came to visit. Bill got quiet and Lex thought for a moment that one of their phones had dropped the call. 

“You still there, Bill?” he asked.

“Yeah. Just thinking.”

“Oh! Thought we’d lost each other there for a second.”

“I would’ve called you right back.” Bill huffed out a laugh. 

“I know.” Lex rolled over to his side. “So, have an answer?”

Lex heard Bill’s bedsprings squeak. He’d teased Bill about it before. “I, um, I think I’d have to kiss you first.”

“Well, that’s a given, Bills,” Lex smiled. Oh, he would kiss Bill until he was breathless. 

“I’m still not sure when that will be though,” Bill said sadly.

“It’s only been a little over two weeks. Things will settle and before we know it, you’ll be catching a plane back,” Lex told his boyfriend. It was getting easier, but it was still so hard. Lex was just thankful that he’d been able to work the latest mission from D.C., though he knew there would be times he’d be out of the country.

He wasn’t looking forward to those.

“How is your mom, Lex?” Bill asked conversationally.

“My mom?” Lex said, surprised. How did…?

“Yeah. You mentioned her at the café. If you’d rather not talk about her because of, well…”

Shit! He’d forgotten! “Oh! No! It’s OK! It had just slipped my mind that I had. Yeah, she’s fine. Uh…” His talk with Jackson came back to him. Even Jackson didn’t know about his mom. Maybe he could talk about her a little more with Bill, right? “I see her every so often. She’s the only relative I’m close to.”

“Oh, so you and your dad aren’t close. I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s a long story. I’ll tell you, if, well…”

“I remember: if we’re together a long time from now.”

Lex smiled. “Yeah, I will.” 

* * *

Unfortunately, their time apart dragged on. Bill was put on extra shifts, many of them third shifts. Like Lex had anticipated, he was pulled away on an overseas mission and had had to tell Bill that he was at a convention for his job and couldn’t get away to talk very often. June passed into July, then slipped into August, and they were both becoming frustrated and annoyed with the universe with each passing day.

“I put the picture that you sent me on my bedside table so I see it first thing whenever I wake up,” Lex told Bill at the beginning of September. “I was tempted to put it on my desk at work, but it would’ve…erm…distracted me.”

Bill glanced at the picture of Lex that he had sitting on his own bedside table. “It’s a good place for it.” He and Lex had mailed each other pictures of themselves in July. He had been touched when he opened the envelope to see that his lover had gotten someone to photograph him in front of the Dupont Fountain. It was just like Lex. 

“You’re in uniform. It’s too sexy for me to have within sight while I’m trying to work.”

“Too bad you’ll never actually see me in it,” Bill teased. 

“You mean you’ll never bring it with you just so I can peel it off of you? That’s cruel, Bills!” Lex pouted over the line. “We could role play!”

Bill rolled his eyes. “Is there anything you _don’t_ want to do with me?” Lex had started to make a list of everything he wanted to do with Bill when they were together again, and he had recently started to add multiple “bedroom activities” to it. Bill found it funny and went along with it. “We can’t just spend the entire time in your bedroom, Lex.”

“I can make an itinerary. I’m _very_ good at scheduling.”

“I guess I better start working on my stamina when I exercise then.”

“Oh, baby, you are _more_ than fine in that department,” Lex purred.

Bill shifted on the bed. “Um, thank you?” 

Lex’s voice turned seductive. “Am I turning you on, Bill?”

“I…” Bill’s eyes moved to Lex’s picture. The sun had caught his hair in that way that made it appear to be spun from gold and his eyes were warm pools of amber honey. And his mouth and lips were—

“I hear you breathing, Bill. Are you?”

Bill had dreamt about his and Lex’s times together. Lex’s moans, pants, and cries. He loved the sounds he made for him. Only for him. Bill had touched himself to memories of those sounds, but he’d never told Lex. He didn’t know how.

And now Lex wanted them to have _phone sex?_  
  
“Come on, Bill. I know you’re thinking of it.”  
  
Bill moaned and he closed his eyes when Lex answered with one of his own. Damn, was Lex touching himself? Bill used his free arm to tug his underwear to his knees to free his half-hard cock. _  
__  
_“ _Yesss..._ ”

“I want you to touch me so bad, Bill. I miss your hands…” Lex moaned. “It’s not the same with mine.”

Bill smoothed his hand down his abdomen and circled the head of his now fully erect cock with a finger. It was leaking at the sounds Lex was making. “Lex…” He imagined Lex’s mouth around him. “I know…”

“Tell me what to do, Bill. Tell me what you’d do to me if you were here…” Lex begged.

“You want me to WHAT?” Bill’s eyes opened wide. 

“Please, Bill. I want to imagine that my hands are your hands. I-I’ll do whatever you tell me. Please, Bill…”

Bill gripped his cock hard. The thought of having Lex falling to pieces without him even touching him… Why did they wait so long to do this? “Do you want me to kiss you, Lex?”

Lex sighed. “Always. Your kisses taste so wonderful, Bill…”

“So do yours, Lex…” Bill stroked himself slowly. “Your mouth is delicious.” He panted softly, thinking of what he’d do. “Touch your nipples, Lex. Pinch them for me.”

Lex hissed over the phone. “Bill! More!”

Bill stood slowly and continued listening to Lex whimper. “Keep going. Suck a finger in your mouth if you want.” He swallowed hard at the sound that immediately followed as he made his way into his bathroom to get his small bottle of lube from the medicine cabinet. “Is that better?”

“So much! Feels so good, Bill! Don’t stop!”

“Got your lube handy?” Bill was back on his bed and drizzling his own lube on his cock to make the glide of his hand smoother. “I think it’s time to-to...”

“Don’t give up on me because of dirty talk, Bills,” Lex panted.

Bill bit his lip. He’d tried once or twice their last night together and been sorta OK. He could do this for Lex. “Use it to open your hole, Lex,” he rasped.

Lex groaned. “I-I have my toy here too, Bill…”

“Were you going to play after your phone call with me tonight Lex?” Bill felt his cock throb in his palm. “God, I wish I could watch you do that.”

“It’s not the same without you watching me…” Bill heard the sound of a cap popping open. “What do you want me to do next, baby?”

“G-Get your fingers in. Deep.” Bill threw his head back and trailed his fingers across his sac. “Ahhh…”

“You touching yourself too, Bill?” Lex moaned. “What are you doing?”

“Wishing your mouth was on my balls, Lex. Love your mouth…”

“Mmm, I’m gonna soak your balls in my mouth when I have you in my b-ED!” Lex cried out. “OH FUCK!”

* * *

“Lex, are you alright? LEX!” 

Lex’s eyes were nearly rolled back into his head. He’d been so caught up with his and Bill’s talking that he accidentally pressed rather hard against his prostate. He was on his knees, legs spread, sitting on his hand with two fingers deep inside himself. His head was thrown back and he was breathing harshly.

“Lex!”

“I’m good, baby. Just got a little overenthusiastic imagining your thick fingers in my hole.” Lex swiveled his hips and groaned. 

“Lex,” his lover moaned. “I wish I were there. I’d do it for you.”

“I want you to fuck me, Bill,” Lex whimpered, slipping another finger inside. “My toy is almost big enough, but it’s not the same.”

Bill’s breath stuttered. “Use your toy, Lex. Imagine it’s my cock in you.”

“I-I need to finish—”

“Hurry up and finish Lex. I’m h-hard for you.”

Lex worked a fourth finger in. “Soon, Bill. Soon I’ll have you in me.” Lex moved his fingers inside himself, bumping against his sweet spot and gasping. “N-Now, Bill, fuck me!”

“Take my cock, Lex. Put it in…” Bill was panting and Lex could hear the wet slap of skin as his lover masturbated. Lex hurriedly turned to his back and lubed up his prostate massager.

“It’s going in, Bill. Am I tight?” he whimpered. He pushed the large knob into his entrance, bracing his feet on the bed. “ _Oh, Bill…_ ”

Bill increased his hand’s movements on his cock. Lex’s moans issued from the phone at his ear and they sounded amazing as always.  
  
“So deep in me, Bill. You’re so deep and big,” Lex cried.  
  
“I’m fucking you so hard!” Bill tightened his hand into a fist and pushed his hips up into it. “So tight, Lex, you’re so tight!” He closed his eyes and transported himself to that long, pleasurable night in Lex’s bed, Lex’s sweaty, sex-flushed body beneath him as Bill slammed into him over and over. “So good around my cock, Lex!”

“You’re so big and thick in me, Bill. No one can ever fill me the way you do. Uh! UH! _UH! AH!”_

“You hitting your spot, beautiful?” Bill was lost to pleasure, to Lex’s voice, to his sounds. He said what first came to him as he saw in his mind’s eye what Lex must look like. “Does it feel good?”

Lex mewled. “Yes, yes, yes! So good! I wanna come! Are you gonna come in me?”

“Do it, Lex! Come! I’ll come in you!” Bill stripped his cock frantically. “Come for me!”

They cried out nearly simultaneously, and Bill pumped his release all over his hand and stomach. Lex’s name fell from his lips over and over, the word “beautiful” preceding it each time.  
  
Because that’s what Lex was to him.  
  
Beautiful.

* * *

  
  
Lex lay sprawled out on his bed, catching his breath, his mind trying to catch up as well. He heard Bill chanting his name, and calling him “beautiful” over and over.  
  
It made him want to cry.  
  
No one had ever called him that before, and Lex felt his feelings for Bill increase even more.

Bill was dear to him, his “baby,” and Lex was beautiful to Bill.  
  
Right now all he wanted was to be in the same bed with Bill to share their afterglow. To start to open up a little bit more. It was difficult doing it so far away on the phone when he couldn’t see him face-to-face.

“Hey, baby?” he whispered.  
  
“Y-Yeah?”

“If I’m so beautiful…”

Bill groaned. “You heard that?”

Lex smiled. “It’s only fair that I get a pet name too, Bills.” God, Bill was adorable.

“Alright.”

“Like I was saying, _baby_. Since I’m so gorgeously beautiful”—Bill snorted—”how do you feel about webcams?”

* * *

  
  
“Webcams?” Bill was using a washcloth to clean himself up. “You mean like with a computer and all that?”

“Yeah. We could talk and see each other in real-time.”

Bill placed the washcloth in the dirty clothes hamper. “I dunno, those are expensive, aren't they?”

“Well…”

“Lex, no! I can’t let you do that.” He appreciated how Lex was so generous, but surely he didn’t make _that_ much money at his job! Bill had wondered at his rather nice apartment, but still…

“I know people. I could get you one for way below retail,” Lex insisted. 

Bill’s gaze drifted to Lex’s picture once more. He would be able to see those laughing eyes, that flirty grin, all as if he were right there before him. 

But still…

“Please, Bill. I love hearing your voice, but I want to see _you._ ”

“That’s not fair,” Bill closed his eyes. “Using that tone of voice with me to get your way is low, Lex!”

Lex laughed. “I only use it for important things.”

“So says you,” Bill shot back. He grimaced. “Nothing fancy, just bare minimum for what I’ll need.” He snapped open his eyes. “Shit, now I need to get something for the internet, don’t I?”

“Y-You don’t have internet?” Lex sounded shocked. “BILL! _Please_ tell me that you at least have a landline?!”

* * *

Bill went out for lunch that Saturday with Stanley to Bailey’s. After Bill had talked to Stanley about Lex, Stanley hadn’t believed him at first. It had taken Jimmy to convince Stanley that Bill was telling the truth. Stanley was worried about “this Lex” for several long moments, but with Jimmy backing Bill up on Lex’s character, and adding that Margaret would do the same, all Stanley could say was that he looked forward to meeting him.

“So, how are you and your fella? You guys been talking a lot lately?” Stanley asked as they ate. “I haven’t heard from you all week.” 

Bill stirred his drink with his straw. “We’re good. Really good.” He and Lex had made plans that night to “practice” their dirty talk over the phone, but of course he couldn’t discuss that with Stanley. “Just hoping that we can see each other again soon.”

“Maybe soon both your schedules will sync up. At least you have phone calls, right?” Stanley dipped a few fries into some ketchup. “Talking each day helps I imagine.”

“We’re actually getting webcams. I’m having it set up so I can use it.” Bill started to smile, but stopped when Stanley’s mouth fell open. “What?”

“You guys are _that_ close, huh?” 

Bill couldn’t stop his face from turning red. “S-So?! We’re adults!” Ugh! Stanley! 

Stanley burst out laughing. “No, no!” He held his hands up. “Not saying anything about it at all! You guys do whatever you want! I just hadn’t realized is all.” His face split into a grin. “Just don’t keep the whole town up at night, OK?”

Bill threw his napkin at him. “You’re an asshole!”

“Yeah, yeah, yet you’re still friends with me,” Stanley laughed. “Anyway, you all set to go to Denver on Tuesday?”

Bill sobered. “Yeah. My appointment is at ten.” He went to see Dr. Dorenbos once a month now. His last visit had been OK, but he’d been a little down lately because of missing Lex. He wondered how he would do during this one. “Hope it goes well.”

“You’ve been doing great, Bill. No more of your episodes in a long while now. That’s good, right?”

That’s what he told his friends that they were: episodes. He’d told Lex that at first too, but Lex knew what they actually were now. And Lex knew how to help him as well. Lex had also told him that he should tell his friends what they really were. Bill just wasn’t sure how.  
  
“Yeah, it’s good. I’ve been really good.” Bill poked at the ice in his drink with his straw. “I’m getting better.”

“That’s all we wanted.” Stanley looked up as their waitress dropped off their check. “Thanks, Nance.”

“My turn,” Bill said, snatching it up. Stanley nodded and went to stand. “Ain’t arguing. It’s why I didn’t get the special.” He smirked.  
  
Bill dropped a ten on the table as a tip. “Don’t think I didn’t notice.”

Nance returned and handed Stanley a to-go box. “Your burger and fries, Stanley. Tell Bonnie I said ‘Hi.’” 

“I will. Thanks.” Stanley turned to Bill. “And thanks for getting her something too. She would’ve come, but has a paper due for school Monday.”

Bill shook his head. “No need. If it’s for Bonnie, I’ll do it. You know that.”

“In that case, what if I said that Bonnie would appreciate it if her brother had help unloading some hay into the barn?” 

“I’d tell Bonnie that there’d better be some lemonade after. It’s hot outside!” 

* * *

It was the middle of October and Lex stood impatiently outside the plane terminal. Finally. Finally! His Bill was coming to see him! The webcams had helped tremendously, their “dates” and talks under the stars were seared into his memory, but seeing Bill in person, touching him, feeling him in arms…

Lex had put in for a week of vacation, much to the displeasure of his bosses. Lex hadn’t used any of his vacation time in two years. He had a fair bit saved up, and he would use it, thank you very much. 

Passengers disembarking from Bill’s flight appeared and Lex felt his heart start to race. He had been waiting for the plane to land for over forty-five minutes, and was right in front. Person after person exited, and Lex knew that it would be a few moments before his boyfriend would appear since Bill had gotten a seat in economy.

When Bill’s familiar figure emerged, Lex couldn’t help but call out, “Bill!” and wave his arms. Bill flashed a smile in Lex’s direction, and as soon as he had the room, his boyfriend took off at a jog towards Lex and they both threw their arms around one another. 

“Lex…” Bill whispered. “I’m here…”

Lex gripped the back of the brown suede jacket that Bill wore tightly. “It’s about damn time.” He pulled back and touched Bill’s face. “Look at you, Bill. I can touch you again.”

“You can kiss me too if you want.” Bill slid a hand behind Lex’s neck and moved their faces closer. 

“Bill…” Lex kissed Bill softly, though he wanted nothing more than to devour his lips. They just couldn’t in the middle of the airport.

Bill smiled once the kiss ended. “I’ve been looking forward to that.” He kissed Lex again. “And I plan on doing it as much as I can while I’m here.”

“I do too, Bills.” Lex kissed him again. “See?”

“We’re going to get in trouble for PDA if we’re not careful.”

“So?” Lex kissed him once more, holding him close. “We have a lot of time to make up for.”

“I’m happy that I’m here with you, Lex.” Bill blinked his eyes rapidly, and Lex could tell that he was trying to keep himself from crying.

Lex cupped his face. “I’m happy that you’re here too, baby. Welcome back.”

* * *

They quickly gathered Bill’s suitcase from baggage claim and were on the road to Lex’s apartment shortly after. Lex had prepared for his boyfriend’s stay, stocking his kitchen with snacks, drinks, and easy-to-prepare meals. He was considering taking up cooking classes just for Bill, fantasizing about making a seafood dinner of some kind, since he knew Bill liked it so much.

They held hands the entire way, and Bill talked about his plane ride. “I had a window seat, like I always do. I stared out of it the entire flight, and each cloud I saw reminded me of you in some way.”

“Me?” Lex asked curiously. “How?”

“Their shapes, the way the sun filtered through them. Some were… Hmm… What’s a good word? ‘Swoopy?’ Like your hair gets sometimes?” Bill’s cheeks became dusted with pink. “Ya know, after…”

Lex fought to keep from teasing Bill. Even after all their debauchery on their webcams, Bill still got shy now and then, and Lex never wanted Bill to lose it. “You get swoopy too, Bill.”

* * *

They didn’t take long to get “swoopy” again. Lex’s apartment door had barely closed before Bill had Lex pressed up against it, his body flushed with his. Their mouths crashed together, teeth clacking, and lips biting. They wanted to drink the other’s moans, taste what they’d been missing for months.

They barely noticed the removal of their clothes. They just wanted to be skin to skin. Lex whined, reminded Bill to grab his wallet, he didn’t want to wait, and Bill had a lube pod in hand shortly after.

Bill turned Lex around, and Lex braced his hands against the door. Lex felt a slick finger enter him and he rolled his head back and moaned. “Hurry Bill, open me, open me!”

“I am, beautiful.” Bill moved his finger in and out quickly, then pushed in another. He repeated his actions, laying kisses upon Lex’s back and shoulders as he listened to the sweet sounds he pulled from him, not stopping until he was four fingers deep. “Turn back around, Lex,” he whispered, slipping his fingers out slowly.

Lex obeyed, and groaned at the sight of Bill slicking up his cock. “Are you gonna take me against the door, Bill?” 

Bill pushed Lex against the door, then gripped the back of his thighs to lift them around his hips. “I’m gonna _fuck_ you against the door, Lex. Wrap your arms around my shoulders.”

Lex was picked up as he embraced Bill. Yes! YES! Bill’s cock then probed his entrance, and they sought each other’s lips as Bill slid in to the hilt. 

A rough, hard pace was set by Bill, shoving himself into Lex frantically over and over. Lex held on tightly with his arms and legs, reveling in the feeling, the strength of Bill’s arms, the slide of Bill’s cock against his walls and prostate.

“Yes, Bill! Fuck me, fuck me! Missed you! Faster!” Lex wailed. He kissed up and down the side of Bill’s face and neck. “Ah! Ah!”

“I am… I am…” Bill gasped. Oh, he missed this. Lex’s smell, his sounds and breath in his ear. The sweat against his skin. The heat around his cock. Their hearts beating against each other. He never wanted it to end. “I need you, Lex, I need you…”

“I’m here, Bill. Uh! Not-Not going anywhere…” 

Bill moved his head and kissed Lex hard. When they were together his world felt right. So right…

Lex ripped his mouth from Bill’s. “I-I’m going…BILL!” His walls clenched tightly once, twice, and then he screamed into Bill’s shoulder as he came hard around Bill, ribbons of his release shooting between their bodies.

“Lex… Uh! Ah!” Bill’s hips pounded into Lex several more times before he stilled, his cock coating Lex’s channel white. He leaned his head on Lex’s, catching his breath, building up the energy to move them to the bedroom.

“I’m glad that most of my neighbors are gone at work right now,” Lex joked softly.

Bill smiled. “Hold on to me.” He waited for Lex’s limbs to tighten before he used one of his arms to wrap around the small of his back. He took a few steps backwards, being careful not to slip on their strewn clothes. He then turned and walked to Lex’s bedroom and laid his lover gently upon the bed.  
  
“I’ll be right back,” he whispered and went to fetch a wet hand towel.

“Don’t be too long,” Lex yawned.

Fifteen minutes later, after admiring each other’s swoopy hair, they were asleep, wrapped in one another’s arms.

* * *

Lex awoke a few hours later and rolled over, reaching out for Bill. When he felt nothing but his bedsheets, his eyes opened and he sat up, looking around his bedroom in confusion. Where was he?

“Bill?” he called out. He stood from the bed and walked around the foot of it, glancing into the bathroom. It was empty and he frowned. Was he in the living room?

He padded down the hallway and heard some shuffling coming from the kitchen. There he was! Lex opened the door and Bill was standing at the counter, drinking from a water bottle. He was naked still, like Lex, and it was all Lex could do not to jump him.

“This is what I’d like to see each time I come in here,” Lex said, leaning against the door frame. He folded his arms when his boyfriend turned around. “I’d especially like to have it for breakfast every morning.”

Bill finished his water and tossed it into the garbage can. “For the next week you can have me for breakfast every morning if you want,” he said, walking over and kissing him. “You OK?” He looked down and brushed his fingers along the light bruises on Lex’s thighs. “I got kinda rough on you earlier.”

Lex circled his fingers around Bill’s wrists. “I like them, Bill. It lets me know that you were here.” 

“I got carried away. I just wanted to be with you so bad…” Bill ran his nose along Lex’s neck. “Still do…” He trailed his fingers down Lex’s sternum. “You don’t mind if I have a little taste of you in the kitchen, do you Lex?”

“Mmm, our dirty talk practice has done you a world of good, Bill.” He rolled his hips against Bill’s. “Go for it.”

Bill went to his knees, and they both went on to enjoy a pre-dinner snack before they showered and went out for the evening.

* * *

The next few days saw the lovers exploring more of the Capitol. Lex took Bill to a local planetarium where they got a closer view of “their spot.” It led to a decision for them to go to the place where Lex talked to Bill on their “star dates” at the earliest opportunity.

They walked along the Tidal Basin once more, an arm wrapped around each other’s waists. At one point Lex snuck a hand into the back pocket of Bill’s jeans and Bill had only tugged Lex closer. It was a much better visit than their first one had been.

At night they fell asleep in a pile of sweaty, tangled limbs, Lex always curled up in Bill’s arms. They wouldn’t move at all while they slept, and in the mornings they would take one another again.

On the fourth day of Bill’s visit, he was sitting on the couch with Lex’s head in his lap and idly playing with his napping lover’s hair. Bill was enjoying the peacefulness, dozing on and off every now and then.

His eyes roamed the room, taking in the familiar surroundings: the comic books, posters, television, DVDs. But his mind suddenly told him that there was something missing, something that should be there. 

He glanced down at Lex. Hadn’t he said that he was close to his mother? Why weren’t there any pictures of her in his apartment? In fact, Bill couldn’t recall seeing pictures of her or anyone else at all in his wallet.

He smoothed his fingers over Lex’s brow. 

_What happened to you, Lex?_ _Did it hurt you?_

* * *

Lex wanted Chinese after his nap and they ordered delivery. He tried to show Bill how to use chopsticks, and his boyfriend was determined to have it mastered before he returned back to Kansas so he could show Jimmy’s kids how to do it too.

When it got near sunset, they got into Lex’s car and made the drive to Lex’s stargazing spot. Bill grew quiet on the way, and Lex chalked it up to Bill’s enjoying the scenery around them. They were deep in the countryside, and although the sun was just about set, the brilliant autumn colors that adorned the trees were still a sight to behold.

Lex pulled off onto a dirt road and drove slowly along it. He reached over and gripped Bill’s hand. “The first time I came here, I was sad,” he began. He felt Bill squeeze his fingers and smiled. “I left feeling a little sadder, but each time after that when I came, I started to feel better, because you were always here, waiting for me.”

“It was the same for me too, Lex,” Bill said softly. He took Lex’s hand and held it to his lips. “I’m here for you Lex, no matter where either of us are.” 

“That means more than you know, Bills.” He came to the end of the road, where it widened into a sort of cul-de-sac. He turned his car and parked it sideways. “Here we go; just gotta wait a short while until night falls.”

Lex rolled both their windows down and the sounds of the night drifted in. They sat and continued to hold hands, watching the sky until it grew dark enough for the stars to appear. They got out of the car and Lex leaned against the driver’s side with Bill in front of him, arms wrapped tightly around the older man’s middle.

“I like being together on our “stardate” tonight, baby,” Lex whispered into Bill’s ear. “Too bad that we couldn’t have come on my bike. I’d love to have you behind me like I’m holding you right now.”

Bill shook his head. “It would take a lot for me to do that, Lex. You know that.”

Lex kissed Bill’s neck. “I do. Just trust that I’d never let anything happen to you. You’re important to me, Bills.”

* * *

Bill closed his eyes. On the way here, he’d been debating with himself on whether or not to talk to Lex about his mother. Would it be too forward of him? Too personal? Lex had told Bill that he would talk to him about it in time. 

But what had happened to Lex? Bill’s mind kept coming up with scenario after scenario, each one worse than the one before. Lex had said that he wasn’t being abused, but there had to have been _something_ wrong, right? Kids don’t just separate themselves from their parents for the hell of it.

“Bill? Baby? Everything alright? You’ve gone pretty quiet there.”

“Just thinking about how you’re important to me too, Lex.” Bill turned in Lex’s arms. “And about something I noticed today.” He touched Lex’s face, and there was just enough starlight for Bill to see the soft smile that graced his lover’s face. “And I hope it’s OK for me to ask about it.”

Lex pulled Bill close. “You can ask me anything, Bill.”

 _I hope so._ “Lex, why don’t you have any pictures of your mom?”

* * *

Lex tensed. He didn’t know what to say. How was he supposed to answer this? He wasn’t _prepared_ to answer this yet! He had planned to eventually, yes, but now? Out of the blue? In the middle of the countryside? He figured he’d tell Bill when they were, when they were…

“Lex!” Bill shouted. Lex jerked and stared into Bill’s face. “What is it?” Bill placed his hand on Lex’s chest. “Your heart is racing! What’s wrong?”

“N-Nothing!” Shit! He needed to calm down before he got Bill worked up! “I’m OK. You just surprised me is all.”

“Surprised you?” Bill took a step back and Lex missed his warmth almost immediately. “Lex, you told me how close you were with your mom, and I know how you said that you’d tell me more someday, but…” He looked around then gestured towards Lex’s pocket. “You don’t even have a picture of her in your wallet either! No pictures of anyone at all, actually.”

Lex’s eyes widened. _Too close! Too close! Bill was too damned good at his job!_ “Bill, I—”

“And I know that you’re wanting us to be together longer before you tell me. I understand that. I would never make you do something you weren’t prepared to do. Ever.” Bill took a deep breath. “Please don’t think I’d ever do that,” he added, lowering his head.

“I would never think that, baby,” Lex said. What was going on with his Bill? 

“I’m not trying to ruin everything.” Bill’s voice was filled with desperation. “But Lex, can you at least tell me why? Did something happen?”

Could he? Lex had never told anyone but Bill about his mother. Then Bill had surprised him by caring enough to remember to ask about her. And now here Bill was, asking Lex about his lack of photographs of her.  
  
 _Is this another sign from you, Terri?_

“Lex?” Lex felt his heart plummet at Bill’s pale face. “Something _did_ happen, didn’t it?”

“No, Bill! I was—”

"Dammit, Lex, let me finish! I'm worried about you, OK? I can't help it! I love you! Please, tell me what happened to you!"


	11. Chapter 11

Bill reached out in alarm when Lex slid to the ground against the car. Did he push Lex too hard? Dammit! He shouldn’t have said anything! He should’ve waited until Lex was ready! 

“Lex!” He went to his knees next to his boyfriend, cupping his cheek with one hand and placing the other on his shoulder to steady him. “Hey, hey…” He swallowed, trying to find something comforting and soothing to say. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have—”

Lex gripped Bill’s shoulders gently. “Really? You do? You do, Bill?” His voice was filled with disbelief. “You mean it?”

“I do! I’m so sorry! Please don’t be mad at me, Lex! What do you need me to do? Tell me and I’ll do it! Anything!” What if Lex wanted him to leave? It would kill him, but he meant it: he’d do it, he’d do anything for Lex. He—

“You love me?” Lex asked softly, bringing a hand to touch Bill’s face. “I-I’m…” He laughed and looked at himself. “I’m _floored._ ”

What? What was Lex talking about? “Lex, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I love you too, you idiot!” Lex pulled Bill down and kissed him passionately. “I think I’ve loved you for months now! And look at you, telling me first! I-I love you for that, too!”

Bill swallowed. “I did?”

* * *

Lex’s face fell. “Yes, you did.” He hadn’t misheard him, had he? Please say he didn’t! “Y-You said that you were worried about me, that-that you loved me…” 

Bill crushed Lex to him. “I did, I did! I’m just...like you said… Fuck, I’m just so worried about you.” Bill kissed Lex’s temples and forehead over and over. “I do love you, but stupid me saying it to you here, like this…”

“Bill…” Lex buried his face in Bill’s chest. “Don’t you see? This is the perfect place.” 

“But not the perfect way.” Bill sat back and pulled Lex into his lap. “I mean it, still. You don’t have to tell me anything. I can wait, OK, sweetheart?”

Lex closed his eyes. No, he could tell Bill about his family now. They loved each other— _they loved each other!_ —but, he had to know something first.

He lifted his head and tilted Bill’s face towards his. “No, Bill. I-I’ll tell you. I’m just worried that you’ll look at me differently afterward.”

Bill kissed Lex’s forehead once more. “Whatever it was hurt you, Lex, and no one wants to hurt. How could I think badly of you for that?”

“I hope so…” Lex whispered.

* * *

_Lex’s original name was Hubert Pendleton, Jr., and he was told by his mother, Gretta, at age ten that he was adopted. Even though it had been an open adoption, his birth mother never chose to contact him, nor did Lex ever choose to contact her. All he knew was that she had been young and alone, and had given him up because she had had no choice._

_Gretta had wanted to name him after her father, Alexander, but his father despised his father-in-law. Hubert, Sr. was a no-nonsense kind of man who believed in all work and no play. His father-in-law had changed after his wife died, choosing to live humbly and enjoy his remaining years on Earth to the fullest. It infuriated Lex’s father that Alexander was so carefree when he had to work his ass off to take care of his daughter; there was no way in hell that he would name his new son after him!_

_Lex was smart. Very smart. He started high school two years earlier than those in his age group, and it was through a friend that he became fascinated with technology, more specifically, computers: how they worked, what they could do, the software, the hardware. With the rise of the internet, his interest only increased, and soon he was building websites and writing his own computer code and programs for profit._

_His father, however, thought it was all a waste of time. He ran a very successful real estate business and wanted Lex to inherit it someday. However, Lex had no aspirations to do so. He was doing very well with the various small jobs he picked up here and there online, and was already looking into going into computer technology once he graduated high school._ _  
__  
__Multiple arguments occurred between himself and his father, some ending in Lex storming out of the house to go to his grandfather’s to spend the night. Hubert, Sr. would call and demand Lex to return and Lex would beg his grandfather to let him stay, but his grandfather had no choice but to tell him to return home each and every time._

_His mother finally got them to compromise: Lex would go to his father’s office a few hours after school every day and work on maintaining the computers there. It wasn’t a lot, but it was something, and both Pendleton men agreed begrudgingly._

_Things went smoothly for a few weeks. Lex and his father got along, more or less, and there was relative peace in the Pendleton household. But one day in early spring, Hubert, Sr. sat down next to Lex and brought up the subject of Lex taking over the business once more. Lex dodged the question at first, not wanting to fight again, but his father kept pushing him and pushing him. He’d finally made the excuse of not feeling well and left for home an hour earlier than usual._

_That night at dinner, Lex was very quiet. His mother kept her eyes directly on her son the entire time, and Lex knew that his father must have called home before leaving work. There was going to be a “discussion.”_

_“Son,” Hubert began. Great. It was going to be one of_ **_those_ ** _discussions. “Since you’ll be sixteen this summer and graduating next year, I’ve started work on setting up your first position at the company.”_

 _Lex’s eyes widened. “You_ **_what?!_** _” He stood and slammed his hands on the table, making the glasses shake. “Dad! What are you talking about?!”_

_“Junior! Please!” Gretta said, grabbing her glass before it fell over. “It-It’s OK…”_

_“But Mom!” Lex stared at his mother, not liking the way she was averting her eyes from him. His mother usually spoke up for him when he was upset like this. “Didn’t you just hear what Dad said?”_

_“I did, hon. B-But…” She looked at him, and something in her eyes made Lex slowly sit down. Was she trying to tell him something?_

_“Are you going to listen now, Junior?” Lex slowly turned his gaze to his father. “Good. So as I was saying…”_ _  
__  
__Hubert, Sr. droned on and on, but Lex wasn’t listening. He was_ **_not_ ** _going to stay in this town and live out his life in that office! He had plans for himself! He knew what he wanted! He knew what he was good at! He had a sizable chunk of change in the bank account his mother had helped him set up! If he wanted to, he could—_

 _“No,” he said, interrupting his father’s spiel._ _  
__  
__Hubert, Sr. narrowed his eyes. “Excuse me?”_

_Lex raised his chin. “I said ‘No.’ I’m not going to do it. I,” he took a deep breath. “I’m going to get my computer technology degree. I’m going to start my own business in that.”_

_He glanced in his mother’s direction and saw nothing but pride and approval in her eyes. She’d been behind him the entire time. He’d be lost without his mother._

_“You’re out of your mind if you think I’m letting you do that!” Hubert, Sr. shouted. Lex and his mother snapped their heads towards him. “You’re too young to know what you want to do!”_

_“Hubert!” Gretta exclaimed. “He’s more than old enough to know what he wants to do!”_

_“Shut up, Gretta!” her husband shouted. “He wouldn’t be this-this disobedient if it weren’t for your father! He gets this attitude from him!”_

_Lex scowled. He hated it when his father disparaged his grandfather. “Grandpa thinks that I can do it.”_

_“And your grandfather lives in a studio apartment downtown! Is that the kind of life you want too?” his father snapped._

_“There’s nothing wrong with the way Grandpa lives!” Lex jumped to his feet. “It doesn’t matter how you live! As long as you’re happy!”_

_Hubert, Sr. stood. “This right here shows me that you’ve no concept of the way the world works. You will work at the office after next year, understood?!”_ _  
__  
__Lex turned and flew from the dining room and up the stairs to his bedroom, slamming the door violently behind him. He strode to his computer, bringing up his web browser and spending the next three hours searching for any way that he could to get away from his father._ _  
__  
  
_

* * *

_The next morning, he skipped school for the first time ever in his life and went to a lawyer’s office._ _  
__  
__Two and a half months later, he was fully emancipated from his parents. At first, his mother tried to talk him out of it, but after he broke down in front of her, she relented._

_Lex lived with his grandfather for a while after that. His mother came to visit him as often as she could. She wasn’t allowed to mention him at home, and Lex knew that she missed him. His grandfather taught him how to ride his motorcycle, much to his mother’s disapproval, but he promised her that he would always be careful._

_When Lex turned sixteen over the summer, he stared at his name on his driver’s license. All it did was remind him of his father._

_He hated it._

_Things fell completely apart on Thanksgiving Day. Lex and his father had agreed to a truce as a gift to his mother so Lex could eat dinner with them. They had just finished dessert and Hubert, Sr. was on his third glass of wine._

_“So, son,” he slurred. “Have you applied anywhere yet?”_

_Lex shared a look with his mother, who subtly moved the wine bottle out of her husband’s reach. “Yeah, I got into Boston University, actually. I’m planning to start during their summer term.”_

_“Huh. Good. That’s good.”_

_Gretta asked Lex about whether or not he planned to stay at the dorms or commute, and while Lex answered, his father thunked his empty glass on the table. “You can still come work for me.”_

_“Dad, please, we agreed. For Mom, remember?” Lex entreated._

_Hubert, Sr. swore and stood on wobbly legs. “Ya know what? I never wanted to adopt you in the first place! It was your mother!”_

_“Hubert!” Gretta shouted._

_“Wasted my time… Should’ve just trained up one of your cousins…” Lex’s father mumbled. He turned and shambled off into the living room._

_Lex stared after him then turned pained eyes to his mother. “Mom…?”_

_“He’s drunk, sweetie.” Gretta got to her feet and walked around the table to hug her son. “I’m not trying to take up for him. I am_ **_furious_ ** _at him for what he said. But look at me.” She took his face in her hands. “I wanted you the moment I saw you. I loved you the moment I held you in my arms. You’ve been my son since I first looked into your beautiful eyes, do you hear me?”_

_Lex reached for her and Gretta wrapped her arms around him. “Mom…” he choked out. “Why…?”_

_“I—”_

_“Gretta! Get in here! Tell our_ **_guest_ ** _that he’s overstayed his welcome!”_

_“Sweetheart?”_

_“Yes, Mom?”_

_“What was your lawyer’s name again?”_

* * *

Bill was holding Lex’s head close to his chest, rubbing a hand up and down his back in slow, soothing motions. Poor Lex! Why? How could his adoptive father have done such a thing to him? Over a business? What father does that? His own father had been a bit upset with him for choosing a different career path, but he never would’ve done this!

“It was the last straw for my mom, and the end of any kind of relationship with my dad,” Lex whispered. Bill kissed his boyfriend’s head for what must’ve been the hundredth time while he’d been talking. “Mom divorced Dad, and I…I couldn’t _stand_ having anything to do with him anymore.

“I changed my name to the one I have now. I named myself after my grandfather. He got a big kick out of that.” 

Bill smiled. He imagined anyone would. “And your last name?”

“I didn’t want my adopted father to have any way of finding me. Ever. It was bad enough that he knew my birthday and social security number. Not having a last name gave me some kind of buffer.”

 _Gave?_ “What happened after that, babe?” 

“‘Babe?’ I like that, don’t stop calling me that, Bills.” Lex relaxed against Bill’s chest. “I went to school. Mom lived with Grandpa. My adopted father…did what he did. While I was in school, I made some friends, and we did an internship at a software firm. Wrote up a program that drew the interests of some military specialists.”

* * *

Lex wasn’t lying exactly. He and his college buddies had started up a dot-com that had drawn the attention of some people in the government. They’d been bought out for a pretty penny, but since Lex had been the brains of the whole outfit, he’d also attracted the attention of the CIA. Lex had been extremely interested, but he’d had one stipulation: changing his social security number by one digit.  
  
He’d been refused at first, so Lex had refused their offer. He’d gone off with his big fat paycheck and continued with his schooling. A few months later, Joshua Nankin appeared at his front door and told him that his boss, CIA Director Alex Pierce, had worked out a special deal for him. However, Lex had to agree to hand over any other new programs he developed immediately to the government, no questions asked.  
  
Lex had agreed on the spot, and he finally received the sense of freedom he’d been wanting for years from his adopted father. He’d never find him now.  
  
But he couldn’t tell Bill that part.  
  
At least, not yet.

“If you’re wondering what I did with all that money, I still have it,” Lex said when Bill didn’t say anything.  
  
“I had wondered about your apartment and your clothes,” Bill admitted. “But, if you have all that money still, why do you even have a job? And why do you write greeting cards? You obviously have the skills to obtain a much better one.”

* * *

Lex worried his bottom lip. Was he at a place to reveal his _real_ job? He wasn’t quite sure about that just yet. He could put Bill in danger if he knew, and they just lived too far apart for Lex to be certain of Bill’s safety. If only they could be together all the time! Damn his job!  
  
“It gives me something to do,” Lex decided to say. “And I can keep the money for when I’m older. I also keep my mom living comfortably. She gets alimony from my dad, but it’s not enough to me. She deserves the best, and I give her the best."

“You’re a good son, Lex.” Bill tilted Lex’s face up and kissed him. “And a good man.”

Lex kissed him in return. “So you understand? You’re OK with…everything?”

“Of course I am, Lex. Families are always a mess. I’m just sorry that yours was worse than most.”

“You’re the only person who knows. I’ve never told anyone before. It…It helps.” Lex lifted his arms and wrapped them around Bill’s neck. “I feel a thousand times better, now that someone else knows.”

“You can tell me anything, you know that, right?” 

_I’ll tell you everything, someday,_ Lex thought. “I know, baby.” Lex sighed tiredly. “I know we planned to stay awhile, but I’m wiped.”

Bill helped him to his feet. “Come on, I’ll drive us back.”

* * *

Bill locked the door to Lex’s apartment and made his way to the bedroom. Lex was already in bed, waiting for his lover to join him. He looked exhausted, and Bill only wanted to hold him as they both went to sleep.  
  
“You need anything before I turn the lights out?” he asked. 

“Just you,” Lex said. 

Bill smiled and slid under the covers, turning the lamp off before pulling Lex over to lie his head on his chest. “Go to sleep, beautiful. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I want us to live closer to each other so bad, Bill,” Lex whispered.  
  
“I do too,” Bill whispered back, caressing Lex’s naked skin. “Maybe someday soon we can.”

“Where, though? You have your career and life in Kansas. I have my mom in Boston.” Lex’s voice wavered. “It’s not fair.”

Bill didn’t think it was fair either. He wanted to see Lex every day. Go to sleep with him by his side, see his face first thing when he awoke each morning. Talk to him in person instead of over the phone or the computer.  
  
 _Live with him._

It really wasn’t fair.

“I won’t give up on us being together, Lex,” Bill promised. 

Lex pushed himself up to look into Bill’s face. “You mean that?”

Bill kissed him deeply. “Cross my heart, Lex.”

“Can I say ‘I love you’ again?”

“You just did.”

Lex smiled and laid his head down upon Bill’s chest again. “I love you, Bill.”

Bill held him close. “Love you too, Lex.”

* * *

Dull thuds made Bill’s eyes flutter open. He blinked sleepily towards the sound, trying to figure out what was going on. “Wha…?”

“It’s just me, baby. Sorry I woke you.”

“Lex?” Bill rubbed at his eyes and sat up. Lex was moving various-sized boxes around on the top shelf of his closet. “What are you doing?”

“Looking for something. I know it’s up here.” Lex pushed aside a large cardboard box, then made a satisfied sound. “There you are!” 

Bill smiled. He always loved it when Lex sounded happy. “What is it?” he asked curiously as Lex walked back to the bed holding a small wooden box.  
  
Lex sat next to him, placing the box carefully between them. “I _do_ have pictures of my mom. I just keep them all in here.” He took the lid off of it gently and reached inside to extract a photograph. “I don’t have very many of her, because of my dad. He kinda went on a chunk-spree after everything.”

The picture Lex held in his hands showed an older woman with kind, dark brown eyes and raven black hair that was tinged faintly with silver. Lex was standing next to her with his arm wrapped around her shoulders. She was shorter than him, coming up to just above his shoulder. “Your mom… Does she know about your name and all that?”

Lex set the picture aside and took out another one. It was his mother again, though much younger. Her hair was in a long braid that fell over her shoulder, and she was holding a young Lex in her lap. “She does.” He smiled. “If Grandpa were alive, it would make three of you who knew.”

Bill touched his knee. “I’m sorry, Lex. I was close to my grandfather too.”

“He would’ve liked you, Bills.” Lex reached for another picture. “My graduation from high school.” Lex was in a dark emerald graduation gown, standing between his mother and an older man who Bill assumed was his grandfather. He was dressed in acid-washed jeans and a Boston University t-shirt.  
  
“He immediately went out and bought that when he learned I was going there,” Lex said, pointing at the shirt. “He was so proud of me.” 

There were only a few more pictures, and it hurt Bill to see that all of Lex’s childhood memories with his mother and grandfather all fit inside one small little wooden box. What kind of monster was this Hubert Pendleton? He was relieved that Lex would never have to see him again.

Lex gathered the pictures and slowly put the lid onto the box. “Mom lives in a small house by herself. I try to go see her as often as I can. She moved there after Grandpa passed.” He picked the box up and slowly walked back to the closet and put it away.  
  
“How did he die, Lex?” He watched as Lex paused before he closed the closet door, hating how small his boyfriend looked. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. I keep asking all these hard, personal questions of you—”

“No, it’s OK.” Lex turned around and walked back to the bed to sit close to Bill. “These are things we need to know about one another now, right?” Lex took Bill’s hands. “I don’t mind talking to you about them.”

Bill leaned his forehead against Lex’s, wanting to take away the sorrow in his lover’s eyes. “I’m listening, babe.”

Lex smiled. “He died in his sleep, just like my grandmother did. My mom found him. He didn’t suffer or anything, which I was glad of.” He sighed and squeezed Bill’s hands. “Mom sold his apartment, used the money and moved to Boston and bought a house there.” He smirked and laughed. “Grandpa left me that motorcycle you worry about me riding all the time, too.”

“Ah,” Bill said, remembering that Lex’s grandfather had taught him how to ride the vehicle that he didn’t care very much about. “So I guess I’ll never convince you to part with it, huh?”

“Ha! Not a chance!” Lex pecked Bill on the lips. “It would take an act of God to get me to do that!”

Bill pulled Lex forward and hugged him close. “It would take one to get me to part from you, Lex.”

“Bill…” Lex wrapped his arms tightly around his lover. “Thank you, for listening to me, and for yesterday, too.”

“I love you, Lex. And I’m sorry for upsetting you, still.” He’d never forget that look on Lex’s face. His happy Lex, his Lex whose eyes always made his heart sing, should never have to be this way.  
  
Lex drew his head back and Bill gazed into the eyes he’d been mesmerized with from the start. “No more apologizing, OK, baby?” One of Lex’s hands slid up to cup the back of Bill’s head while the other pressed into the middle of his back. “You were worried about me, and I can’t fault you for that.” He pulled Bill down for a kiss. “I love you.” 

Bill kissed Lex again. “Say it again, Lex.” He kissed down Lex’s neck and back up again. “Please.”

“I love you, Bill.” Lex leaned his head to the side and sighed. “I love you, I love you, I love you…”

Bill turned Lex and laid him on the bed. Oh, beautiful Lex. _His_ beautiful Lex. The man he loved. The man who loved him. The one who almost mirrored him.  
  
They were made for each other.

“Bill.” Lex opened his arms. “Make love to me.”

Like their first time together, Bill fell into Lex’s arms, gripping him under his shoulders and capturing his mouth with his. They kissed each other softly, sweetly, tenderly. Lex carded his fingers through Bill’s hair, massaging his scalp, and Bill sighed into Lex’s mouth at the touch.

Their mouths parted and lips and tongues touched and tasted the other’s body everywhere. Sweat broke out slowly on their skin, faint moans and groans filled the room, punctuated by pants and small cries of the other’s name. This wasn’t the intense, frantic sex that they’d been enjoying for the past few days. This was them expressing their love for one another as thoroughly as they could, for as long as they could, and the pleasure built and built.

Lex was on his back, a pillow under his hips to tilt his pelvis up at just the right angle for Bill to open him up exquisitely and delicately. Each time his fingers entered him, they passed perfectly over that spot inside him that made him toss his head back and moan Bill’s name loudly.

“So beautiful…” Bill whispered. He had three fingers deep inside Lex, moving them slowly in and out. “Do you know how beautiful you are, Lex?”

“B-Bill…” He whimpered when Bill added the last finger to stretch him. “Uhhh…”

Bill pushed his fingers all the way into Lex and held them there. “Almost, sweetheart.”

Lex panted. “Want you, Bill. Need you. Love you…” His thighs shook. “Bill…”

Moaning, Bill removed his fingers just as slowly as he’d put them in, garnering a shudder from his lover. “Hold on, beautiful, hold on.” He covered his cock with extra lubricant and pumped it with his hand, then wrapped Lex’s thighs around his waist. “I’ve got you, Lex.”

“Love me, Bill… _Please…_ ”

Bill leaned forward, gripping Lex’s hips with his hands. “I’ll always love you, Lex.” He pressed his cock against Lex’s entrance then slid in smoothly.

“Bill…” Lex arched his back and tightened his legs. “Oh, Bill…” 

They didn’t move for a few moments, basking in the feel of being intimately connected. It wasn’t just physical to them this time, it was emotional, maybe even spiritual. Their senses were heightened to a level they’d never experienced before, and it added a whole new layer to their lovemaking.

Bill slid his hands down Lex’s sides as he leaned forward, pushing himself even deeper inside his lover. He pressed his hands to the mattress on either side of Lex’s head and stared into his eyes. “I love you.”

He moved his hips back until just the very tip of his cock was stretching Lex open, then rolled his hips to sheath himself again. Lex choked out a cry, reaching his arms up to pull Bill down for a kiss. Bill rolled his hips over and over, drowning in Lex’s sounds and kisses. 

No words were needed to be said as they gave themselves wholly to one another. Bill never faltered from his deep, smooth pace within Lex, and Lex never begged for it to change. Soon Lex had his arms stretched above his head, Bill’s hands clasping his, keeping their bodies as close as possible as they kissed and moved against each other.

How long they kept the languorous, steady rhythm, they would never know, but an eventual brush of Bill’s stomach against the underside of Lex’s cock coupled with an involuntary shudder of Lex’s inner muscles increased their desires. Bill kissed Lex passionately, wanting to send his lover soaring, and Lex released their hands to grip his shoulders tightly.

Bill gradually increased the intensity of his thrusts, determined to pull a mind-shattering orgasm from Lex. He hit Lex’s prostate with each forward slide of his hips, relishing how their sweat-slicked skin felt.

Lex held on tightly to Bill, chanting his name in soft whispers. The pleasure was building inside him, coiling and waiting to snap. He was going to be loud, he knew he was. Oh God, Bill was amazing… He loved him! He loved him!

“Lex…” Bill locked their eyes together. “I love you…”

“Love you, Bill… Please…” Lex peppered Bill’s face with kisses. “Bill…”

Bill crushed his mouth to Lex’s then slammed hard into him. Lex dug his fingers into his shoulders, screaming his release into Bill’s kiss. Bill felt Lex pulse hot and wet on his stomach and chest, then moaned loudly into Lex’s mouth as he, too, came.

They floated in bliss for the longest time, crying out from each and every glorious aftershock that shuddered through them. They were completely out of energy, had made love for hours, but neither would ever complain. 

“Lex?” Bill said softly as their afterglow settled over them. He lifted a shaky hand and pushed Lex’s damp hair up and off his forehead. “You OK, sweetheart?”

“Hmm?” Lex opened his eyes and smiled. “Hi, baby…”

Bill smiled back. “Let me clean us up.” He completed the task then kissed Lex gently. “I’ll get us some water. I won’t be long.”

Lex stretched his arms and hummed. “I’ll miss you.”

“Me too, but don’t fall asleep on me, OK?” He headed to the kitchen and grabbed two water bottles from the fridge. On his way back, he glanced at the blank walls of the hallway, thinking of what they might look like with pictures of him and Lex adorning them.

 _We’ll get our picture made before I go_ , he thought to himself as he reentered the bedroom. _We need one together._ Lex was leaning tiredly against the headboard, waiting on him, running fingers through his tangled hair. “Here ya go.”

“Thank you, baby,” Lex said, taking one of the bottles from him. He opened it then yawned. “You, uh…” He looked down at the bottle in his hands. “Damn, I’m at a loss for words.”

Bill chuckled. “Have I made you speechless, Lex?” He crawled onto the bed next to him. “Maybe I should do this to you more often.”

Lex stuck his tongue out at him. “Maybe you should if it also makes you this snarky.” He took a few large swallows of his water. “What I was trying to say…” He reached over and started to play with Bill’s fingers. “That was the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. And,” he brought his face close to Bill’s. “I love you so much for it.”

Bill took Lex’s water from him and set it along with his own on the nightstand. “I’m too tired to go again, but wanna makeout instead?”

“Can we take a nap after?”

“If you want.”

“Then hurry up and kiss me.”


	12. Chapter 12

The day after expressing their love over and over to one another, Lex decided that he’d introduce Bill to Jackson. Bill had been nervous, and even though Lex had assured him that his friend was more than prepared for their similar appearances, Bill was still afraid of another confrontation like the one they’d had with Jimmy.

They met at a small eatery around midday not too far from Lex’s apartment. When they entered, Lex led them towards a table where an older man with thinning, light brown hair, glasses, and kind blue eyes was waiting for them. When he caught sight of Lex and Bill, he stood and smiled.

“Hello.” He extended his hand towards Bill. “I’m Jackson Haisley. Nice to meet you.”

Bill took the proffered hand and shook it. “Bill. Bill Koehler.”

Lex gestured to the chairs around the table. “Shall we?”

They all took a seat, Lex between Jackson and Bill. “So, Bill: Lex tells me that you’re a deputy sheriff. How long have you been on the force?”

Bill fiddled with the sleeve of his shirt, then stopped when he felt Lex’s hand settle on his thigh. He glanced over and saw his boyfriend smile softly at him. Bill smiled back then turned his eyes to Jackson. “Since I was twenty-two, so give or take about nine years now.” 

“And it’s just you in—Jericho, right?” 

“Just me. Most of my family either moved away or are gone.” A slight pang went through Bill’s chest. He didn’t like thinking about the fact that he was the only Koehler left in his town. But it had been his home all his life, the only place that he’d ever known. “Never had a reason for leaving.” His fingers entwined with Lex’s on his thigh. _Or did he?_  
  
Before anyone could say anything more, a waitress appeared to hand them menus and take orders for drinks. They scanned the menu after she left, deciding what they wanted quickly over the short offerings of lunch items. 

“So how long have you have known Lex?” It was Bill’s turn to ask questions. 

Jackson grinned. “Ever since he started working with me. How long now, Lex? Five, six years?”

Bill blinked. Lex had been writing greetings cards that long? Had he even finished college? “You guys work in the same, uh, department?”

Lex and Jackson shared a look. “Uh, no,” Lex said. “I do the writing, he makes sure the end product makes sense and comes together in the end.”

Jackson nodded. “It’s a bit more complicated than that, but that’s basically the gist of it anyway.”

They then received their drinks and ordered their food, but all the while Bill was thinking how odd their responses had been. Were they embarrassed about their jobs? A job was a job, after all. He decided not to dwell on it.  
  
The rest of their meal went along smoothly. Bill was relieved that Lex had been correct about Jackson accepting their relationship. Jackson wasn’t phased at all, and he seemed to be genuinely happy for Lex, and Bill as well.  
  
After parting ways in the parking lot forty-minutes later—Jackson had to return to work—Bill turned to Lex and pulled him in for a kiss. “I like your friend, Lex.”

Lex slid his hands around Bill’s neck. “I think he likes you too, baby.”

Bill bumped Lex’s head with his own. “I realized last night that we don’t have a picture of us together.”

“Are you saying that we should go get one?” Lex smiled. “I like that idea.”

“You have a place in mind?” Bill asked.  
  
Lex took a finger and tapped Bill’s nose. “Actually, I have _places_.”

* * *

All too soon, they were back at the airport. This time, though, they weren’t as sad as they’d been the last time they had said goodbye. Their feelings, their REAL feelings, were clear between them now, and they both knew that either would move heaven and earth to see the other if they had to.  
  
They stood before the security check-in, like before, arms around the other, gazing into each other’s faces. They didn’t speak, there were no tears. All that they wanted to say was reflected in their eyes: love, promises, hope. The world meant nothing when they looked at each other this way.

“I’ll call you,” Bill finally whispered. “I’ll call you to tell you that I got there safely.”

Lex grazed his knuckles alongside Bill’s face. “I’ll answer.”

They shared a soft and gentle kiss, and the adoration they held for one another swelled within their being before their lips parted.

“I love you,” they said at the time.

“See you online tonight?” Bill asked, laughing softly.  
  
“You bet your ass I will, baby.”

* * *

They decided that Bill’s next visit would be at Thanksgiving. Bill volunteered for extra shifts to appease his fellow officers for putting in for the days off, though many of them didn’t mind at all considering that they were enjoying Bill’s return to his smiling, light-hearted and joking self. Everyone knew that Bill had a significant other in D.C. and supported their friend’s relationship one-hundred percent. 

Three days before Bill was to board his flight, however, Lex called with bad news: His boss needed him to work on a special project, and it was a big one. He had to work with a team of others to get it all together, and he didn’t know how long it would take. For all he knew, he’d be stuck at the office for a week or more, despite the holiday.

“Why did your boss pick _now_ to throw all this in your lap?” Bill said, lying on his back on his bed and frowning at his ceiling in disappointment. “Doesn't he realize that his employees have plans set in place by this time?”

Lex huffed a laugh. “My boss isn’t exactly the main boss. He follows orders from higher on up. It’s just the way the company works.”

Bill ran a hand through his hair. Yeah, he got that. If needed, he’d have to give up his days off too if Dawes was ordered by those further up the totem pole. “I guess we’ll just have to postpone again. Not like we haven’t done it before, right?”

“I’m sorry, baby,” Lex said regretfully. “I had all kinds of plans for us. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, sweetheart.” Bill sighed. “At least we’ll be able to talk still, right?”

“Hopefully. This project is going to take A LOT of work and man-hours. We want to get it done quickly, but efficiently. We plan on getting to work early and not leaving until late. I’m going to be busy, baby.”

Bill sat up. “But you’ll still call and let me know how you’re doing, right?” Something felt off to him, but he wasn’t quite sure what. “Even if it’s just to say ‘Hi?’”

“I’ll do my best to. You know I’ll always try for you.”

“I know.”

“Bill?”

“Yeah?”

“I _am_ sorry.”

Bill smiled. “It’s not your fault, Lex.”

“I know I could just up and quit, but—”

“No, Lex,” Bill said. “You like your job. I could never ask you to do that. Just take care of yourself, OK?”

“I love you, Bill.”  
  
“I love you, too, Lex.”

* * *

Lex had been called away on a mission, and he had cursed and nearly thrown a tantrum. He, along with a group of special ops, had flown to some small country overseas and Lex had been put in charge of comms and intel. It was supposed to have been a quick in and out, but of course, it had ended in near-disaster.

The mission had gone off smoothly, but he’d been unable to access any kind of outside communication. Bill was on his mind a great deal, but Lex had to focus on his job whether he wanted to or not. It took only a few days, thankfully, and he was planning on calling Bill the moment he laid eyes on a telephone.

However, just before they were to board a small plane that would have taken them out of the country and to the nearest safe zone, a military vehicle had driven up. 

Three soldiers had exited and demanded to see their identification. That was easy enough, and when it was deemed acceptable, they all thought that they were clear and free to leave. 

Yet the moment they turned to ascend the stairs into the plane, one of the soldiers jerked Lex roughly by the arm and threw him to the ground. Lex cried out in pain; his right shoulder had been dislocated. The team he was with sprang into action and there was a vicious fight. Lex quickly got out of the way, hiding behind the stairs. He didn’t understand what had happened, but he knew that he was definitely of no help being injured as he was.

Luckily, the soldiers were subdued, and it was revealed that one of them wanted to use Lex as a hostage to get on the plane to escape the country. Lex had been targeted as the “weakest,” which added even more guilt to what Lex was feeling already.

The altercation added an extra four days to their stay, and Lex was not only hurt, but now unable to call Bill at all. He was worried that Bill was pissed at him, going out of his mind with his own worry about him. What was he going to say?

* * *

Lex had dumped him. It was the only logical reason that Bill could come up with.

He didn’t love him anymore. Bill had done something wrong. He’d been too clingy. Asked too many questions. Bothered him too much. Called too much.  
  
He’d screwed it up, just like he thought he would.

He should’ve never agreed to go out to dinner with him!

Why did he keep doing this to himself?!

Bill sat at his table in his kitchen, reason after reason going through his mind as he stared at an unopened bottle of whiskey. Bill didn’t drink. He’d seen too many alcohol-related accidents, given too many tickets for DUIs. He couldn’t count the number of times he’d had to go to someone’s house because of a drunken argument.

But damn if he didn’t want to just drink his cares away at the moment.

He folded his arms on the table and buried his head in them. _Why Lex? I thought you loved me?_

He startled when his house phone rang. He squeezed his eyes shut. He really didn’t want to answer it, but it might be work. He stood resignedly and went to answer it.  
  
“Yeah?”

“Bill?”

His eyes widened. “L-Lex?”

“...Hi.”

A surge of anger coursed through Bill, overriding the relief and pain that hit him at the sound of Lex’s voice. “WHERE. THE. FUCK. HAVE. YOU. BEEN?!”

Lex didn’t answer, and it just added to Bill’s fury, and words tumbled out of his mouth. “Answer me, Lex! It’s been ten days! TEN DAYS! I haven’t received a call, a text, anything! I tried to call you, but all I got was that your number was unavailable! I left so many messages I lost count! I thought that you’d broken it off with me!” He took a deep breath in an effort to calm himself. “Is that it, Lex? Do you want to end it?”

He heard a shocked, in-drawn breath from Lex. “WHAT?! NO BILL! I LOVE YOU! It-It… Something happened, and time got away from me, and then—”

“ _For ten days?!_ ” Bill said disbelievingly. “Lex, I'm not stupid. I had a feeling in my gut that there was something wrong for a while now, and now I know that I should’ve paid attention to it.”

“What are you saying, Bill?” Lex whispered.

“I’m not really sure, Lex. Some things that you’ve said here and there… Are you still afraid about something else that happened to you? I thought we were past all that. How can I trust what you’re saying to me right now if there’s still a secret with you?”

* * *

Lex gripped his phone so tight that his knuckles turned white. Bill was right! _So_ right! How could there be complete trust between them if he didn’t tell Bill everything? But it wasn’t that simple! What had happened to him just a handful of days ago was proof of that!

He shifted forward from his seat on the edge of his couch, gritting his teeth from the pain of his shoulder in its sling. “Bill, if you’d just let me explain—”

“I’m sorry, Lex.” Lex’s heart nearly stopped at the tired, resolute tone of Bill’s voice. “I just can’t.”

Tears fell from Lex’s eyes at the click of the call ending. “...Bill?” He lowered his cell and stared at it. “Bill?”

It slipped from his fingers and landed to the floor with a soft thump. Lex looked at it unseeingly as his vision blurred.

“...No.” He raised his shaking hand to cover his mouth. “ _No._ ”

He stood slowly on weak legs and dragged himself to his bedroom to sit on his bed and stared at his photograph of Bill. Bill, handsome in his uniform. Strong, full of pride, ready to take on the world.  
  
And Lex had hurt him.

Lex ran his fingers along Bill’s face. 

“I’m sorry, baby…” 

* * *

Bill kept his hand on the receiver after he set it in its cradle. His shoulders started to shake as sobs began to rack his body. It had come to this, it had really come to this...

“Why, Lex?” he choked out. “Why couldn’t you just tell me?”

His eyes darted to the bottle on his table. It would be so easy to just numb the pain away, at least for the night. He wouldn’t sleep anyway. Maybe just a few glasses.  
  
But he just couldn’t do it. He took the bottle and shoved it under the kitchen sink and went to his bedroom. He was too hurt, too upset, too angry right now, and he knew it would only lead to disaster.

He strode into his bedroom and when his eyes fell on the plane tickets that were sitting on his dresser he cried out, picked them up, and ripped them to shreds. But the emotional relief that he’d expected from the act didn’t come; Lex had bought those tickets— _first-class_ _tickets_ —just for him as a special treat. They’d meant something to Bill. He stared at the bits of papers in his hands and fresh tears fell from his eyes.

“I thought that you trusted me, Lex…”

* * *

A week passed, and Bill wouldn’t answer his calls. No answers to his requests to video chats. No replies to dozens upon dozens of texts. Lex went about his tasks at work like a drone and kept up a facade of happiness, though inside he was falling to pieces.

The second week he sat down and wrote a letter to Bill, begging for him to let him explain. He didn’t put what he wanted to say—it was just too dangerous—but he wanted, no, _needed_ to talk. To plead for his understanding.

The letter returned unopened a week later, the words “Return To Sender” scrawled across the front of the envelope in Bill’s handwriting. Lex’s heart had nearly shattered at the sight of the black ink, and he’d had to quickly walk away from his apartment complex’s mailbox before other tenants saw him burst into tears.

Lex couldn’t throw away the letter. He kept it on the pillow Bill had used beside his on the bed. Bill had touched the letter, and through it they had indirectly touched each other.

It was all he had.

* * *

After his and Lex’s ill-fated phone call, Bill had cried late into the night, but the next morning Bill had latched onto his anger and held fast to it. Unfortunately, that anger had bled out to his friends and co-workers during the following weeks.

“He could’ve just told me, Jimmy!” Bill paced up and down the side of the fence in his friend’s backyard. Jimmy had invited him over for dinner at Margaret’s insistence when she had heard about Bill’s morose behavior and snappish attitude at work from her husband. She and Jimmy both had a pretty good idea what it could be about, and since Stanley had mentioned that Bill was becoming a homebody once more, they knew that Bill needed someone to talk to.

“He’s called me, texted me, even sent me a letter! Like that makes it all better!” Bill threw his hands up in the air. “He should’ve told me when we were face-to-face!” 

Jimmy’s eyes followed him. “When you talked to him, did you give him a chance to explain, Bill?”

Bill shook his head. “He had his chance.”

“Bill!” Jimmy said incredulously. “Did he or did he not try to explain?”

“Tried to.” Bill raised his head and stared at the early evening sky. “I wouldn’t let him. I was too angry.”

“Then why the hell are you bitching for, Bill?” Bill snapped his gaze towards Jimmy. “How can you expect to understand if you won’t listen?”

Bill’s eyes stung with tears that he’d refused to shed since the morning after his call with Lex. “It’s not that simple, Jimmy! How do I know that what he was going to tell me was the truth? That he wasn’t…wasn’t going to tell me what I wanted to hear?”

“You’ll never hear anything if you don’t talk to him.” Jimmy sighed. “I don’t pretend to understand it all, Bill. But I remember the way you two looked in that airport, and that wasn’t the look of a man who didn’t care about you.”

“It hurts, Jimmy.” Bill turned his eyes skyward again. “Why would he keep something from me?”

“You’ll only find out if you talk to him, Bill.”

* * *

A week later Jackson dragged Lex out for lunch, ordered for the both of them when Lex said nothing to the waitress, then gave him a sad smile.

“What happened?”

Lex struggled to keep the emotions out of his expression, but Jackson’s eyes were too understanding, too caring, and Lex finally broke. “It’s Bill.”

Jackson sat back in his seat. “Have you two…?”

Lex leaned forward on his elbows and covered his face. “I think we have.” He shuddered. Saying those words out loud made his heart twist. “And I did it.”

“What?” Jackson sounded confused. “Lex, I don’t understand. What could you have possibly done?”

Their food arrived, but neither touched their plates while Lex spoke in broken sentences to Jackson about his and Bill’s fight. Jackson consoled his younger friend, then told him what he’d said over the summer once more.  
  
“Just tell him enough, Lex.”

“I don’t know, Jackson. We’ve talked about this before…” Lex twisted his napkin in his hands. “I-I’ve thought of it more than once. But…” He stared at his cold plate of food, wishing that he had the appetite to at least eat some of it. “Jackson,” he raised his head. “What if I put him in danger? He’s so far away.” A tear trailed down his cheek. “M-Maybe it’s better this way.”

“No, Lex!” Everyone else in the restaurant turned their heads at Jackson’s exclamation, but the analyst ignored them. “If you keep that mindset, you _will_ lose him! You have to try, Lex!”

Lex wiped a hand across his mouth. “I don’t know how.”

“Bill isn’t stupid, Lex. He should’ve learned about certain aspects of…” He trailed off, remembering where they were. “Well, you know, for his job. He knows the importance of discretion. You don’t have to go into it too much, Lex. Just the bare details.”

“But will he accept that, though?” Lex wanted to have hope, he really did. And for months now he’d wanted to be as open as he possibly could with Bill. He could almost have it if he followed Jackson’s advice. “He’s so angry at me…”

“You won’t know anything until you try, Lex.”

“I don’t know…” Lex covered his face with hands. He couldn’t take Bill scoffing at him or hanging up on him again. 

“Lex.” Lex lowered his hands slowly to face Jackson. “Bill loves you. He doesn’t hate you. You know that, right?”

Lex nodded. “I do.” But for how long?

“Then show him that you know that.”

* * *

Rays of sunlight played about on the patterns of Bill’s comforter. He wanted to reach out and hold on to one of them because they seemed so cheerful and happy—maybe he’d be able to absorb some of it. He was so cold and empty inside.

Lex had stopped trying to get in touch with him. He’d only sent the one letter, and now Bill was regretting sending it back. Maybe he should’ve read it, maybe he had been trying to explain his actions like Jimmy had said.

He was such a fool!

Lex must really not love him now, and Bill had no one but himself to blame.

He turned to Lex’s picture at his bedside table, taking it in his hand. Maybe he should put this away. There was no point in keeping it—that smile didn’t belong to him anymore, and never would again.

He forced himself out of bed, placing the picture face down on the table. He walked slowly into his bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror. He was drawn and had lost a little weight. Margaret had brought over one of her casseroles the night before and made him eat two helpings in front of her. She’d put the rest in his fridge and fussed about it being empty and all he’d done is nod and agree with her so that she’d hurry up and leave him alone.

He then showered, dressed, and gone to his front porch for his paper like he always did on his Saturday mornings off. The birds singing and the fresh, cool air were lost on him in his somber mood. He took three steps forward and sighed; no paper. The delivery boy was late.

“Looking for this?”

He froze and widened his eyes before slowly turning to his right.

Lex was sitting on his porch swing, a small carryon bag beside him, Bill’s paper in his lap.  
  
He smiled sadly.

“Hi, baby.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait between chapters. I'm participating in a fic exchange, so am mostly focused on that.
> 
> But I _am_ working on this fic as well, don't worry!
> 
> This chapter fills the "Cooking" square on my Speight Bingo card.

Lex’s eyes clouded with worry when Bill just stood there and said nothing. All Lex wanted was to gather him in his arms. Bill was so pale, so small, so defeated! This wasn’t the man that he knew! What had Lex done to him?

Did he even have a chance?

“Bill? Are you—?”

“Wh-What are you doing here?”

He sounded so lost and broken. Lex closed his eyes, then made himself stand, the newspaper falling from his lap to the porch at his feet. “I came for you.” He opened his eyes, tried to catch Bill’s to show that he meant what he was saying.

Bill’s eyes avoided his and dropped to Lex’s bag on the swing. “Did you…?”

“Fly? Yeah.”

“You did?” This time Bill met his eyes. “By yourself?”

Lex smiled. “Yeah, by myself.”

“Why?”

“I told you, Bill: for you.”

A myriad of emotions passed through Bill’s eyes before he closed them and lowered his head. His breaths increased slightly as his shoulders started to shake. “Damn you, Lex…”

Lex took a step towards him in concern. “Bill?”

“Dammit, Lex, would you just get over here already?”

* * *

Bill heard hurried footsteps before Lex’s warm embrace surrounded him. A gentle hand pressed his head to Lex’s shoulder, cradled him there gently, and Bill allowed his lover—he was still his! HIS!—to hold him and rock him.

“I’m so sorry, Bill,” Lex whispered. “So sorry…”

“Lex…” Bill gripped the back of Lex’s jacket. “I’ve missed you.”

Lex took Bill’s face in his hands. “I want to make things right, baby. Will you let me?” His eyes roved over his lover’s face. “I—”

Bill shook his head and Lex’s face fell. “Not out on the front porch, Lex. Not in front of the whole neighborhood. Jericho’s smaller than you think; I’m sure half the town knows that you’re here already. All we need is for them to know _why_ you’re here.”

“Heh, right, of course.” Lex huffed out a relieved laugh. 

Bill gestured towards his front door. “Let’s go inside, OK? You look pretty tired.” 

“Sure, baby. That sounds great.”

* * *

After making them both coffee—and Lex reassuring Bill that it was more than just fine—Lex and Bill sat on the couch in the living room quietly together. Bill didn’t know what to say or do, sipping his beverage and glancing out of the corner of his eye now and then at Lex. Soon, however, his boyfriend gained his full attention when he set his cup down and spoke.  
  
“I’m not a greeting card writer.”

Bill pressed his lips together. “OK.” He’d had his suspicions, so this didn’t really surprise him.

Lex was silent for a moment, then continued. “I work for the government.”

“OK?” Lots of people worked for the government. What was Lex getting at?

His boyfriend just reached for his coffee and took another sip. “That’s the reason I couldn’t call you. I had no way to.” His expression turned remorseful. “I wanted to, Bill. I had every intention of doing so.”

“Wait a second.” Bill was having a hard time keeping up with Lex’s explanation. “What type of job do you do, Lex?”

Lex smiled grimly. “I work for the government.”

It clicked. _Oh._ “So, like, FBI or something?”

“Yeah, or something.”

_Oh..._

“Well, shit…” Bill reached out to hug Lex around the shoulders, then snatched his hands away when Lex hissed. “Whoa, what is it?!”

“Uh, well, guess I should tell you that I, uh, dislocated my shoulder too.” Lex patted his right shoulder gently.

“ _You_ _WHAT?!_ ” _Motorcycle accident_ , Bill thought. _He was hurt in a motorcycle accident! That’s why—No, it was his job!_ _Then why…?_ “You traveled hurt?! Why?!”

Lex touched Bill’s face. “Do I have to say it again?” 

Bill took his hand and held it. “No, no you don’t. But do you need anything for the pain, babe?”

“I’m fine. It’s just sore is all.” 

“Let me know if you do, OK?” Bill kissed his knuckles. “I’m so glad that you’re here, Lex.”

Lex pulled Bill forward by their hands. “Me too, baby.” He brushed his lips across Bill’s. “I love you.”

Bill sighed against Lex’s mouth. “I love you, too.” 

“I’m still so sorry, Bill…”  
  
“Shh, you think I don’t know about all those rules concerning this type of thing?” Bill rubbed his head against Lex’s. “You had plenty of reasons. But really!” He leaned back and raised an eyebrow. “Greeting cards?”

Lex stuck his tongue out. “It’s worked really well for me for a long time. Don’t knock it.”

Bill laughed. “Mostly anyway.” A thought occurred to him and he reached out to touch Lex’s knee. “Lex! Your friends! Don’t tell me…”

“Yeah.” Lex lowered his eyes. “They were… Yeah…”

“Oh, babe…” Bill kissed Lex’s forehead gently. “I know you can’t tell me how, but damn I’m so sorry…” So this was why Lex had understood him so well. 

“I know, Bills.”

Bill smiled kindly. “If you ever want to tell me about them, I’d love to listen.”

Lex leaned against Bill. “Thank you.”

A sudden spike of fear raced down Bill’s spine and he jerked back to stare into his lover’s face. “Lex! You’re not…” His eyes slid to Lex’s shoulder. “You’re not in danger all the time, are you?”

* * *

“Bill, I’m hardly ever in a situation where I’ll be in danger,” Lex said. “This”—he motioned to his shoulder—”is nothing compared to what can happen to other people I work with.”

“So there _can_ be times when you’ll be in danger,” Bill said.

Lex sighed. Bill was too damn smart for his own good. “I won’t lie, but yes, but it’s also extremely unlikely. My superiors know my strengths and weaknesses.”

Bill looked unconvinced, but only said, “OK, just promise me that you’ll be careful?”

“I’m always careful, baby. I’ve been doing this job for a long time.” _Longer than I’ve wanted to now._

“Says the twenty-nine year old.”

“I’m a mature twenty-nine, Mr. Thirty-One.”

“Get back to me when your living room isn’t full of comic books,” Bill teased.  
  
Lex smiled. Bill was feeling a little better if he was being playful. “You like ‘em young, admit it!”

* * *

Bill took Lex’s carryon to his bedroom, telling his boyfriend to stay put in the living room, and set it on the bed. He was feeling less worried about Lex’s real job. He couldn’t say that his own job didn’t come with its own hazards. He’d had his own close calls, obviously. He was just protective of those he loved. It was in his nature. 

His eyes fell on his bedside table, to where he’d placed Lex’s picture face-side down earlier. He picked it up, smiling at his lover’s beautiful face before setting it back to its original position. There, all was as it should be again.

“Lex?” he asked, walking back into the living room. He smiled at the sight of Lex half-way curled up against the back of the couch. Looked like the coffee didn’t do much for Lex’s fatigue. Bill sat quietly at his uninjured side and pulled him up against him. “I forgive you,” he whispered into Lex’s hair. 

Lex stirred. “Really?” 

“Of course I do.” Bill kissed him softly on the head. “Do you want to go lie down?”

“Please?”

Bill helped Lex from the couch and led him to his bedroom. Lex looked around and smiled. “This looks familiar.”

“It should. I always put the laptop you gave me on the bed.” Bill sat him on the bed and helped Lex take all but his shirt and underwear off. “Go on, get under the blanket.”

“Join me?” Lex asked hopefully. “I-I want you with me.”

Bill couldn’t say no. He’d missed his naps with Lex. He stripped down to his underclothes and crawled in beside Lex and, like always, Lex lay his head upon Bill’s chest with Bill’s arms securely around him.

“Don’t let me hurt you,” Bill said softly.

“Just hold me, Bill. Please,” Lex said, breathing in Bill’s scent. “Haven’t slept well since…since…”

“Me either, sweetheart. Rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“I love you, Bill. You know that, right?”

“I do. I love you too. Go to sleep.”

* * *

Lex awoke a couple hours later. He heard a very familiar sound, a sound he hadn’t heard in so long. It was a steady rhythm right below his ear, punctuated by deep breaths and soft snores.

Bill. He was lying on Bill. It was Bill’s heartbeat, Bill’s sleeping breaths, Bill’s snores, that he was hearing.

They were the most beautiful sounds he had ever heard, and tears dripped from his eyes and fell to wet the soft cloth of Bill’s shirt beneath his cheek. Bill had forgiven him, even though he didn’t deserve it. Bill had understood, just like Jackson said he would. Bill was amazing, and he was his. 

And now Bill knew almost the entire story. It was freeing, just like he’d known it would be. Bill was worth it, and Bill would be worth his leaving the CIA eventually. He knew that for certain now.

“Sweetheart? Why are you crying? Does your arm hurt?”

Lex sniffled, using his hand to hastily wipe his face. “No baby, just thinking how lucky I am to have someone like you.” He closed his eyes when Bill caressed his hair. He’d missed Bill’s hands too. Those wonderful hands, the hands that could make him fall apart yet also touch him so tenderly and make him feel so loved at the same time.

Bill trailed his fingers down the side of Lex’s face and tilted his head up. “ _I’m_ the one who’s lucky, Lex.” He shifted so he could kiss him, and Lex opened his mouth to him, feeling desire coursing through their kiss, followed by frustration when Bill pulled back. “Are you hungry?”

“Hungry for you,” Lex said, sitting up and leaning over him. “That is, if you want to?”

“But your arm, Lex…” Bill’s eyes focused on Lex’s shoulder. “Maybe it’s a bad idea right now.”

Lex smiled. “I’ve been cleared, Bill. We just have to be careful.” He lowered his hips and pressed them against Bill’s. “I want you, Bill.”

Bill groaned and gripped Lex’s ass, rubbing his sudden erection against Lex’s. “That’s playing dirty, Lex.”

“Never said I wasn’t.” Lex lowered his head and kissed Bill passionately as they began grinding their pelvises together, their need for one another rising. All their sadness, hurt, and anger of the past few weeks was replaced by their need for the other’s touch, and they were frantic for it.

Bill released Lex’s lips and shucked them both out of their underwear in record time. “God I need you, Lex. Too long…” He rolled Lex carefully beneath him, tossing the blanket to the foot of the bed. “Shit, I need to get—”

“Hurry…” Lex panted. “Hurry…” 

Bill leaped from the bed, running to his bathroom, discarding his shirt on the way. He flung open his medicine cabinet, grabbed what he needed, and raced back to where his lover impatiently waited for him. He had the tube of lubricant open already, applying a generous amount to his fingers as he walked on his knees towards Lex’s parted thighs.

“Bill…” Lex whined. “Please…” He bent his knees to give Bill more room. “Open me up.”

“I am, beautiful. I am.” Bill kept his eyes on Lex’s face while he prepared him for his cock, loving the sounds he wrung from him with each finger he inserted into him. He pumped them gently, crooked his fingers just right to touch that spot that left his lover a panting mess. 

At four fingers, Lex was begging. “Now, Bill. Need you in me. Make love to me. Hurry!”

Bill could never deny his Lex when he begged. His fingers slid from Lex’s entrance then slathered his cock, but before he moved to position himself, he paused. No, not this way.  
  
“On top, Lex,” he said, going to his back instead. He waited for Lex to get to his knees and settle above him. “Ride me, sweetheart.”

Lex held his right arm closely to his chest, then braced his good arm on Bill’s sternum. He lowered himself onto Bill’s cock, crying out the moment he was breached. “Oh, Bill! BILL!” Bill’s hands gripped Lex’s hips and helped guide him down until his inner thighs touched his skin, and Lex gasped. “You fill me so good, baby.”

“Want me to help you, Lex?” Bill rubbed his thumbs in small circles along Lex’s skin. “God, you feel good…” He squeezed his eyes tightly and bent his knees.

“I’m not an invalid, Bill.” Lex leaned forward and used the leverage of his arm and knees to move Bill’s cock in and out of himself slowly. “Ah! See?” he panted. “Oooo…”

“After all that begging, you want it slow, huh?” Bill angled his pelvis to meet Lex every time his lover pushed back, making them both groan loudly. “Think you can hold out?”

Lex raised an eyebrow and impaled himself hard on Bill on his next movement downward, causing Bill to curse. “You were saying?”

“Alright, then, but you better tell me if it hurts.” Bill tightened his hands around Lex’s hips and set to pounding his cock inside him, reveling in the wails and cries that only Lex could give. 

Lex moved his hand up to Bill’s shoulder and held on tightly, his eyes locked with Bill’s, shouting out with each deep thrust against his prostate. “There, Bill, there! Oh fuck, I love you! Don’t stop! Don’t stop!”

But Bill did stop, and Lex dug his fingers hard into Bill’s skin, about to demand what he was doing. When Bill threw his head back and laughed, Lex’s face twisted in confusion. “What the hell are you doing?!”

“D-Don’t you hear that?!” Bill wheezed.

“What?!”

Bill bounced his body up and down, and Lex heard the mattress squeak.

“Oh. My. God…” Lex broke out into laughter. “I-I didn’t notice…” He fell forward and leaned his head on Bill’s chest. “It-It must’ve been…” He made obnoxious squeaky sounds and giggled.

“You mean like this?” Bill circled his hips and went back to wrecking Lex’s hole. Lex moaned and sat back up, arching his spine and bouncing up and down on Bill. “Hear it now, beautiful?”

“D-Don’t care! Oh, God, Bill, if you stop again I’ll fuck you instead!” He grasped his cock and stroked it in time with Bill’s thrusts. “So close, baby… I’m so close…”

Bill’s eyes had widened at Lex’s words, and they only increased his lust. He slammed Lex onto his cock harder and faster, and the sight of his lover’s hands on himself tipped him over the edge. “Lex….” he moaned, pumping cum deep inside him.

Feeling hot, wet spurts hit his inner walls, Lex stripped his cock quickly. Pleasure pulsed from his groin and spread, then his own release spilled over his fingers and onto Bill’s heaving body beneath him. 

They didn’t move for a moment, the pulsing of their orgasms fading slowly away. Even though they were drenched in sweat and the other’s seminal fluids, it just felt right for Lex to squeeze his thighs around Bill and roll them to his left. 

“We should go get a shower,” Bill murmured as they rested during their bliss, kissing Lex’s damp skin.

“Don’t wanna,” Lex whispered, tilting his head to the side so Bill’s lips could trail along his neck. “Wanna stay in bed all day with you like this.”

“You serious?” Bill asked, surprised.

“I’m kinky, but not _that_ kinky,” Lex laughed, shaking his head.  
  
Bill joined in his laughter. “Go on, I’ll change the sheets, and join you in the shower.”

* * *

Bill walked out of his bathroom, drying his hair with a towel. He went to his room and slipped on a clean set of clothes and went to Lex’s bag to set him out some on the bed. He was smiling, remembering their antics in the shower just now. He was surprised that they hadn’t run out of hot water.

He rummaged around in the bag, seeing that there were just enough clothes for two or three days. It looked like Lex was most likely only staying until the end of the weekend. It saddened Bill, but their times with each other were always short. He made a mental note to start putting in for extra shifts so that he and his lover could spend Christmas, possibly New Year’s, together.

And he hoped that this time Lex wouldn’t be called God knows where this time as well.

He had just placed Lex’s clothes on the bed when there was a knock at his front door. Bill hurried to answer it, wondering who it could be. Most people called him nowadays before coming to see him.

Stanley’s smiling face greeted him when he opened his door. “Hey, Bill!” His friend was holding a foil-covered pan. “Uh, Bonnie and I made a little too much for breakfast, and we both know that you haven’t been—” His words cut off at the sound of the bathroom door opening from down the hallway behind Bill.  
  
Bill closed his eyes. Dammit! He should’ve taken Lex his clothes before opening the door! He sighed and turned, then held his breath at the sight before him.  
  
Lex stood in the middle of the hallway, one of Bill’s blue-striped towels wrapped low around his waist. His hair was still fairly damp, and his skin was flushed from the hot shower. He stared back and forth between Bill and Stanley. “Uh, hi?” he said uncertainly.

Stanley just waved and gave him a small smile. “Uh, hello?” He then looked at Bill. “D-Did I come at a bad time?”

Bill turned and took the pan from Stanley. “It would’ve been better if you’d called, but…” He turned his head towards Lex, groaning inwardly when the towel shifted and revealed one of the many hickeys Bill had left on his lover’s skin. “We…” Dammit, what was he supposed to say?

“Did you bring food?” Lex’s eyes were on the pan in Bill’s hands. “I’m starving! Let me go get dressed and we can have it!” He quickly walked to Bill’s room and closed the door behind him.

“Not one word, Stanley,” Bill said, taking the food in his hands to the kitchen and setting it on the table. “Grab some plates and silverware will ya? I’ll get some glasses.”

Stanley did as Bill asked. “You guys do look alike, but I can tell you apart at least.”

At least he was avoiding what Bill wanted him to. “That’s good. We don’t think we look exactly the same either.”

“I’m not commenting on what you don’t want me to talk about,” Stanley began, putting dishes on the table. “But I can tell that you two made up.” He smiled at Bill. “That’s great news, Bill.”

Bill went to the fridge and sighed in relief when he saw the new jug of orange juice he bought just a few days before. He took it out and placed it and three glasses on the table. “You’ve no idea how great, Stanley.”

They turned when a now fully clothed Lex walked into the kitchen. “So,” he said, clasping his hands together. “What’s on the menu?”

* * *

Lex chewed thoughtfully. He’d never had a breakfast bake before. “Hmm. Cheese, sausage, bacon, eggs. It’s like an omelette!” He chewed some more. “Red and green bell peppers too? Wow! I bet it would be amazing with mushrooms!” He dug into his plate happily.  
  
Stanley smiled. “I’ll have to tell my sister that yet another person enjoys her recipe. But, I don’t know about the mushroom part; she’s not a very big fan of them.” He cut his eyes over at Bill. “So when did you arrive in town, Lex? How long are you staying for?”

“Umm, he got here this morning.” 

Lex caught the slight blush on Bill’s cheeks. Oh, alright then. “Yeah, took a very early morning flight. Plan on staying until Monday.” He took Bill’s hand in his under the table.

Bill smiled, the color in his cheeks fading away. “A weekend visit. Lex’s job keeps him busy and all that.” Lex smiled at the familiar grip to his palm.

“Wait…” Stanley frowned. “I thought that you’re really afraid to fly, Lex.” He grinned and leaned his elbows on the table. “You’re here for a special reason, aren’t you?”

“His reason for making the trip is between us.” Bill glared at him, though his expression and words held no heat. “Mr. Nosy,” he added.

Stanley shot back with a playful, sarcastic comment, which Bill returned in kind. They started to bicker back and forth, and Lex listened, a small smile forming on his face. Apparently this was a common occurrence between the two. It reminded him of many similar arguments he’d heard at OTS before—

He swallowed hard at the memories of his late friends. _Stiles would’ve liked Stanley_ , he thought sadly. _Terri too._

“Lex, would you like more?” Lex moved his head in the direction of Stanley’s voice. “You only ate a small helping.”  
  
“Uh, that’s OK. I don’t eat that much usually.” Bill’s fingers fluttered against his, and Lex gave him a reassuring squeeze. His voice had wavered a little.

“Alright then.” Stanley narrowed his eyes at Bill. “You make sure you don't hog all of this. I’m leaving half for Lex.”

“I-I won’t… You’re wearing out your welcome, you know that?” Bill scowled at Stanley. “I won’t let him starve for crying out loud!” 

“I’m sorry, Bill.” Stanley then looked across the table at Lex. “I got a good look at his cabinets earlier. They’re pretty bare.”

Lex burst out laughing. “Mine are probably full of cobwebs, so it’s not like I can say anything.”

Stanley darted his eyes back and forth between the boyfriends. “Well, I guess that means you two need to learn how to cook, doesn’t it?”

“Well, I’ve been meaning to, but work…” Lex scratched the back of his neck.

“Maybe you can at least learn how to make something simple while you’re here? I’m sure my sister Bonnie wouldn’t mind helping me.”

“Like what?”

“Grilled cheese, maybe? Scrambled eggs?” Stanley tapped the pan in the middle of the table. “This, but an easier version.”

“Omelettes, you mean?” Lex said hopefully.  
  
Stanley nodded. “Yeah! Cheese, maybe? Then as you get better, you can start experimenting on your own!”

Lex was getting excited. “I’m all for it!” He turned eagerly to Bill. “Whaddya say, Bills?”

Bill smiled. “You know I can’t say no to you, babe.”

* * *

Bill groaned. He kept burning the eggs! He glanced surreptitiously over at the near-perfect pile of fluffy, yellow eggs Lex had just tipped from a small skillet onto a saucer. How had he picked it up so quickly?

“Good job, Lex! That’s twice in a row now. Do you want to grate some cheese?” Bonnie said. Lex and Stanley’s little sister had hit it right off, which had made Bill happy. Bonnie had that way with people, though. 

“Sure!” Lex looked over at Bill and furrowed his brow. “Oh no, baby! Want me to take care of that so you can try again?” He reached out to offer his help, but Bill shook his head.

“No, it’s OK. I’ll get the hang of it eventually.” At least Bill hoped he would, anyway.

Lex smiled. “I know you will, Bill. You never give up.” He kissed his boyfriend’s cheek and followed Bonnie over to the kitchen table where she had set out a block of cheddar cheese and a grater.

Bill watched them for a moment, then sighed and dumped the ruined eggs into the garbage. 

“Maybe third time’s the charm,” Stanley said from beside him.  
  
“Let’s hope so,” Bill grumbled, placing the pan back on the stove and putting a pat of butter in it to melt. He grabbed a couple of eggs to whisk together.

“You’ve got the heat too high. You don’t have to get in such a hurry, ya know. Just take your time.”

Bill nodded. “Alright.” He lowered the heat and went back to whisking.

Stanley propped his hip on the counter. “I like him, Bill.” He gestured to where Lex and Bonnie were laughing at the table over something one of them had said. “He’s good for you.”

“I do too.” Bill took Stanley’s advice and cooked the eggs slowly. “He makes me happy, Stanley.”

“Don’t stir your spatula so fast,” Stanley advised. “Hang onto him, Bill. I’ve got a feeling about Lex.”

Bill turned his eyes to his friend. “Thanks, Stanley. That means a lot to me.” 

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. Hey, look!” Stanley pointed at the skillet. “You did it!”

“I did!” Bill turned off the heat. “Hey, babe!” Bill called to Lex, depositing the scrambled eggs onto a saucer.

“Yeah?” Lex looked from where he sat across from Bonnie at the table.

Bill held up the eggs. “I did it!”

Lex gave him a brilliant smile. “I knew you could do it, baby!” He reached over and held up a bowl of shredded cheese. “Look what I did!”

Stanley raised an eyebrow at his sister and signed, _They’re so proud of themselves! Isn’t it cute?_

Bonnie signed back, _They grow up so fast, don’t they?_

Bill had noticed the exchange. “I know that you two are talking about us.”

“It’s nothing bad. Now, get over here and grate some cheese for your next lesson,” Bonnie said.

* * *

Lex held the plate while his boyfriend slid the perfectly cooked omelette onto it. They both stared at it for a moment before Lex raised his head and smiled. “You got it on the first try, Bill!”

“Yeah, but what if it tastes bad?” Bill pressed his lips together in worry. “I could’ve used too much salt or paper, not enough cheese or too much, same with the butter…”

“Let me be the judge of that!” Lex snatched up a fork and took a hearty bite. The omelette itself was fluffy, seasoned well. The cheese was melted wonderfully.  
  
All in all…  
  
“It’s amazing!” Lex said.

“You’re not just saying that? It really is?”

Lex cut off a piece with his fork and held it towards Bill. “Here; try it for yourself.” Bill took the offering and his eyes widened in surprise. 

“I suppose I did do it right!”

“I told you!” Lex laughed. 

He then made his own omelette but insisted that Bill’s was better than his own. 

They went on and learned how to make a basic grilled cheese, and Stanley reminded Bill of the fact that Bill himself knew how to make spaghetti.

“Oh yeah! But, it’s nothing special…”  
  
Lex turned to him. “You can show me tonight for dinner then!”

“We’d have to go to the store, though.”

“Great! I was hoping to see some of Jericho while I was here.”

They were made to gather eggs after that. They’d used a fair number of Stanley’s, so it was only right for them to do so.

It was quite the adventure for Lex, having never been near a live chicken before. He gagged some at the smell of the chicken coop and tried—but failed—to not step in the animals’ droppings. 

“This is so disgusting!”

“Where do you think eggs came from?”

“I just bought these shoes! Ugh!”

Eventually, they finished their task and presented the Richmonds with a full basket of fresh eggs. Lex frantically bemoaned his “ruined shoes”—though Bonnie soothed his worries by showing him how to clean them off easily—then raced to the bathroom to wash his hands, shouting at Bill to do the same.

“You were right,” Stanley chuckled while Bill walked past him. “Definitely a city boy.”  
  
“You wouldn’t last a day in the city, Stanley,” Bonnie snarked.

Bill smirked. Lex had gained a fan.

* * *

Bill and Lex went to town after leaving the Richmond farm. Lex watched the countryside go by, cataloging the differences between it and the city in his mind.

Quiet. Vast. Hardly any buildings. Dirt roads. The nearest highway was a bit off. And it made Lex feel small, but not in a bad way. 

They got into the main part of town, and the only word that Lex could use to describe it was “quaint.” Small businesses lined the small road that rain down its middle, and Bill pointed out city hall where he went to work.

“City hall? I thought you were a cop?” Lex asked in confusion.

“The police station is located on its first floor,” Bill explained.

“Interesting.”

Bill parked his truck in front of a small grocery store and they went inside. The moment they entered the handful of people that were shopping all turned and stared. Bill took Lex’s hand and grabbed a basket, marching them down an aisle.

“Ignore them. It’s not like they haven’t heard some of the story already,” Bill said under his breath. 

Lex said nothing. Bill had told him about how he had put a copy of Lex’s picture on his desk at work. Bill didn’t care what others thought about his resemblance to his boyfriend; he loved Lex, and that’s all that mattered to him. It had made Lex both happy and sad—he couldn’t do the same at his job.

“OK,” Bill said, standing in front of a small selection of dried spaghetti noodles and sauces. “You have a preference?” 

“You’re the professional in this instance,” Lex replied. “I trust you.” He watched as Bill took a medium-sized box of regular noodles and a jar of roasted garlic sauce and put them into the basket. “Fancy!” he said, pointing at the sauce and grinning.

“I like garlic.”

They went to the frozen food section and Lex grabbed a box of cheesy garlic bread. “Since you like garlic,” he said, smiling. “This shouldn’t be too hard.”

“Hopefully we won’t burn it,” Bill said, laughing.

They went to the check-out counter, and an older woman looked between them. “Bill,” she said, nodding at him. She took their items and rang them up. “Who’s your friend?”

“This is Lex, my boyfriend,” Bill said, raising their clasped hands. “Lex, Gracie.”

“Oh!” Gracie said, placing their items into a bag. “ _You’re_ the infamous boyfriend! Nice to meet you!” 

“You too, ma’am!” Lex smiled and took the bag. 

Gracie studied Lex’s face, which Lex had been expecting. “I’m not trying to be rude, but I don’t understand why everyone was gossiping about you this morning.”

Bill frowned. “I figured they would be. What were they saying?”

“That there was a ‘kissing cousins’ thing going on with you. I can see that it’s not true.”

Lex liked Gracie. She was blunt. “You see it too, then?”

“Oh, I can see that from far-off you two may look alike, but close up, it’s obvious that it’s just a passing resemblance. The people in this town are always starving for drama.” She turned to Bill. “Don’t listen to them, Bill. Go off and have fun, OK?”

“Thanks, Gracie.” Bill paid for their purchase. “Ready to go, babe?”

“I am. Goodbye, Gracie. And thanks.”

“Anytime.”

* * *

They drove back to Bill’s house and Bill put their groceries away in the kitchen. Bill smiled to himself as he recalled the conversation at the store. He’d been concerned that one of the townsfolk would have caused a scene, but he had a feeling that Gracie staved off any potential encounter. It’s why he patronized her store more often than not.

“So,” Bill said, exiting the kitchen and walking into the living room. “We have a bit before dinner. You want to watch TV? I have cable, but no idea what’s on.”

Lex was sitting on the couch waiting for him. “Really? I figured you’d watch a football game or something.”

“Nah, my team sucks this year.” He went and sat down next to Lex. “Besides, that would be rude of me with you here.” He threw his arm over the back of the couch and pulled Lex close.

“So considerate,” Lex sighed happily, snuggling into him. “I love you, Bill.”

Bill held him close and smelled his own shampoo on Lex’s hair. It was pleasant. “Thank you for coming here. I wish I could go back with you Monday.”

Lex raised his head. “It’s not long until Christmas. Oh!” He smiled. “Want to meet my mom?”

“Wh-What?” Bill breathed in sharply. “Sh-She wants to meet me?” He tried to keep his panic at bay. “Are you serious?”

“Bill, calm down! It’s not like that!” Lex placed his hands on Bill’s shoulders. “I go and stay with her for Christmas if I can.” He averted his eyes. “I was going to ask you to come with me at Thanksgiving, but…”

“Lex, it’s alright. I forgave you, remember?” Bill touched Lex’s cheek so he’d look at him. “Go on.”

Lex drew in a deep breath. “I would like you to meet her. You’re…” His voice trailed off and his eyes became pained.

“Lex?” He had sounded so excited and now he was troubled. Bill didn’t like it. He took Lex’s face in his hands. “What is it, sweetheart?”

* * *

Lex hadn’t meant for the memory of Olivia to hit him like a freight train. Her accusations, the hell he went through during the police interrogation, what he’d had to endure at work, what Natalie had said to him. He’d been on edge whenever someone took an interest in him, wary of any word or action that he took towards them. It got to the point that he swore off dating entirely for a long time.  
  
That is, until he met Bill.

“You know, I hadn’t been with anyone in over two years...”

Bill tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

Lex closed his eyes, swallowed, then opened them again. “Before you, I had a girlfriend. Olivia. She earned the title ‘Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.’” He laughed dryly. “I was stupid one night, got drunk, slept with her.” He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head.

“Lex?” Bill rubbed his thumbs soothingly on Lex’s cheekbones. “What happened? You can tell me—I won’t judge you. I hear these types of stories all the time, you know.”

“I didn’t do it!” Lex snapped his eyes open and wrapped his fingers tightly around Bill’s wrists. “I blacked out, woke up in her bed, and she just started to yell at me, pushed me. I had to go to the precinct, was questioned.” 

Bill’s eyes widened. “Was there an investigation? A trial?”

Lex shook his head. “She recanted. She had no choice. She knew she was lying. But…” Lex sighed. “It made me so afraid of trusting someone again.”

“Sweetheart.” Bill pulled him forward and held him tightly. “I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that. No one deserves that.”

“You made me trust again, Bill. Don’t you see?” Lex clung to him. “I trust you enough to meet my mom.”

“OK, babe.”

Lex pulled back. “You will?” He met Bill’s warm gaze. “Y-You’ll come with me to Boston for Christmas?”

“I’ll work my ass off in overtime if I have to.”

“God I hope I’m not pulled away.” Lex buried his face in Bill’s chest. “Last year I was.”

“Hopefully whatever’s going on that usually needs you behaves itself this year. We need to make up for Thanksgiving.” Bill turned Lex’s face up towards his and kissed him sweetly. “I love you.”

Lex smiled. “Love you.”

They held each other tight, talking quietly and making plans for the holidays until dinner.

Miraculously, they only singed the garlic bread.


	14. Chapter 14

After cleaning up the kitchen, they had gone to bed early. Bill was scheduled for an early shift that he just wasn’t able to get out of. But the moment the lights were out in the bedroom, the gentle goodnight kiss they shared quickly turned into a few hours of intense, passionate lovemaking. By the time they fell asleep, it was well past midnight, but Bill awoke with a contented smile on his face when his alarm went off five hours later.

He was with Lex, and Lex was in his arms. It was worth being a little tired all day.

That night he took Lex to his stargazing spot in the corner of a wheatfield. They walked about, holding hands and talking quietly about their plans for Christmas. Bill was going to do his best to get the time off, and they both hoped that Lex wouldn’t need to go anywhere for his job. Lex then insisted on giving Bill a breathtaking kiss under “their spot,” and Bill vowed to return the favor the next time he was in Virginia.

When Lex had to leave Monday, Bill was unable to take him to Denver. He had to work at the time of Lex’s flight, but he was there for when the cab arrived to take him to the airport.  
  
“I’ll see you soon,” Lex told him, holding him tightly. “I love you more than you know, Bill.”

“If you make me cry in front of all my nosy neighbors…” Bill laughed softly. He pulled back and leaned his forehead against Lex’s. “I can’t tell you how much I love you, either.”

“I don’t care if they see me cry.” Lex’s eyes were wet. “I’m going to come see you too from now on, OK baby?”

Bill smiled. “Really?” His heart swelled with joy. “That makes me so happy, Lex!”

“I want to see you as often as I can. I miss you too much.”

They wrapped their arms around one another and kissed each other deeply, parting all too soon.

“See you in a couple weeks, Bills.”  
  
“You too, sweetheart.”

* * *

Fortunately, Bill and Lex were able to get Christmas through New Year’s off from work. Bill nearly ran himself ragged, working double shifts and weekends; Lex was still on call, but Jackson promised him that he would only contact him if it were absolutely necessary.

Lex and Bill arrived at the airport in Boston two days before Christmas. Their flights landed less than an hour apart, and after meeting up and exchanging lengthy hugs and kisses, they rented a car and drove to Lex’s mother’s house.

“Now, remember what I told you about my mom,” Lex said when they pulled into a quiet neighborhood with tree-lined sidewalks and manicured lawns. “She really does think that I write greeting cards.”

Bill nodded. Lex had been over this with him more than once. It was too risky for his mother to know about his real job. It was also dangerous for people to even have an inkling of what Lex did for a living. Bill had taken to texting Lex several times a day to check up on him ever since his visit after Thanksgiving. He needed to know that Lex was OK. “And not to mention you getting hurt. Babe, don’t worry. I got it.”

Lex smiled at him as he turned into the driveway of a modest two-story Cape Cod-style redbrick house. “Sorry, Bills. I’ve never taken anyone to meet my mom before. This is all new to me.” He parked the car and turned off the ignition. “I just want her to like you.”

“I want her to like me too.” Bill took off his seatbelt. “Come on. It’s cold out here.”

They took their suitcases out of the car’s trunk and walked to the front door. Lex strolled right on in and Bill followed hesitantly. From the entryway, he could see that the inside of the house had dark wood floors and the walls were painted in shades of beige, tan, and ivory. A solid oak staircase went towards the second floor.  
  
It was a beautiful house.  
  
“Mom?” Lex called out, stepping into the foyer. He put his suitcase on the floor and walked to stand at the foot of the stairs. “Mom?”

“Is that you, sweet pea?” a female voice said from upstairs.  
  
Bill set his own suitcase on the floor next to Lex’s and raised an eyebrow. _Sweet pea?_

“Yeah, Mom. We’re here!” Lex replied. He turned and shot Bill a look. “You are _not_ allowed to call me that.”

“I would never dream of calling you sweet pea, babe. It’s only your mother’s right to call you that. Sweet pea, I mean,” Bill said, smiling cheekily.  
  
Lex tried, but failed, to scowl at him. “You’re lucky you’re so cute,” he said. 

Bill winked. “So I’ve been told.”

Footsteps drew their attention and they turned to see Lex’s mother descending the stairs. She had her hair pulled back with a clip and was wearing a navy blouse with tan pants. “It’s so wonderful to see you, sweetie!” She drew Lex into a hug when she reached the bottom. “I’m so happy that you’re getting the time off this year!”

Lex held her close. “Me too, Mom.” Bill’s eyes softened at the way Lex embraced his mother. There was no mistaking that he treasured and valued the woman who had raised him. Lex would do anything for her. 

“And this is Bill?” Lex’s mother pulled away from her son and turned to Bill. 

Bill held out his hand. “Yes, ma’am.”

She took his hand, then surprised Bill by pulling him in for a warm hug. “You’ve made my son happy, and it’s Christmas. You get a hug too.”

“Oh! Uh, OK then.” Bill returned her hug, looking over the woman’s shoulder at Lex. Lex only smiled. “Thank you, uh…?”

“Gretta,” Gretta said, releasing him. “Please, call me Gretta.”

Bill nodded. “Thank you, Gretta. And, thank you for letting me come and visit.”

Gretta turned to Lex. “Polite _and_ handsome. Well done, Lex.”

Lex beamed. “Yeah, I think I’ll keep him.”

“See that you do.” Gretta patted Bill on the arm. “I’m going to make us some coffee, and yes Lex, I have your tea too,” she added. She exited into a hallway behind Bill. 

Bill crossed his arms. “Keep me, huh?”

Lex sauntered over and slid his hands around Bill’s waist. “You can tease me, but _I_ can’t tease _you?_ ”

“Not outside the bedroom.” Bill wrapped his arms around Lex’s neck. “Not as much fun outside of it.”

“Can’t argue with you about that.” Lex kissed him. “I think my mom likes you, baby.”

“I’m glad. I like your mom, too.”

Lex smiled. “I’ll take our suitcases upstairs. You go to the kitchen and wait for me, huh?”

“Alright, babe. I’ll try not to ask anything _too_ personal while I’m alone with your mom.”

“Just remember that I know where you’re sleeping at night for the next several days.” Lex kissed him once more, grabbed their luggage, then headed up the stairs.

* * *

Bill waited until Lex was at the top of the stairs before he joined Gretta in the kitchen. It was small and only had a breakfast bar for sitting around and eating. He walked up and sat on a stool and Gretta handed him a mug of steaming coffee. 

“Do you take sugar or cream?” she asked.

“No, black. The way it’s meant to be,” Bill answered. He took and sip and sighed. “Wow, that’s really good.”

Gretta smiled. “I grind my own beans—the way it’s meant to be.” Her eyes glittered with amusement. “It’s good to have someone else to share coffee with. I like tea too, and sometimes Lex enjoys a cup of coffee with me now and then, but it just doesn’t hit the spot.”

Bill smiled. “That’s what I try to tell him too! I’ve tried some of his tea when he’s asked me to, and it was good, but it just can’t beat this.” He smelled the aroma of the coffee in the mug in his hands. “But I love him anyway.”

“And he loves you. I can tell.”

“Oh! Yeah…” Bill blushed. Wow, had he really just told her that he loved Lex? She was so easy to talk to and get along with!

“No need to be embarrassed. A mother knows these things.” Gretta smiled and took her own mug into her hands. “You can come in now, Lex,” she said, turning her head towards the kitchen door.  
  
Bill turned his head also and grinned as Lex walked slowly into the room. “I’ll never get over how you do that,” Lex said. He took a seat next to Bill and kissed him on the cheek. “You haven’t been grilling him have you, Mom?”

“No, we’ve just declared that coffee _is_ the superior beverage,” she teased. She took a kettle from the stove behind her and poured hot water into a mug. “The usual, hon?”

“Please,” Lex said. 

Gretta took a container and opened it, removing a tea bag and placing it into the mug. “There you go,” she said, giving it to Lex.  
  
“Great.” Lex set it in front of him. “Do you have the tree put up already?”

“Did that yesterday. All the gifts are out too.” She leaned forward on the bar. “I didn’t see you bring any in.” Her eyes danced with mischief. “That must mean you’re up to something.”

Bill continued to drink his coffee. He had been worried that Gretta would give him the third degree over Lex, but she was treating him like he was a part of her family. She talked to Lex casually in front of him about everything, including him in every part of their conversation.

“I have roast beef planned for dinner. Is that alright?” she asked when they finished their drinks. Bill moved to gather their cups, but she stopped him and took them to the sink. “I also have your favorites in the freezer, Lex.”

“Uh, you didn’t have to do that, Mom,” Lex said, averting his eyes from Bill.  
  
Bill immediately became curious. “Favorite what?”

“Ice cream,” Gretta said over her shoulder. “Mocha, mint chocolate chip, and—Oh!” She whirled around. “I’ve got everything for your chocolate waffles Christmas morning, too!”

Lex covered his face. “Ugh.”

Gretta tilted her head. “What?”

“ _Ice cream? Chocolate?_ ” Bill said. He leaned his elbow on the bar and propped his chin on his hand while gazing fondly at his boyfriend. “ _Sweet_ indulgence, huh?”

“See why I try to stay away from it?” Lex smiled. 

Bill smiled back. “It’s Christmas. You’re allowed to have all you want.”

* * *

That night after dinner, they all gathered around Gretta’s tree in the den. The furniture was plush, made of wood a few shades lighter than the floor. The tree was large, covered in white lights with glass ornaments shaped into snowflakes. Lex told Bill that his mother had been collecting them all her life.

“Each one is handmade,” he said, showing Bill one that had streaks of silver within the glass. “This one I think my grandfather got for her when he and my grandmother were on a trip to New York one summer. I forget all the stories associated with each one.”

He turned when his mother called them both over to the couch. “I have eggnog. Yours is right here, Lex.” She handed him a cup. “Bill, do you take yours with or without alcohol?”

“Umm, without. Not a fan.”

Lex was glad that he and Bill were on the same page about that. Other people were free to enjoy it all they wanted, but he and Bill had reasons for their own dislike of it.

“I don’t drink it much myself. There’s just a splash in my own cup here,” Gretta said. 

They talked for the next hour or so, enjoying their eggnog and discussing their plans for the next handful of days. Gretta would be seeing some friends here and there and exchanging presents, and Bill and Lex would be seeing some sights in the area. Bill had never been to Boston, and Lex planned on showing him his favorite places while they were both there.

It was late when they all went to bed. Bill and Lex’s room was at the end of the hall from Gretta’s. She smiled warmly at them when she wished them goodnight, and Lex hid a smile at Bill’s inability to look at her as he closed their bedroom door.

“Bill,” Lex said, tugging off his shirt and pants and tossing them on top of the dresser by the door. “My mom knows that we’re both consenting adults.”

Bill flopped into bed, dressed only in his underwear. “Am I that obvious?” He threw his arm over his eyes.

Lex laughed and joined him. “You’re so adorable when you’re flustered.” He sprawled across Bill and wrapped his arms around him. “Mine.”

“Hmm.” Bill held him close. “It’s just weird. I feel like a teenager, trying not to get caught making out by an adult.”

“That brings back memories,” Lex chuckled.

“Oh?” Bill asked curiously.  
  
Lex rolled to the side, pulling Bill with him. “My grandfather caught me with this girl I was going out with once. Then a couple weeks later he caught me again with a guy.” He covered his face. “He was really annoyed.”

“Because it was a guy?” Bill asked worriedly.  
  
“What? Nah. Because it was twice in as many weeks! He sat me down and threw a wad of condoms at me! Told me to always have them on me no matter what.” Lex gestured towards his pants. “It’s part of the reason I have the habit of carrying them in my wallet all the time.”

Bill laughed. “I would _still_ be in trouble if that had happened to me!” Bill pressed closer to Lex. “I wish I could’ve met your grandfather.”

“He really would’ve liked you, Bill.” Lex yawned. He’d been awake since the day before, throwing together report after report for Quinn. “He did a lot of what you do now, ya know…”

“He did? Like what?”

“Sleepy, Bill. I’ll tell you, I promise.”

They both whispered “I love you” and curled around each other. Soon after, both were asleep. 

* * *

  
  
Christmas Eve day was filled with Gretta bustling about the neighborhood handing out cookies and small cakes while Bill and Lex followed along behind her toting the wrapped baked goods. Everyone was all smiles, though they did give the couple odd looks, which had become so commonplace to them that they had both learned to ignore it. Those who knew and cared about them accepted them for who they were, and they were the ones who mattered, not strangers.

Their excursion was completed after lunch, and they had a hearty soup back at the house that Bill happily ate three bowls of. Gretta fussed at Lex for barely finishing his first. 

“When you were a teenager, I could barely keep enough food in the house for you, and now you eat like a bird! You haven’t even touched your ice cream!” she scolded. 

Lex sighed. “Mom, I just don’t have much of an appetite, and I’m not gonna fade away. Do I look like I’m gonna fade away, Bills?” 

Bill held up his hands. “Oh, no! Don’t drag me into this!”

“You’re supposed to be on my side!” Lex pouted. He couldn’t help it! It was a habit for him to not eat like this every day! He’d get used to it and be miserable once he was back at work! He sighed and handed his bowl to his mother. “ _One_ ladle more. But I’m doing it under protest.”

Gretta smiled. “I’m your mother, sweet pea. It’s my job to want you happy and full.”

“I _am_ happy and full!”

“Hmmph.”

* * *

Lex and Bill “napped” in the afternoon while Gretta went out for groceries. Bill was uneasy about being intimate when she was home, so Lex suggested that they take advantage of the opportunity. They could be discrete late at night since his mom slept deeply usually.

“And it’s not as if she wasn’t expecting us to not have sex or anything,” Lex said as they lay naked and entwined on the bed afterward. Bill was running his fingers on the fresh set of love bites he’d left along the crease of Lex’s thigh. It was his favorite place to mark Lex’s skin with his lips. “It’s really OK, baby.”

“I know I’m acting silly,” Bill sighed. “But, I dunno, it just feels...weird I guess? What if she hears us, and then whenever we see her, we all know, and that’s the first thing we immediately think about? ‘Oh, I heard them moan Bill or Lex’ or ‘Crap! She heard us! She knows what I sound like when I come!’ It’s… I…”

“Bill!” Lex put a finger to Bill’s mouth to quiet him. “You’re rambling, baby.” He kissed him softly on the forehead. “This really bothers you, doesn’t it?”

Bill lowered his eyes and nodded.

“OK, Bills. If you want, whenever we’re ‘in the mood,’ we can always go to a hotel.” He lowered his hand and carded it through Bill’s hair. “Would that be better?”

“But, she’d _definitely_ know then!” Bill said. Crap! They couldn’t win!

Lex threw his head back and laughed. “Baby, she knows whether we’re here or not. Do you think she doesn't know that we’re screwing each other’s brains out when we’re visiting each other? My mother isn’t some old biddy!”

Bill rolled to his back. “Ugh! I’m overthinking this, huh?” Of course he was! He always did!

“Not at all.” Lex leaned over and kissed him. “You’re being the man I love.”

“You must love me a lot to put up with me,” Bill smiled.

Lex lay his head on Bill’s chest. “Likewise.” He hugged Bill tightly and closed his eyes.

Bill wrapped his arms around him. “So I’m guessing we have a date later on tonight, then?”

Lex’s shoulders shook as he laughed quietly. “I’ll be here.”

They both dozed off, as they always did when in the other’s arms.

* * *

  
  
Christmas morning Lex woke early and smiled softly at Bill’s sleeping face. Even though the sun had just risen, Lex could still make out his boyfriend’s features in the faint light of the room. He wanted to touch them, whisper his name as Bill’s eyes opened, but his boyfriend was so peaceful when he slept...

 _I love you, Bill_ , he thought.

He closed his eyes. Might as well sleep a little more himself. He wasn’t a child anymore, ready to jump out of bed to rush downstairs to see what Santa had brought during the night. He had all he wanted right here with him. He never wanted the moment to end.

Bill shifted in his sleep and reached out for him, and Lex moved closer, curling into his embrace. Yes, here was where he belonged. He pressed his lips to Bill’s naked chest affectionately and snuggled closer, then heard Bill sigh.

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”

Lex smiled and tilted his head back to gaze into the beautiful chamomile eyes he loved. “Merry Christmas, baby.” They kissed softly. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“Not really.” Bill blinked and squinted at the ceiling. “What time is it?”

“No idea, but it’s pretty early though.” Lex continued to smile. “Our first Christmas, Bill.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Bill tightened his arms around Lex. “I’m enjoying all these ‘firsts’ with you.”

Lex nuzzled Bill’s nose. “We’ve still a lot left, too.” He brushed Bill’s lips with his, then slid out of bed. “I’ll be right back,” he promised at Bill’s questioning look. 

He went to his suitcase and took out a small rectangular box wrapped in gold and silver foil paper. Bill’s eyes widened and he leaped from the bed and scurried over to his own suitcase, digging around until he took out a small green box decorated with just a simple red bow stuck to the top.

They both looked at each other and laughed softly.

“Shall we?” Lex asked, turning on the lamp on the bedside table.

“Alright.” Bill went back and sat in the middle of the bed and waited for Lex to join him. “Merry Christmas, Lex,” he said, handing over his gift.

Lex gave his to Bill. “Open mine first.” He held his present from Bill to his chest while Bill opened his slowly. 

Bill set the wrapping paper aside and turned the box over in his hands before opening it. Inside were two silver keychains, each inscribed with the words “Our Spot” along with a string of numbers and letters.  
  
“What are they?” he asked, running his fingers over the inscriptions.

Lex took one of the keychains. “They’re the coordinates of Polaris, the North Star. Our Spot, Bill, so we always know where to find it so we don’t get lost.”

“Lex…” Bill’s eyes grew wet. “I... This is wonderful.” He held up the other keychain and saw a key hanging from it. “What’s this?”

“The key to my apartment.” Lex smiled at Bill’s shocked expression.  
  
“You’re kidding!”

“Nope.”

“Lex! Open your gift! Hurry!”

Lex raised his eyebrows at Bill’s urgent tone, but quickly opened the box. His mouth dropped at the key nestled in layers of red tissue paper. “Well, I’ll be damned…”  
  
Bill chuckled. “Looks like we both had the same idea.” He took the box and put the key on Lex’s keychain. “There.”

Taking the keychain back, Lex’s eyes went back and forth between their gifts. “Hey, Bills?”

“Yeah?”

“Us exchanging keys: I know it was symbolic…”

Bill took Lex’s hand. “But it’s more, right?”

Lex stared into Bill’s eyes. “So much more. My home is your home, Bill.”

“And mine is yours, Lex.” Bill squeezed Lex’s hand softly.

“So whenever we visit each other, we can say ‘I’m coming home,’ huh?” Lex leaned forward until his face was inches from Bill’s.

Bill tilted his head to the side, rubbing their foreheads together. “I don’t mind having a home in the city if you don’t mind having one in the country.”

“I love you, Bill.” Lex kissed him deeply then picked up their keychains. “Let’s put these somewhere safe. I want to be with you.”

“You read my mind.”

* * *

The smell of chocolate wafted through the house as Lex and Bill made their way downstairs a few hours later. Bill followed a few steps behind his lover through the door of the kitchen and smiled warmly as Lex greeted Gretta with a kiss to her cheek.

“Merry Christmas, Mom.”

“Merry Christmas, sweet pea.” Gretta handed him a plate stacked with chocolate waffles. “Whipped cream and strawberries are on the bar.” She turned her eyes to Bill. “Merry Christmas, Bill! Come eat!”

Bill made his way over and took his own plate. “Merry Christmas! These look wonderful!”

They all sat down and enjoyed their breakfast. Bill had never seen Lex eat so much before, and made a mental note on getting the recipe from Lex’s mother; maybe he could have Bonnie teach him how to make them. He and Lex washed the dishes while Gretta set about prepping for dinner later, then they all made their way to the den.

“Here, Lex,” she said, giving him a gift. “And you too, Bill,” handing him another.

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” Bill said, holding the neatly wrapped box. Lex had told him not to worry about getting Gretta anything, that he would give her a gift from both of them. Now he felt guilty.

“It’s just something I thought you would like,” she said with a smile.

Bill tore the paper off slowly and opened the box. His eyes lit up. It was a large, deep navy-blue coffee mug, and it appeared to have been glazed. “It’s beautiful!” He held it in both hands and ran his eyes over it. “Is it handmade?”

Gretta nodded. “I had it made especially for you. Lex told me all about your love for coffee, and I knew just what to get you. A friend of mine is a potter, and once Lex told me your favorite color, he created that piece just for you.”

“You mean, this is…?”

“Yes, that’s an original. The only one like it.”

Bill gazed at the mug in his hands in wonder. “Thank you, Gretta. I love it!”

Lex smiled at his mother. “You always choose the perfect gifts.”

“I try. Now open yours!” Gretta clasped her hands and watched her son open his square-shaped box in anticipation.

“M-Mom…” Lex choked out. He lifted a framed photograph from within the box and stared at it. “Where…?”

Bill leaned over. It was a picture of a teenaged Lex and his grandfather on his motorcycle. Lex had his helmet in his lap and his grandfather was giving him bunny ears. They were laughing at the camera, and Lex was so happy.

“I found it in the attic over the summer while I was looking for something. I knew you would want it.” Gretta’s eyes were shining with tears. “Do you like it?”

Lex raised his head. “Mom, I love it!” He gave it to Bill to hold so he could pull his mother into his arms. “Thank you so much!”

“You’re welcome, my dear boy.” 

The sight of Lex and his mother made a lump form in Bill’s throat. To think that Lex’s father gave up all of this because of greed. He knew that Lex wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.

“Uh, my and Bill’s gift to you has to do with Grandpa too,” Lex said after he pulled away from his mother and wiped his eyes.

“It does?” Gretta dabbed at her eyes with the sleeves of her sweater. 

“Remember how I told you about us going to the Archives? I went back later and found information about Grandpa. They have all kinds of things about military servicemen there. I was able to get the records you’ve been looking for to go along with the medals he received while in Korea.”

“You were?” Gretta smiled widely. “I’ve been looking for those for years!” 

“I have them upstairs. I, uh…” He scratched the back of his neck and gave Bill a subtle glance. “I forgot to bring them down.”

“I’ll go get them!” Bill said. He and Lex _had_ been a bit distracted...

“No, no!” Gretta said, waving her hands. “I’ll be in here all the rest of the morning if you do that! I need to get some baking done!”

“Can we help?” Lex asked. “Bill and I are wanting to learn!”

Gretta eyed them warily. “You’ll have to do _exactly_ what I tell you…”  
  
“We’re good students!” Bill said.

“OK! But if you mess up just one thing, _one thing_ , I’m kicking you out!”

“Yes, ma’am!”

* * *

As they had been with Bonnie, Lex and Bill were the perfect students. Gretta had them measuring and sifting ingredients, and showed them the correct way to roll the dough before pressing it into the pie pans. They chopped fruit with only one or two cuts between them, and the proud smiles she gave them once the completed pies were put into the oven made their faces light up the room.

“Well done, you two! Now clean up!” she said, indicating the many dirty dishes that covered the bar and counters. “Consider it ‘payment’ for your lesson.”

They readily agreed, and Gretta left to take gifts to several of her friends, promising she’d be back by the time the pies were done baking.

While they cleaned, Lex and Bill chatted about the morning’s events, exchanging kisses and fond looks. They were happy, glad to be together.

“So,” Lex said, drying a mixing bowl. “What do you usually do for New Year’s in Jericho?”

Bill scrubbed at a pot in the sink. “Well, most times I’m out on the streets making sure people aren’t walking around causing a ruckus.” He frowned. “Last year Jimmy and I had to break up a fight at Bailey’s. It was a pain in the ass.”  
  
Lex set the bowl on the counter and picked up another. “Sorry you don’t get to enjoy it.”

“Part of the job,” Bill shrugged. He turned to Lex. “At least this year I can enjoy it with you.” He leaned over and kissed Lex. “And sleep in for a much better reason.”

“How about we ring in the New Year by watching the ball fall in Times Square?” Lex suggested casually. He smiled inwardly when Bill’s hands stopped moving in the water.

“You mean, watching it on TV, right?” Bill turned to him. “Right, Lex?” he said again.  
  
Lex set the half-dried bowl down. “Well, it _will_ be on TV, but we’ll have a better view.”

“Lex!” Bill smiled widely. “Are you taking me to New York City?!”

“Got the plane tickets and hotel booked.” Lex handed him the towel he’d been using so he could dry his hands. “I’ve been planning it for a while now.”

Bill tugged Lex towards him and crushed their lips together, and it became hot and heavy quickly. Their hands roved over their hair, arms, and shoulders, and Lex pulled away before he became tempted to do more.

“We’re...in the...kitchen...baby,” he panted.

“Crap,” Bill said. His lips were red and swollen. He looked over at the sink which held a few more dishes. “We still have to finish those, too.”

Lex grinned. “Let’s take care of them so we can take care of something else,” he said suggestively.

The dishes were done in record time, and soon they were upstairs so Bill could thank Lex properly.  
  
  


* * *

The rest of their time in Boston was spent with Lex showing Bill around the city. He and Lex went on a walking tour of the Freedom Trail, which Bill enjoyed tremendously, despite the chilly weather. There was an all-day trip to the New England Aquarium that ended with a seafood dinner at one of the best restaurants Bill had ever been to. Lex then took him to the actual “Cheers” bar the next day, which really delighted Bill, especially when he saw all the merchandise that the bar offered.

“I think you spent more on that than the food,” Lex teased him when they left. Bill had bought shirts for his friends in Jericho, along with yet another mug. “Are you going to have room for all the stuff you’ve gotten in your suitcase?”

“I didn’t bring a carryon for a reason,” Bill replied smugly.

They then took a day to visit Boston University, and Lex led him about the campus, pointing out places he had spent time with friends and studying. Lex told Bill that maybe they could come back when classes were in session so that they could get a fully-guided tour—he’d love for Bill to see inside the buildings themselves.

The day before they were to leave for New York, he and Bill stayed at home and spent the day with Gretta. She had been poring over the documents that Lex had given her for Christmas, enthralled at the information that they contained about her father. She would cross-reference what she found with what she knew already, and Bill and Lex listened attentively while she spoke. It was fascinating to them both.

“He was an MP, ya know,” Gretta said. She showed Bill a photograph of Lex’s grandfather. “The stories he could tell about rowdy soldiers!”

Bill looked at Lex in surprise. “You never told me that!”

Lex smiled. “Told you that you guys would’ve gotten along.”

Bill and Lex finished up the last of the ice cream that night before bed. Bill decided that he didn’t like mocha.

* * *

“You’ll have to come visit again. In fact, I expect you to,” Gretta told Bill the next morning. They were outside by his and Lex’s rental car. She had his hands in hers and was giving him a warm smile. “You make my Lex so happy, and that means so much to me.” 

“I want to come back. Thank you.” Bill had grown to adore Lex’s mother. He felt at home here with her and Lex. “It was wonderful spending Christmas with you, Gretta.”

Gretta pulled him into a tight hug. “I feel the same.” She pulled back and patted the side of his face. “Take care of him, hmm?”

“I intend to.”

“And you take care of him, too!” Gretta turned to Lex, who had been putting luggage in the trunk of the car. “I don’t want to hear of anything bad happening to either of you.”

Lex smiled and embraced his mother. “I promise that I’ll keep an eye on him, Mom.”

“You better. You are good for each other.” Gretta kissed him on the cheek. She looked between them both for a moment and sighed. “I’m going to miss having you two around here.”

“You can always come visit me too, Mom,” Lex said. “Bill sees me all the time. We could plan something, maybe even go to Baltimore. You haven’t been there in a while.”

Gretta nodded. “I’d like that. Maybe during the summer, when it’s warmer.”

Bill looked at his watch. They needed to leave now or they’d risk missing their flight. “It’s almost eight-thirty…”

Lex hugged his mother again. “We gotta go, Mom.”

“Go! Don’t miss your plane!” Gretta kissed his cheek again. “And hold his hand, OK Bill? I always had to do that when—”

“MOM!” Lex dashed to the driver’s side door of the car. “He knows!” He paused before getting in. “I love you.”

“I love you too, sweet pea. Call me.”

“Bye, Gretta,” Bill said, smiling at Lex’s behavior as he got into the car.  
  
“Goodbye, Bill.” She walked forward and leaned towards him for one more goodbye hug. “Let me know how those waffles turn out,” she whispered.  
  
“Will do.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait between chapters! Just finished up a fic exchange (which you can find [here](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Dickmas_2020)) and am trying to get back to posting somewhat regularly. 
> 
> I signed up for a bang, though, but will still try to keep posting _and_ keep working on my WIPs. Wish me luck, OK?
> 
> This chapter fills the "On A Plane" and "Nightmare" square on my Speight Bingo card.

Lex smiled at Bill’s face when they sat down in their seats on the plane. His boyfriend hadn’t been expecting first-class tickets. He was determined to make this trip as special as possible.

“You’re not setting me up for anything, are you?” Bill asked playfully. He leaned over and kissed Lex softly. “There’s not gonna be a limo at the airport to pick us up and whisk us away to some penthouse you just happen to own on the side that you forgot to mention, right?”

“Ha! I don’t have _that_ much squirreled away!” Lex laughed. He sat back in his seat and forced himself to smile. He could feel the beginnings of pre-flight jitters and wanted to keep their conversation going. “No, but it’s a nice hotel, though. Plenty of”—he wiggled his eyebrows—”privacy.”

Bill smirked. “I see. So I’m guessing we won’t be doing much sightseeing.”

“Oh, there will be some here and there around the hotel, don’t you worry.”

“Who said I was worried?” Bill reached for his hand and frowned. “Whoa, hey, the plane’s not even moving yet, babe. You’re shaking.”

Lex sighed. “Have I mentioned I don’t like flying?” He held Bill’s hand tightly. “Don’t let go?”

“Never.” Bill raised Lex’s hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles. “I promise.”

When the plane took off from the runway shortly after, Lex’s palm was sweaty against Bill’s, but Bill kept his hold tight and whispered words of reassurance to his boyfriend the entire time. Once the plane was in the air, Lex settled, yet Bill didn’t release his hand.

The entire thirty-five minute or so flight, the lover’s hands stayed clasped together. They chatted quietly, and Lex focused on Bill’s voice. He never looked out the window, only at Bill’s face. He went over the itinerary that he had worked out prior to visiting his mother, and the excitement in Bill’s face and voice made him glad that he had come up with the idea.

When the plane landed, Lex gripped Bill’s hand firmly, thinking all the while that he had never had such a calm and relaxed plane ride before in all his life. He wished that Bill could fly with him all the time. He grounded him.

* * *

“I love you,” Lex told Bill when they walked out of the airport later. He gave Bill a loving smile. “You really are amazing, you know that?”

“I love you too, babe.” Bill kissed him sweetly. He wondered why Lex had said that out of the blue. “You all right?”

“I’m fine. Just wanted to let you know is all.” Lex set his suitcase down and raised his hand to hail a cab. “I don’t say it enough.”

Bill’s gaze softened. He didn’t say it enough either. “You’re wonderful too, Lex.”

Lex’s eyes met his. “Careful, or there really might not be any sightseeing while we’re here.”

* * *

Their hotel was located near Times Square. Lex had to keep pulling Bill along behind him so he wouldn’t be left behind. His boyfriend would stop and stare at one thing after another, and Lex was afraid that they would get separated amongst all the people milling about.

“Bill, baby, come on. I don’t want to lose you,” Lex told him for the fifth time in a row.

“I’m sorry. I just never been in such a huge place before!” Bill increased his steps to keep up with Lex. “It’s more than I expected!”

Lex shook his head. “And we’ll explore all around here in a bit. But we gotta check-in or we’ll lose our reservation.”

They walked inside the hotel and headed straight for the front desk. The clerk looked between them oddly for a moment, then raised his eyebrow at Lex using only one name for their reservation. When Lex showed his ID along with a copy of the printed reservation receipt, they were checked in quickly and given their key cards for their room.

“We’re gonna be dealing with that forever,” Bill sighed as they got into an elevator.

Lex pressed the button for their floor. “And other people will just have to get over it, remember?” He touched the back of Bill’s hand with his own. “It’s not as if we need their approval, Bills.”

“You’re right. I’m just afraid that it’ll get worse.” Bill gripped his suitcase handle tightly. “I don’t like it is all.”

“We know that we’re not what they think we are, baby, and we have proof. What can they say to that?” The elevator doors opened to their floor. “Come on! We’re here for fun! Let’s go.”

They walked down the hall to their room and Lex swiped their card to let them inside. The room was spacious, with a king-size bed against one wall, a dresser across from its foot on the other with a large TV placed upon it. The room’s windows stretched from floor to ceiling and spread across the entire width of the wall. A glass table with two chairs was arranged in front of the window. As they walked inside, there was a door to the right that led into a large bathroom that contained an oversized walk-in shower with a seat at one end.

“Lex, are you _sure_ you haven’t rented a limo for us while we’re here?” Bill asked, looking about the room in awe. He stepped further inside and set his suitcase next to the dresser. “This place must cost more than my house!”

Lex chuckled and went to stand next to his boyfriend. “I promise, no limo.” He put his suitcase next to Bill’s and wrapped his arms around Bill’s waist. “Consider it a part of your Christmas.”

“You spoil me.” Bill hugged Lex tightly. “I don’t deserve it,” he said softly, lowering his eyes.

“Hey!” Lex admonished him. “Don’t talk like that! You deserve that and more! You’re my guy!” He took Bill’s chin between his thumb and forefinger gently and lifted his head. “Didn’t I tell you after our first date to get used to me doing things for you?”

Bill pursed his lips playfully. “I also seem to recall telling you not to overdo it eith-MMPH!” He was cut off as Lex kissed him soundly.

Lex smiled when he ended the kiss. “It’s a gift. I’m allowed to overdo it.”

“You and your smooth words.” Bill shook his head. “Alright. If it makes you happy, it makes me happy too.”

“That’s all I ever want.” Lex kissed him again. “Now, let’s get out of here. I’m hungry, aren’t you?”

* * *

Shortly after, they were outside a kiosk that was just a short walk from the hotel. Bill had seen it before they’d entered, and Lex had agreed to let Bill choose where’d they’d go for lunch.

The kiosk served hotdogs, and Bill was in heaven. They ordered two for Bill and one for Lex. They stood off to the side and enjoyed their food, commenting on how delicious it was.

“Wow! I’ve always heard about how famous New York City was for their hot dogs, and now I can see why!” Bill had devoured his first hot dog and was starting on his second. “It’s gonna be hard going back to the ones at home!”

Lex was only a third of the way through his. “I suppose so. I don’t eat them very often myself.”

Bill chuckled. “You should! They’re not hard to make, ya know. Easy to throw together after being at work all day. I eat mostly bologna sandwiches, but it’s fun to switch up with these guys.”

“Haven’t you been practicing though? You told me that you made your first burger a short while back.”

Bill shrugged. “Old habits die hard, I guess.” He finished off his hotdog and threw his trash in a bin. “I do plan on working on other things, though.” He couldn’t wait to start practicing on the waffles when he got back; he had plans for those.

“I’m wanting to try chicken next,” Lex said. He looked at the nearly finished hot dog in his hand. “I am determined to make my own chicken marsala someday.”

“Fancy!” Bill raised his eyebrows. “You could make that and I could learn how to make spaghetti from scratch!”

“That would be fun.” Lex ate the rest of his meal and tossed his napkins into the trash. “So, what do you want to do now?”

Bill shrugged. “There’s all kinds of stores from the looks of it. Maybe I could find something interesting for the kids and Bonnie while I’m here.”

Lex took Bill’s hand. “They’d like that, I think. Let’s go.”

* * *

Per Lex’s suggestion, Bill arranged for his purchases to be mailed directly to Jericho. He didn’t have much room left in his luggage for any more items.

“I think we should come here for New Year’s from now on,” Bill said on their way back to the hotel. They had decided to view the ball dropping from their hotel room instead of outside amongst the crowd. Lex told him he had chosen the hotel for its large windows just for that reason anyway.

“We can make it a tradition,” Lex replied. “You, me, and New York City—I like that idea!”

Lex wanted a nap when they got back to the hotel, and they slept for a few hours. When he awoke a little while later, he heard Bill in the shower. Curious, he went to the bathroom, but the handle of the door wouldn’t turn.

“Bill?” Why was it locked?

“Yeah?” Bill called back.

“You all right? Why are you taking a shower?”

There were bumps, thuds, and the sound of the shower being turned off. “Bill?”

“One sec!”

Lex frowned. What was going on? “Bill! You’re worrying me. Please open the door.”

The door swung open and Bill stood there, a white towel wrapped around his waist. His skin was red from the shower, and he was still dripping wet. “I’m fine, babe. I’m sorry.”

“I heard noises. Did you fall?” Lex checked him over with his eyes.

“No, didn’t fall. Just got in a hurry.” Bill grabbed another towel and started to dry his hair, scrubbing at his head with the cloth while looking down at the floor. “I woke up and was in the mood for a shower. Didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s OK. The door was locked is all.” Lex leaned against the door frame. “You usually don’t do that.”

“Uh, I guess I got used to doing that at your mom’s.” Bill dropped the towel onto the vanity and turned to him. “I’m sorry,” he added, eyes still directed at the floor.

“It’s OK, baby.” Lex stepped forward, picked up the discarded towel, and began dabbing at the wetness on Bill’s shoulders and upper torso. “I guess I’m just used to jumping in the shower with you whenever I want.”

Bill raised his head, and there was a hint of a blush on his cheeks, which made Lex smile. “That shower is more than big enough for the both of us. We’ll have to test it out later.”

“Oh, I intend to, baby.” Lex turned Bill around and ran the towel up and down his back. “You get to dry me off next time, though.”

“Would I ever refuse?” Bill sighed and tilted his head so Lex could kiss his neck.

“You wouldn’t, but I’m just making sure that you know it’s my turn is all,” Lex whispered into his ear.

“Hmm, noted.”

Lex smiled and tossed the towel back on the vanity. “It’s close to dinner. I’m gonna call room service. I think they’re having some New Year’s Eve special or something. Wanna try it?”

Bill turned back around. “Sure, why not?”

“I’ll order it while you get dressed.”

* * *

Dinner was filet mignon with red wine sauce. Bill had his cooked medium rare with mashed potatoes and sautéed broccoli, while Lex had his medium with sautéed mushrooms and risotto. Both had water instead of the wine that was offered.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to cook this,” Lex remarked after taking a bite of his steak. They were sitting at the table in front of the window. “It’s absolutely perfect!”

Bill dipped his mashed potatoes into the sauce and tasted it—it was delicious. “Wow!”

Lex laughed. “See?!”

They continued their meal, both feeling happy and lighthearted. From the window, they could see the crowd gathering down in the Square, and they both agreed that they had a much better vantage point from their room to see the ball drop.

After they finished eating, Lex called room service to remove their dishes. They watched the festivities below from the window, but then turned on the television that was on the dresser to see all the interviews and other going-ons.

Five till midnight, Lex and Bill went to stand at the window. A bottle of champagne had been brought to their room courtesy of the hotel, and Lex poured a small amount of the bubbly liquid into two flutes.

“Almost time,” he said, handing one to Bill. They both had agreed that since it was a special occasion a few sips would be OK.

They watched the flashing lights as the countdown began and the moment “2006” blazed across the screen, their lips met with a heartfelt kiss, the crowd’s distant cheers and screams filling their ears.

Lex pulled back and stared into Bill’s eyes. “This is going to be a year to remember, Bills.”

“The first of many,” Bill agreed.

They lifted their glasses and took careful measured swallows and set them on the table, not once breaking their gaze.

“Bill—”

“Lex—”

They smiled, having spoken at the same time.

Lex took Bill’s hand and led him towards the bed. “I haven’t slept with you since last year, Bill,” he said, sitting down. He put his hands on Bill’s hips and looked up. “What should we do about that?” he grinned.

“That’s so unbelievably corny,” Bill laughed. He smiled softly and ran his fingers through Lex’s hair, trailing his fingers down the sideburns on both sides of his lover’s face. He didn’t touch them often; it turned Lex into a pile of goo.

“Bill…” Lex groaned and fell onto his back upon the bed. “Not fair…”

Bill slowly removed Lex’s clothes, kissing his skin as it was revealed to him. His own quickly followed, and he was soon lavishing Lex’s body with his lips and tongue. He kept caressing Lex’s sideburns with his fingers, leaving his boyfriend moaning and unable to move.

“What are you— _Ahhh!_ —What are you d-doing, Bill?”

“Remember what you told me when you visited me?” Bill moved his hands slowly down Lex’s sides to grip his lover’s hips. “How you would fuck me?” He pushed his groin against Lex’s.

Lex arched his back. “Shit, Bill! Are you trying to drive me insane?” He stilled and raised his head. “Wait… You mean…?”

Bill lowered his head and kissed Lex deeply, wrapping his arms tightly around his lover’s shoulders. Lex opened his mouth, and their tongues slid over each other, twisting together as Bill rolled himself beneath Lex.

“Bill,” Lex panted when the kiss ended. Their pupils were blown wide, hair mussed, lips kiss-swollen. Bill’s legs were spread open so that Lex’s hips were settled between them. “Are you sure? I mean, we can’t just do this on a whim…”

“I’ve planned for this.” Bill averted his eyes and blushed. “I had meant for it to happen at your apartment, since I thought we’d be there for New Year’s, but I had to improvise for here.” He glanced up shyly at Lex. “The shower earlier—I…” he trailed off.

Lex raised an eyebrow. “So _that’s_ why you were in there!” He smiled suggestively. “Oh, baby… In that case, I’m gonna give you the FULL treatment.”

Bill shuddered. “F-Full?”

“Mmm, you’re gonna remember this night, Bills.” Lex licked his lips slowly and Bill groaned. “That’s right, it’s _my_ turn to make you scream.”

Lex kissed Bill, whispering sweet nothings when he pulled away. He nipped gently down his neck and sternum, then focused on his right nipple, sucking and nibbling at it before doing the same to the other. Bill tangled his fingers in Lex’s hair, and Lex closed his eyes at the feeling.

“Lex…”

He continued his way down, kissing Bill’s stomach, laving at his belly button, then licked at the underside of the head of Bill’s cock when he reached it. It was thick and throbbing, leaking pre-cum.

“Mmm, Bill,” Lex moaned, sucking at the slit. “Taste so good.” He wrapped his lips around the mushroom-shaped head and sucked. He never managed to get much of Bill’s length in his mouth—he was just too girthy—but the head he always could.

“AH! LEX!” Bill resisted the urge to pull on Lex’s hair. His mouth! Lex had the most amazing mouth! “Oh, babe! So good!”

Lex pulled just a bit more into his mouth and moved his lips up and down Bill’s shaft. He took a hand and cupped Bill’s heavy balls firmly, massaging them with his fingers.

That drove Bill wild. “More, Lex! Play with them more!” He spread his legs wider. “Please!”

Sliding his mouth off of Bill, Lex quickly lowered his lips to Bill’s balls and sucked one side of the sac in. He rolled it around on his tongue, inhaling Bill’s scent, listening to Bill’s cries of pleasure. He lavished the same attention to the other side, and all the while Bill’s hands remained in his hair.

He pulled away and raised his eyes to Bill’s face. Damn did Bill make a picture! Covered in sweat, gasping for air, spread out before him, begging for more.

“Here we go, Bills.” Lex reached over and grabbed the lube from the nightstand and placed it beside them on the bed. “The full treatment.”

“I know...this...part,” Bill rasped.

“No baby.” Lex nuzzled Bill’s perineum then breathed hotly over Bill’s hole. “The _full_ treatment.”

“You mean— _OH FUCK!_ ”

Lex flattened his tongue and ran it slowly over Bill’s entrance. His eyes fluttered closed at his lover’s taste. Oh yes, he would be doing this again. He took his hands and spread Bill’s cheeks wider and lapped at Bill over and over, and Bill’s moans filled the room.

Bill had had no idea that Lex would want to eat him out. He also had no idea that it was this amazing. But he knew for sure that he wasn’t going to make Lex stop! Every flick of Lex’s tongue, every suck at his rim, had Bill’s cock and balls throbbing and aching. The plush comforter beneath him was damp with his sweat, and he wanted more! There _had_ to be more!

And there was. Lex’s tongue pushed inside him, Bill hissed, then groaned in disappointment when Lex lifted his head. “OK, baby?”

“F-Fine…”

Lex took his thumbs and gently spread apart Bill’s softened rim and dove back down to lick inside of his lover. He couldn’t get enough of his taste! What was it about Bill that made him such an addict?

“Lex! I need... _UH!_ ” Bill was thinking that he could come just from Lex’s mouth alone. He was so sensitive down there, his balls and now his ass. He never knew!

“What do you need, baby?” Lex was leaning his head on the inside of Bill’s thigh and tracing a finger around Bill’s entrance. He was holding the bottle of lube in his other hand. “You want me to open you up with my fingers now?”

Yes! That’s what he needed! “Please, Lex!” Bill pushed his hips towards Lex.

Lex smiled. “Whatever you want.” Bill was so sexy when he was turned on. He poured lube on Bill’s hole then on his fingers. “Let me know if it’s too much.” He eased a finger inside, stopping when Bill clenched down on it. “You OK?”

“Just feels strange,” Bill replied. He took a deep breath. “Keep going.”

“Alright.” Lex pushed deeper, not stopping until it was all the way to the first knuckle. “Good?”

Bill kept still. It was...different. Not a bad different, but different. “Yeah, I’m good.”

Lex moved his finger in slow circles, letting Bill get used to the feeling. “OK, gonna work you up to three, alright?”

Very carefully, Lex stretched Bill open with three of his fingers, passing them every so often over his prostate. The first time he did Bill shouted and nearly kicked Lex away from him in surprise. They’d laughed at his reaction, then Lex had Bill moaning with subsequent caresses.

“So...th-this is why you like your...toy so m-much,” Bill panted as Lex stilled with his fingers inside of him. “Damn, I c-can see...why.”

Lex curled his fingers and Bill shivered. “You just wait until I have my cock in you.”

Bill moaned, sighing when Lex removed his fingers. There was the sensation of more lube on his skin, followed by the sound of Lex slicking his cock with the substance. Bill’s legs were pushed up towards his chest, and Lex spoke to him.

“Hold your legs with your hands, baby,” he directed. Bill grasped the underside of his knees to hold them to his chest. “There ya go. Nice and open, just for me.”

Lex lined himself up and pressed his cock to Bill’s entrance. “You alright, Bill?” he asked. He studied Bill’s face, waiting for his lover’s OK before proceeding.

Bill found Lex’s eyes and smiled. “Yes, I am. Please, Lex. Take me.”

“Bill…” Lex planted a hand by Bill’s head on the bed, the other on the side of his boyfriend’s thigh. “I love you.”

“I love you, Lex.”

Lex moved his pelvis forward and pushed slowly inside of Bill. There was resistance, and Lex stilled. Bill locked eyes with Lex and nodded, giving him permission to keep going, so Lex pressed on, the head of his cock popping past Bill’s rim.

“AH!” Bill gasped. He was stretched so wide! More than Lex’s fingers had done! He kept looking at Lex, felt him sink further inside of him, his cock widening his walls. “Oh God, Lex! You’re so deep!”

“B-Bill…” Lex was fighting the urge to slam himself fully into Bill. His channel was like a vice around him, and he was soft and hot, slippery-wet from lube. He’d never been someone’s “first” before, and it was nearly overwhelming him.

But at the same time, he was overwhelmingly happy that Bill loved and trusted him enough for this. It said so much about their relationship.

They both sighed deeply the moment Lex was sheathed completely inside Bill. Lex rested his shoulders on Bill’s legs, letting Bill adjust for a moment.

“How does that feel?” Lex whispered.

“It feels…” Bill flexed his inner muscles, and they both gasped as a tingle of pleasure rolled over them.

“L-Like that?” Lex hummed, closing his eyes.

“Mmm-hmm…”

“Want me to move?”

“You better.”

Lex pushed himself up on his arms once more, angled his hips a bit, then went to blowing Bill’s mind. He dragged his cock almost all the way out, then slid firmly halfway back in. He smiled at Bill’s quick, indrawn breath, and repeated the action, over and over, steadily building up speed.

“That good, Bill?” he whispered. He held on tightly to Bill’s thigh for balance. “Tell me.” He circled his hips, searching for that spot inside of Bill to make him moan his name.

Bill couldn’t believe it, but his toes actually _curled._ “ _Lex…_ Deeper, Lex. Deeper,” he panted.

Lex drove into Bill, again and again, their sweat-soaked skin making obscene noises as it slapped together. Bill and Lex dug their fingers into Bill’s legs, leaving marks that would bruise the next day.

It was so good— _felt_ so good—it was _always_ so good...

Faster and faster, harder and harder, Lex went back and forth inside Bill, determined to make him come first. He gripped Bill’s cock in his hand, stroking him in time with his thrusts, twisting his wrist at each upstroke. “Come for me, Bill. Cover my hand, make it all wet and sticky.” He nailed Bill’s prostate with each thrust. “Do it for me, baby.”

Bill had always had a high stamina, but this he just couldn’t sustain. It was too much. One hard jab at his prostate and one slick caress of Lex’s thumb over the head of his cock brought forth a strangled cry from Bill as an orgasm surged through his body. It rolled over him in waves, and as he spiraled down, he felt Lex’s hips bucking against him, spilling his release deep and hot inside of him.

Lex collapsed on top of him, Bill dropping his arms and legs to the bed. They laid there, heaving air in and out of their lungs. As always, each and every time just got more and more amazing.

“We’ll have to do that again…” Bill whispered, kissing the top of Lex’s head a short while later after they’d cleaned up and were lying under the covers on the bed. They were both exhausted, but happy and content.

“And again and again,” Lex added, snuggling into Bill’s chest. “Happy New Year, my love.”

Bill’s face softened and he kissed Lex’s crown of hair once more.

“Happy New Year, Lex.”

* * *

_Running, running, running…_

_They had to keep running._

_If they stopped it would get them, tear them apart._

_“Come on, Lex! If we stop—”_

_“I know! I’m coming, Bill!”_

_Bill grasped Lex’s hand and tugged him along behind him, running across the rocky landscape. They had no idea who their pursuers were, just that they had to stay ahead of them. They had been running for what seemed like forever, not able to stop to rest for more than minutes at a time. The footsteps grew louder and louder, and the fear in Bill’s chest increased with each one._

_“AH!”_

_“LEX!” Bill whipped around at the loss of Lex’s hand in his own. His lover was on the ground, clutching at his arm. “Come on, we have to go. Shh…” He helped Lex to his feet, taking his other hand and running once more._

_Their breathing grew ragged, loud, and Bill’s vision became hazy. The ground beneath their feet tilted dangerously, then Lex flew past him._

_“BILL!” Lex screamed in terror, digging his fingers into Bill’s wrist._

_“LEX!” Bill fell to his knees. A cliff had appeared out of nowhere, and Lex was dangling from its edge by Bill’s hand. “Don’t let go!”_

_“Don’t drop me, Bill! Don’t let go!” Lex begged. His amber eyes were wide with fear._

_“I won’t! I’ll never let go, Lex! I swear I won’t!” Bill cried. However, even as he said the words Lex’s fingers were slipping from around his wrist. “LEX!”_

“BILL!”

_“Don’t you dare let go, Lex!”_

“BILL!”

_Lex’s fingers slipped further. “LEX! PLEASE HOLD ON!” Bill screamed._

“BILL! PLEASE!”

_“I WON’T LET YOU GO!”_

“BILL WAKE UP!!!”

Bill’s eyes snapped open to Lex’s pale and distraught face hovering over his. Bill tried to move, but Lex had his hands on his upper arms, pinning him to the bed.

“Lex?” he said hoarsely. Why did his throat hurt?

“Are you with me?” Lex’s eyes searched his face. “Do you know where you are?”

“I…” Bill frowned. “I…”

_Don’t let go!_

_Lex!_

_Bill!_

Bill’s eyes widened and his lips trembled. “L-Lex…” He started to shake and gasp for air. “I-I…”

Lex removed his hands from him and laid down next to him. “Shh, baby. It was a nightmare. Come on, breathe for me, OK? I’m here…” Lex turned Bill into him, rubbing his hand up and down his back soothingly. “Shh…”

“D-Don’t leave...me, Lex.” Bill buried his face into Lex’s chest. “I...can’t lose you...I can’t…” His voice cracked and tears ran down his face. “Oh God...please don’t...ever get...hurt again.” He struggled to breathe.

“Breathe for me, OK?” Lex continued rubbing his back. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize my getting hurt had affected you so badly.”

“I should’ve told...you. I’m sorry.” Bill was slowly calming down. This was the worst panic attack he’d had in months. Maybe he shouldn’t have kept his fears from Lex; they were bound to have come out in one way or another, and it looked like this was it. “I don’t like...to worry you.”

“Bill.” Lex cupped Bill’s cheek and turned his face towards his. “It’s _both_ our jobs to worry about each other. We shouldn’t keep these things to ourselves. Look at what it did to you.” Lex’s eyes turned sad. “ _This_ worries me.”

“I’m sorry.” A tear streaked down Bill’s cheek again and he took a deep, shuddering breath. “I’m so sorry, Lex.”

Lex pulled Bill close. “Nothing to be sorry for, baby.” He rocked Bill gently in his arms. “Let’s make a New Year’s resolution, hmm?”

Bill closed his eyes. “Yeah?”

“From now on, we let the other know when something bothers or concerns us. Weren’t we supposed to be the other’s sounding board?”

Bill pressed himself closer to Lex. “We were, weren’t we.” He pushed himself up to lay his head on the pillow next to Lex. “Alright. New Year’s resolution it is.”

Lex laid his hand on Bill’s face. “I love you, Bill Koehler.”

“I love you too, Lex.”

They drew close and kissed softly, and Bill closed his eyes and drifted to sleep.

* * *

Lex kept his eyes on Bill as his lover slept once more. Bill had thrashed and cried out wildly, jerking Lex awake, and after Bill had nearly punched him in the face, Lex had had no choice but to hold his arms down. Bill had called out his name, then started screaming it, and Lex couldn’t take it anymore and had shaken him awake.

What had Bill’s nightmare been about? Why had he been so afraid for Lex? Bill called him several times a day to see how he was doing, and Lex had chalked it up to Bill being a concerned boyfriend.

But now…

Lex gently brushed a lock of hair behind Bill’s ear. Bill had begged him not to get hurt, said he couldn’t lose him, that he didn’t want Lex to leave him.

Did he dream that Lex had died?

“Oh, Bill…” Lex whispered sadly. Had Bill had other panic attacks like this because he was scared? Lex squeezed his eyes shut at the thought. Damn his job! Damn it!

He needed to make a decision soon.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooray for new moodboard, courtesy of the extremely talented WarlockWriter! 
> 
> Hope everyone is doing well. I'm...hanging in there. :)

Bill slept peacefully throughout the rest of the night, waking up wrapped securely in Lex’s arms. God, he loved mornings like this—warm in bed, the love of his life beside him, just the two of them alone. He could lie here forever and never leave.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“Not as much as I love you,” Lex whispered back.

Bill smiled against Lex’s chest. “How long have you been awake?”

“Off and on. Been keeping an eye on you.” Lex placed a hand on Bill’s neck so he could massage his nape gently. “You doing OK?”

“Yeah.” Bill sighed happily. “Thank you for last night.”

“You _never_ have to thank me for that, baby.” Lex kissed his forehead. “I always want you.”

“Well, I meant that too, but for…” Bill raised his hand and placed his palm over Lex’s heart. “For helping me.” He pressed himself closer to Lex. “You always help me.”

“Bill.” Lex’s hand slid to Bill’s shoulder and he gently pushed him back to look into his lover’s face. “Are you having more panic attacks lately?”

Bill lowered his eyes. Lex’s voice sounded so sad. “I’m sorry. I’m worried about you.”

Lex’s fingers curled tenderly around his jaw and Bill looked into his face. His boyfriend’s expression was kind and understanding as he said, “Baby, what did I say last night? Don’t be sorry. Just please call me if you need me. I don’t care what time it is or if I’m at work. I’ll be there for you. I love you.”

Tears threatened to fall from Bill’s eyes and he blinked rapidly to stop them. He didn’t want to cry anymore. “Why are you so perfect, Lex?”

* * *

“Perfect? Me?” Lex nearly laughed at Bill’s question. “Bills, how can _you_ be so perfect?”

Bill curled back into Lex’s chest. “I don’t see how anyone can put up with a screwup like me the way you do. Love me like you do.”

Lex hugged Bill tightly. “Baby, that’s what _I_ think.” He smiled softly, nuzzling Bill’s hair, breathing in his scent. “Funny, huh?”

“Funny?”

“We think the other’s perfect, while we both think we’re screwups; must mean we’re _perfect_ for each other.”

Bill chuckled softly. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

They lay together quietly for a while, touching the other’s skin, listening to the other’s breaths, drawing out the moment for as long as they could.

“So…” Lex drawled, fluttering his fingers down Bill’s spine. “About that shower…”

“Hmm?” Bill shivered.

“And this.” Lex squeezed Bill’s ass. “Can I christen that seat in there with it?”

And they did, until Bill begged Lex to stop. He sat in his lover’s lap, legs spread, his back to Lex’s chest, breathing hard. The warm water cascaded over their bodies, washing away the evidence of their pleasure.

“I’ve...created...a monster,” Bill panted.

Lex placed an open-mouthed kiss to the side of Bill’s neck. “I can’t help it. You’re so sexy, baby.” He ran his hands up and down Bill’s abdomen and chest. “Maybe I should just focus on you every time you come see me.”

“Is that so?” Bill arched his back and moaned when Lex tilted his hips; his boyfriend was still buried deep inside of him. “D-Does that mean you’re mine when you visit me?”

“I think I can live with that arrangement,” Lex purred in his ear, sliding a hand towards Bill’s cock, which was stirring again.

“Fuck, Lex…”

“If you insist, baby.”

And so their arrangement began, and Bill learned that the hotel had rather large hot water heaters.

* * *

Lex nearly choked on his drink. “Quinn is _what?_ ”

Jackson handed him a couple of napkins. “He went on what he dubbed as ‘private leave.’ Just called in this morning. Gage is on the warpath if you haven’t noticed.” Jackson waited for Lex to dab up the water that had dripped on his shirt. “Something’s going on, I just know it,” he continued, leaning forward on his elbows.

They were on their lunch break at a delicatessen, and the subject of the absent deputy director had been brought up almost immediately. Lex had walked into work and heard Director Gage bellowing at his secretary over his coffee being cold, which to Lex was a sign of staying out of the man’s way for the duration of the day. He’d only found out about Quinn right before leaving with Jackson for lunch.

“What do you think it is?” Lex asked, taking a careful swallow of his water. When Jackson noticed that something wasn’t right, it was best to pay attention. “You don’t think he’s up to something like before do you?” He had to set his glass on the table in case his hand started to shake.

“I don’t know, but I’m keeping my eye on him.” Jackson set his jaw and looked grimly at Lex. “You know it’s just you, me, and Gage that know about what happened before, right?”

Lex nodded. “Of course.” And it was why Holland had been transferred to Germany. It had also been one huge mess, and they had been unable to find any proof of Quinn’s involvement with Joshua and the Koreans. Quinn had covered his tracks thoroughly, and Lex was convinced that the deputy director had had help in some way. It had only added to their hatred of the man.

“I know it might be jumping the gun, but you know how he’s been behaving lately. It’s not coincidental.” Jackson sat up straight. “We can’t ignore it.”

Lex leaned back in his chair. He’d been lying low when it came to Quinn. Deep down, he feared being a target of the deputy director; everyone knew how close he’d been to Terri and Stiles. And now that he had Bill…

His lover’s frantic voice echoed in his head: _I...can’t lose you...I can’t…_ “Jackson, I—”

“Leave most of it to me. I know that look, Lex.” Jackson looked out the window to their right. “I just wanted to let you know in case, is all.”

Lex furrowed his brow. “In case of what?”

Jackson turned back to him. “Who knows when it comes to that bastard. But, if it comes down to it, it’s all on me. I won’t ask you to choose anything over Bill. Understand?”

Dammit. “But what if you need my help? You can’t do it alone.” Lex curled his hands into fists. Stupid job! Why did he always have to make these impossible decisions? He wanted to talk to Bill about it, but he couldn’t! “At least let me help where I’m able!”

“I won’t put you at risk, Lex, but to be honest…” Jackson leaned forward. “Could you help me confirm where exactly he went? All I could find is that he bought a roundtrip ticket out west somewhere.”

“I’ll let you know what I find ASAP.”

* * *

Before getting out of Jackson’s car back at CIA headquarters, Jackson turned to Lex. “I’m sorry, Lex. I—”

“I know.” Lex cursed Quinn’s name in his mind. “Jackson.” Lex clenched his jaw, remembering New Year’s in New York City, and made a decision that he had been debating on for over a month. “I’m leaving after all of this.”

Jackson stared at him. “You’re what?”

Lex ran a hand through his hair. “Work. I’m retiring. Bill...he...it _terrifies_ him, Jackson. And what we just talked about? It’s the last straw. No more.” Lex glared at the entrance to the CIA building. “Quinn doesn’t care what he has to do to get what he wants. For all we know he’s out there planning on taking over the government or worse. I haven’t trusted him since he came here. He’s a threat to everyone—you, me, the country...my Bill.” He turned angry eyes to Jackson. “I may not be a field agent, but there are other ways I can fuck him up.”

“I feel the same way, Lex. But you said it yourself: Bill is the main reason you want to leave. Don’t let Quinn take you from him out of revenge,” Jackson said seriously.

“I-I…” Lex breathed out slowly as his eyes watered. “It’s not right, Jackson! He’s a murderer! And we can’t tell anyone because of…” He gestured angrily at everything all around him. “I hate this! I hate my job!” He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “Hate it…” he choked out.

“Lex,” Jackson said softly, then pulled him into a hug and rocked his friend through his tears.

* * *

“Sorry it took me so long. I had to put a few things in here,” Bill said as he got into the truck and plopped a cooler along with a blanket next to Lex on the bench seat. It was the Saturday before Valentine’s Day, and Bill had planned a late evening excursion. However, Lex was dubious about the whole affair; it was quite chilly out.

“I hope there’s something warm in here.” Lex tried to open the cooler, but Bill slapped his hand away. “Hey!”

“Nuh-uh! Not until we get there!” Bill said, giving him a playful glare. “No peeking!”

Lex smiled. “OK, Bills. But I’m serious, though. It’s supposed to get in the forties!”

“It’s OK, babe. I’ll keep you warm.”

Bill drove them out to the field where he met Lex for their “star talks,” but instead of parking in the corner, he drove on slowly until they were nearly at its center. It being winter, there were no crops growing to worry about trampling. Lex wondered if they were even allowed to be on the property in the first place.

“We’re not trespassing,” Bill said, putting his truck in park. “I know the people who own the land. They don’t mind.”

“How’d you—”

“You did that thing where your eyes dart back and forth, like you’re looking for something to go wrong. I’ve seen and done it plenty of times myself, ya know.” He patted Lex’s thigh. “It’s all right, I promise.”

Lex nodded. “So, what are we doing?” He covered Bill’s hand with his own. “Are we gonna steam up the windows? Rock it and roll it?” He bounced his eyebrows up and down and winked.

Bill laughed. “I’m not gonna say we _aren’t._ ” He slid his hand out from under Lex’s. “Grab that cooler, will ya?” he asked, getting out.

“What about the blanket?” Lex asked in return. He grabbed the insulated container and smiled at Bill’s cryptic smirk as the older man closed the driver’s side door behind him. “I see.” Lex then stepped out of the truck and turned his gaze upwards.

It was just before twilight, and there was a stillness in the air and across the land. The only sound that Lex could hear was Bill lowering the tailgate of the truck. His lover looked up at Lex walking towards him and reached out for the cooler. “Let me see.”

Lex handed it over and cast a curious glance at it. What exactly did Bill have in there? He shivered and pulled his coat tight around him. Were they going to eat something out here?

* * *

“There!” Bill said after placing the cooler on the tailgate. “Now get your ass over here so we can eat!” Bill said, holding his hand out to Lex.

“Eat what?” Lex went to stand by Bill, then raised an eyebrow in amusement when Bill hopped up to sit next to the cooler. “Bill?”

“Here.” Bill took the cooler and opened it. “I, uh, hope they’re OK. Bonnie said that they were.” He lifted out a plastic container.

“What is it?” Lex took it from him and opened it. His eyes widened in surprise and he stared up at Bill. “How?”

Bill’s cheeks reddened. “Your mom gave me the recipe and Bonnie helped teach me.”

Inside the container were three chocolate waffles, cooked to perfection. They were also still warm.

“When did you make them?”

“Last night at Stanley’s. They brought them over while you were in the shower this morning. I hid them from you.” Bill smiled. “You told me how you liked them better the next day heated up.”

Lex had arrived from the airport at the crack of dawn. How long had he been planning this? “Th-That’s right,” Lex said, feeling totally surprised and moved. “But only with—” Lex’s eyes lit up when Bill held up a pint of mocha ice cream. “Bill!” Lex exclaimed, grinning widely.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Lex.”

Bill had also brought a bowl and two spoons, and soon they were sitting side by side, feeding each other the chocolate confection. Lex commented on the fact that Bill was eating ice cream that he didn’t care for, but Bill replied that since it was one of Lex’s favorites, he’d stomach it for him, and him only.

This was just what Lex had needed. He’d been on edge ever since his talk with Jackson, and his search into Quinn’s whereabouts had almost made Lex back out from helping altogether. He’d been very close to pinpointing where the deputy director had gone, but someone else had been alerted to his activities and Lex had scrambled to cover his tracks quickly. Quinn most definitely was up to something nefarious, and he was most certainly working with other people. Whether it was another government or some secret group, neither Jackson nor Lex knew. But it was bad, really bad.

Lex was having an internal struggle on what to do. He had debated on canceling his visit with Bill—but how could he miss their first Valentine’s? Bill wasn’t much on the romantic stuff, but it was another of their “first’s” and it would’ve crushed him, Lex just knew it.

And now, while enjoying the date set up by his lover, Bill had proven to Lex that he was indeed a romantic. He had been planning this since Christmas just for him.

He had to protect Bill from Quinn.

No matter what.

“I love you,” Lex said, dropping his spoon into the near-empty bowl. He took Bill’s spoon and put it in as well. “I love you so much, Bill.”

Bill picked up the bowl and set it inside the cooler and placed the vessel on the ground. “I love you too, Lex.” He leaned forward and kissed him, licking at the corner of Lex’s mouth. “Had some ice cream,” he said softly.

They slid off the tailgate, their lips finding each other quickly. Bill pushed Lex towards the cab of the truck, their feet scuffling against the ground and kicking up clods of soil. Lex was slammed against the passenger side door, and Bill devoured his mouth, gripping his coat, grinding their hips together.

"Lex," Bill panted, sliding his lips from Lex’s and nipping and sucking his way down the center of his lover’s throat. "Th-the door..."

Lex reached for the door handle and tugged, unlatching it and pulling it open before stepping forward. "Bill, m-move... We g-gotta—UH!"

Bill rutted against Lex, pressing their clothed erections together. "God I need you so bad, Lex."

_Need you too,_ Lex thought. _I always need you._ He grabbed Bill's shoulders, spun them both around, then pushed Bill inside the truck. He crawled in after him and pulled the door closed.

"Fuck, Lex."

Lex attacked Bill's mouth, sliding his hands to Bill's jeans and popping open the button. As he slowly moved the zipper down, Bill did the same to Lex's own jeans.

They soon had their jeans and underwear pushed down to their thighs, and were rolling their hips against each other. Bill moaned at the feel of Lex’s smooth-shaven groin on his own, his lover’s cock sliding up and down along his turgid length. Lex kept moving, dropping his head down to suck hard on one of Bill’s nipples, and Bill pulled at Lex’s hair.

“Lex! I’m gonna come if you keep doing that! St-Stop! Move!” he cried.

Lex gave Bill’s nipple one long lick and moved back, kicking off his shoes and jeans to the floor. He sat against the cloth-covered seat, licking his lips at the sight of Bill slowly sitting up. As he hoped, Bill kept his jeans as they were, his hard cock weeping precum between his legs obscenely. The muscles in his legs were even more defined with his jeans tugged to mid-thigh.

Bill kneeled over him, spreading Lex's legs and placing his hands on either side of his lover's hips. "Much better," Bill purred, staring into Lex's aroused, honey-amber eyes.

Lex couldn't agree more. It was always better when he was with Bill, whether they were being intimate or not. If only—

He pushed the thoughts away. Bill had made this day special for them. Work would _not_ ruin it.

Bill leaned in and kissed him, and Lex opened his mouth, raised his hands and entwined his fingers in Bill's hair. Bill smoothed a hand up under Lex’s shirt, splaying it against his abdomen while sliding his other between Lex's legs.

"Do you have...?" Bill rasped, releasing Lex's lips and kissing along his jaw.

"When do I don't?" Lex replied, moaning when Bill massaged his hole.

"One moment, sweetheart." Bill pulled away and retrieved the lube from Lex’s wallet, then returned, holding the pod in his hand to warm it. He gripped Lex's cock and stroked it up and down. "Windows steamy enough, babe?"

Lex was pushing his hips up and down with Bill's hand and forced himself to look to his right. The window was fogged up and he could barely see out of it. "Y-Yeah, baby... _Ah!_ D-Don't stop..."

"I gotta so I can open you up, Lex." Bill stroked Lex one last time, leaning down to lick the precum that was flowing steadily from the head of Lex's dick. Lex groaned loudly. "Don't worry, babe. I've got you."

Bill slicked his fingers with the lube, and with practiced ease had Lex writhing and begging as he prepared him for his cock. He pumped his fingers inside him, brushed them over his prostate, made Lex a moaning mess.

"I'm ready, I'm ready!" Lex cried when he was stretched with four of Bill's fingers. "I want you in me, Bill! Please!" _I need you I need you I need you…_

"God, you're so beautiful, Lex." Bill took his slick-covered hand and pumped his throbbing cock, exhaling heavily. "I love you." He grabbed Lex's legs and threw them both over his shoulders and placed his hands on either side of his lover's head where it rested on the backseat.

Lex's eyes softened. "I love you, too, Bill. Please make love to me." He arched his back when Bill thrust fully inside of him and pushed his legs forward until they almost touched his chest. "Ahh, Bill!"

Bill held his gaze. "Lex...my...perfect...Lex..." he said between thrusts, the truck’s cab rocking and bouncing with his movements. "Beautiful...Lex..."

Tears filled Lex's eyes and he closed them tightly. He brought his hands up and held onto Bill's wrists. His heart was bursting with love. No one could take this feeling from him. It was just between him and Bill. His Bill.

_...my Bill._

All at once, his conversation with Jackson flew through Lex’s mind, and this time he couldn’t push his fear and worry away. He clung to Bill desperately, focused on the sensations of their bodies as Bill slammed into him harder and harder. Lex clenched his inner muscles tightly, needing to finish. He needed to feel that completion wash over him, to take all these negative emotions away so he could bask in the comfort of being in his lover’s arms.

“Please, Bill, please…” he begged.

“Lex, Lex…” Bill pumped his hips faster, and that was it for Lex. He sobbed Bill’s name as he came, digging his fingers hard into Bill’s skin, tears streaming from his eyes.

* * *

Bill carefully lowered Lex’s legs and fell weakly onto him, breathing deeply, his body thrumming from his orgasm. His exposed skin broke out in goosebumps, and he blindly gathered the blanket and drew it up to cover him and Lex. He’d been determined to make their first Valentine’s Day as memorable as New Year’s, and he hoped that he’d succeeded. There was also still a little more left, and he couldn’t wait until—

He stilled when he heard a muffled sob against his shoulder.

“Lex?” He gently trailed his fingers over his boyfriend’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“N-Nothing,” Lex gasped. He turned his head away and let out a shuddering breath. “I-I’m fine, baby.”

“Lex…” Bill’s eyes went round. “Oh, fuck! Did I hurt you?!” Bill pulled back, quickly tugging up his jeans and underwear, not caring about making a mess of their body fluids. “Where?! Tell me!” He frantically ran his hands through his hair. “Was I too rough? D-Do we need to go to the clinic? Should I get a-a-a flashlight to check your—”

Lex covered his face and gasped out, ”No! I’m fine!” He turned to his side, curling his legs up on the seat. “I’m fine,” he whispered.

Bill’s heart lurched in his chest. Something _was_ wrong. “Lex.” He carefully crawled up to sit behind Lex, pulling his boyfriend onto his lap and slipping his arms around Lex’s middle. “Tell me. What is it?”

“I—” Lex choked out a sob and wrapped his arms around Bill, his breath hitching as he continued speaking. “I-I can’t, Bills, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Shh, it’s OK, Lex, don’t be sorry.” Bill rocked Lex gently, kissing his hair softly. “If you need to cry, just cry, OK? I’ll hold you.”

“I didn’t mean to ruin everything,” Lex whimpered. “You worked so hard, Bills…” he wept.

Bill reached for the blanket and tucked it securely around them both. “You didn’t. Having you here with me made it perfect, Lex. We could be in the middle of nowhere right now and I would be happy with you, OK?”

The tenseness in Lex’s shoulders relaxed a little. “I’m happy with you too, Bill.”

Bill held Lex in his arms, kissing his tears away, his heart hurting for him. “Lex?”

“Yes, Bill?”

Bill chewed his bottom lip and chose his next words carefully. “I know you can’t tell me what’s got you so worried, but you are the strongest man I know. You can do anything, Lex. If you need me, I’m here for you, OK? I love you.”

Lex sniffled. “Thank you. I love you too, Bill.”

“We can sleep for a little while if you want. I can crank the truck up, turn the heat on. I’ll wake you.” Bill kissed Lex’s brow to comfort him.

“O-OK.”

“Give me a second, OK? I need to get something to clean us off too. Hold on.”

Bill slipped out from under Lex and quickly cranked the truck and retrieved the small pack of wet wipes he’d stashed in the glove compartment. He worried his lips while he did so, bothered by Lex’s crying. He’d never seen Lex so distraught before.

Something terrible was going on, and his boyfriend was right in the middle of it, and Bill couldn’t do a damn thing about it! He couldn’t _say_ a damn thing about it!

He quickly made his way back to Lex, apologizing for the coldness of the wet wipes as he used them to cleanse Lex’s body. At least it was getting warmer now with the heater on.

“Lex,” he said when they were both settled a handful of minutes later, both of them fully clothed and cuddled next to one another beneath the blanket. “Promise me that you’ll keep in touch more now?”

Lex nodded slowly against Bill’s chest. “I had planned on it. I...think we need to devise some sort of...code.”

“Code?”

“Yeah.” Lex sighed tiredly. “I’m still working on it. I’ll let you know when I figure it out.”

“Alright.” Bill shifted Lex against his chest. “Hey, one last thing?”

Lex raised his eyes. “Yeah, baby?”

Bill had wiped down the windshield while they were getting dressed. “Look,” he said, pointing.

Lex turned his head and stared in awe.

The field was blanketed in shimmery starlight. It was so cold and still outside that it gave everything an ethereal glow. The sky was an ocean of stars, filled with so many more than what he and Bill had seen in Virginia. There were no trees blocking their view here.

“It’s beautiful,” Lex breathed.

“But nowhere near as beautiful as you, my Lex,” Bill whispered next to him.

Lex turned to him. “This has been so wonderful, Bill. Thank you.” He kissed him softly. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.” Bill cast his gaze to the stars above them. “Goodnight, Lex.”

“Goodnight, Bill.”

* * *

Bill came to D.C. in mid-March for his thirty-second birthday. It had made Lex all giddy, making reservations at Bill’s favorite seafood restaurant. He had pulled out all the stops: a private, candlelight dinner for two. He’d had to talk directly with the owner of the restaurant himself and hashed out a deal, and everything, from the private room down to the ingredients for the meal itself, were top dollar.

Only the best for Bill’s special day.

Lex had thankfully not been asked by Jackson to do any more digging on their secret mission involving Quinn as of late, and he was feeling much more relaxed and lighthearted. Bill mentioned it the moment he arrived, and Lex had “thanked” him profusely that night in bed.

Bill had lamented the next morning on the fact that he was getting older, but Lex cheekily reminded him, “I’m into older men, Bills, specifically”—and he’d kissed Bill soundly—“ _this_ older man.” He’d then gone on to prove it before they got out of bed.

At Bill’s birthday dinner, they chatted quietly while they ate, Bill enjoying a large plate of crab cakes—”I think I have a new favorite food now!”—and Lex slowly eating a bowl of clam chowder. Bill had been placed on a regular shift schedule at work, thanks in part to his working so much overtime during the past several months. He’d now be able to “come home” more often, and be off more when Lex “came home.”

“Nice birthday present, baby,” Lex said, stirring his chowder. “I’d like to be able to visit for more than just a weekend.”

Bill set his fork down to take a drink of his water. “I like this present a lot better,” he said softly, indicating the room as a whole, loving the way the candlelight flickered in his lover’s eyes. “Maybe soon you’ll have enough time off and we could maybe go on a trip somewhere?”

Lex smiled broadly. “That would be awesome! We could go on a cruise, maybe?”

“Uh…” Bill blinked. “Well, I was thinking maybe Alaska or something, but sure! Why not?” Lex looked so excited, and Bill had never been on a cruise before. It would be amazing to go on one with Lex!

“It’s settled then! We can decide when and where, when, uh, we get the time.” Lex laughed awkwardly.

“I look forward to it.” Bill smiled warmly at Lex. “And maybe we won’t have to worry about flying, hmm?”

Lex turned, reaching into his suit jacket that was placed on the back of his chair. “Oh, almost forgot…” He took out a card and held it out to Bill. “Happy Birthday.”

Bill looked between the card and Lex’s face. “Babe, you didn’t—”

“Now why wouldn’t I get you a card, Bill?”

“I know…” Bill took the card and read:

_When distance tends to keep us apart,  
Remember I still hold you near in my heart.  
When the night together, can't be ours,  
Just close your eyes and meet me in the stars.* _

_Happy Birthday, Bill._

_I love you._

_Lex_

Bill’s eyes filled with tears. “Lex...I—”

“Hey, don’t cry, shh...” Lex fumbled around on the table and grabbed one of the extra linen napkins. “Here, baby.” He made his way around the table and kneeled by Bill to gently wipe at his boyfriend’s face. “I hope the tears mean you like it? The words, well, they reminded me of us.”

“Lex.” Bill touched Lex’s hand. “I love it. Thank you.” He set the card down. “It’s wonderful.”

“Let’s finish dinner, then we can go walk it off some.”

“Oh, a little warm-up before we get around to burning it off?” Bill said, raising an eyebrow.

“Hmm, you’ve come so far since we’ve met.”

They leaned towards one another and kissed softly, the candlelight throwing their shadows about the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *excerpt from _Meet Me In The Stars_ by Geri Mooren


	17. Chapter 17

The first Saturday of April, Lex was finally able to show Bill the Tidal Basin the way it was meant to be seen: the thousands of cherry trees bursting with beautiful white and pink blossoms, the air fragrant with their scent. The annual National Cherry Blossom Festival, along with the Sakura Matsuri Japanese Street Festival, had begun.

Bill was astonished at all the events going on. The very first thing he had done was drag Lex all the way around the basin, gazing in delight at the blossoms. Petals drifted down from the trees and landed on his and Lex’s hair, and they smiled softly at each other’s appearances. Bill decided that he liked how Lex looked with the delicate, soft-colored floral leaves sprinkled about his golden hair.

“I can’t believe that this is the same place that you first showed me,” he said, taking his camera out of his pocket. Bill had gotten into the habit of carrying a disposable camera with him whenever he visited Lex. His boyfriend took him to see new places each and every time he came to D.C. “Too bad these types of trees would be hard to grow back home.”

He took some photos of the trees beside them, then had Lex stand before them to take a few more shots. “I’ll have to send copies of these to your mom.” He handed the camera to Lex so his boyfriend could take some of him. “Let’s get some of the both of us,” he said when Lex finished.

“Alright.” Lex smiled and turned, stopping an older couple to ask them for their help. He then went and stood behind Bill, putting his arms around the slightly shorter man’s waist. A handful of pictures later, and they were walking down the path once more, Lex tucking a hand into the back pocket of Bill’s jeans.

“You’ll never stop doing that, will you?” Bill asked, peering over at Lex from the corner of his eye.

“I don’t know why you keep asking,” Lex replied, grinning widely. “I keep telling you ‘No.’”

“You have your own pockets,” Bill said.

“Yeah, but yours are more comfortable, and warmer.”

“Hmph.”

When they were back at the beginning of the trail, Lex lifted his wrist and glanced at his watch. “Are you hungry? It’s almost noon.”

Bill smiled broadly. “Sure! What are you in the mood for?”

“Well, there’s all kinds of vendors as part of the Japanese street festival; wanna see what they have?”

“I’m game.”

Shortly after they were sitting on a bench enjoying yakitori and shumai. Lex had suggested them, and Bill was glad that he did—the chicken and shrimp dumplings were amazing! He eagerly went back for seconds. He’d have to see if Lex knew about any Japanese restaurants that they could go to sometime; he was hooked!

He took in the crowd while he waited on Lex to finish his food, the remains of his second helping in a paper bag between them. “Jericho has little festivals and things during the year, but nothing big like this,” he commented. He gestured at all the stalls and brightly colored decorations about them. “We’ve nothing this...fancy, either.”

Lex dropped the skewers from his yakitori into the bag and cleaned his hands with a napkin. “Well, there’s more people here, and it’s bigger,” he pointed out.

Bill sighed. “I know. I guess your city boy life is growing on me some.” He winked, standing and grabbing the bag so he could throw it in a trashcan. “Let’s see what else is going on, hmm?”

They then explored other aspects of the street festival. Lex was very excited to see manga on display, explaining what it was to a very confused Bill. Music from anime to J-Pop to traditional _taiko_ drums resounded throughout the area. Bill learned a great deal while they were there, but the couple soon grew tired of the huge crowd of tourists. By early afternoon, they were home in Lex’s apartment, taking one of their customary naps on Lex’s bed.

* * *

Lex was awoken by the shrill ring of his cell phone. Bill grumbled, pulling him closer against him and telling him to ignore it—they were comfortable lying in the other’s arms in the middle of the bed, in the perfect position to sleep for just a little while longer.

“Hmm, m’kay,” Lex murmured. He went to doze back off but his phone rang again and Bill cursed.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’ll make it quick.” Lex kissed Bill on his cheek and reluctantly rolled away from him to take his phone from the nightstand. He furrowed his brow when he saw who was calling. “Mom?”

“Hey, sweet pea.”

“Mom, it’s not Sunday...what is it?” Lex scrubbed at his face with a hand, then brushed an errant hair out of his eyes.

“I know.” Lex’s mother took a deep breath. “Hon, I have, well, I’m not sure what to call it…”

Lex sat up abruptly, and he felt Bill jerk beside him. “Mom? Are you all right?” Bill’s hand landed on his and Lex flipped his palm right-side-up to entwine their fingers.

“I should just come out and say it: your father is dead.”

“Oh.” Lex let the words wash over him. He had imagined hearing them many times in his life, how’d he react, what he would do. Would he be upset? Would he be happy? Relieved? Maybe feel even somewhat vindicated?

“Lex?”

He realized that he was very much indifferent.

“I’m here,” he answered, eyes staring straight ahead at the dresser across from the bed. It was strewn with his and Bill’s pants and shirts; they’d laid down for their nap with just their underwear on.

“How are you?”

“I’m, well… What is there to say, Mom?” Lex took his hand from Bill’s and ran it down his face. “That’s, well, that, right?”

“Oh, Lex, I wish it were,” his mother said regretfully.

Lex sighed loudly. Of course, it wasn’t; this was Hubert Pendleton, Sr. after all. “What did he do, Mom?” he said resignedly, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“He put you in his will,” Gretta said angrily.

“ _HE WHAT?!_ ”

* * *

Bill’s eyes widened at Lex’s outburst. He’d been worried at Lex’s continuing conversation with his mother. It was obvious that it was some kind of bad news, but apparently, it was _really_ bad news.

“Lex?” he said. He tried to move to sit in front of his lover, but Lex was seething in rage and wouldn’t look at him.

“HOW?! HOW?!” Lex shouted.

Bill had never heard Lex raise his voice at Gretta. What was going on?! “Lex!” he said.

Lex turned his eyes to him. “I’m sorry Bill, but please!”

“O-OK, Lex.” Bill went and sat back against the headboard and turned his eyes towards the window. If Lex wanted him to butt out, he’d butt out.

He looked up when Lex turned around and touched his face. _Not mad at you,_ Lex mouthed, his eyes full of concern.

Bill lay his hand over Lex’s and turned his face and nodded, kissing the inside of his boyfriend’s wrist gently. “It’s all right,” he whispered.

Lex rubbed Bill’s cheek with his thumb, then lowered his hand to rest it on Bill’s knee before going back to his conversation with his mother. “Yes, Mom, I did. He’s OK.”

Ah, seems Gretta admonished Lex for yelling at him. She really did like her son’s boyfriend.

“So, he really did, did he? Well, what if I don’t want it, what then?” Lex listened to his mother on the other line, and he frowned. “Well, no, I really don’t want it, Mom! I don't want anything to do with him! I don’t need it!”

Bill scooted himself forward and laid his hand over Lex’s once again. He had no idea what was going on, but he wanted Lex to know that he was there for him. Lex squeezed Bill’s knee in thanks. “Well, _which_ Maximilian? Jennings, huh? Well, he is welcome to it! He’s got that company or whatever, right? _Dad_ taught him how to run a business, and I’m sure that he’ll put it to good use.”

Lex talked a bit more with his mother, calming down little by little. By the end of the call, he had apologized for yelling and promised his mother that he would get back in touch with her later. He tossed his phone on the nightstand, then threw himself at Bill, knocking the older man onto his back.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Lex said, burying his face into Bill’s shoulder. “I shouldn’t have behaved that way toward you. Please forgive me.”

Bill wrapped one arm around Lex’s back and used the other to run his fingers through his lover’s hair. “It’s all right, sweetheart. I could tell that something bad happened. What was it?”

Lex huffed out a laugh. “You can say that.” He slowly sat up, Bill’s arm and hand sliding away from him. “My father died.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, ‘Oh.’” Lex folded his arms. “And in my father’s typical, narcissistic fashion, he had to have the last word: he named me in his will, left me a huge chunk of change.” Lex rolled his eyes. “Like I want any of his greedy money.”

“And you’re not taking it.”

“Not a cent. It’s all going to one of my cousins, and he’s more than welcome to it.” Lex narrowed his eyes. “The bastard liked him better anyway.”

“Lex, you know it doesn’t matter what he thought, right?” Bill placed his hands on Lex’s thighs. “He might’ve had all that money, but he was a poor, poor man where it counted most.”

Lex dropped his hands to Bill’s forearms. “I know, baby. Doesn’t mean I don’t get pissed about it.”

Bill scowled. “I’m pissed that I’ll never get the chance to tell that asshole off for what he did to you and your mom.”

“Aww, Bill, that’s so sweet.” Lex leaned down and kissed Bill on the forehead. “You would’ve told my dad off for me?”

“It wouldn’t have been sweet, but yeah, I would have.” Bill took the back of Lex’s neck and pulled him down for a proper kiss. “He hurt someone I love, and someone I consider family; he would’ve deserved it.”

Lex laughed against Bill’s lips and sat back up. “Maybe I should call you ‘Sir Bill,’ Bill—my knight protector!”

“You are such a nerd!” Bill grabbed the pillow behind his head and threw it at Lex, nearly knocking the younger man backwards. Bill chuckled and sat halfway up, looping his arms around Lex’s shoulders and pulling him down to lie against him.

They giggled and snickered, kissing and rolling around on the bed, Bill’s fingers finding familiar ticklish spots. Lex howled in laughter, tried to twist away from Bill’s hands, but Bill was stronger and relentless. But soon Lex fought back, using soft caresses of his fingers and mouth to leave Bill writhing beneath him in need. Then, it was Bill who was shouting as Lex took him apart piece by passionate piece.

“You’re right,” Lex panted, kissing Bill’s sweaty brow when they’d finished. “I’m richer than my father ever was.”

* * *

Lex was worried. _Very_ worried.

The Presidential campaign was in full swing, and it was causing a lot of conflict in the office. Usually, politics weren’t talked about at work, but for some reason, Quinn felt the need to bring it up at every opportunity, even during meetings.

It was driving Gage up the wall, and when he and Quinn got into a shouting match that had everyone scrambling out of the room, Jackson motioned for Lex to follow him to his office.

“Yeah?” Lex asked, closing the door behind him. He blinked at the high stack of files on his friend’s desk. “Been busy?”

Jackson shrugged. “When am I not?” He held his hand out to the chair in front of his desk before taking his own. “What just happened, it’s not good, Lex.”

Lex sat down. “Well, no, it wasn’t.” He crossed his right ankle over his left knee. A bad feeling was developing in his stomach. “And it’s also not good in another way, isn’t it?”

“I’m starting to think so, yeah.” Jackson searched through the files in front of him, then handed one to Lex. “Look.”

“What is it?” Lex opened the folder and flipped through the papers it contained, pausing at a page with a photo of a familiar-looking man. “This is…”

“Yep, the guy he’s been talking nonstop about: Senator Tomarchio.”

Lex read over the information in the file. John Tomarchio was from Wyoming, was an executive at a government contracting agency which was supporting him, and said government contracting agency was called—

“Are you sure this is right?” Lex stood so quickly that his chair toppled over behind him. He dropped the file onto Jackson’s desk and jabbed his finger at the paper. “Is it?” he asked, fighting to keep his voice from rising.

Jackson sat back in his chair in surprise. “Yes, it is! I wouldn’t have shown it to you otherwise.”

Lex stared at him in shock. “I-I…” He slid the folder towards Jackson. “Um, OK. Well, what do we do?”

“Lex, what is it?” Jackson set the file aside. “You know something.”

“I’ve seen the name of that contracting agency before. It-It was unexpected.”

“Seen where?” Jackson grabbed a pen from a holder on his desk. “We need all the information we can get.”

“I don’t know, it was a long time ago.” Lex dug his fingernails into his palms. Stupid job! Stupid father! “I’ll try to remember, and if I do you’ll be the first to know.”

Jackson gave him a measuring look. “Lex—”

“I got a lot of work to take care of, Jackson,” Lex cut him off. He turned around and picked up the chair so he wouldn’t have to see the perplexed expression on his friend’s face. “If you need me for anything else, you know where to find me.”

He left the room before Jackson could say anything else and went to his work station. He focused on his tasks, sending texts back and forth with Bill as they came. It was the end of May, and they were planning for their one-year anniversary the following month. Lex wanted to think about that, not on what he had read in Jackson’s office.

But of course, as usual, life always got what it wanted.

The name of the contracting agency…

_Jennings & Rall_

_**Jennings** _

Surely it couldn’t be his cousin’s company. He didn’t know exactly what his cousin did, but he knew he had offices spread out across the country—and some were out in Wyoming. It was also very successful, something that his dad would have been very approving of.

Giving in to the inevitable, Lex did a quick search of his cousin’s background, then felt like throwing up. It was his cousin’s company all right. He didn’t dig in very far, not caring to find out anything else that might make his stomach churn; that was up to Jackson.

Great. Not only could he not tell Bill about Quinn, now he couldn’t tell Jackson about his cousin, and all he could do was wait to see what his friend would find out.

Stupid. Fucking. Job!

His phone buzzed and he looked at another text from Bill.

┃Stanley said that Bonnie has missed seeing you and that you’ve been hogging me all to yourself lately.

Lex smiled despite himself. Bill. His wonderful Bill, always there to put him in a better state of mind. Lex hadn’t been to Jericho since February; Bill had been to see him every month since then.

┃Well, did you tell her that I plan on being there for the 4th of July?

He hit “send” and continued working, nearly finishing the rest of his tasks before Bill replied.

┃She knows, and has insisted that we learn how to make homemade ice cream.

┃HOMEMADE? Now THAT’S what I’m talking about!

He sighed and put his phone away. Bill made everything brighter for him, and he wouldn’t get through each day without him. He’d said that he was the strongest man he knew, but Lex was weak without him; Bill was his rock, the one who was there for him no matter what.

And, even though he couldn’t tell him what was going on in regards to Quinn, Bill still made him smile through it all. He was not only his rock, but he was also his world, and Lex would make everything safe for him.

The moment Jackson let him know what Quinn was really up to, Lex would start making plans.

But for now, Bill was his priority.

Because Bill was his, and he was Bill’s.

* * *

Bill stood with Lex before the Dupont Circle fountain, nostalgia filling him. It was a year to the day that they had met at this very spot, both feeling lost, guilty, and empty. He reached for Lex’s hand, turning his head to smile at his lover.

Lex’s soft honey-amber eyes were full of love, seeming to stare straight into Bill’s soul. The warm June sun made his flaxen hair shine, and as always Bill couldn't believe that this beautiful man loved him. “It all started here, huh?”

“More or less.” Lex didn’t remove his eyes from Bill’s face. “I was so suspicious of you that night, did you know that?”

“I was confused.” Bill laughed. “And the next day your flirting with me made it even worse.”

Lex smirked. “I didn’t realize I was doing it until after the fact.” He stepped closer to Bill and placed his free hand on his boyfriend’s hip. “But can you blame me?”

Bill mimicked Lex’s actions. “Now? No.” He kissed Lex softly. “Then? I didn’t know what the hell was going on.”

“Well, it worked out, didn’t it?” Lex kissed him back, then turned them to walk towards the street. “Shall we?”

They had decided to retrace the steps of their first days together in D.C. After visiting the fountain, they made their way to the café where they had their first date, ordering the same coffee and tea, though this time they also shared a slice of apple crumb pie with ice cream. They sat at the same table, in the same chairs, and, surprisingly, they had the same waiter as well.

“Maybe we can learn how to make this, too,” Bill commented, holding up a forkful of their dessert. “This is amazing!” He’d mostly eaten the pie, letting Lex have the ice cream. “It’s perfect with coffee, too.”

“Tea you mean,” Lex said, winking back.

They then drove to the Archives and strolled around outside the front of the building, holding hands and reminiscing about the information they’d researched the year before. They had thought about going inside, but they would have to be quiet, and both weren’t in the mood for that. Bill asked Lex about what he had really looked up while they were there.

“I actually looked up info on my adopted family mostly. I, uh…” He paused, looking guilty. “I had already found out that we weren’t related beforehand.”

Bill stopped walking and stared at him incredulously. “You what?”

Lex squeezed his hand. “I was in ‘job mode.’ I told you that I was suspicious, remember? I had to make sure that you were who you said you were, and then make sure that you weren’t on to me. It’s complicated, what I do.” Lex sighed. “I’m sorry I can’t explain everything fully.”

“No, it’s OK.” Bill hated how regretful Lex looked. “It’s not your fault, I know. I don’t blame you.” He hugged his boyfriend tightly. “Thank you for telling me.”

“I should’ve told you sooner. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, what did I just say?” Bill took Lex by the shoulders and looked into his face. “It’s OK.”

“I don’t deserve you, baby.” Lex kissed him. “At all.”

“Too bad, you got me.” Bill took Lex’s hand. “Now, I think it’s time for spaghetti.”

Lex made a face. “For you maybe.”

Bill laughed. “It’s a hell of a lot better than mine!”

* * *

They took another walk after their meal—Lex having had his beloved chicken marsala—and then started to make their way to Lex’s car. It was now early evening, and they both moved slowly down the sidewalk.

“We’ll have to do this every year,” Lex said, tightening his hold around Bill’s waist. “Make it a tradition.” His memory of how awkward and shy Bill had been on this very same sidewalk surfaced, and he nuzzled the side of Bill’s face. “Keep us from forgetting it all.”

Leaning his head into Lex’s touch, Bill replied, “I’ll never forget it. Nothing can make me forget.”

“Happy Anniversary,” Lex whispered into his ear. “I love you.”

Bill stopped and faced Lex, his eyes brimming with emotion. “I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that.” His arms wrapped around Lex’s neck. “I love you too. Happy Anniversary, Lex.” He brought their lips together and kissed him sweetly and gently, the streetlight above them flickering on and casting its light perfectly around them.

But neither man noticed, their attention completely centered upon one another. It was the perfect moment for them, and like they tended to do, they stretched it out as long as possible.

* * *

Much later that night, while Lex moved deeply and slowly inside Bill, they chanted one another’s name against each other’s lips. Their hands were clasped tightly together against the mattress on either side of Bill’s head, his legs wrapped firmly around his lover’s waist, their chests brushing lightly with each forward roll of Lex’s hips. They wanted to draw their lovemaking out, make it last and last. It didn’t matter who finished first, didn’t matter who could make the other scream; it was just about being together, being close, giving each other all of themselves.

On and on they continued, deep shuddering breaths escaping from their mouths in between gasps of “Bill” and “Lex” and “I love you.” Their eyes never strayed from the other’s face, not even when sweat began to trickle across and down their brows from their steady movements and pace. Their nerves soon became oversensitive, overstimulated, their grips on the other’s hands white-knuckled, and before long, a hard, sensual orgasm was pulled from within them both, and they cried out until they were almost hoarse.

They reached for each other, holding their bodies tightly together through the vestiges of their pleasure. Lex then lay boneless upon Bill, unable to move, and Bill kissed the sweat from his lover’s shoulder.

“Th-That didn’t...happen...last year,” Lex said breathlessly.

Bill shifted his hips slightly, and they both moaned; Lex had yet to pull out. “S-Sorry. Been in this position for a while.”

“I’d move...but…” Lex shrugged his shoulders, or at least tried to. He had exhausted himself.

“I’ll do it. Hold on, beautiful.” Bill held Lex firmly with his arms and rolled them to the side, and groaned with relief when he was able to rearrange his legs, throwing one over Lex’s hip. “There we go.”

Lex made a face. “Messy.”

“Not the first time,” Bill said lightly and kissed him gently.

“Now I know it’s definitely not like last year. You were all about being neat then.”

“You’re a bad influence I guess,” Bill smiled, kissing him again.

“I haven’t even scratched the surface, baby.” Lex wiggled his eyebrows, smirking when Bill’s eyes widened. “Heh.”

“I’ll just…” Bill’s face went redder than it already was from its flushed, post-sex state. “I’m gonna get something to clean us up. And get some sheets from the...yeah.”

Lex’s quiet laughter followed Bill into the bathroom.

It was the perfect ending to the perfect day.

* * *

Bill made Lex chocolate waffles for their breakfast the next morning. They sat on the couch in the living room, eating and talking quietly. Lex had made sure to procure some of the house blend coffee from the café the day before for Bill, and they enjoyed their beverages of choice with their food.

Lex waved off cleaning up their dishes, telling Bill to wait for him on the couch while he grabbed something from his bedroom. However Bill followed right behind him, and Lex stopped him with a hand on his chest.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m getting something too.”

“What?”

Bill averted his eyes, feeling awkward. “It’s a surprise.”

“Well, so’s mine!”

They found each other’s eyes. “Did you get me a gift too?” Lex asked, his mouth curving in amusement.

“Well, it’s our first anniversary, and, well…” Bill pressed his lips together. Why did he get so tongue-tied when it came to certain things sometimes? “I wanted to.”

Lex took his hand. “Let's go get them together then.”

Inside Lex’s room, Bill went to his suitcase while Lex opened the bottom drawer of his dresser. They turned around to face each other and their eyebrows raised comically.

They spoke at the same time:

“Bill, what in the world—?”

“Lex, what are you—?”

Bill was holding a black garment bag while Lex was holding a small, slender, gray box. They eyed each other strangely for a moment until Lex said, “Me first since you went first at Christmas?”

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Bill replied. He sat down on the bed and held out the garment bag towards Lex.

Lex joined him, setting the box next to Bill. “Thank you,” he said, taking the bag from Bill. He held the bag out in front of him and slowly unzipped it, then blinked widely at what he discovered inside.

“Bill, what is this?” He pushed the sides of the bag away to get a closer look at what it contained. Inside was a brown leather jacket with button front pockets, a snap-down collar, and a zippered front. “I mean, I know what it _is,_ and I love it, but you didn’t have to—”

“It’s for me,” Bill said.

“For you?” Lex swiveled his head over at Bill in surprise. “What do you mean ‘for you?’”

Bill swallowed. “Um, for me to wear when I ride with you on your bike.” There, he’d finally said it.

“Are you serious?” Lex laid the jacket across his lap. “Bill, I thought you were terrified of riding!”

“It’s not that I’m terrified,” Bill said. “I just don’t trust people who drive them, or others on the road to watch out for them.” He sighed and smiled at Lex. “But I DO trust _you._ I know you won’t let anything happen to me.”

“Never,” Lex said, his eyes focused completely on Bill. “I’ll keep you safe. I’ll always keep you safe, baby.” Lex leaned forward and kissed Bill deeply. “I’ll never let anyone hurt you, ever.”

Bill traced his hand along Lex’s face, touched by Lex’s words. “I won’t let anyone hurt you either, Lex.”

Lex gave him another quick kiss, then scurried to put the jacket on top of his dresser before sitting on the bed again. He next picked up the gift he’d gotten for Bill. “Your turn.”

“Alright.” Bill held the box in his hands, running his fingers over the smooth texture of its surface. “Lex, did you get me jewelry?”

* * *

“Open it first please?” Lex asked. He’d thought carefully over his gift for Bill, even talked to Stanley and Jimmy about it. He’d been assured that Bill would love it. “Please Bill?”

Bill tilted his head at Lex. “I’m not upset about it being jewelry, Lex. Just curious,” he said reassuringly. He slid the top from the box and sucked in his breath. “Lex…”

Lex studied Bill’s reaction as his lover lifted a sterling silver rope chain from inside the box. Bill’s eyes followed it as it unwound from within the box, then he jerked his head up to lock eyes with his boyfriend. “Is this…?”

“Not exactly.” Lex gathered the bottom of the necklace in his palm where a platinum ring was looped around the chain. It was etched with Celtic heart-knots all around its outside. “I’ve never seen you wear jewelry, and I don’t want you to feel like you should. Jimmy said it would be OK for you to wear at work, and you could wear it under your clothes if you wanted and—”

“Lex,” Bill said softly, interrupting Lex’s rambling. “If it’s not what I think it is, what _is it?_ ”

“It’s a symbol? A promise?” Lex rolled the ring around between his thumb and forefinger. “I saw it, and I wanted you to have it.”

Bill slipped the necklace from Lex’s grasp and clasped it around his neck, the ring lying neatly on his chest. “How does it look?”

“Does that mean you like it?” Lex asked hopefully. He smiled at the way Bill gazed fondly at the necklace. “You’ll wear it?”

“Every day. It’ll remind me of you.” Bill clutched the ring in his hand, raising his eyes to meet Lex’s. “And all the promises we’ve made, and have yet to make.”

“That makes me so happy, Bills.” Lex gripped Bill by the shoulders and pulled him down on top of him. “I don’t care that we’re not in Jericho; it’s been too long since you’ve had your way with me.” He threaded his fingers into his lover’s hair and brought their faces close together.

Bill willingly agreed, whispering, “You make me happy too,” before sealing their lips together.

* * *

Bill held fast to Lex’s waist as they rode on the road to Lex’s star spot. He watched the scenery fly by, the side of his helmeted head against his lover’s back, hearing the roar of the motorcycle’s engine in his ears, the feel of Lex’s muscles tensing and untensing every time they took a curve or turn on the road. Though he had still been apprehensive at first, with each passing mile his trust in Lex was reinforced by his boyfriend’s careful and confident driving abilities. He’d never be afraid of riding with his boyfriend ever again.

He wished that he’d done this sooner, but at least now he could ride with Lex when they were together from now on. Maybe they could even take a road trip sometime soon when they both had an extended time off. A drive from D.C. to Jericho would be amazing with Lex...

Lex shifted his shoulders, and Bill raised his head. They were about to turn onto the dirt road that led to where Lex talked to him beneath the night sky, where they had also told each other “I love you” for the first time. Bill smiled at the memory—it had started out so stressful, yet had ended up so amazing.

Lex parked them in the middle of the clearing at the end of the road, turning off the motorcycle’s engine as he dropped his feet to either side to balance the vehicle. He took his helmet off, running a hand through his hair to flatten it back down before hanging the headgear from the bike’s handlebars. Bill kept his arms around him, but put one foot on the ground to help with keeping the bike upright.

“Bill?” Lex said, putting a hand over Bill’s arms. “We’re here.”

Bill moved one of his hands up Lex’s chest and placed it over his lover’s heart. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“For what?” Lex asked, using his other hand to cover Bill’s.

“For talking to me last year. You could have just decided to go home to your apartment when you saw me at the fountain. There was no reason for you to stay…”

Lex took Bill’s hand from his chest and kissed it softly. “I think you and I _both_ know that there was a reason for me to stay and talk to you.”

Bill hugged Lex tightly with his one arm, then pulled away, hopping off the bike. He removed his helmet from his head, his hair puffing out all over. He hooked the helmet on the other handlebar of the bike and waited for Lex to dismount and position the motorcycle’s kickstand.

“Come here,” Bill said, tugging Lex towards him so he could embrace him. “I really do mean it: Thank you. This has been the most incredible year of my life, Lex. I-I don’t know what I would do without you.”

* * *

Lex laid the side of his face on Bill’s shoulder, holding his lover close to him. “I feel the same, Bills. Everything makes so much more sense when I’m with you.” When could he be with Bill always? When would he hear from Jackson? When would he be able to leave the CIA?

When?

_When?_

“I’m sorry I won’t be able to be with you for your birthday,” Bill whispered sadly, rocking Lex in his arms. “It’s just too close to the Fourth.”

Lex smiled. His birthday was only a couple of weeks before Independence Day. “It’s OK, baby. Maybe next year we can plan for my birthday along with the Fourth, hmm?”

_Maybe next year, we’ll be together in one place and it won’t matter,_ Lex thought hopefully.

“That’s what we’ll do.” Still rocking Lex in his arms, Bill started to move them around in a small circle. The sun had set while they were talking, and the early stars of evening were shining down on them. “You can come to Jericho, and we can do what we’re doing now.”

“What? Dancing?” Lex asked, his voice tinted with amusement.

Bill kissed Lex’s temple. “Well, I would also bring a blanket so we could do other...things.”

“Hmm, I think I’d like that.”


End file.
